Chapter 23 Sasha
TWENTY-THREE
SASHA
Iwatched him walk away, my mind an endless mess of questions.
What the hell was that? Why did he kiss me? Why did he stop? Was he just drunk, or was that what we’ve been building towards? Did I like the kiss?
Based on the tickle in my stomach, I loved the kiss. My heart was racing, pounding against my chest as if it might escape.
Goosebumps had covered my skin, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. A shiver raced up my spine, causing me to burn from the inside out. I had kissed several guys over my lifetime, but none of them ever felt like that.
That brought on even more confusion, though. What was happening with us? What would my parents think? What would my sister think? I was immediately hit with guilt. Even though my sister had passed, it still felt like I was betraying her in some way.
He was hers. He would’ve still been hers if she were around. But she wasn’t around anymore. He no longer belonged to her. He was single. As was I. Technically, we weren’t breaking any rules. Yet... It still felt wrong. How did wrong feel right? How did forbidden feel so good?
I shook my head, trying to clear it of all the confusing thoughts, and I pushed myself forward.
It felt like I was frozen there against the wall where he left me, and I needed to move.
Having him against me, being able to taste him, filled my body with excitement and energy, and I needed to burn it off in some way.
I walked to my room as quickly as I could, shutting the door behind me.
I was breathless, but I wasn’t sure if it was from the excitement he caused me to feel or if it was from my sudden rush through the house.
I used my newfound energy to give my bedroom and bathroom a thorough clean. It helped to burn off the jitters, and it kept him off my mind.
When I finished my cleaning spree, I took a long, hot shower, then turned off the lights and tucked myself into bed. Thanks to the shower, I was relaxed. I was sure it wouldn’t take any time at all to fall asleep, yet the second I settled in bed, I was wide awake.
I couldn’t think of anything but that kiss.
I remembered the way his hands felt on either side of my face, how firm his lips were, how his tongue moved with purpose.
The man knew how to kiss. Better than anyone I’d ever kissed.
Just thinking of it had the butterflies in my stomach coming alive once again.
My body wanted things that I wasn’t familiar with.
There was a throbbing between my thighs, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
I rolled onto my side and squeezed my thighs as tight as I possibly could.
The pressure eased the throbbing, but it didn’t take it away completely.
I took a deep breath and let it out in the form of a sigh.
Annoyed with myself, I rolled to my other side and pulled an extra-large pillow from the head of the bed to rest at my side.
I tossed my arm over it and pulled it close to my chest, wishing I were wrapping myself around him instead.
I bent my knee and draped my leg over the pillow, the same way I did with Roman when he was in my bed.
I remembered how he grabbed my thigh, how big and strong his hand felt.
The butterflies in my stomach fluttered to life, tickling me from the inside out.
My hips took on a life of their own, and they rocked forward, causing my throbbing center to rub against the pillow.
A sudden spark of pleasure hit me, and my eyes popped wide open as my body froze.
Embarrassment burned through me, but it was overshadowed by something else.
Need. Desire.
I had no idea what to do to get rid of the bodily need that was growing inside of me, but I closed my eyes and let my mind go back to that kiss.
My hips rocked forward and then back. Before I knew it, I was grinding myself against the pillow with ferocity, making that lightning bolt shoot through me again and again.
Every time my hips shifted, it only added to the growing tension in my lower belly.
It was like a storm cloud that kept growing.
Stop. I have to stop. I wanted to save all of this for someone special. My first orgasm couldn’t be from a damn pillow. Damnit.
I forced myself to stop moving, my body buzzing from the near-orgasm. My chest heaved as I tried to calm myself.
Suddenly, I understood why everyone was always so sex crazy. If I made myself feel that amazing, I wondered how much better it could be with someone you were really attracted to and who would go the entire way.
As I lay there, letting my body recover, my eyes felt heavy, and the lids closed. Before I knew it, I was out.
Thank god.
Weeks passed, and I was losing my patience more each day.
I didn’t know what to expect after Roman kissed me.
I was sure he regretted it, but I thought it would be the key to open the door to the forbidden finally.
I thought it was only the first of many, that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back any longer, and something would finally happen with us.
I was wrong.
The only thing that kiss did was make him pull away more.
The morning after our kiss, he avoided me until he found an excuse to leave the house.
He stayed gone the entire day and well into the night.
The next morning, he left for work bright and early, staying in his other apartment rather than coming home at night.
I knew he was avoiding me, and I hated it.
I had every intention of bringing it up to him the next time I saw him, but he was good at keeping himself scarce.
The only time I did see him was when I was busy with Sophia, and I obviously couldn’t talk to him with her there.
He wouldn’t answer my phone calls or texts, unless they were only about Sophia, and then he responded with as few words as possible.
The more he avoided me, the angrier I got and the more stress I needed to burn off.
He didn’t even give me a hard time about going out with my friends or drinking.
It was as if one kiss had taken away everything.
He screwed up by kissing me, and he knew it, and he was punishing both of us for his mistake.
The problem was, it only made me want him more.
It was a random Saturday, and all of my friends had plans to go clubbing once again.
It had been a while since I’d joined them.
After my kiss with Roman, I tried to play the good girl by staying home.
I thought it would make him happy, not to mention, I’d never be able to catch him alone if I weren’t home to do so.
But he was skilled at dodging me. Even when he needed something from the house, he often sent Monica to fetch it.
I was finally pissed off enough to say screw it.
I needed a fun night out with my friends.
I needed to get drunk off my ass so that I could feel carefree for at least one night.
