12. Halle
CHAPTER 12
HALLE
I n the two weeks since Caleb and I had lunch at the burger joint, I haven’t stopped thinking about our conversation. We admitted to our mutual attraction, and then he put the ball in my court.
Since then, what have I done about it? A big fat nothing.
Why?
Because I’m scared.
I’ve never met a man like him before, and it’s impossible not to be on the lookout for ulterior motives. It’s ridiculous, really. He’s been nothing but transparent, and he literally put all the control in my hands.
All my life, men have come and gone, an almost constant rotation of not-so-great guys. Every one of them wanted something from my mom, usually sex or drugs or a place to crash.
While my experience has been wholly different, it’s been pretty minimal. I’ve never had a serious relationship. In high school, I lost my virginity to a guy on the baseball team. Honestly, I just wanted to get it over with. He didn’t care about me, and I certainly didn’t care about him. All my interactions with men have involved sex in some way, so I guess I can’t judge my mom too harshly in that department.
Caleb is different.
Maybe other men use tactics similar to his in an effort to gain a woman’s trust for not so altruistic reasons, but Caleb? This is just the way he is. He’s a giver. He just can’t help himself.
“Stop thinking about this,” I mutter as I shut the computer down at the end of the workday.
Caleb’s been in Boston for the past few nights, but he’ll be back this evening. The fridge was relatively barren when he left, but now it closely resembles a desert. A stop at the grocery store is a must. I want to restock the food the boys and I have eaten, plus I plan to make dinner. I’m sure he’ll be hungry when he gets in.
I shuffle down the hall and pop my head into my brothers’ room. “I’m going to the store. Want to come?”
They both shrug. “Why not,” Casen says.
“You finished your homework, right?”
They nod in unison, wearing innocent expressions. “Show me. ”
School started less than two weeks ago, and I’ve already received a call from a teacher. Apparently, they haven’t been turning in work, and more than once, they’ve been caught hanging out on the football bleachers instead of in class.
Clearly, they’re determined to make sure I’m gray-haired before I’m thirty.
Casen slides off the bed and holds out the tablet the school issued him. When I note the tasks checked off in his virtual classroom, I hand it back and pad over to Quinn.
“Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about you.”
With a groan, he rolls off the bed. His lanky body looks like it’s suspended in air for the space of a heartbeat, and just before I’m certain he’ll hit the ground, he catches himself and straightens. “Here.”
I look it over and hand it back, then pad back into the hallway. “Thank you. I’m going to change before we go. Meet you guys in the car?”
I shut myself in the guest bedroom and change out of my comfy clothes. No one sees me for either job, so why bother dressing up? I yank a pair of jeans on, nearly tripping over my feet in the process, then, because the air is beginning to get that crisp edge to it, I pull on a sweater and boots.
Last week, I got a second opinion on the water damage. According to the man who came out and looked, it’s not as bad as the adjuster thought. But it’ll likely still be two or three months before repairs can even begin.
The boys are already in the car when I step outside, the radio blasting. I slide into the driver’s seat and immediately turn it off.
“Are you trying to bust my eardrums?” I glare at Casen in the passenger seat, then Quinn behind me. “Maybe irritate the whole neighborhood? It’s like you want Thelma to storm over here and scold you.”
Casen snorts as I buckle my belt. “Like she would.”
“She loves us,” Quinn adds, a hand on each of our seats.
“Yeah, she and Cynthia gave us cookies earlier.”
I shift in my seat and frown at Casen. “When did that happen?”
“She waved us over when we got off the bus.”
Thelma and Cynthia are harmless, but it hits me that my brothers are one hundred percent the kids who would get fooled into getting into a van with an offer of sweets or kittens.
“Where’s my cookie?” I joke.
Quinn snickers at my shoulder. “You think we left any for you?”
Chin lifted, I grin at him in the rearview mirror. “I should’ve known better.”
Casen pokes my arm. “I saved one for you.”
I blink at him. “Seriously?”
He nods as I reverse out of the driveway. “Duh.”
A handful of minutes later, I park outside the grocery store and tear my list in half.
The boys clamber out, causing a ruckus that’s pretty standard for them, and Quinn darts for the cart corral.
“Divide and conquer.” I hold one part out to Casen. “But no adding anything to the cart that’s not on the list. ”
“You got it, sis.” Quinn steers the cart inside, Casen on his heels.
In the vestibule, I grab my own cart and steer to the right side of the store. The total is probably going to make my stomach churn, but we’ve been eating Caleb’s food since the day we moved our things over and he insisted that it was silly to keep things separate. I shake off the concern, then double check the list, making sure I’m not forgetting anything before I head toward checkout, where the boys are already waiting.
“How about spaghetti for dinner?”
“You know we’re good with whatever,” Casen grunts in reply.
He’s right. They’ve never been picky eaters. Even when they were little.
As we’re loading the car, we garner the attention of one couple, but that’s it. We’re far less intriguing than we were when we moved here. Everyone was staring then.
