Chapter 60 #2
Nikias whipped around. “She is nothing of the sort. I don’t care what they say about me, but I will not have anyone disparage her. I was injured, and the healers were busy saving someone else. She was barely even sitting next to me with how far away she was. All she did was watch over me.”
Nikias would lie through his teeth if it would spare her. He’d been selfish and weak and foolish, not thinking about the consequences of asking her to stay. Now Aimilia’s name was being dragged through the mud because of him.
“My point is, the only way you make this go away is if you finally put this whole thing to rest and get married. The second we return to Areator, your father will insist upon it. So choose, or he will choose for you.”
There was only one thing that gave Nikias the strength to outright refuse his parents…
“I will not.”
“You will break the deal you made with your father?” His mother’s voice cut through him, and Nikias reflexively flinched even though her hand didn’t move. “Have you no care for our kingdom? If you do not marry, Imperia will have no heir.”
Nikias took a deep breath and shook his head. “Not necessarily.”
She scoffed. “I would rather see Imperia scattered and in ashes than let that boy, or any of his and his she-wolf’s wretched offspring, take the throne.”
“How long do you expect to live?”
She stepped forward, grabbing his arm. “Long enough to ensure our line continues.”
Her grip wasn’t tight enough to bruise. Not yet.
Nikias still tensed and his heart raced.
“Why are you so determined it must be this girl? She has refused you again and again. Isn’t her competing proof enough? She will not have you, not by her own volition. What will it take for you to give up on her? Why her of all creatures?”
Nikias ripped his arm out of her grip and sank onto the edge of the bed. He had no fight left in him. He stared at the scars of his religo lines on his wrist and whispered, “It is simple. I made a vow.”
Mother scoffed. “I’m well aware of the vow you made.”
Nikias shook his head, running a thumb over one of the scars. “Not that vow. This one is older, and far more precious to me. I made it a year after Faustina died. One year exactly. I stood there at her graveside, and I made this vow.”
Mother softened, as much as she was capable of it. Her skirts rustled as she shifted closer. “What was the vow?”
Nikias said, “I vowed to myself that I would only marry again if it was to a woman I loved and one who loved me in return.”
“Are you saying that’s what all this has been about?”
Nikias was tired. He was so tired of it all. Nikias wouldn’t be able to do it a third time. He couldn’t keep living like this. He couldn’t keep loving and never being loved back.
“Yes. I love her. And it was a miracle I ever did after having loved Faustina. I am not capable of doing it again.” Nikias slipped the necklaces out of his pocket, running his thumb over the etchings.
“Aimilia will be the last woman I ever love. I will love her until I die, even though she continues to curse my name with every breath.”
Mother shook her head and said, “Nikias—”
But he just held his hand up, not caring about the risk he took trying to silence her.
He couldn’t stop the words from pouring out now that they’d started.
She might be his most grievous tormentor, but she was still his mother.
He couldn’t stop himself. She didn’t love him, but Nikias was fairly certain she was the only one who had ever come close.
“I loved Aimilia in silent agony before and I expected I would always do so, watching as she married Gavril and for the rest of my life, she would be forever out of my reach. Aimilia has made herself clear. If I could accept my fate then, I must find a way to do it again. She does not love me, so I must go back to loving her in silence.”
Mother said, “That vow… Nikias, you must see that it was foolish and born only out of grief. You do not need to love someone to marry them. All you need is a decent enough commander who can one day be queen and can give you children. You don’t need Commander Aimilia for that.
You must get married and have an heir, regardless of whatever promises you made yourself. ”
“You wanted to know why.” Nikias’ voice rasped. “There it is. There is nothing you can say to sway me.”
“Then why did you make a vow with your father to marry?”
Nikias shrugged. “At the time, I believed I could fulfill both. I thought she would marry me. I thought she had feelings for me.”
“Even if I were sympathetic, that doesn’t change the fact that you did make that vow. Your father said the second you set foot in Areator again, you will be married. How exactly do you expect to keep defying him?”
“How exactly is he going to enforce that?” Nikias’ head snapped up, and the words were flying from his lips.
A lifelong fury swelled up, forcing them out despite everything in Nikias’ mind screaming at him that this simply wasn’t done.
“He’s weak and bedridden. He might be able to hit me all he wants from there, but that’s only because I’ve never hit him back.
Any day now he’s going to die, and when he does, I will be king.
No one will have the power to try and bend me to their will. ”
He was going to be hit. He needed to stop talking.
Silence kept him safe.
But he was done fooling himself.
He’d never been safe.
Mother narrowed her eyes. “He’s not as close to death as you think, son. This will be over, and when we get back to Areator, you will have to suffer the consequences of your defiance. If you do not marry, your father will have your magic bound and you will be no better than a Solitus.”
His father might be bedridden, but there were plenty of Runai who would heed his command over Nikias’. Being held down and having his magic bound so he could no longer access it was a very real possibility.
It would also be the scandal of the century. He would never be king if so.
It was just a bluff. They couldn’t afford to remove Nikias from the line of succession.
They needed him.
“He’s welcome to try. It doesn’t change my answer. I will sooner live the rest of my life without my magic before I ever marry a woman that’s not Aimilia.” Nikias took a deep breath. “And it is thanks to my actions I will never marry Aimilia. She bears no blame here.”
“You expect to love her all the rest of your life? The same way you claimed you would love Faustina? How quickly would that fade this time if Aimilia died?”
Nikias shot up, necklaces slipping from his grip and falling to the ground.
He towered over his mother for the first time in his life.
She could do whatever she liked to him, but Nikias had made a promise to Aimilia, and he’d meant it.
His voice was low, calm, scraping the air as he said, “If you even think of laying a hand on her, you will see how well hidden in me my father’s nature is. Do not think you are exempt.”
Mother only raised an eyebrow. “I only meant that she is a young commander. Commanders die every day. At some point she will too.”
Nikias said, “Then I will love her until I follow her into the grave. I will not love anyone else. There will not be a second of my life where she is ever unloved by me. I don’t need her to be mine for that.”
Mother said, “I see. You are a man who stops at nothing when you are in love. There’s something admirable about that, or there would be, if it had worked for you.”
“I need to go. I have to go get my men and secure the trail. And tomorrow, we will celebrate when Aimilia wins and becomes the next Head of House Mitis. I expect you will have a smile on your face.”
“Nikias, I don’t care if she’s happy.” His mother’s eyes darted to the ground for a moment before she stepped closer, reaching out and holding his arm. “But for you? I will do it. Whatever will make you happy.”
Nikias swallowed his laugh as he stepped out of her grip and headed for the door. Like she cared whether or not he was happy. He just hoped he could find and dismantle whatever trap she had.
Ensuring Aimilia had a fair shot was all Nikias could do now. Once this was over, he would have to learn how to let go of the woman he loved.
The last time he’d let go had been with a handful of dirt as the casket went under.