Chapter 13 #3
She maneuvered the snowblower to a spot near the steps at the front door and turned it off.
Her gloves and hat were quickly discarded when she was back inside the inn.
With less than 50 percent occupancy, an unexpected storm on their hands, and their groundskeeper out of commission, she wasn’t going to get hung up on the little details.
She stood in front of the fireplace long enough that feeling started to return in her hands.
Before she’d gone outside, she’d texted Brynn and told her that, under no uncertain circumstances, should she subject herself to the outdoors, too.
At the door leading to the apartment, Hallie took off her boots to let them dry in the hallway, followed quickly by her waterproof pants.
Even though she still felt like she could smell snow, her nose once again seemed like it was part of her face, which she was ridiculously grateful for.
It wasn’t late, but Brynn hadn’t turned on the lights in the living room. Actually, Hallie realized, glancing around, Brynn wasn’t in the living room at all.
Which was probably for the best. Hallie was in a vulnerable state. Even with all the thinking that she’d been doing, the remnants of the day, especially now that she was back in the apartment they shared, were having residual effects on her resistance.
Brynn’s bedroom door was open a few inches, with what looked like a bedside light providing soft illumination.
She was probably napping, Hallie thought, as she realized how good it would feel to lie down and stretch out her sore muscles. And stare up at the ceiling and look at the nothingness while she berated herself for being such a wimp.
But there would be time for that later. Right now, she really, really needed to eat something.
Not wanting to disrupt Brynn, she padded over to the bedroom door to close it. She wouldn’t allow her ill-advised feelings to stop her from being a good roommate, at least.
Which she was about to do when she heard a muffled mewing sound, like Brynn was agitated.
And Hallie’s heart cracked wide open, thinking of the awful nightmares that plagued Brynn. The ones that she’d gotten a front row seat to that night on the sofa, when she’d understood, in some small way, the depth of Brynn’s loss. Without thinking, she slowly pushed the door open and walked inside.
Her plan was… well, she didn’t exactly know what her plan was, except that it was completely irrelevant when she stepped into the room, only to be met with a heavily lidded stare.
Brynn definitely wasn’t sleeping.
Hallie’s stomach bottomed out. Thoughts of comforting Brynn were replaced with the insistent thrum of her heartbeat in her ears, her body’s awareness expanding from the tips of her fingers to her toes, a swift need overtaking her.
And maybe Hallie could have quelled the racing, nervous feeling skittering through her. Except that Brynn let out a soft exhale, as the forearm that Brynn was flexing relaxed against her hip.
It didn’t matter that most of Brynn wasn’t visible or that there was only a lamp on the bedside table illuminating the room in a hazy glow. Hallie knew with every stomach-clenching, heart-palpitating fiber of her being that Brynn was masturbating.
Just the idea of it made her own center ache with need, even if she was doing everything possible not to acknowledge it.
What should she be doing right now? Oh yeah, getting the hell out of the room, which Hallie had entered without permission. Except that she was embarrassingly slow to do just that.
Finally, it was like her words and her body caught up with whatever the hell was in control of her at this moment, and she started walking backward, her hands held up. “Oh my god. I’m so—”
“Stay,” Brynn’s attractively breathy voice coaxed her in a timbre that Hallie had never heard her use before. She didn’t break eye contact with Hallie either when she added, “If you want to stay, then you should stay.”
The desire that had been ratcheting up in Hallie for weeks hit a crescendo, warmth spreading through her body. Soaking, in fact, would probably be a good word to use.
She wasn’t sure how she was walking forward, but it was happening, as she moved to the empty side of the bed near the door before finally deciding to sit down on the edge. In almost every conceivable way, she was holding on for dear life.
Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea, repeated like a mantra in her mind. Only, so close to Brynn again, the thinking part of her brain had taken a back seat.
Knowing something was a bad idea and having the internal fortitude to stop it were two very, very different things.
She cleared her throat, trying not to look at the outline of Brynn’s body under the covers. Even though she was desperate to see more. “I need you to be very clear with me right now, Brynn. What, exactly, is happening?”
