Chapter 32
Larry has the mild manners of an OAP at bridge club and the cut-throat driving capabilities of a Formula One winner. It’s a disconcerting mix and at one point we’re going so fast that I fear we might break through the sound barrier. Early on in the journey, as we careered along narrow Cornish roads, I reached out for something to grab hold of in a bid for safety. My fingers found a packet of condoms on the back seat. I gripped onto them for dear life, all the while wondering if Chase and Alexis were seriously going to get down to business in the back of this vehicle? I’ve been clinging onto the condoms, along with the accompanying lube, ever since.
Meanwhile Larry has spent the drive telling me about his love for competitive duck herding, which he does on the weekends with his dog Nigel Mansell. Listening to tales of Larry’s extremely niche hobby is taking the edge off my emotionally fried brain.
‘I’ve got two ducks of my own, Ayrton and Senna. They are lovely little tinkers. They follow me down to the village pub on a Friday night for a pint. Right, here we are!’ Larry jovially announces as we slow down to skirt through Bristol.
Presumably Larry and I were travelling so fast that it was impossible to cling on to any 4G. Now we’ve stopped hurtling through a sonic boom my phone has connected again and pings with a string of messages from Joe. My heart somersaults.
Hey Sophie, I hope you have a great time at the wedding. Jx
I’m surprised he’s messaged me at all, let alone ended it with a kiss. We’ve barely spoken since he dropped the York bombshell. It gives me the tiniest bit of hope that I might be on the right path, but I don’t dare hope too much, just in case it all comes crashing down.
The next one reads:
Mum had an accident and is in hospital.
She’s going to be okay, please don’t worry.
The messages were sent yesterday and I curse myself for only just picking them up, mind whirring as I panic about Denise. I scroll down to find a new one from this morning.
All partied out?
Mum should be let out later today. I’m with her now x
That last one was sent less than an hour ago.
‘Larry, any chance you could drop me at the Royal Infirmary?’
‘No problem.’ He beams into his wing mirror, foot hitting the gas.
Just minutes later, we’re screeching to a halt outside the hospital, and my stomach is in knots.
‘Thank you,’ I say, scrambling to gather my stuff. ‘You’ve been so kind. Good luck with the next competition!’
Clattering out of the back of the Aston Martin, a cluster of ‘Mr and Mrs’ balloons escape as I go and it strikes me that I must be causing quite a scene. A thought corroborated when a couple of women having a fag by the hospital entrance call over ‘congratulations love!’, their dressing gown sleeves flapping as they wave at me.
‘I’m not married!’ I call back. ‘Just … er, in love!’
They chuckle as I race past, my weekend bag hitched over my shoulder. I try to make sense of the building. How on earth am I going to find one tiny patient in this rabbit hole? It’s got zones, for goodness sake.
‘I’m coming, Joe!’ I call out into the hallway, getting a strange look from the hospital porter hurrying past, rubber shoes squeaking on the shiny floor.
I scan a map of the building but there are literally thousands of options. I’m about to completely lose my shit when I spot the hospital café, an oasis in the desert, and instinctively move towards it. Not because I need any more caffeine – that ship sailed at breakfast – but because … because … I don’t know why! My mind’s all over the place. Maybe I can pause there, get my bearings and figure out where Joe is. Perhaps even take coffees up to Denise’s ward, I think, deciding that gift-giving is going to be my love language from now on. I don’t think I’ve ever had a love language before! I’ll present him with a flat white! I wonder if they have any gluten-free pastries?
Am I stalling? I might be stalling.
I join the queue and my brain decides go into overdrive. I wish I wasn’t wearing this flappy sundress. It seemed cute for breakfast by the beach but not so much for an inner city hospital. Will Joe actually still be here? Also … did I brush my hair this morning or what?
I should definitely go for decaf.
Oh balls I think I left my toothbrush at the hotel. Maybe I should text Mum first and ask her to see if they’ve still got it. Although I can buy toothbrushes from reputable outlets in Bristol, right? It’s not like that was the last one on the planet.
‘Two flat whites, please,’ a voice from behind me in the queue orders.
So rude.
‘Could you wait your turn?’ I snap, spinning round to give this queue-jumper a piece of my mind. ‘I was just thinking about toothbrushes, there’s literally no need to butt in—’
‘Apologies.’ Joe grins, looking anything but apologetic as he stands behind me, inexplicably wearing a suit. The jacket is slung over his left shoulder and his white shirtsleeves are rolled up, making his arms look ridiculously good. He looks ridiculously good.
My heart pounds. Am I sweating?
‘Would you prefer a cappuccino?’ He smiles at me. Under his gaze I melt like honey in the sunshine.
‘You’re here,’ I gasp.
‘I’m supposed to be here. I think the surprising thing is, so are you.’ He grins, eyebrow arched. ‘And you brought … “just married” condoms with you? Bit presumptuous.’
My gaze flicks down to the packet of prophylactics still scrunched up in my left hand.
‘Christ,’ I mutter, grateful that I at least left the lube in the back of Larry’s car. ‘I, um, they’re not mine.’
