Chapter 34
Something is up with Audrey, and I can’t help but think it has to do with being nervous to meet my family. Maybe it’s too much too soon for her, but she’s continued to tell me she wants to go. Which she reassured me before we left, again in the car on the way, and once more just now when we pulled up and parked.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can go back home and have our own Thanksgiving just the two of us. I don’t want you to feel pressured,” I tell her because I can’t help but think that’s why she’s acting so off right now.
She places her hand on top of the one I have on her thigh and gives me a reassuring smile, “No, I’m okay, I want to spend time with your family.”
I squeeze her thigh before sighing and accepting that she’s not going to tell me what’s bothering her right now and I just have to accept it.
“Okay, let’s go.” I get out of the car and meet her at the passenger side, taking her hand in mine as we approach the door. She doesn’t try to pull away or say anything at the gesture.
I don’t bother knocking on the front door and just walk in, announcing my presence to my parents. My mom comes out to greet us, wearing her apron she only breaks out during the holidays and a wide smile.
“Charlie,” she pulls me into a tight hug before turning to Audrey, who’s hand is still clasped in mine. “Audrey, so nice to see you again, you look beautiful.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Mann,” Audrey replies.
“Darling, I told you, please, it’s Martha. Come in you two, get comfortable.” She eyes our linked hands and gives me a subtle look that I know portrays her approval.
We walk into the living room where my dad is already planted in front of the TV with a football game on.
“You know, we are a hockey only house here, Pops,” I greet in jest. My dad looks up and smiles at us, standing when he sees we have company.
“Not my fault you all decide to take the holiday off and football doesn’t. You must be Audrey.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Mann,” she greets, while I’m distracted at the fact that she’s still grasping my hand. I feel like a teenager so excited my crush is holding my hand.
“So formal, please it’s Charles, but call me Chuck.”
I see Audrey’s eyes bulge slightly at learning my dad’s name and I bite back a chuckle because I know exactly what she’s thinking.
“Oh, are you, um, Charlie, you never mentioned you and your dad have the same name,” she looks at me accusingly.
“Ah, yeah Charlie just loves being Charles Mann Jr.,” my dad jokes because he knows I’ve always hated it.
“It’s a family name,” I tell Audrey while my dad laughs.
“Come on, son, grab a beer and join me. Audrey, do you like football?” my dad asks.
“Ah, I’m a much bigger hockey fan. Hockey players are the elite athletes in my opinion,” she smiles.
I tug her into my side, wrapping an arm around her while dad laughs loudly.
“I like her,” he says to me with a wink, then goes back to sit on the couch.
“So do I,” I whisper into her hair, and she shivers, looking up at me smiling. Her eyes aren’t as bright as they usually are, so I know something is still bothering her.
Although,I can tell Audrey tries to hide her discomfort during dinner, she’s lacking her typical spark and it’s only making me more impatient to get her out of here so I can find out what is really going on. After we finish eating, my mom goes into the kitchen to clean up before pie and my dad goes back to the game.
“Why don’t I give you a tour?” I suggest to Audrey, hoping it’ll give us the space to talk a bit.
She nods and follows me upstairs. My childhood home isn’t big, and really there’s no point in a tour. I lead her to my bedroom that is mostly untouched from when I moved out. My mom is sentimental and doesn’t like letting things go which is why I think she comes in here to clean but doesn’t want to change anything about it.
“Welcome to my childhood bedroom,” I sweep my arm out presenting it. The room isn’t big, my full-size bed takes up the majority of the open space and there’s posters of the Denver Dragons on my walls.
Audrey smirks and looks around, examining everything and I let her.
“Do you have some fantasy of fucking me in here or something?” she jokes lightly.
I press a hand to my chest, “Audrey Hudson, my parents are downstairs, and you know I’m a good boy. I would never.”
She chuckles, but then her smile falls, and she continues looking around the room. I step up behind her, wrapping my arm around her middle and pressing against her back lightly. She leans back into me, and I ask, “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, “Nothing.”
I turn her around in my arms, cupping her face in my hands so she will look up at me. I see the lie written all over her face, but especially in her dimmed eyes.
“Please tell me,” I plead quietly.
She shuts her eyes, effectively blocking me out.
I rub my thumbs along her jaw. “Audrey, please. I want to help.”
Her eyes open and it reminds me so much of when we first met. The woman who was so indifferent toward me because I stood her up. The woman who didn’t want to hear my apology and didn’t care for what I had to say. Completely guarded.
“You can’t,” she whispers.
I shake my head, not accepting this from her, “Give me a chance to try.”
She rakes her teeth across her bottom lip as she considers it. I see her debate with herself on what to say. I continue to rub my thumbs on her soft skin. I want her to let me in. Give me a chance to help.
“Not here,” she sighs. “When we get home.”
Nodding, I accept her answer. And I don’t miss the way she calls it home.
Bringing my mouth down to hers I press my lips to hers in a soft kiss. I feel her melt against me the second our lips touch and I know that no matter what it is that’s bothering her, I won’t stop until I help make it better.
