6. Raven
RAVEN
The wail of sirens sounds as I watch the ambulance pull up, leaning against the front doorframe of the house. Please don’t let that big, dumb oaf climb out of the vehicle. I groan when Sawyer’s hulking frame emerges. His eyes widen as he rushes over to me.
“Who did this to you?”
Why does he sound like one of my overly dramatic book boyfriends? “You can cool it with the manufactured concern.”
His brow knits, distress etched on his face as he brushes off my barb. He looks around the porch, motioning for me to sit. Reluctantly, I sink into the rocker.
“Can I?” He extends his hands to cup my face, then hesitates, waiting for my response.
Rolling my eyes, I nod. He grips my cheeks, tilts my head back, and shines a flashlight up my nostrils.
As soon as his gloved hand grazes my skin, I have to fight the urge to lean into his touch.
This reaction is new and concerning, but it’s just because his gloves are smooth and there’s no rough skin triggering my sensory issues.
That’s all it is. So why does it make me feel like one of the heroines in my books? I shove down the confusing feeling.
“Where are the kids? Are they okay?”
“They’re in the house. They’re fine.”
“What happened?” His eyes lock with mine, and I’m confused by the angry look on his face.
“Jonah had a meltdown, and none of our normal tricks were working. I was trying to apply deep pressure therapy by hugging him from behind, but he reared back and headbutted me. It helps sometimes, but not this time. And this is the most I’ve ever bled before.
McKenna panicked and called 911. I’m fine. ”
“Is Jonah calm now?”
“Yes. He was on his tablet right before you pulled up.”
“What caused the meltdown?”
“He’s been on edge all morning. He said the sun was too bright and the lights were too loud.”
He crosses his arms as the lines in his forehead deepen.
“Why do you look so angry right now?”
“This is my fault.”
Now I’m confused. “I wasn’t aware you controlled the sun.”
“Hanging those curtains would’ve taken me an hour. The lighting situation is a little more complicated, but LED bulbs could be a quick option. If you didn’t want my help, please tell me you found someone else.”
I tilt my head to look at him, and a wave of dizziness hits me, causing me to sway.
“Blaze! Get your ass over here and bring the stretcher.”
“I’m fine.” I try to wave him off, but my arms are weak.
“There’s a lot of blood on your shirt. I’m gonna take you in to check for a broken nose or possible concussion.”
My attempts to shake my head only make me dizzier. “Kids,” I rasp.
“RJ’s on the way to watch them.”
When the other firefighter wheels the stretcher over, I don’t even fight Sawyer as he helps me onto it.
He eases me into the back of the vehicle and walks off.
Another EMT checks my vitals as I hold my breath waiting for Sawyer to reappear.
Maybe he’s going to ride up front? I stare at the ambulance ceiling as I try to calm my racing heart.
The doors shut, startling me, and when I peer through the window, I see Sawyer’s back as he walks toward the house.
A small pang of disappointment lights up my chest when I realize he’s not getting in the ambulance with me. Fuck, I think I might like him.
I look over at the EMT helping me. He’s got to be in his mid-twenties. There’s no character on his face, no wrinkles in sight when he smiles down at me. “We’re gonna take good care of you, ma’am.”
“Why isn’t the big dumb idiot with the mustache coming with us?”
“Said he was gonna hang back and wait on RJ. Never seen the chief so concerned about a patient before,” the EMT says knowingly.
I look away, unwilling to meet his eyes when the truth in his words has stolen my breath. The blood pressure cuff squeezes my arm, and I focus on the sensation, grinding my teeth.
——————
Two hours later, Bella, Lucy, and Summer are crowded in my tiny ER room. I’ve already answered a barrage of questions, and I sigh as I try to get comfortable on the rock-hard bed.
“Seriously, I’m fine. You can head out.”
“Nope, I know that face,” Summer says.
Bella leans closer to me. “Yeah, your brows are all pinched together. You only do that when you worry.”
“Well, of course I’m worried. My kids are at home with an idiot and a moron.”
They all look at each other and then break into a mixture of squeals and laughter. I cover my ears until I’m sure they’ve quieted.
“What am I missing?”
“You called him a moron,” Lucy says, like it’s obvious.
“And?” I ask, unsure of where she’s going.
“That’s a nickname. You only give out nicknames to people you like,” Summer says.
“I don’t like him. I barely tolerate him,” I say.
Lucy laughs. “You barely tolerated us at first.”
Bella nods. “Some days I’m not sure you’ll ever tolerate me.”
“Well, not with that attitude,” I scoff. I love these women. They’ve always been supportive of me exactly as I am. They’ve been patient with me when I didn’t deserve it. And they’ve never tried to change me, instead making room for me and my kids in their circle.
“Wait, no one asked Raven the most important questions!”
I drag a hand down my face as I prepare myself for the perverted nonsense I know is about to come out of Bella’s mouth.
“Did the firefighter see your boobs? Did he call you a good girl?” Bella asks, practically bouncing off her seat.