Though the day has gone smoothly, the whole way home, I’m hit with one concern after another about whether moving here was the right thing for them. After Mom’s sentencing, it felt like a good idea to put some distance between us and our past. But sometimes I worry that I was being selfish, uprooting them because I needed a fresh start? I’ve always known that if I stayed in that town, I’d go nowhere in life, and for years, I’ve worried that the same would be the case for them.
I exhale, pushing away the concerns. The choices have already been made. Now all I can do is hope for the best.
At home, the boys hop out of the car, and instead of heading for the trunk, they go straight to the front door and let themselves in.
I’m still gaping as the front door closes. “Seriously?” I mutter. “Unbelievable.”
I know they’re kids, but they’re old enough to know they should help. Looks like it’s my job to teach them.
Trunk popped, I pick up several bags, then I head in. The house is silent as I step inside, which means they’ve already gone upstairs, probably to play their video games.
“Quinn! Casen!” I yell as I set the bags on the counter. “Get your butts outside and help me carry in the groceries.” Silence. “Now!”
Their steps are heavy as they run down the stairs and march straight out the front door.
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. This is hard. Being their sister but also their parent. It’s a weird line to toe, but it’s an important one. Even before I was awarded guardianship, I felt like it was my responsibility to turn them into good adults.
When they reappear, loaded down with bags, they’re griping with each other.
“Will you stay and help me put this stuff away?” I keep my tone light rather than demanding their help the way I want to.
Without responding, they get to work.
With the three of us working together, it only takes a few minutes, and as they help me collect all the bags, I smile and say, “Thank you. I appreciate the help.”
“You’re welcome,” Casen says.
“Ditto.” Quinn shoots finger guns my way.
“You guys are welcome to help me make dinner too.”
They eye each other and Quinn laughs. “Nice try, sis.”
With a shrug, I pull out a pot. “It was worth a shot.”
The boys dash upstairs again, and I’ve just filled the pot and turned on the stove when the doorbell rings. I hesitate and consider ignoring it. This isn’t my house, after all, but when it rings again a minute later, I carefully make my way over. Through the window, the figure of a woman with blond hair is visible.
My stomach sinks when her identity registers. Caleb’s ex-wife.
Is it too late to hide?
She waves, unwittingly answering that question for me. So I force my feet forward and steel myself with a breath before I open it. I’ve seen her from a distance, and we’ve waved in passing, but we haven’t formally met. Perhaps I should’ve made my way next door and introduced myself, especially since the boys have clearly met her if they’ve been swimming in her pool, but it’s too late for that now.
I paste on a smile, then pull the door open. “Hello?” I sound like a scared five-year-old. I clear my throat. “You must be Salem.” There. That sounds a little better.
“I am. It’s so nice to finally meet you. I feel awful about not introducing myself sooner.” She holds out a platter. “I made cupcakes to apologize.”
“Cupcakes?” A thrill shoots through me.
Her smile grows. She’s gorgeous. No wonder Caleb fell in love with her. Her face is round, with delicate features and freckles that make her look younger than what I assume is twenty-nine. I can’t help but compare myself to her. I’m her complete opposite, with dark hair and dark eyes. I’m at least a couple of inches taller, and I have more curves. How could Caleb possibly be attracted to me? She and I wouldn’t fall into the same category in any aspect when it comes to a man’s type.
“Cupcakes are kind of my thing.”
“Do you want to come in?” I take a step back. Shit. I should have asked as soon as I answered the door. Or maybe I shouldn’t have offered at all, since this isn’t my home. Though I’m sure she’s been in this house more than I have.
She’s kissed Caleb.
She’s slept beside him.
Fucked him.
Married him.
It’s like my brain is set on making sure I hate this woman. But I stomp the thoughts away. She might’ve had him once, but she doesn’t now.
“Sure. I can’t stay long, though. My husband is with the kids, and the terrible twos have a whole new meaning when it comes to our youngest. I’m not sure if it’s a boy thing or a third child thing, but he’s like the Energizer Bunny. He never stops. Yesterday, I turned away for two seconds, and when I turned back, he’d drawn on the wall with a Sharpie.” She follows me through the house as she prattles on.
It's nice, really. Her chatter helps to ease some of my anxiety .
In the kitchen, she sets the cupcakes on the counter. “I’m really sorry to hear about your house.”
I lift one shoulder. “It is what it is.”
Ugh, there they are again. Those five annoying words.
“Still sucks.” She slides onto a stool and rests her forearms on the counter. “And…” She winces. “I have to admit, I had a bit of an ulterior motive for coming over here.”
“Oh?” I drop the pasta in the rapidly boiling water, willing my heart to remain steady. “What would that be?”
“Caleb likes you.” She says it slowly, carefully, like she’s placing a bomb between us.
I blink. That’s it? By the caution, I expected something scandalous.
“I know.”
She sits up straighter, surprise flickering over her face. “You do?”
