Chapter Nine
Atterbury House
Grosvenor Square
Mayfair, London
A pounding on her bedroom door woke Diana the next morning. With a yawn, she opened her eyes. Soft illumination lay behind the closed drapes, and when she glanced at the carriage-style clock on her bedside table, she groaned, for it was a tick past the hour of nine.
She frowned and hoped whoever was on the other side of the door would go away.
With a sigh, she flopped back against her pillows, for she’d arrived home last night around two in the morning.
Why? Because she’d drifted off to sleep on the viscount’s sofa.
They’d awoken at one, where he then had the cheeky idea to manipulate her body with his fingers and mouth until she’d fallen over the edge one more time.
He’d laughed when she said she wanted to melt into the leather of the sofa.
But it had been true. How the man knew where to touch her so that she’d separate herself from reality, she had no idea, but she had no complaints with his performance. After that, they’d dressed and he’d driven her home in the rain.
When the pounding on her door intensified, she uttered a huff, pushed herself upward against her pillows, and pulled the bedclothes to her chin. “Come in.”
As soon as the door swung inward, her brother pushed into her room. “Diana.”
“William?” She gasped, for she suspected she knew why he was there, and her chest tightened. “Is it Papa?”
“I’m afraid so.” As he spoke, he came closer to her bed. “He passed peacefully in his sleep about an hour ago, according to Mama. She was by his side until the last. When I awoke this morning, she told me.”
“Oh.” A twinge of guilt went through her as her stomach dropped. “I should have been there. Even though I’d seen him yesterday afternoon, I shouldn’t have gone to the ball last night…”
“Hush, Sis. You can’t think like that.” William sat on the side of her bed. “I went to the ball as well, remember.”
Honestly, she’d forgotten, for being with Nathaniel had made her forget… everything.
He continued. “Papa had been in a bad state for a while. We all knew it, and we all spent the time with him, but there was nothing wrong with living our lives while it was happening.”
“Thank you for that.” Still, an ache set up around her heart. “Did Meredith arrive yet?”
“She did.” William nodded as he looked at her with compassion in his eyes. “Late last night, so she was able to say her goodbyes to Papa. So did her children. They came over straightaway after settling into her husband’s townhouse.”
A modicum of relief went down Diana’s spine. “That’s good. I’d hoped my children would have been here as well, but perhaps the road conditions are ragged from the rain.”
“I know.” He touched her hand, and she appreciated that bit of humanity and connection. “No doubt they’ll come today. Mama will appreciate that. And it will be lovely having the whole family gathered. Papa would have been pleased.”
Slowly, she nodded. Perhaps she should have summoned the children earlier, but there was no point in berating herself. “What happens now?”
“There will be a funeral, of course, that will need planning. Papa wanted to be buried on the Surrey property where his parents are at their final rest.”
“That makes sense. Are we all going out there?”
“Not if it continues to rain. I thought I’d take Papa out there myself, with Mama if she wants to say her final goodbyes. It’s my right as his son and now as the new earl.” His expression turned somber. “Perhaps I’ll ask Nathaniel to come out with me.”
“Oh?” The sound of the viscount’s name sent a few flutters in her lower belly. “Why is that?” Would he know she’d been with the man for the past few days?
“He’s my best friend. I realize that I need him in this moment.” His voice broke. “He’s a good sort, you know?”
She was beginning to see that for herself. “He must be if you wanted Meredith to marry him instead of the man she’s been in love with forever.”
“Don’t remind me.” At least he appeared chagrined. “It was a hope, nothing more, to have him as a brother.”
How interesting. “Then you think highly of him as a friend?”
“Well, he’s a good man. Can’t keep his prick in his breeches, but some men don’t have the capabilities to remain true to one woman.”
That didn’t bode well for the future, did it? “Then you think he would be a terrible husband?”
“I didn’t say that, exactly.” William frowned as he met her gaze.
