11. Raven #2
“It’s a grown-up word,” Sawyer adds. “Some words are for grown-ups because they’re tricky to know how to use in the right place with the right people.”
“That makes sense,” Jonah says as I mouth a “thank you” to Sawyer.
“Go get your water, and then I need your help with this,” Sawyer says to the boys, then turns to me and adds, “I got this. Why don’t you write in your bedroom? I can keep the boys occupied.”
I eye him up and down. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I’ve got them. They’re gonna be my helpers.”
Reluctantly, I relent and head upstairs with my laptop. I pass by McKenna’s room and pause when her words stop me.
“Jonah gets all the attention, and I get it. He has special needs.”
“Tommy does too because he has ADHD,” Jane says.
I press my ear against the door, trying to listen to their conversation as mom guilt slams me hard. I knew she felt this way, but it’s hard hearing her talk to someone else about it.
“Yeah, Jonah has autism, and he has meltdowns. A lot.”
“Are they scary?”
“Sometimes,” McKenna says.
Tears well in my eyes at her words. I hold my breath, hoping they don’t hear me. I need to make more of an effort to make her feel special, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. Why does all of this have to fall on me?
“So does Tommy sometimes. But my dad says that Tommy has different needs than me, and just because his emotions may come out louder than mine doesn’t mean they’re more important.”
“My dad used to say something like that too, but then he died.”
A K-pop song drowns out their voices. I pull back from the door and clutch my chest with my free hand as I try to slow my heart rate.
How am I failing both of my kids? How do I fix this?
Why does it feel like my entire life is crashing around me?
I take a few steps toward my room before I sink onto the floor, my heart racing as the room spins.
My laptop lands on the wood floor in a clatter.
Large footsteps pound up the steps, followed by smaller ones.
“False alarm, fellas. Why don’t you head back downstairs and start opening those flooring boxes? I need you to line all the pieces up.”
“Like a puzzle?” Tommy asks.
“Is Mom okay?” Jonah’s voice sounds distant as I press my head into my knees to try and calm the rush of blood in my ears.
“I’ll be down shortly. Your mom needs a minute,” Sawyer says.
Sawyer’s knees crack as he squats in front of me, and when I open my eyes, his bright blue ones peer back at me with so much concern. “How can I help?”
For once, I don’t have the energy to fight him. “My room.”
“You need help to your room?”
I nod.
He stands, bending over and picking me up. I’m shocked at how easily he’s able to lift me. I’m not a small woman.
“Sorry, I know you don’t like to be touched,” he says as he maneuvers us down the hall.
“Tighter,” I rasp, surprising myself.
His arms squeeze me, pulling me closer, and his scent fills my nostrils, calming me. There are woodsy notes, something musky, and a hint of smoke.
“Laptop,” I say, remembering I left it on the floor.
“I’ll grab it,” he assures me. He leans into the door, pushing it open with his shoulder. The curtains are drawn, and the room is fairly dark for midafternoon as he carries me to the bed.
Something brushes my arm, and I flinch. Then Sawyer twitches, a high-pitched scream erupting from his throat. I’m dropped onto the bed as Sawyer wildly swings his arms.
“Spiders! It feels like spiders. Am I covered in spiders? Ahhhh!”
I break into laughter, rolling onto my side on the bed. He sounds terrified, and I applaud him for committing to the bit, convinced this is another one of his pranks. I lean over and turn on the lamp on the nightstand.
He’s slapping his face and arms, and I cannot stop laughing at how ridiculous he looks. “I think there’s one in your pube ’stache.”
“I thought you said no more pranks,” he says, stepping back from the bed and looking up. He tugs on something, and several clear threads fall from the ceiling.
“I didn’t do that.”
“Fishing line,” he says, thrusting it toward me.
“No clue where that came from. I don’t even fish.”
He bends over, clutching his knees as he gulps in air. I lean forward. I should be annoyed that he’s continuing the pranks, but he looks so freaked out. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just gimme a minute.” He takes a deep breath. “I hate spiders.”
“Good to know.”
“I don’t like the way you said that. Do not note that for future pranks.”
A crooked smile lights up my face. “Duly noted.”
Jonah and Tommy come running into the room. “We heard Mom screaming,” Jonah says.
I laugh. “That wasn’t me.”
Sawyer scrubs a hand down his face. “It was me.”
“But it sounded like Mom,” Jonah says.
“Dad, can we stay for dinner?” Tommy asks.
Sawyer’s eyes search mine. I should put a stop to this. Spending more time with him will only give him the wrong idea. “We should be heading home. Don’t want to wear out our welcome.”
“You have to stay,” Jonah begs, then turns to me. “I want them to stay. Can they?”
If I try to fight this, it could end in a meltdown, so I nod. Even though I had nothing to do with it, I feel a twinge of empathy for Sawyer’s spider spasm.
He lowers his voice. “Are you sure? I know this wasn’t part of the plan.”
My heart squeezes at the way he remembers my words. “I’m sure. I’ll order some pizza.”
“You’re never gonna get rid of us now.” Sawyer smiles.
——————
Once the pizza arrives, the kids crowd around the table while Sawyer and I hover over the kitchen island.
Tommy is constantly out of his seat, talking a mile a minute as Jonah rocks in his chair.
McKenna is talking animatedly to Jane as she gushes about a bunch of demon hunters.
I glance at Sawyer as he happily watches the kids, shoving another slice of pepperoni in his mouth.
The whole scene is oddly domestic, and I’m struck with a sudden wave of grief, followed by a wave of happiness. It feels like Kris is giving me a warm hug from beyond the grave when suddenly the lights go out.
Jane and McKenna scream as the boys break into laughter. Sawyer pulls out his phone, turning on the flashlight.
“Was this you?” I ask.
“No.”
I give him an incredulous look.
“Something probably tripped the breaker. I’ll go check it out.”
“Can I help?” Jonah asks.
“Me too!” Tommy says.
“Sure thing, fellas, hold on.” He looks at me. “Flashlights?”
“Under the sink.”
He lumbers off, returning seconds later with a flashlight. When he hands it to me, his fingers brush mine. I suck in a breath, trying to ignore the rush of tingles racing through my body. “I’m here now. I’ve got this. I’ll happily fight your demons, gorgeous.”
There’s something familiar in his words, but I can’t place it as his eyes bore into mine like he could see into my soul in the dim light. “What?” Why is my voice so breathy?
“It’s probably the ghosts. I told ya we’d anger them with the demo.”
“Moron.”
“There she is.” He turns, breaking the spell as he motions for the boys to follow him. “C’mon, you two. I need some helpers to get these lights working again.”