11. Raven
RAVEN
Ispend way too long glancing at Sawyer out of my periphery as I attempt to write. His thick legs are distracting. And my God, his ass is obscene. It’s so round it makes the boxers he’s wearing appear snugger than they should be. Which only calls more attention to his sizable bulge.
Why am I thinking about his bulge? The only bulge I should be concerned with is Wyatt Walker, my current MMC.
My phone lights up on my desk, and I sigh, thankful for the distraction.
Lucy: Ladies! Just a reminder that the next PTO meeting is Thursday in my classroom.
Summer: How’d you get stuck with that?
Bella: Did Little Miss PTO President corner you?
Lucy: Haha no, Amber did not. I volunteered. I figured if I did, I’d be off the hook for all the other shit later in the year.
Me: Smart.
Lucy: We’ll be talking about the fall party.
Me: Please tell me you’re not planning a haunted house. Those are so lame.
Lucy: No. I’ve got too much going on for all that. It’ll probably just be a trunk or treat. Each grade can decorate a table and have an activity.
Summer: Do you need us to bring snacks?
Bella: I’ll bring cookies!
Summer: You don’t have to do that.
Lucy: Cookies or cockies?
Bella’s known for making phallic-shaped cookies she calls cockies and decorates for every holiday. They’re hilariously creative, wildly inappropriate, and make up seventy-five percent of her personality.
Bella: How many times have we gone over this? I’m not giving them to children.
Me: I don’t mind them. Jonah found the last batch you gave me. He had questions.
Lucy: I can only imagine!
Bella: I’m SO sorry!
Me: Really, it’s okay. He asked why they were shaped like his penis, and we had a whole conversation about body parts that laid the groundwork for the puberty talk later. So thank you.
Bella: Aww, I love that! Way to make it a teachable moment!
Me: Now I need to figure out how to talk to McKenna about periods. She’s always been a little more guarded about that kind of talk. And before you suggest it, Bella, I don’t need a cookie for that.
Bella: What about a muffin?
Summer: I can help with the period talk. I’ve already had one with Lana, and Sophie was a huge help too.
Bella: No, I know…a CUPCAKE!
Summer: Why a cupcake?
Bella: I can decorate the top to look like a vagina! Or is it a vulva?
Me: The vulva is the outside part; the vagina is the inside.
Bella: Then I can use a pearl sprinkle for the clit! And little brown ones for hair. I could make it look so realistic!
Me: You aren’t giving my daughter a clit cake.
Bella: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lucy: That’s actually the perfect name for them.
Bella: Raven, you’re a genius!
Me: I’m not trying to name your perverted pastries. How did we get here? I fear we’ve lost the plot.
Lucy: We were talking about snacks for the PTO meeting. Bella suggested cookies, which turned into a discussion on cockies and how you used them for the birds and the bees talk, and then Bella suggested making something for McKenna’s puberty talk.
Summer: The kids throw period parties now. They make a whole thing out of it. Everyone wears red, and they invite some unsuspecting boys and don’t tell them what it is. Sophie told me about it.
Me: Okay, I fucking love that.
Bella: So that’s a no on the clit cakes?
Me: Hell no.
Bella: So Jonah gets a themed treat with his puberty talk, and McKenna gets nothing? Where’s all your “fuck the patriarchy” energy?
Me: Oh, it’s here. It’s just not McKenna’s thing. She doesn’t like people to make a fuss about her. It’s probably because she’s so used to always taking a back seat to Jonah’s issues.
Summer: Then we should absolutely make it a big deal! Maybe not with clit cakes, but we could still have cupcakes. It’s hard having a sibling with special needs. Lana and Lucas go through it with Logan’s T1D and egg allergy.
Me: She’s also friends with Sawyer’s daughter, Jane. And Jane’s little brother has ADHD. Seems like she has a few friends that understand her struggle.
Lucy: Aww, I love that. Build that girl gang early. I don’t know what I would’ve done without all of you!
Summer: OMG I forgot Sawyer is Jane’s dad! I’ve always dealt with her mom, Jocelyn, and she’s… a character.
Me: Not to derail this train, but I might be regretting my prank on Sawyer.
Summer: You went through with it?
Me: I did, and he got pee on his pants. He’s now working in his boxers while his pants are washing.
Bella: Do you need ideas for more pranks?
Me: No. I need to focus on work, getting this house fixed up, and then decide what to do with it once we can move back into the other one. Also, Jonah’s IEP meeting is coming up. It’s almost the anniversary of Kris’s death. And I need to figure out what we’re doing for McKenna’s birthday party.
Lucy: Raven, that’s a lot. How can we help?
