Chapter 67
CHAPTER 67
APRIL
T he weekend has become so much more than I could imagine. Caleb hasn’t left my side, for which I’m grateful. I’m not sure what I would have done without him. He’s my rock, my champion. He’s listened as I’ve talked, held me while I’ve cried, most importantly, he’s been a comforting presence, making sure I’m not alone with my thoughts.
After our initial meeting, I talked to Di on the phone, and she confirmed Sarah’s story. She cried tears of joy when I told her where I was, telling me I needed to update her after the weekend and how proud she was of me. That had me crying, too. Cue more Cal cuddles.
Today, we are heading home. But first, we’ve arranged to visit Sarah and Tim at home.
We’ve talked a lot about the past, and she’s helped clarify what memories are real and what are the figments of a little girl’s imagination. Today, I’m meeting my half-siblings.
“April, do you want to come and see my dolls?” Lois says, coming to stand next to me .
“Lois, leave April alone,” Sarah says, shooting me a look of apology.
Lois is seven, and Nick is five. Their childhood is the opposite of mine. They’re being raised in a loving and stable home, but the resentment I thought I’d feel isn’t there.
“It’s fine,” I say, smiling at the younger girl who’s been eyeing me up since our arrival.
I stand up only to have my hand grabbed by a much smaller one as I’m pulled from the room. As I leave, Nick distracts Caleb with a multitude of toy cars. Looks like we both have our hands full.
Lois leads me into her bedroom. I take in the pink decor and smile.
“Is pink your favourite colour?” I ask, taking a seat on the beanbag Lois points to. Hundreds of stuffed toys and a large wooden doll’s house fill the space.
“It is,” she says, handing me a doll. “She’s my favourite, but you can play with her.”
I look up in surprise to find little eyes shining at me.
“Thank you,” I say, my chest suddenly feeling a little tighter than usual.
“My Granny, mummy’s mum, says she used to play dolls with you. Play for hours .” Lois’s words steal my breath.
Does my grandmother talk about me?
“She always gets a sad look on her face. I think she’s going to be very pleased to see you again,” Lois says, handing me a set of dolls clothes.
The innocence of the child in front of me surprises me. It’s clear I’ve not been the dirty little secret I assumed I’d be. Instead, it looks like they’ve been waiting for me to come home.
Surely not.
I sit on the floor and play dolls with my little sister for the next hour. She chats non-stop, telling me about her best friend, how she started dance lessons, even about a boy at school, who is a real pain. When I tell her I teach dance classes, that’s it. She gets changed into her ballet clothes and shows me what she’s been learning.
We practise some steps, and I teach her the dance I’ve been teaching the children her age. That’s how Sarah finds us.
“Ah,” Sarah says, smiling from the doorway.
“Mummy, April is a ballet teacher. She runs her own dance school. She’s been teaching me a dance she teaches her children.”
Sarah looks at me, her eyes shining with an apology, as if Lois has somehow put me out.
“She’s got all the hallmarks of being a great little dancer. Taking after her big sister,” I say, ruffling Lois’s hair, letting Sarah know everything is fine.
Sarah’s eyes well up as she looks between me and her youngest daughter.
Whatever this is between us, is going to take time. I think we both know that. There will be plenty of tiptoeing around one another. But I hope one day, we’ll be able to have some sort of relationship. I get the feeling Sarah desperately wants to make everything okay. But I can’t rush it. I can’t open myself up—it’s not who I am.
“Can we show Daddy and Caleb?” Lois says, jumping up and down. “You can dance with me. Big sister, little sister.” She grabs my hand once more and pulls me towards the door.
“I think Caleb is playing cars with your brother and Dad,” Sarah says as I’m pulled past her and out of the door.
We find Caleb and Tim with Nick on the floor of the living room. Caleb appears to have built a car park out of old boxes. There’s even a ramp leading to the upper levels. When I look more closely, I see that there’s also a road system .
“What have we here?” I say, standing in the doorway, Lois still clutching my hand.
Caleb looks up, his eyes sparkling, as he catches our joined hands. “I told Nick I build buildings, so we built a garage to house his toy cars.”
“Impressive,” I say, my heart melting a little more as I watch my billionaire lover play with a stranger’s child on the floor of their living room.
“It’s sturdy, too,” Tim says, clearly impressed.
“Daddy, April’s been teaching me a dance,” Lois says, stepping into the room. “Do you want to see it?”
Tim turns his attention to his daughter. “I’d love to.”
Lois scowls at the mess the boys have made, and I bite my lip to hide my smile. Tim looks at his daughter. “Although I think you might have to show me somewhere else.”
Lois’s scrunched-up face smoothes. “I could dance it on the lawn. It’s dry and not too cold,” she says.
“I want to learn a dance,” Nick says, his little bottom lip sticking out.
It’s my turn to step into the room. I crouch down next to my little brother.
“Boys don’t dance,” Lois says, clearly not wanting to share this moment with her brother.
I turn and smile at her. “They do. I have lots of boys who attend my dance school.”
Lois tilts her head and stares at me wide-eyed. “Really? We don’t have any boys in our class.”
