15. Raven #2
Before I can respond, he’s on the porch, unlocking the door and sneaking into the house. After I climb into his truck, I stare at the house in nervous anticipation, worried about him. There was definitely a person in that window. Not a ghost.
My knee bounces as I try to calm my breathing. He’s been in there for a while now. A crow caws nearby, landing on the mirror next to me. His head cocks to the side, and his beady little eyes stare at me as if trying to figure out if I’m a friend or foe.
A loud noise startles us both, and the crow flies off as I look over at the driver’s side window to see Sawyer holding a Michael Myers mask as he knocks on the window.
“Shit, you scared me.”
He opens the door and climbs in, tossing me the mask. “I found that on the floor by the window.” Sawyer’s still talking, but I can’t make out any of his words as a loud ringing pierces my ears. I don’t own a mask like that. Where did it come from? Was someone in my house?
My vision tunnels, and I wrap my arms around myself, trying to calm the rising panic attack.
Sawyer calls my name several times, but I have trouble focusing.
Warm arms wrap around me, and he pulls me across the bench seat and into his arms. The instant the masculine, woodsy smell of his skin hits my nose, the ringing in my ears lessens.
He scoots closer to me, as if reading my mind, and I climb into his lap, straddling him as I cling to his shoulders and bury my face in his neck.
“Hey, hey, hey. You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you. I’m here.” He soothes a hand up and down my spine. “Shhh. I need you to take a deep breath in through your nose and hold it.”
Nodding against his neck, I inhale.
“Now, exhale slowly through your mouth. Okay?”
I purse my lips and release a slow breath. Sawyer shudders underneath me, shifting in the seat as he bands his arm tighter around my waist, while the other makes slow strokes up and down.
“Oh fuck… that’s…” he groans before composing himself. “That’s perfect. You’re doing so good for me. I can feel you calming down. One more time.”
Pinching my eyes shut, I focus on the way he feels under me as I shakily inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth.
“Good girl. So good for me. Keep breathing like that.”
The hand stroking my back glides up to my shoulder, and he pulls me closer in a tight hug. How did he know I needed to be touched right now? How did he know that touch is the only thing that calms my panic attacks? Only Kris knew that.
Once I get my breathing under control, I pull back and examine his face. He reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and it takes everything in me not to lean into his touch.
“I love this strand of white hair. It’s really striking against the black.”
“I’ve had it all my life. Kids teased me all the time back in school.” The urge to break eye contact is strong, and I drop my head, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
He crooks a finger under my chin, forcing my head back up. “It suits you.”
Every thought in my brain quiets as his eyes dip to my lips.
“Did you call me a good girl?” I blurt to break the silence.
“I dunno, did I?”
“You did.”
“How do you feel now? Better?”
It’s a bit before I answer as I take a moment to inhale and exhale again. I’m flooded with relief. “I do. How did you know to do that?”
“I know what a panic attack looks like. I’m a first responder.”
“But I told you I don’t like touch.”
“You did, and I’m sorry. But I saw the way you hugged yourself just now.
You’ve done it a lot over the past few weeks, wrapping your arms around yourself when you get overwhelmed.
At first I thought it was a nervous tic, but then I realized you were self-regulating.
You said you hug Jonah like that when he’s having a meltdown too. ”
“You noticed that?”
“Raven, I notice everything about you.” His hand cups my cheek, the slow drag of his fingers across my skin lighting up every nerve ending in its path.
“Like how my touch affects you. Your mouth drops open slightly, and your pupils dilate. When I touch you, I can see the physical reaction and the emotional one you try to hide.”
“I think I’m done hiding,” I admit, my voice soft.
“Oh thank fuck, because I’ve been dying to kiss you since the moment I met you. Can I?”
“Yes.” I barely finish the word before Sawyer pulls my face to his and presses his lips against mine. It’s soft at first, like a gentle caress. Each press is intentional, and when he pulls back, he drags his lips lightly across mine.
The air around us is charged, and my body is buzzing as he continues exploring my lips. His hand slides from my cheek to grip my neck, and he tilts my head slightly as he deepens the kiss.
When he captures my lower lip in his, he sucks on it lightly.
A soft moan escapes my throat, and he groans in response.
Then he licks along my lips, slowly adding his tongue into the tango like a dance that’s been choreographed and rehearsed, except we’ve never done this before.
The way his tongue tangles with mine has warmth pooling in my core.
No kiss has ever had this effect on me. No man has ever kissed me like this.