We get back homeand I’m slightly inpatient to find out what has been going on with Audrey all day, but she doesn’t seem to be in any rush to talk about it. We change out of our clothes in silence. I pull on a t-shirt and sweatpants while she puts on one of my t-shirts and some of those little boy shorts she always wears.
Taking my hand in hers, she leads me onto the couch, and we sit too far apart for my liking, but I don’t say anything about it. She settles, tucking her feet underneath her and looking down at the couch cushion. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so…defeated. It’s unusual. Audrey is always so strong, so confident and sure of herself, but the woman sitting by me now looks just broken.
I don’t rush her to speak, but with each second that she doesn’t my anxiety ramps up. Finally, she does and it’s not what I expected.
“When I went back to my place earlier, um, my grandma showed up,” she starts.
“What?” I snap. I may not know much about her family, but I know enough that she wouldn’t ever want to see her grandma.
“Yeah, she….” Her voice trails off and she takes in a deep breath, still not looking at me. “She tried to get me to come to Thanksgiving with her, tried to spew her religious bullshit and then…”
I can’t help but scoot closer to her, hating the distance, hating seeing her like this, hating what she’s already saying. I take her hand that’s tracing patterns on the couch cushion next to her on my own, wanting to ground her.
“Then what?” I ask softly.
Audrey meets my eyes once again, “I was abused by my parents, badly, which I told you. And today she tried to tell me that I was the reason for my abuse. That I asked for it.”
“What?!” I exclaim. “That’s not true, you know that’s not true, Audrey.”
She shakes her head, “I know it’s not. I’m aware of what she was doing. It just brought back everything, and I hate that one visit from her has me spiraling so bad.”
“I’m here. You don’t have to spiral alone.”
Her eyes drop again, and she continues sharing, “I remember the day I moved in with my grandparents. It was like a dream compared to my parents’ house. My grandma was your typical grandma, she had cookies made and everything,” her lips quirk, but I’m sure it’s not because of happiness, more so the irony that she was so wrong about her family member. “That first Sunday we went to church. I liked that she got me a brand-new pretty dress to wear and was so excited. I’d never been to church before. When we got there, I was so bored. I didn’t know the songs or understand anything that was being said.
“Then, when we got home, my grandma told me I had lots of sins to be forgiven for and locked me in the closet. It just got worse as I got older. I couldn’t watch the shows or movies my friends did, or read the books. Because they were the works of the Devil. I couldn’t wear what I wanted. Then every. Fucking. Sunday. I was dragged into that church and spent the entire time digging my nails into my thighs to prevent myself from screaming. I left the first moment I could.”
I sit by her frozen by her confession. I figured it was bad, I didn’t know it was this bad.
“So, naturally, I rebelled when I left, and I’ve been doing what I want ever since, which is the exact opposite of anything she would have wanted for me. But jokes on her, I love my life. I love what I do, and I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me or my job.”
“As you should. You should be proud of everything you’ve done and who you are because you’re fucking amazing and no one should be able to take that away from you,” I tell her, confidently.
Audrey looks up at me and I see the pain written all over her face. “Thank you for saying that, but you don’t have to. I know I’m a mess. My whole life is a mess. I’m essentially homeless and currently running away from my demons. Don’t think you have to stick around just because I’m staying here. I don’t want you to feel pressured and I can always leave.”
“Stop. I want you here, understand?” I snap.
She shakes her head, “You don’t have to, though, I completely get it. It’s been fun and carefree with us living in this fantasy of who you thought I am, but don’t feel pressure to stick around now that you know the truth.”
“No,” I say louder than I mean to, and she jumps, I pull her onto my lap so she’s straddling me and I cup her face in my hands forcing her to look at me. “Listen to me right now. You are not pulling away from me, that’s not what we are doing. I’m telling you the fucking truth and you have me. You fucking have all of me, Audrey, don’t you get that? You’re stuck with that and if you want to get rid of me, you’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than this to do so. And you’d have to actually mean it.”
“Charlie,” she sighs, but I don’t let her continue.
“No. You made me fall in love with you and now I can’t go back,” her mouth drops at my confession, and I’m a little surprised how easily it poured out of me. But before she can freak out about what I just said, I continue. “You told me before that when you’re feeling out of control you need a way to regain it. So do it. You need the control? Take it from me. Take whatever you need from me, Audrey. But you’re not pulling away from me, from us. I’m fucking yours, so do what you need to do. Take it.”
I feel like I’ve gone completely insane, but I don’t care. She needs to understand that I’m here to stay, no matter what she thinks. This isn’t temporary with me, it never was. I can sense her hesitation at my confession, and I think she’s going to double down on pushing me away. Or worse, try to refute me saying that I’ve fallen for her.
But she doesn’t. I see the moment she decides, steels her spine and looks directly at me, control back in place. The confident Audrey I know sitting in front of me once again. She moves her eyes over my frame without saying anything. When her eyes meet mine again, she lifts an eyebrow.
“You sure about that?” she asks.
“Completely.”
“Okay.”