CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
SEVEN
“You’re such a stud, Eli…this party will be the perfect chance for us to slip away.”
The staticky sound of Jordan’s words rang through my head like a gong. I heard every breathy thing she whispered to him on their outings over and over in my head. As the self-appointed data sifter for our undercover mission, I listened to every minute of every “date.” And after almost six hours of sifting through files today, I needed to pack it up.
I might physically disintegrate from how badly I needed Jordan back in my daily life, if I didn’t.
I pushed away from my computer desk and stood, stretching. It was damn near dinner time, and I’d been in this office since eight a.m. I was ready to eat, and I was ready for my second workout of the day. I was also ready to put my fist into Eli’s face so many times he could never kiss anyone again.
So far, my workaholic plan to distract myself showed only limited success. But it was the only way forward. I couldn’t get close to Jordan now, because if things went south, it would all come crashing to the ground. Her brothers were mad at me; they were mad at her; and if we couldn’t prove that this had been for some greater good, then what was the fucking point?
She’d end up an outcast; I’d end up jobless.
We’d all be miserable and broken.
I returned to my apartment with a heavy heart. All day every day, I waited for some call or text from Damian or Axel that would deliver the final you’re fired. It hadn’t come yet, but I knew it had to be around the corner. After Cora was sent that picture by her friend in Adobe,I wasn’t sure how much further we could push the envelope. The shit was hitting the fan in every way possible and all at once, including my burning need to ask Jordan for a second chance.
I was scared of losing you. I didn’t think I could fall in love again. But I’m already there. I imagined pulling her into my arms, feeling her tightly packed frame against my body, the delicious heat of her. We’ll find a way to make it work. Because none of what comes next is worth it if I don’t have you at my side.
I played around with what I might say, even though I had no idea when I’d get a chance to say the words. At this point, I doubted she’d even let me near her long enough to get out three words. I’d have to send a written letter via Trojan or Chico. And maybe it was better to wait until this thing with Eli ended. I was torn up with indecision and anxiety as I went back to my apartment, finding it empty and dark. I flipped on the lights and started prepping dinner, a good old-fashioned rib-eye and baked potato.
My stomach growled as I cooked. My metabolism was hard to keep up with these days. And I hadn’t even knocked out my second workout of the day.
Trojan barged into the apartment just as I pulled the potato out of the oven. The steak was sizzling on my cast-iron grill, sputtering and making my mouth water as it cooked.
“Hey, buddy,” I said over my shoulder as he stomped up to the island. He heaved a big sigh, dropping a bag on the kitchen island.
“Don’t you ‘hey’ me,” he grumbled.
“Wow.” I turned sharply, lifting my brow. “Is somebody hangry?”
He scowled at me. “Maybe. But I’m also annoyed with you. They’re unrelated.”
“But you are hungry,” I said, already reaching for another potato to start cooking. I popped it into the microwave so it would be quicker, though not nearly as tasty.
“Yes. Insanely.” He harrumphed and sat down, massaging his temples. “Listen, you and Jordan need to figure your shit out.”
Now it was my turn to sigh testily. “Just save it. Now’s not the time.”
“You could fucking talk to her,” he snapped.
I pulled open the oven, removing the potato with an oven mitt. I set it on the waiting plate, then snapped off the stovetop.
“It’s not the time.” I moved the rib-eye to the plate, grabbed a knife and fork, and pushed it across the island. “Here. Eat my dinner and shut up.”
He narrowed his eyes, but I could see the start of a smile on his lips. “You’re sweet, you know that? For being a total jerk, you’re also sweet.”
I glared at him before turning back to the fridge to grab another steak. My own dinner would have to wait a bit longer, and with the subpar microwaved potato. But I was prepared to make these sacrifices for my best buddy. “I’m not being a jerk.” I started salting the next rib eye. “I’m being practical. It’s too risky to go after Jordan.”
“Well you need to make something happen. I live with you, and I’m with her all day, so I’m getting this shit from both sides. You’re both miserable, you’re both moping, and honestly, I don’t even know how you’ve kept yourself away from her this whole time. You couldn’t keep yourself off her in the beginning. And now you’re just…”
I turned to the sink, washing my hands. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because I got reckless. One of the Fairchild drivers started getting suspicious and passed those suspicions along to Damian. If I go near her again and take what I want? I will be fired. I can promise you.”
Trojan cut his potato open, a puff of steam emerging. “Then tell her that.”
“I will. Someday.”
“Now,” Trojan corrected, sending me a sharp look. “I know you’ve been out of the game. I know you’re scared because of Olivia. I know it’s hard for you. I really do understand all that. But a real man would be there for his woman. Maybe I’ve just become a little Jordan fanboy since trailing her all over Manhattan, but that hard-assed brat is exactly what you need in your life. And she deserves to know why you’re being such an asshole.”
He wasn’t wrong. In fact, it hurt to hear how right he was. Because it showed just how much I’d been deluding myself.
“She’s smart as fuck. She loves you to pieces, and she’s as loyal as they come. Look at what she’s doing for her brothers. You think that she wouldn’t do the same for you?”
“I’d beg her not to.”
“I know. Because you’re her protector. But we both know she’d do it anyway.” He cut into the steak and took a bite. He hummed happily. “You cook it just the way I like it. Medium-raw.”
“Well, I’m glad you want me to ruin my brand-new business,” I muttered.
“Your business is already on the brink of collapse with this risky operation,” he said as he chewed. “What’s it hurt to add on a little illicit relationship with your client?”
“Maybe I’m just the only one not wearing rose-colored glasses anymore.” I returned to the stove, flipping the steak as it started to brown. “Seems to me I should spread my disasters evenly over time, not invite them all in at once.”
“Yeah, well, you’re too damn practical,” Trojan said, his knife scraping against the plate as he forked another bite into his mouth. “It’s your greatest strength in work, but your biggest flaw in love.”
I laughed, in spite of how annoyed I was with everything in my life right now. “When did you become a love guru? Last I checked, you haven’t had anything but a booty call in years.”
“Well, I’m avoiding love for very practical reasons,” he said haughtily. “I have no home base. I’m a workaholic. I’m too terribly good-looking to be tied down.”
“And extremely humble,” I added.
“That too,” he said, chewing thoughtfully. “Anyway, this about your flaws, not mine.”
“Thanks for keeping us on task.”
“That’s why you hired me. And that reminds me of why I’m mad at you. Bro, I’ve gotta leave by next week, no matter where we’re at in this spy mission clusterfuck. I got offered a new protection gig, and I took it. So you and Jordan need to figure your shit out, because I’m not going to be able to run point for you for much longer. Please, for the love of God, end this bullshit.”
I turned back to the stove, staring at my cooking steak. My best friend had a point. One that I agreed with entirely.
I just needed to figure out a way to get back into Jordan’s heart and prove to her that I was serious about a second chance.