Chapter Nineteen #2
“Really don’t want to embarrass myself again,” Pel muttered.
He knew he was inexperienced, but he’d sort of hoped to be reasonably competent.
Tor smiled at him. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. Like I said, you’re fulfilling a nice fantasy of mine, letting me be the first person to get my hands all over you.”
Tor gave him a once-over that was so heated that Pel could actually feel himself get warmer. And, uh, other parts of him were rising, too.
But Pel couldn’t help but ask, “Why would you want to be with someone who has no idea what they’re doing?”
If not for Pel, they could probably have had sex three times over by now.
“I’ve got enough experience for both of us,” Tor said easily. “So I’ve never really worried about that.”
“But isn’t it more, I don’t know, fun or enjoyable when the other person knows what they’re doing?”
Pel was still kind of flustered, but the questions were starting to spill out of him, all the things he’d never dared ask anyone but always wondered.
Tor didn’t seem at all perturbed. “Well, it can be nice to be with a partner who knows what they’re doing. I obviously had to learn somewhere, and I’ve been with people who’ve taught me things.”
Pel tried not to react, but Tor leaned in and kissed him, soft and warm.
“Being with you means that it’s my turn to teach you.
Plus, every occasion is a new one. I might have had sex before, but I’ve never had it with you.
We have to learn how each of us is going to react, what pleases us, what we like and don’t like.
” Tor shrugged. “In that sense, it’s new for both of us. ”
This sounded like it might be a line, but it was a nice line, and it did make Pel feel a bit better. Each person was unique, and that had to mean there were unique factors in any two people coming together.
Pel managed to tease, “You’re lucky you’re so charming.”
And Tor flashed him that knee-melting grin, the one that Pel didn’t ever want to admit had such an effect on him.
“There’re all sorts of things we can do together,” Tor told Pel, “and a lot of them aren’t the full penetrative sex that you’re thinking of and which is making you a little jumpy.”
Pel shot the other man a look, but Tor just grinned at him.
“That’s the first lesson about sex. We want to bring one another pleasure, and there are so many ways to do that.”
Pel pondered this. “But isn’t sex—actual sex—always the goal?”
Tor shook his head.
“Not everybody likes it, first of all. And it generally takes time, prep, and privacy that isn’t always available. Depending on the people involved, there may never be body parts going inside anyone, and that’s totally fine.”
Pel made a face, and Tor laughed again and leaned in to kiss him.
“Maybe explaining this isn’t my best skill,” he admitted.
Or maybe it was the best explanation ever. Because Pel had been imagining body parts going inside people. He wanted that eventually, but it was making him nervous and jumpy just like Tor had said.
If he was being offered shared humor and easy affection and silly explanations instead?
Yes, Pel would definitely pick that.
So he kissed Tor softly, and then said, “Keep explaining. I like it.”
Tor cleared his throat, looking almost shy for an instant. “Yes. So. Options. Hand jobs.”
“I’ve already done that,” he protested dismissively. “I have a hand.”
Tor laughed. “Fair enough. I promise it’s different when someone else is doing it, but I take your point.” His eyes sparkled. “What about mouths? Pretty sure you can’t have done that to yourself.”
Pel spluttered out a laugh. “Yeah, no, I’m definitely not that flexible.”
“How does that sound, then?” Tor asked.
Considering this, Pel admitted, “It sounds like it’s probably easier to receive than to give.”
Tor grinned at him. “Let’s start off easy, in that case. I’ll give you a demonstration, take the edge off, and then if you want to, you can try it on me.”
Pel groaned. “But if you go first, then I’ll look even worse following you.”
“You can go first if you want,” Tor offered immediately. “Whatever makes you most comfortable.”
Pel liked the way Tor had suggestions but ultimately left the choice up to Pel. Thinking about it, he really couldn’t imagine going after Tor. He knew which of them was going to be skilled at this.
“I’d rather go first. I mean, be the one… to you,” Pel said awkwardly, feeling his face heating again.
Tor flashed him a grin. “I’m definitely not going to say no to that.”
The reality of the fact that Pel had just agreed to use his mouth on Tor resounded in Pel’s mind, and he must have looked as terrified as he suddenly felt, because Tor’s hands tightened on his hips for a moment, and then they moved to gently cup his face and pull him in for a kiss.
Pel had never expected that kisses from Tor could be so reassuring, but they really were. And even though the hot, feverish kisses were amazing, he really liked the gentle ones, too.