The moment we entered the club, we celebrated with a shot of tequila. It was gross, but I chased it down with a fruity drink one of the girls suggested I try instead of beer. It didn’t burn like the shots, and it tasted much better than the beer the guys were drinking.
I sucked down three plastic cups of the fruity, pink mixture, and before I knew it, the whole club was buzzing with familiar faces and loud music.
The girls pulled me onto the dance floor, and the three of us danced to every song.
I wiggled my hips and shook my head, throwing my hair from side to side.
My entire body was burning and tingling with excitement and fun.
We’d been dancing and laughing for so long that I managed to forget all of my problems, which is precisely what I was trying for.
As I was dancing, I felt someone step up behind me. They put their hand on my stomach and pulled me back to their chest. I had a flare of panic until the scent reached my nose and I realized it was Lance’s familiar cologne. I glance around for the girls who were suddenly gone.
“I couldn’t watch you dance anymore without coming out here to join you,” Lance whispered in my ear.
The corners of my mouth turned upward. I had been resisting the pull that Lance had on me, but I didn’t want to resist anymore. I was just happy that someone was finally acting on their feelings, unlike Roman. Lance wasn’t afraid to tell me he wanted me.
I spun around to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Why is that?” I asked, biting my lower lip.
His brows lifted, and his eyes moved down my body and back up. “Have you seen yourself in this dress? Half the guys in here right now are sporting a partial.” He grinned.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do.”
I decided to play along. “And what about the other half?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Married.”
My head fell back as I laughed. As I was lifting it back up, he moved in, placing his lips at my ear. “Tell me what I have to do to have you.” He squeezed my hip and pulled me even closer so I could feel the hardness in his pants.
I felt my playfulness go right out the window, suddenly replaced with seriousness I couldn’t ignore.
“Lance…” I wet my lips and locked my eyes on his. They were hooded with desire, deep and dark from need and the low lighting. “You’re cute, and I really do like you. It’s just not the time for so many reasons.”
“What reasons? Your ex? Give me one week, and you’ll have forgotten all about him.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re sure of yourself, huh?”
“I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you, Sasha. Trust me, I’ll make damn sure you forget about him and what he did to you.”
Before I knew what was happening, he was leaning in.
His mouth found mine, and out of surprise, I tried to gasp.
Only, I couldn’t because his mouth was covering mine, and when I opened, he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth.
His hands moved up to cup my face, and only one of them roamed back to tangle into my hair at the base of my neck.
I couldn’t go anywhere, not without some serious effort.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go anywhere.
After the kiss with Roman and my evening with the pillow, something inside of me had awakened. I wanted more. More attention from the opposite sex. More touches that would drive me wild. More passionate kisses. Just… More.
Even though Lance wasn’t Roman, I kissed him back.
I liked that someone wanted me, that someone was willing to act on the feelings they had for me.
I fisted his shirt before I pulled him closer, deepening our kiss.
Our tongues danced and tangled, our lips moved with force and speed.
His hands began touring my body, sliding down my back, squeezing my hips, and roaming up my sides.
His thumbs grazed over my nipples, making them tingle and harden.
A fire erupted in my stomach, and the junction between my legs began to ache.
For a brief moment, I actually thought about going home with him, letting Lance take my virginity.
I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted what everyone else in the world had—passion, love, sex.
But my sister’s voice echoed throughout my head, telling me to save it for that one special person.
No matter how much I wanted to get laid, I knew Lance wasn’t that special.
He was nothing more than a passing ship.
Now Roman… he was the one I wanted and nobody else would do.
Roman was the one I wanted to give myself to. Not Lance.
I slowed the kiss and broke it off completely. “Lance, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” he whispered, trying to move back in.
I put my hand against his chest, holding him back. “No, I can’t. I don’t want to.”
His brows knitted together as the realization hit.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to tease you or lead you on. I’ve been drinking, and things just got out of hand.”
“What’s the problem? I’ve been chasing after you like a dog in heat for months now.
One second you’re all about it, and the next, you’re pushing me away.
I know you want me, but you’re letting something hold you back.
What is it?” His voice was a mixture of anger and passion.
I could tell he was annoyed, but he didn’t seem mad at me either.
I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I’m just confused about everything right now. Plus, with my job, I can’t date anyway. I agreed to that rule to keep myself focused on school.”
He rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Sasha. He’s your boss. He can’t tell you who you can and can’t date.”
“He can. I signed a contract, and that was one of the things I agreed to. He wants my attention on my job and Sophia, not some guy. I understood it then, and I still agree with it. I’m sorry, Lance.”
He shook his head. “No, this is insane. I want someone I can actually be with and you…” He took a step back, looking me up and down.
“It’s easy to see that you’re just a child who has to run and ask daddy for permission for every little thing.
” He looked at his watch. “Better get on home now, little girl. It looks like you’ve broken curfew.
Again.” He turned and walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of all the swaying bodies.
I was angry, hurt, and embarrassed as I made my way toward the bar. I had a seat and pulled my phone from my back pocket. The bartender stopped in front of me, asking if I wanted another drink. It sounded like a good idea, so I agreed.
While I waited for that drink to be made, I debated calling Roman, asking him to come pick me up. Usually, I’d get a taxi or an Uber, but if I called him, it would give us the time alone I’d been trying for.
I wiped at my eyes, angry that I was crying. I didn’t want to break off my friendship with Lance, and I hoped we hadn’t ruined it, but I knew it might be over now.
My bottom lip trembled as I wiped at my eyes again.
Maybe I’d call after one more glass of liquid courage. When the bartender set my drink in front of me, I sucked it down at record speed. Then I picked up my phone and called his number.
“Hello? R-Roman? I…can you come get me?”