18. Olivia
CHAPTER 18
OLIVIA
“I can’t believe I could have been so stupid,” Olivia said softly.
Izzy stirred her milkshake with her straw. “I don’t think you were stupid,” she said gently. “I think boys are liars.”
“Oh, Izzy. I wouldn’t want you to think that. Lots of guys are very nice.”
“Really? When was the last time you met one who was worth anything?” Izzy asked, a scowl on her face.
“Well, Dad was,” Olivia said. “I know you don’t remember. But he was one of the good ones. He used to come home every day and wrap his arms around Mom, tell her how beautiful she was… and then he’d scoop you and me up in his arms and ask us about our day. And even though we were just little kids, and the things we had to tell him must have been objectively pretty boring, he never got tired of hearing it. He would sit with us for as long as we wanted to talk to him, even though he’d been at work all day.”
“You’re holding out for a guy who’s as good as Dad was,” Izzy realized.
“Of course I am. I know men like that exist, so why wouldn’t I?”
“And that’s why you’re not going to give Charlie a second chance?”
Olivia drained her milkshake and set it down in the car’s cupholder. “Charlie isn’t asking me for a second chance,” she said. “I’d consider giving him one if I thought he wanted it, but he doesn’t.”
“Do you know that for sure?”
Olivia sighed. “I told you, Izzy. I told you everything. I told you how that marriage was never real. I only did it so he would give me the chance to help sell the house.”
“Yes, but I don’t believe you,” Izzy said.
Olivia raised her eyebrows. “You don’t believe me?”
“It’s not enough of a reason,” Izzy said simply. “You sell houses all the time. I know this was a nicer one than you usually work with, but I can’t believe you would get married just to make a sale.”
Olivia hadn’t told Izzy about her deal with Charlie — about the massive commission she would get when the house was sold. It was the one part of the story she had kept to herself, feeling unready to share it with her sister just yet. So it made sense that Izzy didn’t understand. But it had been hard enough telling Izzy that her marriage had been strictly business. She wasn’t going to bring up the money. Not yet. Not until she was sure she had it.
“Why do you think I did it, then?” she asked her sister.
“I think you have feelings for him.”
“Well, yes, I do. That’s the whole problem,” Olivia said. “I let myself feel more than I should have for him, knowing the nature of our arrangement. We agreed from the beginning that we would keep things professional.”
“Is that what he was doing when he took you out for a candlelit dinner on a yacht? Keeping it professional?”
“I don’t know, but whatever his intention was, he regrets it,” Olivia said. “That’s what he made sure to let me know first thing in the morning. Everything that happened on that yacht, he regrets it.”
“I don’t know if I’d take him at his word about that,” Izzy said.
“Haven’t you just been telling me how boys suck?”
“No, that isn’t what I said,” Izzy told her. “What I said was that boys were liars .”
“I don’t think they lie about this. When they tell you they’re not interested in you, that tends to be the truth. Guys lie when they say they are interested, because there’s something they want. They don’t lie to you to get you to go away. If a guy says he doesn’t want you around, that tends to be the truth.”
Izzy shook her head. “I just don’t buy it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… I saw you two together,” Izzy said. “I saw the way he was with you. You telling me that the marriage was fake was a big surprise.”
“You didn’t act surprised.”
“I mean, I knew that something weird was going on. That was obvious, because why else would you get married in such a hurry? I’m glad it didn’t turn out to be something about the law!”
“I would have told you if there was anything to worry about,” Olivia told her sister.
“You definitely wouldn’t have,” Izzy countered. “I know what you do, Liv. You keep things to yourself because you want to protect me. And I get it, because you think of me as a little kid. You think you’re the one who’s responsible for everything in this family. I know you have been, since Dad died. But I’m not a kid anymore, you know? You can tell me things. I’m old enough now. I’m a lot older than you were when we lost Dad. You don’t have to handle everything by yourself anymore — I can take some of it on.”
Olivia bit her lip. “You’re right,” she conceded. “But it’s hard for me to do that, Izzy. I’ve spent my life protecting you. It’s hard for me to just… stop doing that.”
“I’m not saying stop,” Izzy said gently. “I’m saying we can take care of each other. You can let me do that for you, right?”
Olivia smiled at her sister. “You really have grown up.”
“I’ve grown up enough to see that there was something real between you and Charlie,” Izzy said. “I knew it the first time I met him. I knew he wasn’t just a client — that there was more to that relationship. I mean, look at how eager he was to get to know me. He wouldn’t have acted like that if he didn’t care about you.”
“You don’t know him that well. He’s just like that with people. He’s exuberant. He always wants to chat everyone up.”
“He offered to take us to Boston, Olivia. He wouldn’t have done that if your relationship didn’t mean something to him.” Izzy shook her head. “I know you’re feeling bad about it right now because of what happened on the boat, but I’m telling you, I think his feelings for you are real.”