It’s better than anything I’ve ever written, better than I could have imagined.
Like he knows exactly how to kiss me, how to touch me.
I lose all sense of time as I grip his neck, threading my fingers into his hair. This isn’t like me. My aversion to touch should prevent this, but I can’t get this man close enough. My body physically aches in the places he’s not touching, like it’s screaming out, begging for his attention.
“Wow,” he rasps as he breaks the kiss, pulling back slightly to examine my eyes.
“Yeah.” My head races with thoughts as he leans back in and places a gentle kiss on my lips. Instantly, the voices in my head quiet.
“I knew kissing you would be the best decision I ever made. I just didn’t know it would feel that good. Fuck.”
Something flutters in my chest knowing he feels the same way I do, but I have trouble getting the words to form in my mouth as I stare into his eyes, blinking at him.
“Say something, please,” he says.
“I think your phone is poking me.”
“You can ignore that. My dick got excited that a pretty girl sat in my lap.”
I drop my head to his shoulder, trying to hide the laugh his words elicit.
“Fuck, you’re gonna get me to full mast if you keep laughing at my jokes.”
“We need to get going if we’re going to make it back before the kids.” I push off his lap and slide into the passenger seat, buckling my seat belt.
He blows out a deep breath. “I know you’re right.”
I look down at the floorboard, kicking the mask. Should I ask him about it? Will that start a fight?
Sawyer must notice my shift in attention. “I don’t think there was anyone in there since I found a safety pin still in the curtain. I swear it wasn’t me. But I’m not ruling out the possibility of someone being in the house. I’ll have the guys come out and check things out while we’re gone.”
“Okay,” I say, not wanting to start a fight.
He put the mask on the curtain as another prank.
Right? He has so many good qualities. Surely I can overlook this one.
Maybe this is his way of wooing me? With ghostly pranks.
Besides, he’s a really good kisser. I rub my finger along my lip as if I could still taste him when something hits me.
I pull out my phone. I need to get it over with, so I open my text thread with Bella.
I owe you an apology.
You’re already forgiven.
For what though?
I’m going to tell you something and I need you to not freak out.
Okayyyyyyy
You were right about good girl being hot.
MA’AM
I need more details than that!
DID YOU HUMP THE HOT FIREFIGHTER?
Jesus. No.
Color me confused.
I had a panic attack.
Shit. Are you okay?
Yes. Sawyer was there to calm me down.
He good girled you during your panic attack, didn’t he?
Yes.
Don’t make me regret telling you this.
SQUEEEEEEEEE!
You’re at a 10, Bella.
I need you at a 2.
But this is huge!
Okay, at a 3.
I’m totally cool.
Absolutely Chill.
[Gif of Winifred Sanderson saying, “I am calm!”]
Welcome to the dark side, friend.
Or the smut side?
Either way, I hope you get all the good girls, atta girls, that’s my girl, etc.
And if you don’t ride that man’s mustache, I will riot!
I can’t convince Hardy to grow his out.
“Everything okay over there? You’re huffing a lot. I can’t figure out if those are laughs or annoyance,” Sawyer says, breaking the silence.
“Maybe a little bit of both,” I admit.
“Care to elaborate?”
“I was texting Bella that she was right about something, and she’s gloating. And going off on tangents. She does that a lot. It’s one of the things I love about her, though, how unfiltered she is. She’s not afraid to be herself.”
“Neither are you.”
There’s so much warmth in his tone that I turn to look over at him. His left arm is propped up on the steering wheel while his right rubs his thigh. He looks nervous about something.
He reaches over and places his hand on my thigh. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah.”
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he releases my thigh to dig for it. Immediately, I miss his touch, but I don’t have time to process that feeling as I watch him struggle with his pocket.
“Here, let me,” I offer, as I reach over and pull out his phone.
He glances down at the screen as I hold it out for him. “That’s Jocelyn. Will you answer it on speaker? This old truck doesn’t have Bluetooth.”
I tap the screen, holding it out for him.
“Hey, Joss.”
An annoyed voice emanates from the speaker. “What took you so long to answer?”
“Sorry, I was driving and had trouble digging my phone out of my pocket.”
“Jane just called and said she didn’t have her science project. You were supposed to help her finish it. It’s due today.”
“Shit. I totally forgot.”
“If you actually read your text messages, you would’ve seen my reminders about it.”
I can’t help the scowl on my face at the way this woman is talking to him.