Chapter 6
NIKIAS
“Iwithdraw. You owe her your life. Be grateful for it. And you’re going to show it.”
Nikias’ vision was blurry but his brother’s voice was clear.
The challenge was over.
He was being spared.
The throbbing, fiery pain tearing through his arm overwhelmed him and his breath came out in heavy, labored breaths as he clenched his jaw.
The light pouring from the rune beneath them faded and through his hazy vision he could see Gavril picking up the Sordes girl who had just begged for Nikias’ life.
The same girl Nikias had just had on their healer’s tables and under their knives to suffer for the crime of looking like the Desero demon.
Why?
How?
He didn’t understand. Where had she come from? How could she even have made it out to the courtyard in her weakened state?
But more importantly, why?
Why would she ever want him to live?
“Mercy.”
She’d begged Gavril to have mercy on him.
It defied all logic. Nikias didn’t care much for logic at the moment. Not with the burning pain of his fractured bones trying to drag him into the depths. He’d give in if he was certain he wouldn’t wake up.
The second he’d stepped into the rune and accepted his brother’s challenge, he knew he would not be leaving it. How could he?
Gavril wanted his death in exchange for his wife’s blood.
Nikias had nothing left to live for.
He’d failed to get justice for Faustina against the demon. He’d failed to get rid of her lookalike to spare his brother the agony of a wife who would never love him. He’d failed in his promise to Aimilia to give her the only man she ever wanted.
The demon escaped and got her wedding, her husband, her happy ending, and everything she’d taken from him. Torturing her lookalike hadn’t changed anything. It had only put more blood on his hands.
And in doing so he’d destroyed the one thing he had left. His brother.
So Nikias would let his brother spill his blood until there was none left if that was what he wanted.
Let it be over.
There was no hope left for a creature like him.
His beloved wife six feet under. Her murderer free and laughing at her victory. His brother’s hatred sealed by the blood coating Nikias’ hands. The woman he loved…
“I wish the Desero demon had killed you instead.”
How could he blame her?
“Finally. We have something in common.”
Aimilia—
Nikias’ vision began to clear through the haze of pain.
He would know her beautiful red hair anywhere. She was staring right at him, and now that he was looking at her there was no force strong enough to make him look away.
Was she there to relish in seeing his death?
No. She hadn’t been there at the beginning.
He would have seen her. He would have taken even just the fraction of a second he could to look at her one last time before he let his brother kill him.
Nikias loved nothing more than torture. It didn’t matter if it was someone else’s or his own.
Whatever was closest, he would find a way to begin carving.
So, if she hadn’t been there to watch as her wish came to pass…
Gavril continued to carry his Sordes wife, the girl too weak to walk another step.
Maybe Nikias had been wrong about her. It wasn’t completely hopeless. The way she’d thrown herself at Gavril, what else could it mean but she loved him? But that didn’t explain how she’d gotten there in the first place.
Aimilia.
The Sordes girl would have had no idea this was occurring, nor the strength to make it out there alone.
Aimilia had brought her here. The Sordes girl would never want Nikias’ life spared after what he’d done. The only possibility was that Aimilia had convinced her to beg for Nikias’ life.
Aimilia had wanted Gavril to have mercy on him.
Aimilia wanted him to live.
She was the only one who didn’t scatter as Gavril approached. She kept holding Nikias’ gaze, and if he could get his legs to cooperate, he just might start crawling toward her.
Aimilia had saved his life.
She hadn’t meant what she’d said.
Maybe he didn’t have to mean what he said either.
Finally, she pulled her gaze away, falling into step with Gavril with the same ease they always had. Nikias’ mother was at his side, and distantly he heard her screaming for a healer as Gavril and Aimilia began exchanging words.
Nikias still could not pull his gaze away from her as she walked away from him.
What if there was still something left to live for?
If there was, did Nikias have any hope of being able to crawl out of the bloody depths he’d drowned himself in?
He had to.
Nikias would not be able to keep living without hope, and he was not being given a choice. He would live, whether he wanted to or not.
He wanted to. No matter what it took. No matter how hard the path ahead he would have to trek to begin to fix the mess he’d made.
Nikias wanted to live again.
Nikias had endured many things in his life. He’d thought before of the ways he would finally meet his end. In his darkest moments, coming far too close to relishing in such ideas.
But then he’d been spared that day Gavril issued the challenge.
Nikias had continued to live despite not deserving it. And now here he was.
He’d never expected his demise to be caused by sheer humiliation.
Or rather, he wished he would pass away from the embarrassment simply so he wouldn’t have to face the world.
Nikias would rather starve hiding away in his room than have to step out into the hallways and start to hear the whispers spread of what had happened last night.
“I am not marrying you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”
How could he have gotten it so wrong?
Was he truly as delusional as Aimilia claimed?
How could his love have deceived him into believing she returned it so thoroughly when she hated him so?
If she hated him so…
Nikias didn’t understand anything anymore.
Aimilia hadn’t tried to save his life after all. She’d meant her words that day in the hallway.
“For the last three years, I have thought something I never dared voice, but I have never wished it more than I have in this moment… I wish you had gone in first. I wish the Desero demon had killed you instead.”
She probably still wanted him dead.
What exactly had Nikias kept living for then?
A knock sounded on his door for the third time that morning.
He stayed silent and perfectly still, head buried in his pillow. His mother was persistent, he would give her that, but he was not having this conversation with her. Not today, and not ever if he could help it.
He at least wanted to wait until he’d started to pick up the pieces of his heart Aimilia had left shattered in the courtyard.
The scar over his heart burned.
How could he have ever let himself believe she could return his feelings?
“Are you seriously going to stay in there and wallow all day? Don’t you have work to do? Like, I don’t know, running the country?”