“You weren’t there. You didn’t hear the way he talked about it.” Olivia couldn’t forget what he had said. She couldn’t forget the way he had suggested that their sleeping together would push them apart — that that was the only possible outcome. “Even if he does have feelings for me, I’m just not sure he’s the right person for me to be with. I’m not sure I can look past his nature. He’s a player. He loves to sleep with women and then move on a minute later, and that isn’t me. I should never have gone to bed with him. I should have known that he would be like this. I did know. I just let myself forget.”
“And you don’t think there’s even a chance that he was just waiting for the right girl?”
“If that were true, he would have said it,” Olivia said. “I did think that. I woke up that morning on the boat feeling like something monumental had happened — like everything had changed between us. In the minutes after I woke up and before he opened his eyes, I would have sworn that he was going to look over at me and say something filled with romance and passion, because that was the way it felt that night.” She hesitated. “Am I oversharing?”
“You’re my sister.”
“I’m not used to being able to talk to you like this.”
“Well, you could have,” Izzy said quietly. “Like I said, I’m not a little kid anymore.”
“You’re right,” Olivia said. “I’m sorry. I need to adjust the way I think about you.”
“Maybe Charlie needs to adjust the way he thinks about you. Couldn’t that have been the problem? Maybe his mind is still catching up to what his heart already feels.”
“Or maybe I was right about him from the beginning,” Olivia sighed. “Maybe he can’t take a woman seriously. He respected me as long as we kept things professional, but the minute I got in bed with him, it ruined things. He can’t look at me the way he once did, and I don’t know if we’re going to be able to finish the sale of the house now that things are like this between the two of us. I don’t know if we’re ever going to be able to get back on the same page.”
“Of course you will,” Izzy said. “You’re still a professional, Liv, even if you don’t feel like it right now. You’ll still do your job. I know you take it seriously, and I know you’d never let your personal life get in the way of what needs to be done.”
“I hope I wouldn’t.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“But even so… I just don’t know how I’m going to go on spending time around him. I don’t even feel like I can look at him right now. All I can think about is the fact that I made myself vulnerable to him. I let myself feel things. I let my guard down. I knew better than to do that, but I did it anyway. I must have been drunk.”
“Were you?”
“No,” Olivia sighed. “I hadn’t even had one glass of wine.”
“You have feelings for him, Olivia. There’s no shame in that.”
“Even though I knew exactly what he was when I fell for him?”
“Well, I don’t think you’re right about that,” Izzy said. “I don’t think he is what you think he is. I’m thinking there’s more to him — hidden depths.”
“You’re daydreaming.”
“Even if I am, he’s the one who ought to be ashamed, in that case. Not you. You’re the one who dared to put your heart out there. He’s the one who couldn’t do that. From where I’m sitting, that makes you brave and him a coward.”
“Oh, Izzy. You would take my side no matter what.”
“Of course I would,” her sister said staunchly. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m wrong.”
“So what would you do if you were me?”
“Well, you asked me to help you paint today,” Izzy said.
Olivia nodded. She hadn’t felt as if she could approach Charlie for anything at the moment, and there was a bit of work left to be done on the house. It was cowardly, but it had been much easier to solicit Izzy to come and help her out. And because the sale of the house would directly benefit Izzy, Olivia felt no guilt about seeking her sister’s help.
“I think we should just go paint,” Izzy said.
“You don’t think I should say anything to Charlie?”
“Not right now. I’m guessing he’s in turmoil over all this. I say leave him alone. Let him think through his mistakes. I’ll bet he comes crawling back.”
Olivia had to laugh. “It’s a nice story you’re telling, even if I don’t believe it has anything to do with reality,”
“You wait and see,” Izzy said sagely. “Before this is over, you’re going to admit that I was right.”
Olivia doubted that, but she did like the fact that her sister had such confidence. It would serve Izzy well in her own romantic encounters. “You’re right about one thing,” she said. “We should go get that painting done. The sooner we can get the house sold, the sooner we can leave all this behind — and right now, I think that’s what I want most.”
“If you say so,” Izzy said, her tone clearly implying that she doubted it.
“The paint is already at the house,” Olivia said. “Let’s get over there and get to work.”
“Is Charlie there?”
“He’s in Boston today. Some kind of work thing.”
“Probably for the best,” Izzy admitted. “I don’t know if I’d be able to look at him without him realizing that I knew exactly what had happened between you guys.”
“Yeah, you have a pretty bad poker face,” Olivia teased. She was grateful for her sister’s presence, grateful for the fact that she had been able to open up to Izzy. She had spent so much of her life feeling as though she needed to protect Izzy — and she wouldn’t have changed that for anything — but Izzy was right.
She wasn’t a child anymore, and for the first time, it felt as if their relationship was on even footing.