Chapter 35
NIKIAS
As reluctant as Nikias was to do so, eventually he had to let go of Aimilia.
They were on a tight timeframe. While magic could do much in delaying the funeral, it could only go so far.
They weren’t nearly close enough to the Mitis estate as to be able to take their time. When morning came, they set off again.
To Nikias’ satisfaction, Aimilia no longer looked like she was about to fall over.
She didn’t say a word to him that morning, just silently started breaking camp with the rest of them in the early dawn light.
Nikias wasn’t entirely sure if space was what she needed, or if it was the last thing she needed.
While Nikias was well acquainted with grieving, he wasn’t necessarily as closely acquainted with the best way to do it. Especially not when he was being blamed as the cause. So Nikias stayed silent, and while he did not ride directly beside her, he remained close the first day.
As the hours went on, Aimilia didn’t speak to anyone, not even the soldiers.
On the second day, Nikias rode beside her.
He waited.
The sun beat down on them through the trees, and he could see the mountains they were riding beside peeking out into the horizon. Aimilia still didn’t speak.
Did she really blame him? Nikias was guilty of many things, but how could he have known her grandfather would take such a turn so quickly?
No one had expected it. Nikias had been monitoring the situation as closely as he was monitoring his own father’s, although hoping for very different results. Surely it was just her grief blinding her and she was just looking for someone to blame.
There was nothing more natural to Aimilia than blaming Nikias.
Whether it was deserved or not. Although—while Nikias maintained his innocence—as he looked at Aimilia’s ghostly white skin and the bags under her red-rimmed eyes, Nikias couldn’t help the way his stomach rolled and his grip on his reins tightened.
What would have happened if he’d sent her to that post? Would she still blame him? Would she have gotten the farewell she deserved?
Finally, on the fourth day, Nikias couldn’t take it any longer.
Their horses’ hooves dug into the rocky ground. Finally, Nikias looked over at her and took a deep breath. Then, softly, he said, “I don’t recall ever traveling to the estate. This will be my first time seeing it.”
Aimilia blinked, and the glazed look in her eyes faded as she turned to look at him as if he was the only thing she could see clearly for miles. Her voice was thick and hoarse as she said, “I suppose.”
He’d gotten a response. He hadn’t been certain he would.
Now that she wasn’t giving him the complete silent treatment, he couldn’t waste the opportunity.
Nikias knew just how dangerous it could be to sit and stew in your own mind and your grief.
But he had to be careful. He couldn’t ask the wrong question, or he would only dig himself deeper into a hole it seemed he was never going to be able to climb out of with her.
Nikias said, “What… What is your favorite part of the estate?”
She stared at him blankly, and a thousand thoughts raced through Nikias’ head. He should have asked something else. He shouldn’t have mentioned the estate at all. He should have commented on something banal, like the weather or the foliage or the mountains beside them.
The sound of hooves hitting the ground and their breathing filled the air. There was the faint sound of a quiet conversation between two of the guards toward the back, something about his son.
Finally, Aimilia said, “I’ve always liked the way the sunset looks from the west tower.”
Nikias smiled at her. “Would it be a terrible imposition if I asked you to show it to me when we get there?”
Aimilia took a slow breath. “That could be arranged.”
The hope lodged in Nikias’ chest swelled. Maybe she didn’t blame him as much as she’d claimed to initially. Nikias didn’t dare broach it again, for fear of getting an answer.
Instead, over the next few days, he would occasionally throw out a question about the estate or her childhood there, and she would usually answer.
Sometimes she didn’t seem to hear him as she just stared at the path ahead of them, a haunted look in her eyes.
Nikias learned a few snippets here and there about her life before they had met each other.
He’d known the facts. She was the granddaughter of the current Head of House Mitis, only daughter of his only son.
Her mother wasn’t a commander, but an academic from House Selix.
There had been some cousins around her age at the estate, but none of them had ended up on the command track with her.
