Chapter 24 Roman
TWENTY-FOUR
ROMAN
“Can you come get me?” A soft sob greeted me.
“Who is this?” I asked, pulling the phone away from my ear and looking at the screen. I only glanced before picking up, but I thought it was Sasha on the other line. The woman on the phone didn’t sound anything like Sasha.
“It’s me, Sasha.”
“Sasha?” I questioned. “Where are you?”
“I—I’m at the bar. I had too much,” hiccup, “to drink. I don’t feel good. I-I had a bad night. We… I… please. Can you come get me?”
She was slurring her words and crying. It was obvious she’d had too much to drink, but there was more than that. Hearing the condition she was in made my anger skyrocket.
“Send me your location. I’m on my way.” I hung up the phone and called Monica to come and sit with Sophia while I went on a wild goose chase for Sasha. It took Monica only fifteen minutes to get to me, and I watched my phone for Sasha to send over her location, but she never did.
I called, and her phone went straight to voicemail, pissing me off even more as worry rushed through me.
I couldn’t sit around and wait, so I went hunting. I went to every bar and club near campus, then started fanning out, going farther and farther based on what people at the last place suggested. The longer I had to look, the more irritated I got. Finally, though, I found her.
She was sitting at the end of the bar, head down and sound asleep. She had a bottle of water and her cell phone right in front of her. I came to a stop beside her, and the male bartender rushed over.
“What’s your name?”
“What?” I asked, turning my attention from her.
“Your name? What is it?”
“Roman,” I told him, wondering why he was so insistent on my giving him my name.
“Alright,” he said, shoulders falling. “She said you were coming for her. Took you long enough.”
“She failed to tell me where she was. I had to go to every bar and club in a twenty-five-mile radius,” I muttered.
He just lifted his brows and let them fall. “You might wanna come with her next time.”
“There won’t be a next time,” I told him, grabbing her phone and sliding it into my pocket. “Does she have anything else with her? A purse or coat?” I looked around her, but didn’t see anything.
He shrugged. “No idea, man. I just watched to make sure she wasn’t scooped up by someone she didn’t know.” He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head slightly.
I sighed and reached into my back pocket for my wallet. I could tell he wanted to be paid for his good deed. I pulled out a hundred and slipped it over. “Thanks for keeping her safe.”
He took the cash with a nod of his head and a smile. “No problem.” He tuned away, and I picked her up.
She stirred a little, even mumbled my name, but she never did wake fully. I carried her outside and to my car, where I set her on the passenger seat before buckling her seatbelt. I was happy for the cold, night air. My worry had my body was overheating. My anger wasn’t helping matters either.
I climbed behind the wheel and started pulling on my own seatbelt as I grumbled under my breath.
“How could you be so irresponsible? Where the fuck are your friends?” I shifted into drive and checked traffic in my mirror before pulling onto the street.
“How many times do we have to have this conversation?” I asked, even though I knew she wouldn’t answer, but the grumbling helped to release some anger, so I kept with it.
“Do you even know how dangerous that was? Luckily, the bartender has some hero complex; otherwise, anyone could have scooped you up and carried you away, never to be seen or heard from again.” I tightened my hand on the wheel and stepped on the gas a little harder when I thought about that happening.
“How are you supposed to show a child how to be responsible when you can’t even be responsible yourself?” I glanced at her, but she was blissfully unaware of anything that was going on. “If I wanted my kid to grow up with a drinking problem, I’d raise her myself.”
If she were to come to while I was ranting and raving, she probably would’ve thought I was crazy.
I felt crazy about saying anything to her at all, since she wasn’t awake to hear it, but it needed to be said.
At least it made me feel a little better to say it.
I had no idea if saying the shit I said needed to be heard, but I didn’t care.
There were very few things left in life that made me feel any relief at all, so I was going to continue to talk until I had nothing left to say.
Then it hit me: I could say anything I wanted, and she couldn’t hear me. Just voicing my thoughts was making me feel better, so maybe confessing would do the same.
“You drive me fucking insane,” I told her as she slept. “I’m used to getting what I want, but with you…” I clenched my jaw and shook my head slightly. “I can’t allow myself to take what I want. Not from you.”
It occurred to me that I couldn’t even say what I wanted out loud.
That’s how wrong it was. But the fact that it was wrong almost made me want it more, made me want her more.
I dared myself to say it. I knew the only way to fix any of it was to admit it out loud.
I couldn’t fix a problem without first admitting I had one.
“The problem is that I want to make you mine.” I glanced at her again, but her eyes were still closed in the darkness of the car.
“I want to do every dirty thing my imagination can come up with, and I want you screaming for more, begging for it.” Just thinking of it made my cock stiffen.
“But that’s wrong,” I forced the words out.
“Chloe would…” I shook my head as my throat grew thick with emotion.
I hated myself for what I wanted. I hated myself on my wife’s behalf.
The rest of the ride was silent. I couldn’t get words out.
They were all stuck on that lump in my throat.
When we made it home, I had to carry her to her room.
Again, she stirred from being jarred. Her eyes rolled beneath her lids, then they fluttered and opened.
I glanced down and saw how bloodshot they were.
“Go back to sleep. You’re safe now,” I told her, bending down to put her in bed. After laying her on the mattress, I went to step away, but she grabbed my arm.
“Wait.” She sat up straight, her nails digging into my arm.
“What?”
“Don’t go.” She bit her bottom lip as her eyes found mine. “Stay with me.”