For long seconds, Brynn leaned her head back against the headboard and simply stared at Hallie.
Eyes full. Chest rising and falling. Like time had stopped within their bubble.
But this had to be categorically false; the cold from outside, for instance, was so long forgotten that Hallie wondered if she was going to actually burst into flames if Brynn kept looking at her like that.
Finally, Brynn shifted her arm out of the covers and patted the space next to her in bed. “I am very attracted to you, and I am working through what that attraction means.”
Hallie’s mouth went dry, but she managed to croak out, “By masturbating?”
Brynn nodded, a small smile working its way across her lips.
God, Hallie would give anything to kiss her right now.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted something so badly, in fact.
“It hasn’t worked with anyone else. When I was with anyone else or when I think about anyone else. But you…”
Whatever Brynn was about to say was undoubtedly going to be the most insane thing that Hallie had ever heard. Somehow, she knew that before Brynn even finished her sentence.
But Hallie was here. Actually, she wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else at this moment, even if it may kill her.
What was that again about this being a bad idea?
She couldn’t remember as she stared, transfixed, watching while Brynn bit her lip, considering words that Hallie was desperate to hear.
Finally: “But I think about you—about how much I like you, how I care about you, how good you make me feel—and it makes me feel like maybe I’m not broken, after all,” Brynn murmured, and Hallie thought that she could see a faint blush ghosting across her cheeks, even in the dim light.
The words, themselves, hit Hallie squarely in the heart, knocking into her with their sheer force.
She scooted closer on the bed, still keeping a respectable amount of space between them. “You’re definitely not broken. Even if your body works differently.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say,” Brynn explained, running her hand across the covers, drawing a pattern that Hallie didn’t understand.
“When I think about you. About us. I finally get what people are talking about when they say they have butterflies or that they feel desire. I haven’t felt that before. I think I just needed…”
“Needed what?” Hallie was waiting with baited breath, painfully cleaved in half by the idea that this moment between them could slip away—or, even more dangerous, that it was going to move forward.
“I needed to feel connected. And I do feel that way with you. And now that I know what it feels like, I want to see how far I can take it.”
There it was again, that deep, throbbing pain in Hallie’s center. She forced out a sharp, ragged exhale right before she admitted, “I feel that way about you, too.” She’d never been a good liar, and she definitely wasn’t going to be able to pull it off now.
Truly, she wanted to give Brynn everything. And the craziest part—her own uncertainty and insecurity aside—was that she was in a uniquely qualified position to do just that, right now.
Would wonders ever cease?
Hallie moved a little closer before she extended her legs down on the comforter, leaning her weight on one of her forearms. “Do you trust me?”
Brynn nodded and moved to push the covers down, which Hallie felt like she should be given a medal for stopping.
She placed her hand on Brynn’s, holding her still.
“I’m going to guide you through it. Talk you through it.
And then you can decide how you feel about everything.
Would that be okay?” Hallie asked, wondering how she was going to survive.
“I think we’d be good together—incredible, even—but I want this to be about you. ”
The idea sent a shaky thrill through her. Talking to Brynn while she touched herself, as Hallie worked her through it with her words. She’d never done anything like this before, but the persistent, pulsing need to do just that was swallowing her from the inside out.
Just to torture herself, Hallie lifted Brynn’s hand and placed a light kiss on her knuckles. “But only if you want to.”
“I want it,” Brynn answered faster than Hallie had expected, her fingers flexing against Hallie’s cheek.
This was a big deal for Brynn, in multiple ways, and Hallie was going to do everything she could to make it a good experience for her. Really, for both of them, since Hallie was already so close to coming that she wondered if she could get off without even being touched.
When she let Brynn’s hand go, she would have laughed, in a normal situation, at how quickly it disappeared under the covers. But the sound died in her throat when Brynn’s eyes fluttered closed, and Hallie could see the outline of her arm settling between her legs.
Why were Hallie’s hands so clammy?
She was nervous, she accepted, even as all of her senses continued to fire on high alert. Because, god, did she want this. For it to be good for Brynn. To get to hear the sounds that Brynn made while she touched herself.