That wasn’t uncommon. It was very rare for two mages from the same house to make it onto the command track in the same year.
Her cousins had been spread out at the Academy and she’d lost touch with most of them.
They’d lost a lot of their closeness, which also wasn’t surprising, considering her focus had been entirely on Gavril since the moment they’d met.
It was strange to think that for as long as Nikias had known her, there had still been a good chunk of Aimilia’s life that he hadn’t seen.
That he hadn’t even heard about until now, really.
When he finally ran out of questions about that, he shifted into anything that could take her mind off her grandfather—specifically, their days at the Academy.
Not together. Not technically.
They’d been in different classes, and every interaction they’d had had been clouded by their bickering. Unfortunately, it was impossible to talk about the Academy without talking about Gavril for Aimilia and Faustina for Nikias.
“I remember once, I think it was my last year there, leading up to the graduation tournament, I was going to the library, and I saw you. I don’t even think you saw me.
You came running down the Hall from the opposite direction, your chiton stained pink and your skin as well.
It was one of the few times I saw you without Gavril.
I don’t think you even saw me. Especially since you didn’t pause to try to rile me up.
I always meant to find out what happened, but I never did. ”
Aimilia’s cheeks flushed the same pink that her chiton had been stained that day.
She snorted a soft laugh. “Oh, there’s a good reason you didn’t find out about this one.
I made sure of it. You would have been absolutely insufferable if you had.
Do you remember it wasn’t too long later that we were at a banquet for a wedding, and we got into it when I told you the bride was secretly in love with you? ”
Now that encounter Nikias would never forget. Although, at the time, he hadn’t realized just how significant it would be. “I recall.”
“Well, I’d gotten that story from her younger sister in the library.
When the bride found out that I knew—she didn’t take to it kindly.
She had her fiancé’s brother, who was in my class, lay a trap for me.
Nothing too serious, just to threaten me enough to keep my mouth shut.
It was just a bit of dye, but enough that it wouldn’t come out and was going to clash horribly with me up until the wedding.
Unfortunately for them, I was clever enough to get it all off the next day, so it failed spectacularly.
But I certainly didn’t want you to ever find out about it.
” Aimilia rolled her eyes. “You were absolutely insufferable, and you would have been twice so knowing the kind of trouble my gossiping had gotten me into.”
“I was rather hard on you, wasn’t I?” Nikias’ words came out in a soft murmur.
Aimilia shrugged. “Well, I did set out to make your life miserable from the moment I first saw you. I can hardly be mad at you for taking any opportunity you could to return the favor.”
“Still, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self not to be so hard on you.”
If Nikias could go back, he would have told his younger self so many things. Whether he would have listened was another story. Could he have saved himself?
Aimilia only shook her head. “I wouldn’t.
Every time you tried to get under my skin, it only made me want to do better to prove you wrong.
There was nothing that motivated me more to not only earn my commander’s cloak but to place first, because if I didn’t place first, I was never going to hear the end of it from you. ”
Nikias hadn’t realized he’d had that much of an effect on her. He also didn’t really know whether that was a good or bad thing.
Aimilia rolled her shoulders and said, “But I understand the sentiment. If I could go back…” Her gaze fell to the scar on Nikias’ left wrist. Her voice softened. “I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. If I’d known everything you were going to lose…”
Nikias shook his head. “I wouldn’t concern yourself with that. We all would have made different choices, given the benefit of hindsight. And trust me, I’d make different choices if I could, but I have to live with the ones I made. I do wish I hadn’t been so hard on you. You didn’t deserve that.”
“How could you not have been hard on me? By the time we met, you had Faustina and you knew what it meant for me to start attending the family banquets. You wanted the best for Gavril. When you had the best in Faustina, how could anyone else compare?”
Nikias hated every time her name left Aimilia’s mouth. He didn’t want to dwell on the past. He certainly didn’t want Aimilia to be thinking about her. Nikias certainly didn’t, not if he could help it.