Chapter 34
AIMILIA
Aimilia wasn’t as foolish as her current plan of action might lead the outside observer to believe.
As she rode through the night on a horse she snuck out of the Desero stables, she was aware she was only buying time and there would be hell to pay when Nikias caught up to her.
And he would catch up to her.
She’d bought herself the majority of a day at most. A few hours at worst.
But she needed them.
She’d spent the first few days after her and Nikias’ kiss focusing on Marcella, mostly so she could avoid thinking about it and to assuage the gripping guilt that was suffocating her from even letting Nikias near her after everything he’d done.
Even more decimating was the guilt that she’d wanted him to, and a little part of her wanted him to do it again.
Then the messenger had arrived.
Aimilia’s guilt had evolved into something darker.
Gavril had found her only an hour later, but by then her tears had dried and she was sitting there in silence.
Her first words had been a whispered, “I hate him.”
Gavril had asked, “Your grandfather?”
She’d shaken her head. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. If he’d just have given me the Mitis post, I could have at least said goodbye.”
So if Aimilia was going to make it through this funeral without putting Nikias in a casket too she needed to be as far away from him as long as she could be.
Kissing him back had been the biggest mistake she’d ever made.
Her eyes were fluttering shut as the sun inched higher and higher in the sky after dawn. She forced herself to dismount and walk alongside her steed, hoping that would help her shake off the exhaustion trying to slow her down and get her caught by her certain pursuer.
When her feet kept snagging on roots and sending her right to the forest floor, she decided to lie there for a minute and shut her eyes. Her horse wouldn’t step on her, right?
She hoped not, especially since she couldn’t stop herself from falling asleep right where she was.
When she woke up, it was to a face full of horse muzzle as the mare nudged her face and her hot breath hit Aimilia’s skin. She cracked an eye open and reached up to gently push the mare’s head out of the way. The sun was setting.
Aimilia jerked upright, twigs and leaves sticking to her hair and cloak. She’d slept too long, and any lead she’d had was—
She could hear the sound of horses in the near distance.
Aimilia scrambled to her feet, her horse dancing away from her and her frantic rush. Aimilia grabbed the reins and started to mount. She had one foot in the stirrup when a voice cut through the air.
“Don’t be foolish, Commander. At least, not any more than you’ve already been.”
Aimilia looked over her shoulder to see Nikias and several Runai guards approaching.
She glanced at the path ahead of her and Nikias said, “You won’t get far. You think I won’t chase you a few more feet after I’ve been chasing you for miles?”
Aimilia looked back at him. “A girl can dream, can’t she?”
But she took her foot out of the stirrup and Nikias was immediately dismounting. Aimilia kept a grip on her horse’s reins as he came toward her.
“You know how utterly reckless and irresponsible this stunt was?” Nikias’ voice was cold and his eyes dark. Her heart stuttered in her chest. “How shortsighted can you be, to not know how this would end?”
But it didn’t matter how furious Nikias was, Aimilia wouldn’t cower. “I knew how it would end. I wasn’t expecting to outrun you the whole way. I was just hoping for a few days free of your presence.”
Nikias took one look at her horse and then looked back at his soldiers. “Go ahead and make camp here for the night.”
“What—”
Nikias cut her off by gesturing to her horse. “Your steed is dehydrated, so are you, frankly, and while it’s clear you managed to take a nap in the dirt, you need more rest as well.”
Aimilia glared at him even as her cheeks flushed, ignoring the twigs in her hair. “I’m fine.”
Nikias reached forward and pulled one of the twigs out of her hair. “Really? You purposefully collapsed in the middle of the road in broad daylight where any clan mage, Solitus, or worse could find you completely helpless?”
Aimilia batted his hand away. “Just because we’re traveling in the same direction doesn’t mean anything.”
“That’s not the point. This was reckless.” Nikias lowered his voice as he stepped closer. “You know the Stonai have been active and causing trouble, and you still went out on your own and collapsed, leaving yourself defenseless if any of them found you.”
“No Stonai activity has been anywhere near here.” She raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t just staring off into space the last two weeks. I was paying attention.”
Nikias’ jaw clenched as he blew out a long, slow breath.
