Chapter 54 Anna
Anna
I’m running on four hours’ sleep, which is the most I’ve got in the past two days, so that’s something. Liam stopped calling somewhere around midnight and I don’t know if the ache in my chest is relief or heartbreak. I’m too exhausted to figure it out.
Somehow, I managed to peel myself off the sofa and bathe before this morning’s meeting with Cedric. It’s left me a lot more hopeful: I now have a clear idea of what I need to do to prove that my relationship with Liam hasn’t affected my work and to keep my teaching license.
The fresh London air nips at my exposed skin as I walk through Hyde Park with Max, telling him about Liam’s visit over the weekend… and how I ended up pushing him away.
“So, take me through it again. What do you need?” Max says, bumping his shoulder against mine. “What does Cedric need?”
I count off my fingers, my breath fogging in the cold. “First, I need proof that Liam and I hooked up before Finn started at Richmond Private. I need to send him all the embarrassing texts between me, Gemma and April about us fu—”
“Say no more,” Max says, holding up a hand. “Next?”
“I have to ask Liam to provide a statement confirming when the relationship began.” I clear my throat. “He’ll also need to provide a statement explaining the circumstances of Roger’s assault.”
“Are you going to be okay asking him for those?” Max asks, his face serious. “I’d be happy to do it for you.”
I smile, grateful. “Thanks, but I think I can manage.” I blow out a long breath before continuing. “Cedric’s reviewing Finn’s records. He’s going to compare them to previous years to prove I didn’t play favorites.”
I count off another finger. “I’ve told him that no one at school knew about us, not the teachers. Not even Finn. That might actually be what saves me.”
“Thank fuck for small miracles,” Max mutters into his coffee.
My gut lurches as I count off the final item.
“And then I have to give a formal statement about Roger. Everything he did. Everything he’s said.
” I grimace at the acidic taste of the words.
“Once Cedric has it all in writing, he investigates. If he confirms that I kept things professional, then I might escape with a formal warning and keep my teaching license.”
“When will you know?”
“Wednesday. That’s when he’ll have details about the Local Authority Designated Officer meeting.”
Max wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. “You’re going to survive this, Anna.”
God, I want to believe him.
Something breaks open inside me and a woeful sound tumbles from my throat. Max pulls me into a hug, letting the quiet, dignified tears morph into ugly, shoulder-racking sobs.
And he just holds me tighter.
By the time we make it back to Max and Gemma’s apartment, I’ve calmed down enough that I’m only hiccupping. Max pushes the door open and ushers me inside.
In the living room, the curtains are drawn and the lights are off. It’s pitch black.
“Why is it so dark?” I ask.
Suddenly, the lights flicker on, flooding the room in warm amber light. The automatic curtains draw back with a soft whir. I blink against the brightness, and falter mid-step.
“What the hell is this?” I whip around to glare at Max.
“Anna, welcome! Please, come sit,” Gemma says, waving me forward. She’s holding a clicker and a pointer, and April is standing by a large projector.
I didn’t even know Gemma and Max had a projector.
“This is your intervention,” April announces.
“Oh, sod off.” I turn to leave but Max catches me, his hands firm on my shoulders as he turns me around again.
“Just listen to them, Weasel,” he says in my ear.
“Yeah, I made an entire PowerPoint presentation,” Gemma says, planting both hands on her hips.
“How old are you?” I say, shooting them both daggers.
“Excuse me,” she says, waving her pointer around. “I don’t appreciate this attitude.”
I jam a finger at the large screen. “Well, maybe I don’t want a bloody intervention!”
Jezebel launches herself off the sofa and skitters away.
Gemma points after her. “You see? You’ve scared poor Jezzy off with your shitty attitude.”
“If it helps, I made a cheese platter,” April offers, pumping her brows like that’ll make the situation better.
And damn it. It does help a little.
My gaze flicks to the giant wooden platter dominating the sleek coffee table. Three kinds of cheese are arranged aesthetically, surrounded by pickles, cherry tomatoes, dried fruit, nuts, and a scattering of wafer crackers.
She’s gone all out.
I huff. “Fine.”
I settle onto the sofa, snatching a cracker and a fat wedge of cheese, and slathering it in quince paste before shoving the whole thing in my mouth.