Summer: And your fortieth birthday!
Me: Don’t remind me.
Bella: We should throw a party! I’ll be in charge of food!
Me: No.
Lucy:
Summer: Can we at least help with McKenna’s birthday party? Lana will want to help plan!
Me: Maybe, but there better not be any dicks there! Or clit cakes.
Lucy: And you know Raven means business if she’s using a !
Me: !!!
I set my phone down and crack my knuckles, determined to get back to work.
While the thought of letting them plan McKenna’s party gives me anxiety, I can’t deny the weight that’s been lifted at the thought.
I know I can depend on my friends, but it’s still hard for me to let go of things.
After Kris died, it was important to establish new routines for myself and the kids if we were ever going to function.
But grief has a way of fucking with all your carefully constructed plans, and more often than not, I had to rely on my friends to get through the day.
Whether it was a warm meal, a perfectly timed playdate, or another hand to help out, they pulled me through the darkest time of my life.
Now that my life is in upheaval again, maybe I can let them ease that burden.
But I don’t know about Sawyer. In my experience, men don’t stick around when it matters most. And I’m sure Sawyer is no different.
I’m something new and shiny that he’s desperate to catch.
But give it time, and the novelty will wear off.
And then I’ll be left here cleaning up the mess in his wake, because it’s not just me that I have to worry about.
The dryer buzzes, and I look up long enough to watch Sawyer head in that direction. He really does have a great ass. No, Raven. Focus.
Wyatt strolled back into the room, all six foot five of him.
His body looked like it was chiseled by Michelangelo himself, and I wanted to study every inch of the specimen he was.
My eyes traveled down his form as he stalked closer, his movements precise, deliberate, undeniably sexy.
He was the one man I shouldn’t want. But damn if I didn’t want him in the worst way.
A crashing noise startles me, and when I look up, Sawyer is hopping on one foot, trying to pull his pants on. There’s something oddly hypnotizing about the way his soft parts jiggle with the movement, even if he does look like a drunk panda trying to get dressed.
“Are you almost done?”
He zips his pants and strides toward me. When he approaches my desk, he leans on the edge, flexing his stupidly attractive forearms. “My eyes are up here, Raven.”
Before I can respond, the front door crashes open.
“Moooom! Tommy rode the bus home with me!” Jonah yells as he runs into the house, leaving a trail of shoes, clothing, and a backpack behind him.
“Dad!” Tommy says as he runs over to Sawyer.
“Hey, buddy,” Sawyer says, scooping him up.
The sight of this big, burly man holding a small child shouldn’t have this kind of effect on me. I’m normally immune to things that tug on heartstrings.
Moments later, Jane and McKenna walk in. “Can we go play in my room?” McKenna asks as Jane hugs her dad.
“Yeah, but no snacks up there.”
“Okay!” the girls call as they drop their bags and disappear upstairs.
“Can I help you with your stuff?” Tommy asks as Sawyer sets him down.
“I wanna help too, but I need some water first because my dingleberry itches,” Jonah says.
Sawyer glances over at me, and I can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “What itches?”
“My dingleberry.” Jonah opens his mouth wide and sticks his hand in, talking around it as he points to the back of his throat. “This itches. My dingleberry.”
Sawyer looks at the ceiling, and I can tell he’s about to lose it, so I step in. “The word you’re looking for is uvula. A dingleberry is a little piece of poop that gets stuck in the hair around your butthole.”
Jonah’s head swivels to mine, his wide-eyed look of shock comical.
“Wait. There’s hair around your butthole?”
“There will be when you get older. It’s part of puberty. You’ll grow hair everywhere.”
Sawyer’s eyes nervously bounce between me and Jonah.
The fact that he’s not cracking a joke shocks me.
He looks like he wants to say something, but I don’t let him.
“There’s no shame in talking about body parts.
Puberty is normal, and everyone goes through it.
And I’d rather my kid learn the proper names for things and slang words from me than the idiots in his class. ”
“I didn’t say anything, and I’ve never thought about it like that, but you’re right,” Sawyer says.
“Is that why Sawyer has a mustache? Because of pubes? Is that his poo-berry mustache? His pube-y ’stache? Pube ’stache?”
“Puberty,” I correct. “Pubes are the hairs that grow on your privates during puberty. They’re called pubic hairs because they grow in your pubic area.”
“Pubic hairs,” Jonah repeats.
Tommy laughs. “That’s a funny word.”
“It is. And they’re words that stay at home and don’t come out at school,” I say.
Jonah nods. “Like shit.”
I sigh. “Yes. We don’t say shit at school. And honestly, I’d prefer you not use it at home.”
“But you say it.”