Did he suspect anything? “Nate is the type of man that when he falls for a woman, he falls wholeheartedly—lock, stock, and barrel. However, I’ve yet to see him meet a woman who captivates him on all levels, so that he would consider changing his current lifestyle. ”
Of course, William didn’t know everything. Still, heat went through her cheeks. “It might happen. Hasn’t he already indicated an interest in marrying?”
“He has, so it might.” His shrug only lifted one shoulder. “Regardless, I’ll keep you informed of plans as Mama and I make them.”
“Thank you.” She felt far too numb just now and couldn’t summon tears.
As he stood, her brother turned and stared at her. “By the by, where were you during the later part of the ball?”
Oh, dear. Her pulse kicked up. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t see you after a while, and I wanted to introduce you to a man who might be good for you for a second husband.”
Icy fingers played her spine. Yes, she’d returned to society for that exact purpose, but now that she’d agreed to an affair with Nathaniel, did she want to curtail what had barely gotten started to secure her future?
“Oh, I was talking to friends in the corridors, and then I found myself fatigued, for I’d forgotten how strenuous being in society is.
Lord Holdcraft came by and offered to take me home so I wouldn’t need to wait for you or interrupt your enjoyment. ”
“Ah.” Slowly, he nodded as an expression of puzzlement crossed his face.
Could he see through the lie? Would he continue to question her?
“That makes sense. I’ll send a note ’round to Nathaniel and let him know about Papa.
He’ll probably wish to call on both Mama and you.
” Then his gaze alighted on the floral bouquet she’d brought into her room and put on the dresser.
“Do you have a suitor you’re keeping from me? ”
Another round of heat went through her cheeks. “I do not. Just hopeful young pups. You know how they are with gifts.”
“Right.” He nodded, and relief coursed down her spine. “Come have dinner with Mama and the family tonight. She’ll need us all around her now more than ever.”
“I promise that I will.” And eventually, she’d need time to grieve for herself.
*
True to form, and just as William had foretold, Nathaniel came to call later that afternoon. He brought another bouquet, this one of more demure blooms in whites, lavender, baby pinks, and she received him in the drawing room.
“I appreciate your intent to call. I’m still shocked by the news,” Diana said as she brought the bouquet to her nose. The soft floral scent oddly brought her comfort.
“How could I not? I just came from William’s house.” Sadness clouded his eyes as he met her gaze. “You have my condolences regarding your father.”
“Thank you.” Carefully, she set the flowers on an ivory-inlaid occasional table as early stages of grief fluttered around her heart. “Life is going to look so different now.”
He nodded. “William asked me to accompany him to Surrey when he’s ready to bury your father.”
“He said he would ask. Will you go?” Suddenly, the thought of him being gone caused hot panic to rise in her chest. Surely, she hadn’t grown into one of those women to grow too dependent on a man.
“That depends.”
She frowned. “On what?”
“Will you go also?” The tiny bit of hope on his face was adorable.
“Willaim said I shouldn’t, said the rain will rut the roads.
No doubt he doesn’t wish for all of us to endure such a trip.
” For the space of a few heartbeats, she remained quiet.
“However, I would imagine if the weather is clear for the days taken with planning, there will be a procession from London to Surrey. Papa was well known and well loved. Then I will go.”
“Fair enough.” As Nathaniel nodded, a frown tugged at the corners of his sensual mouth. “I don’t know his timeline for such things. When my parents died, I remember laying them to rest quietly and without fanfare in the same year, but it took a toll on my psyche.”
“Death is always lurking.” She pressed her lips together.
“I’d imagine William will have Papa laid out in the parlor for mourners for a couple of days after the undertaker does his job.
We’ll all have to dye dresses and gowns, and then within the week, everyone will remove to Surrey for the burial.
Papa never wished to make a fuss in life, so I don’t guess his death will be any different.
The funeral service will be short. Since it’s private on his estate, I’ll attend if I feel up to it. ”
“Your father was a lovely man, someone I aspired to be had I gone down the same path as him. Much different from my own father.”
When a pained expression crossed his face, concern for him grew inside her. “What else is troubling you?”
“Honestly, I’d rather not be parted from you when we’ve only just started our affair.”