Max scrunches his nose as he watches me.
“Wha?” I mumble around the mouthful. He shakes his head, lips twitching.
“Right, now that we’re all here, I’d like everyone to direct their attention to the screen,” Gemma says, clicking to the first slide.
A photo of Gemma on all fours in black lace flashes across the screen and I nearly choke, spitting cracker and cheese everywhere.
“Oh, shit.” Gemma frantically juggles the remote to click to the next slide. “I didn’t know that was in there.”
“Gemma,” Max warns, dragging a hand down his face.
I turn to April, who clutches her stomach and dissolves into laughter. “Oh my God, I can’t breathe. Oh crap! I think I just peed a little!”
Gemma presses the clicker again; this time a nude pops up. “For fuck’s sake!”
“How many are there?!” Max groans, covering his eyes.
“I don’t know!” she shouts, clicking to a photo of her with a full bush.
I think I might cry again.
“Sweetheart, I think you’ve got the wrong PowerPoint!” Max yells, rushing to the projector and unplugging the laptop.
“I thought I deleted them from this folder!”
“Well, clearly bloody not!” he shouts back.
Finally, the screen goes blank. Gemma lays a hand over her heart, her posture loosening.
She tosses the remote behind her. “Right. Forget the PowerPoint,” she says, squaring her shoulders and staring at me with intent.
“Anna, I’m just going to say it. I think you need to pull your head out of your arse. ”
“That is not what we agreed on!” April whisper-shouts at Gemma.
My mouth falls open. “What the hell, Gemma?”
“Anna, you’re about to throw away something amazing because you’re scared, and we can’t sit here and watch you do it,” she says softly.
My face crumples. “I am not scared.”
“Then why are you pushing Liam away?” April asks, her tone gentle.
I whip around to face Max. “You told them?”
He has the decency to look slightly guilty for coordinating this. “Weasel, just listen to them.”
I face Gemma and April again. “I’m pushing Liam away because he couldn’t control himself!
” My voice rises. “Roger found out about us—that was bad luck, my own carelessness. But Liam chose to hit him. He chose to escalate instead of walking away, like I begged him to. And now my career is hanging in the balance because he couldn’t rein his anger in for five bloody minutes. ”
April moves to sit beside me. “You’re right to be angry about that. That was so wrong of him. But, Anna, I don’t think this is just about the punch.”
“That split-second decision might cost me my career!”
“You’d still be facing questions from your principal if he hadn’t punched Roger,” Max interrupts. “I really believe that Roger would have told the principal regardless. The punch just made it worse, but it didn’t create the problem.”
“The punch made it so much worse!” I explode.
“How, Anna?” Max asks, his voice deadly calm.
The room goes quiet.
When I don’t speak, he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“When you started this with Liam, I warned you this could happen. You were certain you could handle it. But you underestimated the risk of keeping it secret.” He pauses.
“You’re upset the secret got out. And I get that: neither of you were ready.
But, Anna, you’re blaming the punch for your career being at risk.
The punch made things worse, yes. But what’s really got you in trouble is hiding a relationship with a student’s parent.
That’s what the investigation is about.”
I throw my hands up. “Fine. I made my own fair share of mistakes. Is that what you want to hear?”
“I’m not trying to shame you,” Max says gently. “But yes, I’m saying you’re using the punch as an excuse to push Liam away. You’re blaming him for potentially losing your career when you both took the same risk. You’re both at fault.”
I stare at him, my chest tight. “Fine.” Pressure builds behind my eyes. “It was my decision not to tell the school about us. I messed up too.”
Max nods, his eyes kind. “If this was just anger about the punch, I think you’d tell him you’re pissed and work it out. But you told him you don’t trust him. You told him to leave. That’s not anger, Anna. That’s fear.”
“Liam’s at risk of losing just as much as you are,” Gemma adds quietly. “He’s been suspended from playing.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
Gemma nods. “He didn’t get away scot-free after that video leaked. He’s paying for his mistake too.”
“I didn’t know that,” I whisper.
Shit. That’s not good. He only got that contract because he promised he wouldn’t be involved in anything that would tarnish his reputation. I hadn’t stopped to consider how the video would impact him. I was so wrapped up in trying to blame him for my own career problems.