They break out into a fit of laughter, and I hold up a hand to stop her before she can launch into her story about the time she met her fiancé Hardy on a 911 call and accidentally flashed him her boob.
“Don’t be ridiculous. He put me in the ambulance and stayed behind.
And now who knows what kind of chaos is ensuing at my house without me. ”
Summer holds up her phone. “I texted RJ. He said they’re hanging curtains in Jonah’s room.”
“That’s… He didn’t have to do that.” Something flutters in my gut at her words. The feeling is foreign, and I rub my stomach, hoping it’ll pass quickly.
“RJ said he asked Sawyer to help you with the renovation. And you’ve been ghosting Sawyer.”
“It’s been three days. I’d hardly call that ghosting.”
“This is the peak season for contractors,” Summer says. “Everyone’s trying to get work done to their rentals before the skiing season starts. If you have someone willing to do the work when everyone else is booked, why wouldn’t you jump on that?”
“Because he told me he liked me.” I have no clue why I’m admitting this, but it feels like something they’d want to know.
Three sets of eyes turn in my direction, and then they speak in rapid succession.
“Do you like him too?” Lucy asks.
“You should hump him,” Bella says.
“That’s so romantic,” Summer squeals, then looks at Bella. “Not the humping part.”
I look down at my lap as I pick at my nails.
“My feelings are irrelevant. I need to hire someone to do a job for me. He told me he likes me. That complicates things, and my life is complicated enough. I feel like I’m drowning.
Jonah is having more meltdowns, and poor McKenna is getting overshadowed because of it.
This was so much easier when I had Kris. ”
Summer clears her throat, getting my attention.
When she smiles encouragingly, it gives me the strength to continue.
She knows the truth about Kris. “I haven’t been completely honest with you all.
” They look at me expectantly, not a hint of judgment on their faces.
These women are the most supportive friends I could ever ask for.
That’s what makes this so difficult. Letting people in is hard for me, and even though we’re close, I still hide pieces of myself from them.
Kris was the only one I let all the way in, and losing him hurt more than anything I’ve experienced.
I’m not sure I could handle it if I lost one of these women.
So I hold back, keeping things to myself, because if I let someone all the way in and they leave, I don’t think I could recover again.
If I’m going to let these women in and accept their help—which I clearly need after today—they deserve to know this part of me.
“Kris was gay. His grandmother planned to write him out of her will if he didn’t get married and have kids.
He fought it for a while in his twenties, but as he got older, he realized that he didn’t want to lose his family and he wanted to settle down.
I suggested we get married so he could get his inheritance. ”
Lucy’s mouth hangs open. “Oh my God. All those years. We never knew,” she breathes.
“You weren’t supposed to, not if we wanted to convince his family.
And he honestly was one of my closest friends aside from you all.
The plan was that we’d stay married, I’d have his kids, we’d divorce, and I’d give him custody.
But once McKenna was born, my emotions got involved.
We made a new pact to stay together to raise the kids unless one of us fell for someone else. ”
Bella holds my gaze. “But then he had the heart attack?”
I nod as emotion clogs my throat. “It was hard enough with Jonah’s meltdowns before he died.
Kris was so calm and patient with him. I’m calm until he hits one of my triggers.
No one tells you how hard it is to parent your flaws that manifest in your kid.
He can’t regulate his emotions just like I couldn’t.
It took me years to get to a place to be able to do that, and I still feel ill-equipped to be able to help someone else. ”
“Sweetie, you’ve been doing that for us for years,” Summer says gently.
Lucy nods. “You have. You’re always so level-headed. It’s refreshing when we’ve all had our fair share of messes.”
Something warms in my heart at the way they see me.
“You know what? I’m kinda pissed off,” Bella says.
Lucy and Summer stare at her in shock before she continues.
“Not at you. You have every right to have whatever secrets you want. And it sounds like you’ve been silently struggling with so much since Kris died.
Juggling two kids, a job, and all of our friendships and emotional health. That’s a lot, Raven. You’re amazing.”
“So why are you pissed?”
“Because I had no idea. I was so wrapped up in my issues that I never noticed, and I’m mad at myself for being a bad friend,” Bella says as Lucy and Summer mumble similar sentiments.
“Bella, I love you and your big heart, but your squirrel brain isn’t to blame here. I get that it’s out of sight and out of mind for you, but I didn’t want to make a louder fuss about what I was going through.”
“We know you’re pretty private and we’d never want you to feel pressured to share anything with us if you’re not comfortable,” Summer says.
I eye her suspiciously, noting the way her eyes dart between Bella and Lucy. “What’s going on? I feel like there’s a but coming.”
“But we think you should accept Sawyer’s help. He can help with the house, and he’s a special needs dad, so he gets it,” Lucy adds.
She’s right, but it doesn’t make the prospect any less terrifying.
“Is that all you want to tell us?” Summer asks.
“Isn’t that enough?”
Her brows pinch, and my hackles rise. I’m not about to share any other secrets with them today, especially when I’m not sure they’d be pleased to know I’ve been lying to them for years.