Chapter Nineteen
Pel
Whispering against Tor’s chest, Pel confessed, “You don’t know what it feels like to be unwanted so much of the time.”
Tor’s arms tightened around him.
“You’re right,” Tor admitted, voice a low rumble. “I guess you could say I have the opposite problem. I’m always going to be the Extraordinary High Prince. That’s so much privilege—I know it is—but just occasionally, I’d like to be wanted just as Tor.”
Pel had never thought of it that way. One magical designation came with a lot more accolades and privileges than the other, but both often had people looking at the status and not the person.
They were so different in so many ways, but Tor had still found a way to relate to what Pel was saying.
“It’s been very lonely,” Pel admitted. “Especially the last few years.”
“Did you consider finding someone?” Tor asked, sounding curious but non-judgmental.
“Occasionally,” Pel admitted, still embarrassed but also sort of relieved to just be able to talk about this.
“I didn’t want to take someone to bed like it was a task to be completed.
I was fully aware of the number of people who went after Bavil and Larexa, and equally aware of the fact that no one noticed me.
I mean, no one. You assumed I was a stable hand, and you aren’t the only person whose eyes have passed right over me. ”
Tor’s face twisted with distress. “I’m genuinely sorry about that. I would like to point out that it reflects far more poorly on me than it does on you.”
Pel shook his head, feeling a twinge of guilt. Tor had made a mistake, and he’d apologized. There was nothing worse than someone harping on about a mistake.
So he winked and said, “Your expression at dinner was hilarious, by the way.”
Tor’s face relaxed, and he shot back, “So was yours in the stable when you tacked on that ‘Your Highness.’”
They grinned at one another, and Pel felt some of the resentment he hadn’t realized he was still harboring disappear. He could keep holding onto it, but he knew who it was really harming in the end.
“I didn’t get close to a lot of people,” he admitted, continuing the ridiculous story of how he was twenty-eight but had still never had sex.
“I wasn’t going to settle for a fling with someone who was either taking pity on me or who would settle for me because at least I was royal, even if I wasn’t the royal they wanted. ”
Tor made a face. “Yeah, please don’t do that.”
Pel raised an eyebrow. “You’re not pitying me, are you?”
“What is there to pity about you?” Tor demanded, his face surprisingly serious.
“You’re living an admirable life, and you’ve fought against odds that I can’t even imagine.
You’re not… not flashy like me, but flashy isn’t everything.
You show up every day. You work so hard, you’re so wonderful to your people, and you’re the best archer I’ve ever seen.
You put up with your father, and you keep managing every day even though you aren’t getting along with your siblings right now. ”
Smiling softly, he added, “You let me into your life even though I was an ass when we first met. You’re willing to wade right into the middle of an embankment bursting because you can’t do anything with your magic, but you’re perfectly willing to use your hands.
You were miserable today, but you still acted like everything was all right so your people would be happy.
And you were gracious enough to come find me to demand answers when you could have let it go and written me off as totally useless. ”
Pel was pretty sure he was gaping at the other man.
“I’m so grateful that I came here,” Tor continued, “because if I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t ever have taken the time to get to know you. And then I’d have missed out on one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.”
Pel’s breath caught. No one had ever said something like this to him before. No one had ever seen him like this. His exhale was shaky.
He managed to smile as he blinked back tears. “I’m so glad you showed up here, too. And if I’d realized you were going to be this awesome, I would probably have given you directions to the castle from the beginning.”
Tor grinned, his expression delighted. “You were so rude. I don’t think I’ve ever been spoken to quite like that. I mean, except for when my brother is annoyed, but that’s a different sort of scorn.”
Pel cleared his throat and announced, like this was news, “I may be slightly oversensitive to differences in rank and magic strength.”
“I may also be a little used to my whims being gratified,” Tor conceded easily, still grinning. “Though it was a little different coming here. I was pretending to be one of my knights.”
Pel blinked at him. “What? Is that why you were on your own?”
Tor nodded and explained how he’d sneaked away, while Tor’s best friend, Sir Rinil, dyed brunet, had stayed and pretended to be Tor to give him time to get away.
Pel goggled at him. “You really did run away.”
He’d not expected anything nearly as elaborate as that.
“I sure did,” Tor agreed cheerfully, not seeming at all embarrassed by his behavior.