“You deliberately disobeyed my orders. Again. I’m starting to think if I want you to do something I need to order the opposite.
” Nikias also reached forward and started brushing the leaves and dirt off her cloak.
“I could have your cloak for this. I’m not sure what else would even get through to you. ”
Aimilia scoffed, stepping back and moving to brush off her cloak herself. “You wouldn’t. Then you wouldn’t be able to marry me. Not that you’re going to, but then you’d be the one to wreck your plans.”
“We’ll see about that.”
Aimilia reached up and untied her braid, letting her hair loose so she could pick out the debris she accumulated. Nikias’ eyes followed the motion, staying on her hair and lingering too long before he said, “Why did you run away?”
Aimilia held her tongue. She looked over his shoulder. The guards were far enough away they couldn’t hear them, but that wouldn’t remain true if things got heated, and Aimilia couldn’t have this conversation without getting heated.
“You’re not a complete buffoon. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Nikias took her by the arm and pulled her farther into the woods and away from the guards, keeping his voice low. “I don’t want to fight.”
“Keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself and we won’t.” Aimilia ripped her arm out of his grip.
“What is this about? I know you’re grieving, but do you really think lashing out at me is going to help? Or is this really just about our kiss?”
Aimilia dug her nails into her skin. She couldn’t betray Gavril and Marcella’s confidence; she had plenty of reasons to want to avoid him.
“I hate you.”
“Hmm. Do you?” Nikias raised an eyebrow. “Or do you just hate the fact that you kissed me back and now you can’t pretend you feel nothing for me anymore?”
“The only thing I feel for you right now is revulsion.”
But unlike before when she’d told him she thought he was repulsive and despicable, it didn’t bounce right off his marble facade. She could see the cracks her words caused as he shifted closer.
“Why is it so terrible to you that you might actually care about me?” His fingers brushed her hand, not quite taking it, but the pads of his finger causing her skin to hum. “Why can’t you just accept you wanted to kiss me? How am I the villain here?”
“Because you always are!” Aimilia’s eyes watered as she ripped her hand back. “This is all your fault.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t kill your grandfather.”
“You gave my post to someone else because you decided you would marry me without even once talking to me about your intentions! Then when I refused, you decided you didn’t care what I want and were determined to force me to be near you to wear me down.
So yes, it is your fault I didn’t get to go back to Mitis and see him one last time!
” Aimilia curled her hand into his chiton, but she couldn’t even see his face through her tears.
“Aimilia—”
“No! You—Do you even care? Or just not more than you care about getting what you want? And why? What for? I’m not—” Aimilia choked on the words.
She didn’t know what she was trying to say.
“You can apologize and grovel, but you can’t go back in the past and change what you’ve done.
You can’t bring my grandfather back. You can’t undo—” Aimilia cut herself off before she revealed a secret that wasn’t hers to tell.
“I—I hate you, and I hate myself more for kissing you back. It’s a mistake I’ll never make again.
But you? How many more lives will you ruin to get your way? ”
Nikias’ hands rested on her shoulders. “Of course I care.”
Aimilia wiped at her eyes, unable to stop her watery laugh. “Your words are so empty compared to your actions.”
“I am sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye. I am sorry even inadvertently for being the cause. Since you don’t want to hear it, all I can do is ask for the chance to prove it.”
Aimilia couldn’t help the mangled half-sob, half-laugh that erupted from her chest. “Because you think it’ll make me want to marry you?”
“Have you noticed lately you’re the only one bringing it up?”
Aimilia froze.
Then his arms were around her and her head pressed into his chest as he clutched her to him. “The last thing I care about right now is that. All I care about is the fact that you’re hurting and you won’t let anyone take care of you for once in your life.”
The sobs came flooding out as she collapsed in his arms. It wasn’t true. This all had to be some kind of act, right?
But they hit the forest floor, and he kept her curled up against him as her whole body shook. He held her as she cried into his chest.
She should pull away. She should keep tearing into him, trying to make him bite back and prove her right. She should… She should be doing anything but letting him hold her like she mattered to him as more than a means to an end.
But she didn’t.
As much as she shouldn’t be taking his comfort, it was better than sitting on the floor and sobbing alone.
She was tired of being alone.