Gemma shrugs. “I think you’d both be better off facing this together instead of you pushing him away. You don’t have to lose Liam and Finn, Anna. Not unless you choose to.”
“I can’t—”
“What are you really afraid of?” April interrupts. “Liam’s not a violent man. He’s punched some people who—in my humble opinion—deserved it. Was it right? No. But he didn’t go on some rampage. He loves you. He’s honest with you. You were finally happy again. So why do you want to push him away?”
The question slices something open and suddenly I’m crying again. I’m sitting with the three people who know me best, the three mirrors I can’t avoid. And I know exactly why I’m pushing Liam away. And maybe Max is right—maybe I am using the punch as an excuse to avoid any risk.
“Mason stole so many years,” I whisper. “I feel like I missed out on so much, and I spent so much time hoping. Waiting for him to say the timing was right and he was ready to start a family. And when he didn’t .
. .” I swipe angrily at the tears. “I broke. And I don’t think I ever really picked up all the pieces. ”
April’s eyes soften. “You lost the future you thought you were going to have. And you don’t want to go through that again.”
Tears blur everything. “I finally felt close to having it all with Liam and Finn. Everything was going so well, so perfectly, it couldn’t possibly last.”
Max leans forward, his elbows to his knees. “Anna, you already lost everything once. When Mason left, what did you have?”
I look at him and my breath catches.
“You lost your marriage,” Max says. “You lost your future. You lost your dream of having children with him. You lost the life you thought you’d have by thirty. Everything you’d built with him was gone. So tell me, what did you have when Mason left?”
“I . . .” My voice is barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.”
Max tilts his head. “Yes, you do,” he presses. “After the divorce, what did you do?”
The memories flood back. “I fell apart.”
“And then?”
“I picked myself up,” I whisper.
“You did more than that,” Max says. “You rebuilt yourself from scratch. You figured out how to be happy again. It took time, but you did it.” He moves to sit beside me, taking my hand in his.
“And you didn’t have ‘nothing’. You had yourself.
Your strength. Your resilience. And you had us.
So, even if the worst does happen and you lose your job, you have more now than you had last time. You also have Liam and Finn.”
Another wave of tears breaks free.
“Anna.” April’s sweet voice cuts through the air. “You’ve already survived if things go ‘wrong’. You know you can get through it. So maybe the real question is: are you brave enough to find out if it goes right?”
It’s like taking a hit straight to the gut. They’re right. I’ve spent so much time being terrified of losing everything that I forgot I’ve already done it. I’ve already lost what mattered most to me and built myself back up again. Which means I can survive again.
I’ve been seeing myself as a failure because my life isn’t picture perfect.
My marriage didn’t work out, but that’s not my fault.
That’s just life. We don’t always get what we want, but it doesn’t mean we have to stop fighting for it.
I think of Liam standing in the pouring rain, waiting for me to let him in so he could beg me not to give up on him.
I think about the way he looked when I told him I didn’t trust him. He looked like I’d destroyed him.
And even if I lose Liam. Even if I lose my job. Even if the worst happens… I’ll still have myself. Maybe I’m stronger than I’ve given myself credit for.
“I love him so much,” I choke out.
“Then give him a chance. Give both of you a chance,” Gemma says. “Do you really think Liam would hurt you deliberately? The way Mason did?”
“No,” I admit. “I don’t think he’d ever hurt me.”
“Then maybe you’ve been afraid of letting yourself believe you can have this. Because every time you’ve believed it before, it’s been taken away,” Gemma says. “But, Anna, no one is taking them away from you.”
“I think I’m strong enough to do this,” I say finally, my voice shaking.
“Of course you are,” Max says, pulling me into a hug.
“After Wednesday,” I say pulling back to look at them. “I’ll ask him to provide the statements Cedric needs. But I’ll speak to him properly after I meet with the board and know where I stand with my job. I just need some time to get my head straight.”
“That’s a great plan,” Gemma says, her lips curling into a smile.
Max offers me his hand again, which I take. “Good for you, Weasel. I’m really proud of you.”
For the first time since Friday, since it felt like my world imploded again, I feel like maybe I can have everything I’ve ever wanted.