Chapter 18 Balthazar
EIGHTEEN
balthazar
While Deo is distracted with his family in the kitchen, I slip away to the quiet living room to check my work phone.
It’s been days since I last checked in, and after I sent the text saying I was in California, it’s been eerily quiet.
Silence, while desired, is suspicious. If they believed me, I’m sure there would’ve been a follow-up of some kind.
I turn my phone on and wait as it powers up. Once all the apps have loaded, I exhale in a huff. No new messages. I’m about to power it down again, but right before I do, a bunch of notifications flood my inbox.
With shaky fingers, I tap the text message icon and brace myself for what I’m going to read.
There must be fifty or more messages, all from Vin, a stream of consciousness no doubt delivered during one of his drug-fueled evenings.
It’s nothing but swear words, threats, and garbled nonsense. I click through each of them, realizing they just keep getting worse, until I get to the last one. The one that leaves me trembling.
I’m gonna fucking kill you.
He means it, too. Vin isn’t a man who makes idle threats.
I’ve been so wrapped up in helping Deo and his family that I haven’t given any thought to helping myself.
I scrub my hands over my face, unsure what to do next.
Obviously, sending them the last message didn’t help my cause.
Denying that I’ve done anything won’t work.
It never does. I’ve witnessed plenty of bloodshed from people I’m pretty sure were innocent.
I feel more than hear a presence behind me, and I snap my head up to look around. Deo is standing there, a worried look on his face as he gazes down at the cell phone in my hand.
“What’s going on?”
“Um…” I swipe the app closed, thinking fast. “I told you I’m having trouble with one of my clients.”
“That was a death threat, Balt. I saw it.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty over the top.” I attempt a chuckle to pretend I’m not nervous. “He does substances sometimes that get him in a mood. He doesn’t mean it.” Fuck, I wish that were true.
“Hope he’s paying you well to put up with that.”
“He is. Don’t worry about it though. I’ll handle him.”
Deo searches my eyes, and I mentally prepare for the onslaught of questions likely coming my way.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with a person like him.”
“Thank you. It’s fine.”
“I see why you took off now. He must be demanding.”
“To put it mildly.”
Deo smiles. Is that it? Is he gonna let me off with that explanation?
“If I can do anything to help, let me know.”
“I will.”
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Great.”
I tuck the phone back into my pocket, mentally reeling over what I’m going to do about it. I already know what I’m up against. There’s no solution. Even if I had the money, returning it wouldn’t fix the issue. Vin wants to spill blood, and he wants it to be mine.
I go through the motions, helping to carry plates to the table, smiling and nodding as Deo’s family chats, and eating yet another delicious meal.
Deo’s mom and aunt are great cooks, making dishes that remind me of what I grew up with, but are slightly different, creating a sense of updated nostalgia in me.
Halfway through dinner, Deo reaches over and squeezes my thigh, offering a sweet smile when I look at him.
I smile back, but the sinking feeling growing inside of me can’t be ignored.
If I’m not careful, he could get hurt, but there’s just no way Vin would ever think to look for me here.
If he knew where I was, I’d already know it.
“So then I told him I was trans and his first question was to ask me my deadname.” Brogan waves their hand dramatically. “Can you believe that guy?”
“You’re not gonna see him, right?” Salvo, Brogan’s dad asks.
“No, Dad. I don’t spend time with transphobic people.”
“Are you sure he was transphobic? Maybe he just didn’t know the etiquette?” Deo’s mom says.
“I’m sure. He asked me a few more invasive questions I won’t be repeating at the dinner table—you’re welcome—but it was clear he either has a fetish or a morbid curiosity that could lead to trouble.
He also stated bluntly that he didn’t believe you could be something different from what you were born, but he thought I was cool so he’d ‘hear me out.’ Loser. ”
“Sorry, Brog,” Deo says. “You deserve better than that.”
“Yes, I do, and eventually the right person will come along. I’m still young. I didn’t even pursue this guy. He saw my pic on my socials and sent a DM.”
“Well, you are very pretty,” Deo teases. “Can’t blame a guy for that.”
Brogan winks, brushing their hair off their shoulders. “Oh, I don’t, and total bonus points that he pegged me with the correct gender on sight.”