“They don’t all do ballet,” I tell her. “There are lots of different types of dancing.”
“So, can I do a dance?” Nick asks.
“You can,” I say, touching his hair before I can stop myself.
There’s a small noise behind me, and I look to find Sarah in the doorway. Her hand over her mouth, her eyes full.
“Sorry,” she says before turning and leaving the room .
Tim goes to stand, but I put a hand on his arm. “Let me go,” I hear myself say. Knowing somehow, it’s me she needs to speak to.
Lois reaches for me. “Stay with your daddy a moment. I want to talk to Mummy.”
Lois nods her head, her eyes falling on the structure Caleb has made for her brother.
I leave the room, finding Sarah in the kitchen bent over the sink, her head bowed. She senses me enter, and turns to face me, her eyes puffy and bloodshot.
“Sorry,” she says, giving me a weak smile.
I move into the room and lean against the counter opposite her.
She wipes her face with her hands. “I’m just being silly,” she says.
“Why silly?” I ask, not sure I understand. She invited me here.
Is this not what she wanted?
“Maybe silly is the wrong word. Seeing you on the floor with your brother and sister. Hearing them talk to you… it’s a dream come true.” Her voice catches, but she shakes herself. “They’ve always known about you. That one day you might come home, and they would get to meet you.”
I stare at her, not sure what to make of her statement. I picked up on Lois’s comment earlier, but this is different.
“Why?” I ask, unable to keep the surprise from my tone.
Sarah’s eyes fill with more tears. “Because it’s always been my dream. To have my baby back.” The sob she lets out breaks something inside me, and I take the woman who gave birth to me into my arms and rock her while the years of despair come flooding out. I’m not sure when we’re joined by the others, but I find myself enveloped in a group hug. Lois and Nick hugging our legs.
“It’s okay, Mummy,” Lois says. “April’s home now. ”
I bend down and take her face in my hands. “I am,” I say, looking up at my mother and knowing the words are true. I’ve come home, and I will try my hardest to create a future where they are.
Tim and Caleb are standing by the door. Tim’s expression does little to hide the emotion he’s feeling, and Caleb looks at me, his eyes glowing with—love.
The rest of the day flies by. I teach Nick a dance, and Lois shows her dance. By the end of the day, everyone is exhausted.
“Do you really have to go?” Lois says, clinging onto me, tears streaming down her cheeks. “We’ve only just found you.”
I pull her into my arms. “I promise I’ll be back to see you soon,” I say, stroking her hair back and wiping her tears, only to have Nick throw himself at me too, nearly knocking me off my feet. He buries his head in my shoulder, and I scoop him up, standing with him wrapped in my arms.
“Don’t go,” he howls, following his sister’s lead.
“Hey guys, April has to work. She’s a big sister. So, like Mummy and Daddy, she must go out to earn money,” Tim says, stepping forward.
I give Nick one last squeeze before handing him to his dad.
“I will be back, or maybe once I move into my new apartment, you could come and visit me. Maybe you could come to one of my dance classes.”
Both children’s heads fly up, their eyes going to their parents. “Can we?” they both chime, making me laugh.
“We can discuss it,” Sarah says firmly. “April needs to have time to settle into her new apartment.”
“Awww, but that will be ages,” they chime, making me laugh. Looking at them both, I don’t think this is something they’ll let drop .
“Or you can stay at mine. I have plenty of room and a pool,” Caleb says, all eyes spinning to him. My mouth drops open.
“What?” he says, smirking at me as if my surprise is unfounded.
“You only let the boys stay,” I say in my defence.
“I’m a boy, so is Daddy,” Nick chirps up.
“That you are,” Caleb says, ruffling his hair.
“I want to be a boy,” Lois says, her bottom lip wobbling as if she’s afraid she’s going to be excluded.
“I also let my sisters stay sometimes,” Caleb says, smiling down at her. She returns his smile with a watery one of her own. “And I let your sister stay, so I think I can stretch to letting you and your mummy stay.”
Lois steps forward, only to have Caleb swing her up and into his arms. “How does that sound?”
“Perfect,” Lois says, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his cheek.
“That’s sorted then. We just need to arrange a date.”
Sarah steps in. “We’ll let you get home, and we can put our diaries together,” she says, allowing everyone a breather, an out.
I step forward and take her hands in mine.
“I want that,” I say, letting her know I want to see them again. “Thank you for a wonderful weekend. It’s been more —” My voice catches.
Sarah’s hand comes up and cups my cheek.
“It has,” she agrees. “I have your number. Is it okay to call?”
I can’t keep the smile from my face, knowing that is what I want. I want this. I didn’t realise how much I needed it.
“Most definitely,” I reply.
Mason is waiting for us by the kerb. More hugs and a few more tears and we make it back on the road .
Caleb takes my hand in his.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been run over by a lorry—several times. But I’m on the mend,” I tell him honestly. I’m emotionally drained but in a good way. “Thank you for being here. For having my back,” I say, leaning up and pressing my lips to his.
“I would not have been anywhere else,” he says.
“You surprise me every day,” I tell him honestly.
“Good. That way, you’ll never get bored with me,” he says, pulling me into his arms and deepening our kiss.