“It’s not a good idea.” I tried to turn away, but she didn’t release me, forcing me to turn back to her, and when I did, I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
She was no longer sitting on the bed. She’d managed to get herself onto her knees. Her free hand moved to wrap around the back of my neck, and she slammed her mouth against mine.
Before I could process what was happening, she was pushing her sweet tongue into my mouth. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as my body surrendered, but my brain began screaming at me, telling me to stop her. She was young, drunk. She had no idea what she was doing.
I broke the kiss and pried her arm from my neck, causing her to fall onto her butt on the bed.
“Get some sleep,” was all I said, turning for the door.
“Roman, wait!” she called out.
I froze. My back was straight, and my hands were tightened into fists at my sides. I didn’t turn around to face her. I was afraid that I’d look into those big, green eyes of hers and give her anything she wanted, even if the logical side of my brain knew it wasn’t good for her.
“Please, stop. Don’t go.” I heard the quiet squeak of the mattress as she moved. “I don’t want to be alone, and I know if I let you leave now, I’ll be alone for who knows how long.” She had been walking closer, and she finally stepped directly in front of me.
Her green eyes were bloodshot, but they were burning with heat. She lifted herself onto her tiptoes and scratched my neck with her nails as she hooked her hand around the back of my neck.
“Stay with me,” she whispered, moving her lips to mine. “Please. I need you.”
My body was rigid as I held myself back.
I had turned her down once already, and it had taken every ounce of my strength.
I didn’t know if I could do it again. I was absorbing her warmth, and it was making me weak—like she was somehow unthawing my frozen body.
Her lips were against mine, soft yet firm, and her tongue was sweet as she pushed it into my mouth.
I didn’t want to kiss her back. At least, that’s what I told myself.
Deep down, I wanted so much more than just a kiss.
It was wrong, and I knew that if I let it go on, it would only get harder to stop.
I had to work up the strength to stop her.
In the meantime, I let her kiss me, and I savored every moment.
When I didn’t give in to her desires, she slowed the kiss and broke away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking up at me.
“I told you. We can’t.”
“Why not? You’re the one who started this, remember?”
“That was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She glared at me. “We both want this. Why are you resisting?”
“If Chloe—”
“She’s dead, Roman. Dead. She can’t anything, anymore. She doesn’t care what happens between us because she’s gone. It’s impossible for her to care about anything anymore.”
My jaw clenched. I hated being reminded of what I’d lost, and I hated it when anyone did it without any sensitivity. “You’re drunk. Get some sleep.” I pushed past her and headed for the door.
“Fuck you, Roman.” Her tone was harsh. I could hear the pain in her voice, and I could tell she was holding back tears.
I couldn’t stop myself. I turned around to take in the tears as they won the fight. They were rolling down her red face.
“Fuck you for making me feel something for you, for making me want you so that you could knock me down a peg. Is this what you wanted? Did you want me to be hurt and broken? Because this is what you’ve caused.”
“You really think this is what I wanted?” I asked, walking toward her.
“Why else did you kiss me like that and then go and pretend I didn’t fucking exist? Why else would you be pushing me away now?”
“Because. It’s. Wrong.” I said each word clearly.
“I fucked up when I kissed you, and I’ve been staying away from you so I don’t go and do something ten times worse, something I can’t fucking take back.
” I was only a foot away from her, glaring into her eyes to get my point across.
“You have everything going for you. Don’t you see that?
You’re young with your whole life ahead of you.
This is the best time of your life, being in college, hanging out with your friends, starting to plan your future. ”
I moved my hand to cradle her cheek.
“You’re smart and gorgeous… so fucking gorgeous,” I whispered as I tried to hold myself back. “You want to know what I want, Sasha? What I really fucking want?”
She didn’t reply, so I answered.
“I want to wrap the entire world up so I can hand it over to you in hopes of making you want me as badly as I want you, but I can’t do that.
I’m not good for you. I won’t do anything but fuck up your life.
So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll start avoiding me just as hard as I’ve been trying to avoid you.
I just hope you have better luck at it.” I ran my thumb along the line of her bottom lip, feeling its softness one more time.
Then I let my hand fall, and I turned away.
“If you really wanted me, you wouldn’t be able to walk away.”
I stopped with my hand on the door. “I’m walking away because I’m a fucking saint.
If I were anything less, I’d strip your drunk ass bare and fuck every hole in your body until my dick was raw and bloody.
Or until you were.” I opened the door. “Now get some sleep. Early day tomorrow.” I used the last bit of my strength and stepped out of her room, closing her door behind me.
I pushed myself forward, walking to my room at lightning speed because I needed to get as much distance between us as possible.
I meant every word I said, and I didn’t even care that I had to open myself up to her in ways I never wanted to.
I didn’t care if she knew how badly I wanted her.
What I cared about was making her see how bad I was for her.
Based on her silence there at the end, I think I got my point across.
I wasn’t the guy she needed. I wasn’t the person who would court her or make her fall hopelessly in love.
I wasn’t the man she’d marry and start a family with.
I was just the sick bastard who had her sexy virgin ass in my sights, and if she weren’t careful, I’d tear her to shreds, leaving very little, if anything, for anyone else.
I hoped that she listened. Actually, I prayed for it because I knew I had spent the last of my reserve, and there was no way I’d be able to stop myself the next time she offered herself up on a silver platter.
So maybe I wasn’t such a saint after all.