“Isn’t anyone going to worry?” Pel asked.
It had been a couple of months, but Pel had kind of pushed that thought out of his mind the more he’d wanted to spend time with Tor. In fact, he’d started to hope the other man wasn’t ever going to leave, even if he knew that was impossible.
Tor’s eyes got a little distant, and then he shrugged.
“Eventually, my brother will want me back to dance to his tune. He’s unlikely to be surprised that I didn’t simply fall in with his schemes and instead made my own choices.
If we’re talking about the overall feelings at the castle, then I would guess that it’s one of relief that I’m not there to bother them anymore. ”
Although he’d managed to scour his voice of most of its inflection, there was still a trace of bitterness there, and Pel was surprised again by how familiar the sentiment was.
A little bit of Pel felt like Tor was squandering his chances, but he checked himself.
That was still taking the magic over the person, wasn’t it?
Tor had been trapped in a situation just like Pel had, both of them left feeling that those around them would be happier if they were gone.
Softly, Pel said, “I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you to bother them.”
Tor eyed him, and when Pel realized exactly what he’d said, he laughed. Tor joined in a moment later, and then they were both clutching at one another and gasping with mirth.
“That didn’t come out quite right,” Pel spluttered.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Tor said with a grin. “It feels a lot like the beginning of our relationship.”
It really did.
“I felt like you were dogging my every step,” Pel admitted with a groan. “If you weren’t actually there, everyone was asking about you. It was infuriating.”
Tor grinned at him. “Until you fell for my many charms. Which was inevitable, of course. For they are legion.”
Pel knew that it was meant to be a joke, but he couldn’t help but say, “You really are very charming.”
Tor’s smile faltered. “I’d say thank you, but that wasn’t a compliment, was it?”
Pel made a face. “I know you just finished telling me all the ways that you find me admirable, but it’s, uh, still a little harder than I want it to be to imagine why someone like you would want someone like me.”
He felt his face heating again and found that his gaze had slipped to the other man’s chest. Tor’s fingers under his chin gently tilted his head up so that Pel had to look him in the eye.
Seriously, Tor said, “Because you’re everything I didn’t know I was looking for.”
And somehow, that was the exact right thing to say, and Pel found himself relaxing. He couldn’t imagine anyone would set out looking for someone like him, but, just maybe, they could find him by accident.
He smiled a little tremulously. “I didn’t know I was looking for you, either. In fact, I’m pretty sure I actively avoided you for as long as I could.”
“You’re lucky I’m stubborn,” Tor said proudly.
Pel’s smile widened. “Yeah, I am.”
Tor was silent for a moment, and then he said quietly, “I’ve never told anyone about what happened on the mountain.”
Pel sobered instantly.
Tor blew out a wavering breath. “I didn’t admit it at the time, but even then, I wanted you to know the real me. There are very few people in my life who I can be myself with.”
Pel’s breath stuttered. That was one of the most flattering things anyone had ever said to him.
“I like you,” he blurted out.
Tor’s lips tipped up, though there were still shadows in his eyes. “Even when there’s things not to like?”
Pel swallowed. “Yes, even then. Nobody’s perfect. I’d so much rather know the real you. In fact, I wouldn’t be here now if all you’d ever shown me was the perfect Extraordinary High Prince.”
Tor considered this for a moment, and then he nodded. “That actually makes a lot of sense. I feel privileged and fortunate whenever you let me see some of the real you. And in case it’s not obvious, I like you, too. Very much.”
Pel could feel his face heat again, but it was so nice to hear. And even though Pel’s demons whispered that it was too good to be true, it was much harder to doubt when he was sitting in the man’s lap and they were having this conversation.
But… maybe it was time to give something else a try?
Pel cleared his throat and tried to sound confident. “I’m still in your lap, and I was sort of hoping that we could do… something.”
So that would be a no on Pel being at all charming.
But Tor’s eyes lit up, and his smirk was… friendly, somehow, like Pel was being invited to share the joke, not be the butt of it.
“I would certainly like to do something with you,” Tor agreed. “There are a lot of options.”
That was the problem.
Tor apparently picked up on Pel’s discomfort, his expression softening again into something that Pel would have said was fond.
“Not sure what you want?” he asked kindly.