“Hey,” Tor said softly when he drew back. “It’s all about what pleases us, remember? We don’t have to do anything right now.”
“But if we don’t do it now, then when?” Pel asked petulantly.
“Later tonight? Tomorrow? Next week?” Tor suggested with a hint of a smile. “There aren’t actually any rules or a schedule that we have to follow.”
Pel sagged against the man. “I didn’t think this was going to be so difficult. I don’t mean to make it awkward. I know it’s not what you’re used to.”
Tor just smiled at him. “You came after me when I thought I’d ruined everything. I promise that this is going to be the best night for me even if all we do now is go to sleep.”
Pel blew out a breath, trying to release some of his tension. He didn’t want to be anxious about this, but it would be useless to try to claim he wasn’t. He sucked in a breath, and then he mumbled, “Could we sleep together?”
Tor looked at him curiously, and Pel felt yet another blush heat his cheeks. “In the bed? Just… sleep?”
It sounded even more ridiculous when he repeated the request, and he immediately wanted to take it back. Why did he always have to—
But then Tor leaned in and kissed him, the warm touch cutting off all his worry before Tor drew back and smiled.
“We can definitely sleep together. I’d like that very much.” He eyed Pel before he admitted, “I might have spent a lot of time in bed here thinking about you being in it with me.”
Pel sucked in a sharp breath. “Did you really?”
Tor nodded, a reminiscent smile on his lips. “Especially after that kiss. Everything I wanted—and everything I thought I couldn’t have.”
Pel leaned in and rested his forehead against the other man’s. “How could I not want to have everything to do with you?”
This made Tor smile, and then he rose to his feet, bringing Pel with him, clutching desperately at him and shrieking, scrambling to get his feet firmly planted on the ground once more.
Tor pouted. “I wanted to carry you to the bed.”
That presented… interesting possibilities for the future, but—
“I am perfectly capable of walking,” Pel told him primly.
Tor grinned at him. “Of course you are. Come on, then.”
They made their way into the bedroom, and Tor lit a handful of the crystals even as the ones in the sitting room went dark, leaving the room bathed in a soft light. Pel tried not to think about the fact that he’d never climbed into someone else’s bed before, not since he’d been a child, anyway.
He had a faint memory of crawling into his father’s bed in the middle of the night after a nightmare when he was little.
His father had let him curl up and had assured him that there were no monsters coming after him, and even if they did, he would protect Pel.
Pel had fallen right back to sleep, sure in the knowledge of his father’s protection.
It had never been quite the same after their mother died, and it had been worse still once Pel Manifested, but just occasionally, Pel remembered the happy moments.
Right now, he missed the certainty of the young boy he’d been; it hadn’t occurred to him yet to question his welcome. Rather than overthinking, he’d just acted. He needed to act now, but it all felt weirdly uncomfortable.
“Do you remember learning to use the bow and arrow?” Tor asked.
Pel, who had been staring rather fixedly at the bed, turned to look at the other man, who was no longer wearing a tunic, and Pel’s mind briefly froze.
But then he realized that Tor was holding a nightshirt, which he pulled on, and Pel could think again, even as he reminded himself that he’d seen Tor bare-chested before.
He frowned. Why were they talking about archery?
“Yes,” he said, confused.
“Yeah?” Tor pressed. “You remember how awkward it was? How often the bowstring hit your arm? How you missed at first? Fell short of the target?”
“Yes,” Pel repeated. He was really good at it now, but like everyone else, he’d needed to start—
Pel rolled his eyes as he understood what Tor was telling him, but Tor just grinned.
And actually, as foolish as it was, it did make Pel feel better. Pel was an extremely accomplished archer, and he knew that Tor knew that. Despite the fact that there was no correlation between the two skills, the parallel was soothing. He had to start at the beginning.
Tor was actually quite good at that—which helped balance out the times when he got it completely, epically wrong.
Because Tor wasn’t perfect, and Pel had maybe exaggerated everything too much in his head.
They were both trying. Sometimes, they got it wrong, but they could apologize and recover if that happened.
And sometimes, they got it really right.
Tor handed Pel a nightshirt and politely turned away so that Pel could undress more comfortably.
Pel had wondered if the man was going to show off a little, see if he could entice Pel into anything, but he was being very restrained.
Part of Pel almost wanted to be seduced to get it over with, but the rest of him was grateful.