Joe nods. ‘I see. So you just turn up at hospitals with stolen condoms these days?’
He’s positively beaming now.
He’s happy to see me, I think. I’m not too late.
I fold my arms and try to regain some dignity. ‘It’s all duck-herder Larry’s fault, he was driving like the clappers and … Never mind that right now.’
‘Why are you here? I thought you’d still be in Cornwall.’ Joe’s looking at me like I’m a cold drink on a hot day. He hesitates for a second, then he puts his hand up to my face and tucks a stray hair behind my ear.
‘I … I …’ I swallow. ‘I had to come. I didn’t see your messages until not long ago and I wanted to check on Denise.’
Joe leans against the counter, rakes his hand through his hair. He suddenly looks like a man who hasn’t slept with traces of worry still etched across his face.
‘That’s really kind,’ he says, hand now dragging across the stubble on his jaw. ‘Mum is fine.’ I force myself to focus on his words and not his disarmingly addictive face. ‘She fainted in the heat yesterday and hit her head on the way down. You know that wooden kitchen top of hers?’
I wince.
‘She’s got quite a cut and they wanted to check for concussion, but she’s been given the all-clear. We’re just waiting on some painkillers and then she can come home. It’s a huge relief.’
‘Thank goodness she’s okay,’ I say. And then: ‘I like your suit. Bit formal for a hospital though, don’t you think?’
‘Well, you know. It’s nice to respect the hospital staff.’ His eyes twinkle at me. ‘They work very hard.’
‘I’ve heard that.’
‘Is that why you’ve come here looking so completely breathtaking yourself?’ he asks, fingers inching closer to mine.
The butterflies are rampant right now.
‘You should have seen me yesterday. I brushed my hair and everything.’ I grin.
‘You’re absolutely right.’
‘Oh? I think that’s the first time you’ve admitted that I’m right, Joe. I mean, I do know that I’m always right but can you tell me why on this particular occasion?’
‘I should have seen you yesterday. I was about to drive to Cornwall when I got the call from Dad,’ Joe says, looking slightly sheepish.
‘You were coming to the wedding?’ I ask, hearing the tension in my voice.
‘I’d been prepping for the York meeting and from nowhere I thought: “What am I doing? I should be in Cornwall with Sophie.” Because the truth is I don’t really want to leave Bristol and I just … I feel like we’ve been dancing around each other for too long now. You’ve had a lot to deal with and I’ve been brooding over stuff that I didn’t need to. I think you already know how I feel but I wanted to tell you properly. I was coming to Cornwall because I had to ask if there is even just the slimmest chance that …’ He pauses, steps closer, inches away from me now. Our fingertips have steepled together.
And I realise that it’s now or never. Right here in the hospital café. No birdsong. No candlelight. Just a coffee machine whirring into action as the backdrop for me to tell Joe that I love him.
Because I do love Joe. Of course I do! I think about how much fun we had on the drive to Wales for Tally’s birthday and how he came even though the other mums overwhelmed him, because he knew what their friendship meant to me. The times he has stood up for me. The times he’s made me laugh. The times he’s listened to me bang on and on about how I don’t want a partner in my life while all the while, he had feelings for me. The way he’s so sweet with my daughter. The way his curly hair falls down over his eyes and he has to brush it off his face every few moments. The way he looks at me like there’s no one else in the room.
I’ve loved him for months.
‘I came here to tell you that I love you,’ I say, the words finally flooding out. ‘I love you with every tiny fibre of my being. When you’re around it’s like someone switched the light on. I don’t want you to move to stupid York because everyone knows it’s a dreadful dump and—’
‘York is lovely,’ the cashier, clearly eavesdropping, butts in.
Joe bites back a smile.
‘York is all right,’ I concede, moving my hand to his chest. My fingers graze the buttons on his shirt. ‘Joe, for so long I’ve been convinced that my life was whole. And I did such a good job at it that I didn’t see what was staring me in the face. You. The truth is, you make my life whole. A piece of me has been missing ever since you said you were leaving and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. What I want is for us to be together, to raise our crazy kids together.’
Joe exhales. ‘That will be a lot of admin,’ he says with a smile.
‘I know.’ I grin back. ‘I’ll love it.’
‘Are you proposing a future spent synching calendars and filling out spreadsheets together?’ He’s very close to laughing now.
‘Stop, you’re turning me on.’
‘Joint filing system,’ he murmurs with a grin that makes me want to peel all of my clothes off. ‘Fresh Post-its. Highlighter pens.’
‘Only you could make admin chat erotic,’ I whisper, realising I’m still holding the packet of condoms and stuffing them into my bag.
‘Only you could make me want to.’ Joe leans in so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.
‘Just to return to my original point,’ I say, now slightly breathless. ‘I would like to give you my whole heart, if you’ll have it?’ My gaze tracks up to meet Joe’s. His eyes are like warm pools of water on a sunny day. I want to dive in.
‘Was it two flat whites, then?’ asks the cashier.
A wide smile spreads across Joe’s face.
‘Yes, please,’ he says, his gaze still firmly holding mine.
