Chapter 1
“Hey, best friend. I’m so glad you’re home.” Devyn cooed as she opened the door to let me inside her home.
We hugged, and I felt a tiny set of hands on the lower part of my leg. I looked down to see Devyn’s one-year-old son, Tariq Jr., who we affectionately called Bubba, tugging on my pants. I bent down to pick him up, wrapping him in my arms.
“Hey, nephew. Titi missed you, Bubba. It smells delicious in here.”
Bubba left a sloppy kiss on my cheek before mumbling something I didn’t understand.
“Dinner is in the oven. Girl, I’ve been dying to talk to another adult. Let’s go sit down,” Devyn said, leading me to the sectional in the living room.
“Bubba’s not keeping you entertained enough?” I questioned teasingly.
“Please. This child of mine keeps me thoroughly entertained, but I want to talk to someone I can understand and who can understand me.”
We laughed, causing Bubba to do the same, as if he knew why we were laughing.
“What about the moms you met at the Mom and Me group?”
Devyn rolled her eyes. “They’re cool, but they’re not you. I miss you when you’re gone.”
“I miss you too, sis. You know I rarely make friends on these assignments, so we’re in the same boat. At least you got Bubba and Tariq. Ain’t that right, nephew?”
I kissed his chubby cheeks, and he giggled. He was the cutest and sweetest baby boy I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was rarely unhappy, and there seemed to be a permanent, almost toothless grin on his face.
“When is your next assignment?” Devyn asked.
“Actually, that’s one of the reasons I came over.”
“Oh no. You’re scaring me.”
“It’s not bad . . . at least I don’t think so, but you might feel differently.”
“Okay. Let me hear it.”
“I was offered a six-month assignment in Cali.”
“Six months? Cali . . . as in California?”
I nodded. “Black Elm to be exact.”
Her eyes widened. “No way! Black Elm? Oh my God. I haven’t heard that city’s name in years. Are you considering it?”
“I am. You know I loved it there.”
“You also vowed to never go back. Are you sure?”
“Spending the late fall and winter months in Cali doesn’t sound bad, and the money they’re offering is enough for me to take six months off when I get back.”
“Yeah, but you won’t, so that doesn’t matter. Did it say what hospital?”
“It’s in the Black Elm University Hospital network, but I’ll be working with a private doctor who has a nurse practitioner taking an extended leave.”
Devyn looked at me with concern in her eyes. I absolutely loved 90 percent of the time I spent in Black Elm and honestly hadn’t planned to move back to Chicago after I graduated from the university. My reason for leaving had nothing to do with the city.
“Do you know the name of the private doctor?”
“No. It wasn’t in the initial email, but I know what you’re thinking, and it can’t be his office.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s not an ob-gyn.”
“How do you know?”
“That’s not what he was pursuing. If I remember correctly, he wanted to do general health or pediatrics.”
“Okay, but what if you run into him?”
“Black Elm is small, but not that small. Besides, even if I do, he’s probably married with three kids, living in a mansion on the outskirts of town.”
“Friend, I know you think you’re over him, but—”
“I’m over him, Devyn. Just because I have no interest in falling in love again doesn’t mean I’m still in love with Phyre. It’s been thirteen years. I’m good.”
Again, she looked at me with concern and added a hint of skepticism, but she changed the subject.
“Six months is a long time. Will you be able to come home?”
“I can take days off, and there are always weekends.”
“Fuck that. I’m coming to see you. I’ll give you a month to get settled, and I’m there.”
“I’d love for you to come and visit, and bring Bubba too.”
“Umm, that’s a negative. He can stay here with his daddy.”
“Girl, you know you ain’t leaving your baby.”
“Watch me. I need a break, and Cali will be perfect. I’m excited for you, but I’ll miss you.”
“It’ll fly by.”
“Are you sure you don’t still have feelings for Phyre?”
I sighed. “I’m as sure as I can be, not having seen him in so long.”
“If you see him—”
“Let’s not go there, sis. I can handle whatever happens concerning him.”
“I’ll trust your word,” she said, her voice filled with concern.
“Anyway . . . what’s been going on besides being a mom and wife?”
“I had a pregnancy scare.” I gasped. “When the test was negative, Tariq refused to believe it. Then my cycle came, and he’s been so sad.”
“Aww. Give that man another baby.”
She shrugged. “Don’t talk to me. Talk to Mother Nature. I’m not on birth control, and you know we gets it in around here. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.”
“You’re not worried?”
“Not at all. Did you eat yet?”
“No. I planned to stop by my parents’ house before going home, and I know my mama cooked.”
“Mama Bea is always in the kitchen. I have a pot roast in the oven if you wanna take some for tomorrow.”
“Did you make cornbread and mashed potatoes?”
