32. Ophelia
OPHELIA
Cain sits on the edge of the bed and lazily runs his finger around one of my nipples, watching as it crinkles under his touch.
“What did Roman mean when he said he meant every word?” he asks.
He sounds almost disinterested, but I know he’s not.
I’m torn between telling him that Roman and Malachi have declared their love for me or keeping it to myself. It feels wrong not to tell him. Cain is my oldest friend. He’s the one who set all this in motion, really, but now, his friends have both declared their love for me, yet he hasn’t.
Do I love Cain?
The answer is clear and immediate to me. Of course I do. I’ve loved him since we were children, and even though we’d been apart for so many years, those feelings never went away. Now they’ve morphed into something deeper and more intense, and I can only pray that he feels the same way.
But I don’t want him to feel awkward or as if he has to say the words, too, not if he doesn’t mean them, but I also want him to know the truth. I don’t like lying by omission, and I would be because he’s outright asked me now.
Shifting against the headboard, I glance down at my exposed breasts, suddenly vulnerable.
“Angel? What is it?”
“I don’t want to make you feel weird,” I whisper.
“What the hell could Roman say to you that would make me feel weird?” He laughs softly. “Don’t overthink things so much, Angel, but you don’t have to tell me.” He drops a kiss to my forehead and moves as if to stand.
“Wait.” I put my hand on his forearm, stilling him. “Roman told me he’d protect me no matter what because he … um … he says he loves me.”
I wait, breath held.
Cain smiles. “Of course he does. We all do.” He frowns then. “Although maybe, don’t tell your father that. We need to get him on our side. Your dad knows I love you, because I told him, but he has no idea about what we’ve got going on here.”
I stare at him, not even blinking. He told my dad that he loves me? Does he realize what he’s just declared? “Cain … do you … are you saying that you love me?”
His face falls a little. “Of course I love you, Fee.” His use of his other childhood name for me feels so personal right now.
“I don’t go around just breaking any old girl out of institutions, you know.
” He chuckles. “Or risking my neck by telling their father I love them.” His expression grows serious.
“But I’ve been remiss, because I realize I didn’t tell you.
I’m sorry, Ophelia.” He takes my hands. “I love you, Angel. I fucking love you, with all my heart.”
I let out a small, gasped sob as I throw my arms around his neck. Cain, my childhood friend, who is now this big, strong man, loves me. “I love you, too. So much.”
“Ah, you’re making me want to cry.”
The sarcastic tone has me pulling back from Cain to look toward the door where Mal is lounging against the frame. He’s like a storm cloud at a wedding, all dark moodiness and pissed off energy.
Roman opens the bathroom door right then, too. “What have you been doing?” He jerks his chin at Malachi.
“Thinking and plotting.” Mal grins, but it’s hard edged and kind of wild. “I’ve got an idea, but we all need to talk it through.”
Roman’s gaze lands on me, and he frowns. “Are you crying?” He stalks over to the bed, taking my chin in his fingers and angling my face up.
“Yes,” I sob happily. “You all love me.”
The men glance at one another, and for a horrible moment, I worry they’re all going to start fighting over why they didn’t discuss this with one another, but Roman simply shrugs. “Well, yeah, of course we do.”
“You’re very loveable,” Malachi adds.
“Very,” Cain agrees.
I’ve never thought of myself as lovable before.
I’m the one who’s awkward, and weird, and scarred.
I’m sure my parents loved me, in their own way, but this is different.
These men have chosen me, when they could have had anyone.
They see me for who I am, and that doesn’t frighten them. It only makes them want me more.
“I love you all, too.” I tell them. “So, so much, you can’t begin to understand. You’ve given me something I never thought I’d have again. A sense of safety.”
“And in time, you’ll get that sense of safety from yourself.” Roman brushes his thumb over my jaw before letting go.
I frown. Why are they always trying to make me secure in dealing with my issues with the Prophet myself? It’s as if they’re planning for a time when they won’t be around.
“You’re scaring me.”
“Why?” Cain asks.
“Because all of you keep insisting that I must be the one to deal with my fears and issues. It makes me think that you’re planning on leaving me. You tell me that you love me, but then you talk as if you won’t always be with me.”
“Angel, I’ll be with you so long as I have breath in my body, and so long as you want me around, but you need to be able to overcome your fears by yourself. It’s not healthy for you to rely on anyone else to do it for you.”
Anger and shame hit me hard. They think I’m weak. That I’m some pathetic creature who needs them to fix me. And they’re right. I am, and I do.
“Well, I won’t bother any of you with my issues again.” My tone is terse, my body stiff as I stand, letting the sheet drop as I stride through the room, as naked as the day I was born.
Roman’s arm snakes out and he grabs me as I pass him, pulling me into him.
“Baby, we don’t mean it that way. You’re not bothering us.
It’s only that we know you can do it. We believe you have that strength in you.
I love you. I know my brother Preachers feel the same way.
We aren’t walking away from this, and like Cain says, so long as we’re breathing, we’re yours, but life can be cruel.
I want to know you’re going to be okay no matter what. ”
I stare at the three of them. “I can’t promise you that. So long as he’s alive, he haunts me. I hate my weakness, but that’s the truth.”
Pulling my arm free, I head to the bathroom, closing the door and turning the shower on as the tears streak down my face.