The fact he didn’t shy away from that truth impressed her. And her traitorous heart skipped a beat. “Surrey isn’t far from London. At best, we’ll be parted for a week or two, and if I do come to the country, some of that time can be spent together.”
Though his face brightened, he heaved a sigh. “With far too many people about.”
Despite the subject matter, she chuckled.
“I know.” Even now, when sadness battered her insides, her body reacted to having him so close.
“All will be well, and if you as a gentleman, can’t make room for what happens in life, if you think that the act of living inconveniences your selfish intentions, then you aren’t the man I thought you were. ”
Did that mean she was coming to care for him more than she should?
“I am only feeling selfish because I’ve just realized what a wonderful person you are.” Yet he nodded and held her gaze. “I should go. I told William I’d help with any preparations he needs, and though he might not show it, he’ll break, and soon.”
“He will, but I think he’s the strongest of us all at times.” A lump of tears lodged in her throat. “Regardless, you are a good man, Nathaniel. Never think you’re not or that you’re less than others, somehow.”
He nodded. “Thank you.”
“Will you come to dinner at William’s? Mama would appreciate seeing you, I think, and spending time with you.”
“I will.”
“My children should arrive today, hopefully. Would you like to meet them?” It was an offer she didn’t extend to just anyone, but she oddly trusted this man.
Surprise jumped into his eyes. “For you? Of course.”
“Good.” Somehow, the words made her feel far too vulnerable, for her husband never put her needs into consideration.
If her father had died while she’d been married to him, he would have said he’d be with his mistress and to write when everything was over.
Tears welled in her eyes. Nathaniel was immediately concerned and closed the distance between them.
“I’m going to miss my father so much. I hadn’t seen him as much as I’d liked what with the demands on my time and the children’s needs, but he always wrote to me while I was in the country, until he got sick.
He was the backbone of our family. What will happen now?
” Not knowing the answer, the tears overflowed onto her cheeks, and before she knew it, she’d broken down into a watering pot.
“Aw, sweeting.” He was there with his arms around her, holding her as she cried into his cravat.
Had he realized the endearment had slipped out?
“Everything will come out right in the end. William has been given the honor of being your family’s backbone now, and he’s been readying himself for just that since your father fell ill.
” As he slipped a hand up and down her back, there was comfort in the simple gesture.
“I’m sure he’ll manage to surprise you.”
She sniffled. “Why is there so much death in life?” No, she still wasn’t broken about her husband’s demise two years ago, but it had been a sad moment because of her children.
“It’s the price we pay, I think. Love isn’t given without some sort of promise, and neither is life. There is always death to pay, which is why we should make the best use of our time.” His voice caught, and the subtle sound had her pulling slightly away to find his gaze with hers.
“What?”
He shook his head. Sadness and regret warred for dominance in those mossy pools. “Your father’s passing has made me think about things.”
“How so?”
“I’ve been a nodcock, Diana. Wasted much of my life on shallow, stupid, things that don’t matter.
” A long-suffering sigh left his throat.
“I should have married long ago, had children. Now time is running out. It might be too late for me to make my mark or leave a legacy. Hell, even have my family name live on.”
Unfortunately, that was true, which was why he needed to marry a younger woman.
That meant there could be nothing substantial between her and him beyond the affair.
But she wanted to reassure him. “No, it’s not.
Emotions are exacerbating things.” Once more, she clung to him, for there was security and safety in his arms. “Don’t leave just yet. Please?”
He tightened his hold ever so slightly. “I’m here for as long as you need.”
When he kissed her forehead, Diana crumpled in his hold and cried even harder, for her father had told her long, long ago that she’d know the man meant for her by his forehead kisses and how he treated her in moments of adversity.
Atterbury never did that, and it was something her father had always done to her mother that Diana had thought so dear.
She’d wanted that in her own marriage, but had been bitterly disappointed.
“Shh. It will be well enough,” he whispered as he seemed content enough to hold her, let her cry out her initial grief on his shoulder.
It was beyond soothing. Was Nathaniel meant for her, then? Now was not the time to think about that. For the moment, there was only her and him. Questions could wait.