“Of course.”
“Nah, I’m eating now. I’ll take whatever my mama cooked home for tomorrow.”
We went to the kitchen, and I placed Bubba in his high chair before washing my hands.
Devyn made a plate for me and a bowl of mashed potatoes for Bubba, and we sat at the table.
I knew she was waiting to eat with her husband, so I didn’t ask why she didn’t make herself a plate.
We continued catching up while Bubba and I ate, and not long after I finished, I left.
When I arrived at my parents’ house about thirty minutes later, I parked in front of the house, behind my brother’s truck.
I wasn’t surprised he was there because it was dinner time, and he ate at our parents’ house more often than not.
I used my key to let myself in and followed the voices of my family to the kitchen.
“Hey, Ma. Hey, Daddy. Wassup, ugmo?” I kissed my parents’ cheeks, as they returned the greeting, and shoved my brother in the back of the head before joining them at the kitchen table.
“If I’m ugly, so are you. We’re basically twins,” my brother, TJ, said.
He was only ten months older than me, and we looked a lot alike. When we were growing up, people often thought we were twins.
“But we ain’t, and I look better. What are y’all up to?”
“You might have the looks, but you clearly don’t have the brains. You don’t see us eating dinner.”
My parents laughed before my father said, Theodore Sr., said, “That was a good one, Son. You left the door wide open, baby girl.”
“Whatever. I see y’all are eating. I meant in general. Not at this exact moment.”
“Do you want me to make you a plate?” Ma offered.
“I’ll make one before I leave to take home. I just left Devyn’s, and she made pot roast, mashed potatoes, and cornbread.”
My mother had made baked salmon, asparagus, and cheddar garlic biscuits, which I was positive were from scratch. If I weren’t stuffed, I’d eat again, but it would be just as good tomorrow.
Both of my parents were retired nurses, which was how I became interested in the field. They’d picked up various hobbies since retiring and traveled internationally a few times each year. My brother was in his second year as a high school principal in the south suburbs of Chicago.
“We were actually talking about doing a family trip for the holidays. It’s been years since we’ve traveled together,” Ma said.
“Oh, really? That sounds fun. Do you have any locations in mind?” I asked.
“Somewhere warm, obviously,” TJ said. “I don’t want to leave Chicago in the winter to go somewhere that’s just as cold.”
“We can definitely agree on that, although I’ll be traveling from a warmer climate,” I said.
“What are you talking about, baby girl?” my father asked.
“I was just offered a six-month assignment in Black Elm.”
“California?” the three of them chimed.
“Yeah.”
“Did you accept it?” my mother asked.
“Not yet, but I’m ninety percent sure I will.”
“Baby girl, are you sure? You don’t have the fondest memories of that place,” my father said.
My entire family was aware of my heartbreak.
I wouldn’t have been able to hide it if I’d tried.
I needed them to help me off the ledge because I couldn’t count the number of times I thought about ending Phyre’s life.
My family had to remind me of who I was.
Luckily, everything happened at the end of the semester, and once it was officially over, I transferred schools and didn’t look back.
“If you think about it, you’ll remember how much I loved Black Elm before everything went down. I would’ve stayed there if it weren’t for what happened.”
“I remember how much you loved it, but still,” TJ offered.
“It’s been a long time.”
“And you haven’t dated anyone seriously since,” Ma said.
“Who has time to date seriously when I’m out of town for weeks or months at a time?”
“True,” TJ said before stuffing a garlic biscuit in his mouth.
“You think you can handle seeing him?” Daddy asked.
“Like I told Devyn, Black Elm is small, but not that small. I doubt I’ll run into him. I honestly don’t know if he’s still there.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, Ginae.”
“I can handle seeing him, Daddy. I’m a big girl now, and I’ve healed.”
“If you say so,” Ma said, but I could tell she didn’t believe me.
“I have a question,” TJ said, his mouth full of food. “In the past however many years it’s been, have you looked him up?”
“I haven’t, but a few years after everything happened, he found my Flikstagram page.”
“And?” the three of them chimed.
“He liked one of my pictures, and when I realized it was him, I created a whole new account. Back then, I was still running, and our breakup still felt fresh. I couldn’t handle being connected to him, and seeing him happy with someone else would’ve sent me over the edge.”
“You think you can handle that now?” Ma asked.
“I know I can,” I stated with confidence, although I wasn’t sure how true that statement was. “As I said before, I doubt if I’ll see him. Now, let’s get back to planning this family vacation.”
I left my parents’ house about an hour later, excited about our family trip and my assignment in Black Elm.
I still thought of Phyre often, but I would never allow him to rule the decisions I made in my life.
It had been long enough for us both to have moved on.
If I happened to see him, I’d take it in stride and keep moving.