‘Yes, please, to the flat whites or yes, please, to taking my whole heart?’ I ask.
‘Both, actually.’
My heart is pumping so hard I feel like it might break through my chest wall. I’m ashamed to say that I do not answer when the by now truly bored cashier asks if we want any snacks.
‘Sophie.’ Joe’s voice is husky, eyes tracing my face.
‘Yes?’ I whisper. The magnetic pull of his presence makes it almost impossible for me to speak. I want to get extremely naked extremely quickly because we have waited long enough for this now.
‘Just so you know, I have always been yours.’ He closes the gap between us until his lips are just brushing mine. My breath catches in my throat. We kiss softly at first and then with more urgency than is strictly decent in a public place.
Joe insists on carrying my heavy overnight bag up to Denise’s ward, even though we take the stairs for privacy purposes. I cannot keep my hands off this man. The way he looks at me. The smell of his skin. The soft touch of his fingers. This hospital is full of beds and the fact that we can’t make the most of one without incurring a criminal record is killing me.
Joe leads me to Denise’s ward and we find her dozing, a tray with a half-eaten sandwich and a pot of jelly pushed to one side next to her. I hate to see her in a hospital gown, it makes her look frail.
‘Don’t worry.’ Joe takes my hand. ‘She’s fine.’
I give him a watery look. ‘Pretty sure I should be the one comforting you in this scenario,’ I sniff.
‘I can think of some ways,’ he says, eyes flashing.
So, it turns out we cannot control ourselves in any way. All these months of pent-up frustration are finally being released and now we’re the couple who kiss on hospital wards. I’d be embarrassed on our behalf if I wasn’t so deliriously happy. If this is how good Joe’s lips feel than I cannot wait to—
‘About time too!’
Startled, we pull apart.
Denise is now wide awake and chuckling to herself at the scene we’re making.
Joe clears his throat.
I take a good long look at the floor.
‘Don’t mind me, you two carry on!’
‘How long have you been awake?’ Joe asks suspiciously.
‘I saw you kissing all the way down the corridor. Pretended to be snoozing to give you a bit more alone time,’ she twinkles.
We both look mortified.
‘Oh come on.’ She giggles. ‘I could do with some good news. You know they’re calling me geriatric, Sophie? Can you imagine. I may be in my sixties but I’ve just launched a new business for heaven’s sake!’
Denise starts listing people who have found success in later life, her voice getting pointedly louder every time a member of staff walks by. ‘Martha Stewart. Vera Wang. Iris Apfel. Delia Owens. The list goes on.’
I rest a hand on Denise’s arm and give her a squeeze.
‘They’re treating me like I’m next in line to meet the big JC,’ she tuts.
‘They’re just caring for you,’ Joe replies gently. ‘You’re not used to it.’
She harrumphs. ‘Well, you can take me home now, son. All this fuss over a little fall.’
‘Just as soon as you’ve got your meds, Mum.’
Denise swings her legs off the side of the bed and offers me a seat.
‘Come on, love, why don’t you tell me all about what’s going on. Did this eejit manage to tell you how he feels about you?’
‘Why am I an idiot?’ Joe protests.
‘All this pussyfooting around,’ Denise bustles. ‘You could have saved yourselves a lot of trouble if you’d just been honest from the start.’
‘It’s my fault,’ I say. ‘I couldn’t see the wood for the trees.’
‘You had a lot to work through.’ Denise pats my hand. ‘Don’t beat yourself up. Why on earth my Joseph decided to terrify us all with that nonsense about moving to York, I’ll never know. Sons, Sophie, are a pain in the arse. It’s a good job you’re here. And it certainly looks like the pair of you have sorted things out?’
I catch Joe’s eyes and we mirror each other’s happy faces.
‘I might have told your son that I love him.’
‘And I’m going to stay in Bristol,’ Joe adds.
‘Thank the lord for that,’ Denise beams. ‘You pair of daft bats. Now why don’t you head off? All of this time spent not really communicating with each other … you must have a lot of catching up to do.’
Joe and I start to protest but Denise is having none of it. ‘Jim and Sid will be here any minute to wait with me and take me home. Shoo!’
‘Consider us shooed,’ Joe says, taking my hand.
We walk back down the corridor, fingers interlinked. Joe calls for the lift and leans himself against the wall as we wait, gently pulling me towards him.
‘You know all that “communicating” Mum thinks we need to catch up on?’ he says softly into my ear.
‘Mmm.’
‘I don’t intend to do very much of that with you for the rest of the day.’
‘Absolutely no talking,’ I agree.
‘Is Lila still in Cornwall?’ Joe asks.
I nod. ‘And Sid’s with your dad, right?’
‘So we’ve got the whole day without any small people.’ Joe raises his eyebrows.
‘However will we fill it, Joe Kitson?’
‘Oh believe me, I can think of some ways.’ He smoulders.
The lift doors open. It’s one of those massive hospital lifts and it is completely empty. I pull him inside.
‘I do have one final question,’ I whisper.
‘Shoot.’
‘Your place, or mine?’