“Yes.” I pull another pan out of the cabinet and then snag the meat from the fridge. “We’ve discussed our mutual interest.” Once the meat is sizzling on the stove, I turn and wash my hands, avoiding her gaze.
“Caleb is a really good guy,” she says behind me. “The best. He has a big heart and he deserves to be happy.” When I turn, I find she’s wearing an almost sad expression. “I hope you’ll give him a chance.”
I crinkle my nose.
Is she trying to wingman her ex?
“You divorced him,” I say, trying to keep my tone even. “But you’re over here singing his praises. Why?”
Despite my efforts, the question comes out sounding more combative than I intend, but I can’t take it back now .
She winces. “Yes, I divorced him, but the situation was far from typical.” She traces her fingers around a swooping line in the countertop.
“Explain.”
I haven’t asked Caleb for details. His marriage isn’t any of my business. But if she’s come all the way over here to talk to me about him, then I will press for details. It’s best to be prepared with all the facts, and I can’t help but be curious about her perspective of what went down between them. Caleb says he’s over her and has moved on, but I can’t help but wonder how she views the situation.
“Let me text my husband and let him know I’m going to be a little later than planned.”
I set an onion on a cutting board and search for a knife. “It’s that kind of story?”
“Oh, yeah.” Her fingers fly across her phone’s screen. Once she’s hit send, she sets it on the counter, strides around the island, and pulls a wineglass from a cabinet. She procures a bottle of wine next, silently holding it up in question. When I shake my head, she fills her glass, then sits down and begins her tale.
“Caleb and I were high school sweethearts, though I hate that term.” She takes a careful sip of wine while I chop the onion into fine pieces. “Thayer moved in the summer after our senior year.” She nods in the direction of her house, then sets her glass down. “This is my childhood home.”
My breath gets caught in my throat. Her what?
“Caleb didn’t buy this house because of me,” she says, clearly picking up on my shock. “After my mom passed away, my sister and I wanted to sell it. Caleb wanted to be close to Seda, so it made sense.”
“He loves her a lot.” I use my knife to slide the onions into the pan, then mix them in with the browning beef.
“He’s an amazing father.” She taps her fingers on the side of the glass. “Anyway, Thayer and I had this instant connection. It was more intense than anything I’d ever experienced. We were drawn to each other in a way that was impossible to fight, even though he’s more than ten years older than me.” She takes another sip of the wine, a larger one than the last, then gives me a sad smile. “I would watch his son sometimes, and Thayer and I gradually got close. Though it wasn’t our intention, we fell in love.”
She wipes at an invisible speck on the counter and clears her throat.
“It wasn’t fair to Caleb, even though he and I had broken up when he left for college…” She takes a deep breath, ghosts of her past swimming in her eyes. “Thayer’s son passed away…”
My heart lurches, my thoughts instantly going to my brothers. I can’t imagine losing a child.
“It was…” She blows out a breath. “Hard, as you can imagine. Thayer’s entire world imploded. Shit happened and we broke up. Then I found out I was pregnant.” Her eyes mist over, but she blinks the moisture away. “I didn’t know where else to go. Caleb had always been my safe space, so I went to him, and I told him everything. It hurt, telling him that I’d fallen in love with another man. But he accepted it. He forgave me, and then he stepped up to help me with Seda. First as friends. But it didn’t take long to fall back into old habits. Then it was like we never ended in the first place.”
“What made you get divorced?” I ask as I stir in the tomato sauce. I probably shouldn’t ask, but she came here willing to share, so why not?
“He wanted to have more kids.”
I spin on my heel, spatula in hand. “You divorced him because he wanted kids?” From where I’m standing, that makes no sense. He wanted more kids, so she divorced him, yet she now has more kids ? “Surely you guys could’ve compromised.”
She shakes her head, a soft sad smile settling on her lips. “When he broached the topic of kids, I knew I needed to end it, because I… I loved him. A part of me will always love him in a way. But that discussion made me realize that though I cared for Caleb, Thayer was it for me. It killed me. Realizing how selfish I’d been. All that time I’d been denying Caleb the chance to find the kind of love I’d had once. I didn’t think Thayer and I would ever reconnect, and I never wanted to come back here, but when my mom got sick, I had no choice.”
“Oh,” I say softly. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
“Thanks.” She dips her chin and tucks her hair behind her ear. “Anyway,” she sips the last of her wine, “maybe that will help you understand him a little better.”
“You don’t have to sell me on him. He’s not a bachelor that needs to be put up for auction.”
“No, he’s not,” she agrees, eyes dropping. “But he is a man who has always put the needs of others above his own, and he needs someone who won’t take advantage of that. Someone who can meet him in the middle.”
“And you think that’s me?” I blurt. “You don’t even know me.”
“You’re right. But I know Caleb, and I’ve seen the way you take care of yourself and your brothers.”
With that, she stands, rinses her glass, and lets herself out.
All the while, I stand still, stunned speechless.
My stupor is only broken when Quinn shouts, “Is dinner ready yet?”