Nikias sat up at the sound of Gavril’s voice. Last night had been the first time Gavril had set foot in the palace since returning to Areator, and he was back already? Alone? Risking their mother getting a hold of him?
Aimilia’s biting words had been haunting him all night and came back with a vengeance.
He forced himself out of bed, brushing off his wrinkled chiton and ensuring it was clasped properly over his chest so nothing could be seen.
Then he unlocked and opened the door to see Gavril on the other side.
Nikias said, “I’m not wallowing. Now get in here before Mother comes back.
She’s already tried two times this morning. ”
Gavril didn’t need to be told twice, stepping inside and shutting and locking the door after him as Nikias busied himself pretending to straighten up his already immaculate dresser top. He shot Gavril a cold look. “Are you here to gloat?”
“I’m not here to tell you I told you so,” Gavril said, leaning against the bedpost and watching Nikias through the reflection in the mirror. “Even though I did.”
Nikias desperately wished he had listened to the warning Gavril had tried to give him about proposing before he’d gone and made a fool of himself. Who would know better Aimilia’s reaction than her closest friend and the man she actually loved?
Nikias swallowed the bitter jealous thought, expert at it that he was, and asked, “Then what are you here for?”
“Just making sure you’re still sane and not about to do something rash.” Gavril’s eyes scanned over Nikias’ unkempt appearance. “Forgive me, but you don’t have the best record.”
Nikias ignored how Gavril’s doubt dug into the still bleeding wounds Aimilia had given him. “I am perfectly sane and believe me, I have no rash thoughts in my head. In fact, I would say I’m seeing things more clearly than I ever have before.”
Gavril raised an eyebrow. “Right… and that would be?”
Nikias turned to face him fully. “Has she not already told you what happened?”
“I haven’t seen Aimilia yet,” Gavril said, shrugging. “I don’t know anything other than what I saw. Unless, of course, you want to talk about it.”
Nikias narrowed his eyes. While he loved his younger brother immensely, he still resented him. It was impossible for Nikias to look at him and not hear Gavril’s name in Aimilia’s voice again and again being thrown in his face as she tore Nikias down.
It didn’t matter what he did, he’d always be the lesser brother to her.
“Tempting, but no. I really don’t want to talk about it.” Especially not with Gavril. Nikias would sooner confide in Marcella if he had to. Partially because he knew she wouldn’t be able to fully understand his words if he spoke fast enough.
“Alright… I won’t force you to. But…” Gavril pushed off the post. “What now?”
Nikias still had a deal to make good on. Precisely why he was avoiding his mother, who would now start harping on it. He still needed to remarry.
He had made that deal because he had stupidly believed he could remarry and not break the vow he’d made at Faustina’s grave. He would only marry a woman he loved that loved him in return.
He’d even started to compromise it, foolish and desperate as he was, ready to beg Aimilia to marry him anyway even if she hated him. Thank goodness she’d had the sense to stop him and save him from himself. He didn’t want her to marry him out of practicality.
Nikias looked out the window and took a deep breath. “I create a new plan.”
“So, you’re still going to remarry?”
“I don’t have a choice.”
And he had a vow to keep. But right now, it seemed so impossible. How could anyone recover from such a vehement and utterly eviscerating rejection?
“So, that’s it?” Gavril raised an eyebrow. “Your first option didn’t work out, so now you’re just going to start over from scratch?”
Oh. It was so simple. How had he not seen it before?
Nikias turned to Gavril, lips shifting in a grin. “That is exactly what I will be doing.”
Gavril’s shoulders sagged and he let out a noise halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “Oh, good. I was worried you were going to take this much worse.”
How could it get any worse?
“I know I have no right to anyone’s good opinion of me, but still, I would have hoped you’d have higher expectations of me.
I might have been mistaken in believing she would accept, but I am at least, very familiar with Aimilia’s sharp tongue.
” Nikias leaned back against the dresser, crossing his arms and covering the scars hidden beneath his chiton.
“I can survive even the most brutal of rejections from her.”
“Good!” Gavril clapped his hands, smiling.
“That is good to hear. Well, since you’re taking this much better than I anticipated, I suppose, I will let you get on with it.
With your new plan I mean, there are plenty of other Runai commanders.
Honestly, Aimilia herself could probably write a detailed list and pick out the best candidates—” Gavril started walking backwards toward the door, hands up.
“Not that I’m suggesting you should ask her or need her help, or—You know, I’m just going to stop talking and leave before I get caught or cornered. ”
“I’ll walk you out. No one will corner you,” Nikias said, following him to the door, ignoring Gavril’s well-intentioned but mistaken belief.
It worked out well; he’d be able to give the guards direct orders once Gavril was gone.
“You’re right. I need to stop wallowing anyway.
Better to let everyone see just how unaffected I am. ”
Gavril blinked as he reached for the door at the offer. “Oh. Thank you. I… I appreciate it.”
Nikias ignored the voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like Aimilia’s, sneering at him that it was his fault Gavril couldn’t even visit him without needing an escort in order to protect him from their parents.
He was haunted enough by all the things she had said, he didn’t need his mind conjuring up more ammunition on its own.
It was no secret Nikias was their parents’ favorite, but with their parents, being the favorite also came with expectations. Not to mention, being their favorite didn’t change as much as some might think.
Nikias followed Gavril out the door. Nikias certainly wouldn’t be making it back to his room without their mother getting ahold of him. When she heard what he was going to do next, she was not going to be happy with him.
If he was lucky, he’d be able to have the conversation with her anywhere but his father’s room. Even with his father’s health declining day by day, Nikias still had yet to find a way to end it for good. His father managed to find a surprising amount of strength when he so desired.
Not that it mattered. Nikias was just glad Gavril had escaped.
Aimilia had called him a coward. She was right.