“Is it challenging?” I ask, happy for the distraction from my own thoughts. “Dating, I mean.”
Brogan nods. “But isn’t it for everyone?”
“Preach,” Deo mutters.
“I always disclose before we get into anything if I’m in a safe place,” Brogan continues. “In person, I have to feel out the vibes first.”
“It makes me so nervous,” Deo’s aunt says. “I’ve read awful stories.”
Brogan nods, poking their pasta with a fork. “That’s why I disclose as early as I can. Even if I one hundred percent passed, I would still disclose. I deserve to know how someone will handle it. Women are usually more chill than men, but I’ve had a few terrible dates with them too.”
“Oh, you date both?”
Brogan nods. “I date anyone. Whatever they’ve got in their pants, I’m down.”
“Brogan,” Salvo complains. “Your nonna is present.”
“I’ve heard way more stories than any of you have,” Nonna says. “Except maybe for Deo. Brogan can tell me anything they want to, right, honey?”
“Right, Nonna.”
“Please don’t tell me you talk about your sex life with my mother.” Salvo groans.
“None of your business,” Nonna retorts.
“That’s right,” Brogan says, grinning at their grandmother. “Anyway, I’m still dateless.”
Deo taps his cousin’s arm. “Can I talk to you after dinner?”
“Of course.” Brogan’s eyes meet mine. “It’s so cool you’re home again.”
“I think so too.” Deo glances at me as well.
My nerves kick up. Is Deo going to tell Brogan what he saw on my phone?
Is he starting not to trust me? Fuck. I wish I could tell him what’s going on and assure him that my secrecy is for his benefit, but the less he knows, the better.
Plausible deniability and all that. Besides, what would he think of me if he knew the truth?
He’d never want to see me again, and right now, I don’t like the thought of that.
I know I’ll have to leave someday, but I’m not ready. I like it here. I like using my skills for hardworking, honest people. I like Deo.
There’s so much more I want to do with him too. I want to buy him pretty things and lose myself in the warmth of his body every night. I want to keep this pretend life as long as possible.
Someday, I’ll have to face Vin, but that day is not today.
“We made Nonna’s famous lemon cake today,” Deo’s mom announces. “So save room for dessert, boys.”
Deo makes an obscene noise. “Oh no. That’s my Achilles heel.”
Brogan grins. “Mine too. Wait until you taste it, Balt. It’s amazing.”
Nonna preens, smiling at her family. “You’ve all been working so hard. I felt like you deserved it.”
I notice the glances exchanged between Salvo and Larry and then the subtle nod Salvo gives his brother.
“I guess this is as good a time as any,” Larry says. “The main house has been overdue for some repairs and general updating. Before we passed things off for good, Salvo and I felt it was only right to get the repairs done, but we’ve decided to leave the design to you, Amadeo.”
Deo tilts his head. “What do you mean?”
“This will be your home soon. Your mom and I will take one of the other properties, but the managing family member always gets the main house.”
Deo’s mouth falls open. “What?”
“It’s gotten too big for us now anyway, without you boys at home.”
“Nantes and Guiliano are coming by this weekend, to pick up anything they still want, then we’ll clear out our stuff so you can move in and start making it your own,” his mom says.
Deo still looks shocked. I rub his back and he turns his gaze to me, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “That’s a lot.”
“Which part?” Salvo asks.
“This big house just for me?”
“And whoever you choose to live with you.” Larry glances at me.
“This is exciting, Deo,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his temple.
He nods, but I see the concern and worry in his eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Larry says.
Nonna rises and heads to the kitchen and Brogan follows to help. Deo leans his head on my arm and I continue rubbing his back.
“You okay?”
He nods. “I feel like I’m in a dream, but I’m okay.”
“You’ll figure it all out.”
“Hope so.”
“What do you say after dessert and your chat with your cousin, I draw you a nice, hot bath?”
He lifts his head. “Will you join me?”
“If you want me to.”
“I’d like that. A lot.”
Brushing my thumb across his cheek, I search his eyes. He’s obviously not mad or too worried about me if he still wants to have a romantic bath with me later.
“So would I.” I want to kiss him, but the knowledge that his entire family is watching us keeps me from doing it, so I lean in close to his ear and whisper, “I can’t wait to get my hands on you again.”
“I’m all yours, lover.”