10. IF ONLY YOU WERE MINE.
Chapter ten
IF ONLY YOU WERE MINE.
Grand Lord Vladya kissed her again.
All her resistance melted away like wax under a flame, pooling at her feet. Pressing her body against his, Aekeira met his tongue with hers, kissing him back hungrily even as her tears ran free.
Light-gods, she has missed him so much.
Just like the first time, their kiss went on forever. Aekeira forgot to breathe entirely, losing track of everything yet again.
By the time he broke the kiss, she was gasping for air. No longer pinned against the wall, she found herself lying on a thick, blanket-like covering, Lord Vladya half atop her.
Through a hole in the cave’s roof, the afternoon sunlight streamed in, casting golden rays across them. Where had the morning gone?
Eyes heavy-lidded, body humming with desire, Aekeira could barely think straight.
“I want you,” she confessed in a whisper, greedily drinking in the sight of him.
Lord Vladya stared at her mouth. "I want you too, Aekeira, so much," he growled, pulling away. "But, unfortunately, we can’t. It’s not good for me."
"What… what do you mean?" Aekeira struggled to clear the stars from her mind, still lost from his brain-melting kisses.
"It will reactivate my sexlust." There was hunger in his eyes, but also restraint.
She sat up, confused. "Your sexlust went dormant…?"
"After your departure, the first few months were… unbearable. Trying to resist the sexlust alone nearly drove me over the edge. My beast and I didn’t want anything to do with the females Daemonikai brought to me. No matter how much blood I drank, the hunger wouldn’t abate." Pain flickered in his eyes. "It was horrible."
Aekeira could imagine.
"I thought I could handle it,” Lord Vladya said, his expression faraway. “After two months of resisting, I went on my first killing rampage.”
Something inside Aekeira shriveled up and died. The lust plaguing her vanished as if it had never been there, a chilling cold replacing it.
"How many?" she asked hoarsely. Dreadfully.
"Six."
Aekeira gasped.
He pulled back completely, sitting at the bed's edge. "I took six lives." His tone was neutral, but the pain was right there in his gray eyes. "Three humans, three Urekai. They had families. They weren't meant to die that way."
No wonder he exiled himself to this place. Aekeira wet her patched throat. "What happened, after…?"
"I woke up, snarling, half-mad, chained to my bed. Daemonikai had found and subdued me. I remember the driving urge to kill him. To kill everyone," he recalled, face pinched. "But Daemonikai looked me dead in the eyes and said, 'I’m doing this for your own good.' Then he left me there for the rest of the day."
Aekeira's heart, as treacherous as ever, reached out to him. Pulling closer to where he sat, she took his hand—paw—in hers, uncaring of the long, sharp claws.
"By the time he returned the next day, my demons had quieted. Only then did he send the females in. They forced me and my savage beast to satisfy the lust that'd pushed me over the edge." His spacey eye blinked, then glanced at her. "He saved my life. For the first time in months, I could breathe again. But…"
"But?" she urged.
“That was the last time I felt that overpowering hunger for sex. The instinct that drives our kind to need sex as a necessity went to sleep. Dormant.”
Aekeira's mouth gaped open. "Is that bad? It sounds bad. Did something damage in you?"
He hadn’t been with another female in two years ?
There was something different in his eyes now. In the way he looked at her. Like he was seeing her for the first time.
Intense. More focused.
Her heart started to race and she squirmed under that penetrating stare. “My Lord…?”
"It's not bad, just… impossible," Lord Vladya said in a low voice. "I didn't want to believe it. If I hold on to hope only to be disappointed again, I fear it will be my breaking point. So, I do not expect. I do not hope."
She struggled to keep up with him. "I… I don’t understand.”
"Our kind has two compulsory urges that must be satisfied every once in a while, or we cannot function—"
"Yes, I know. To drink blood and to have s-sex," Aekeira supplied.
Lord Vladya nodded. "Correct. Bloodlust and sexlust. We must indulge occasionally to keep the mind clear and the beast satisfied. Bloodlust never goes dormant, but sexlust can. Do you know when our sexlust instincts go dormant, Aekeira?"
She shook her head.
"When two bonded mates are separated by distance, they don’t feel sexlust until they are reunited." Lord Vladya’s eyes never left hers. "Yes, they still get aroused, they still feel lust, but not in its overpowering state—the kind that drives our beasts restless and insane when one abstains for weeks."
"That’s how bondmates who go to war for months, even years , survive without their significant other," he continued. "Their souls recognize the absence of their mate and put the instinct to sleep until they are together again."
"Okay, I understand now. But what has that got to do with you?"
"My instincts are asleep now," he reiterated. "I have no idea how that happened, but I think being with those females made it clear to my very core that you, Aekeira, were truly unavailable. That’s when my sexlust went dormant."
Realization dawned, and Aekeira’s eyes widened, as round as the full moon. "You’re saying it happened be-because of me?"
"Because of you," he confirmed.
Her heart beat faster. "But we’re not b-bonded."
"That’s the part I can’t explain, the part I don’t understand," Lord Vladya said.
Then, he leaned in, his breath warm against her neck. "But I know that if I were to lay you down on these covers and bury myself deep inside you, my sexlust would reawaken."
Aekeira’s breath caught in her throat.
"If I were to take your sweet little body until you’re screaming my name so loud the birds take flight, and the woods listen in to the music you make—just the way I so desperately want—then that driving urge, in all its animalistic, lustful glory, would come roaring back to life."
"Lord Vladya!" Her cheeks flushed beet red, and Aekeira quickly lowered her head.
He smiled a little and pulled back. “But I won’t do that. That instinct was the hardest to control, to the extent I killed for it. I don’t miss it.” He turned serious. “What kind of connection do we have that even my soulless self recognizes you?"
Fire lit his eyes." How did my instinct know that the one female we truly wanted was far away, and instead of looking for another female to fixate on, it went dormant? What does that mean for you and me?"
I don't know. Aekeira shuddered, mind reeling. His instinct went dormant because of me.
He rose, pulling her up with him. "I wanted, more than anything, to track you down and drag you back here," he said. "Ukrae, I was ready to cross into Navia and haul you back, even if it meant taking you against your will while you kicked and screamed. I wanted it that badly. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t fit to travel long distances."
Be still, my heart. Please, be still. "You w-wanted to come for me?"
"With everything in me. Some days, resisting was as hard as chewing rocks. I have never felt so deprived… until I wanted you but couldn’t go and get you. I could only hope that one day you would return to me."
Aekeira's eyes watered, her heart singing.
"But I’m terrified to hope," Lord Vladya admitted, stepping closer, inhaling her scent. "What if I let myself hope you were mine, and you turn out not to be, like the others…"
It would break him beyond repair. Aekeira knew it. She could hear it in his voice.
And it terrified her too.
Aekeira wanted to be his. Had dreamed of it for years. But dreams were one thing; reality was another. Emeriel was the Syren… and the truth was, Aekeira was not like Em.
So what if there was an obvious, irresistible attraction between them? What if his very being craved hers so deeply that his basic instincts went dormant in her absence? So what if she loved this male more than life itself, and he was now staring at her as if his entire world revolved around her? None of it mattered if they attempted the bonding ritual and it failed.
It would be over.
There was no coming back from that.
Oh yes, Aekeira was terrified too.
"I missed you terribly," Lord Vladya murmured, kissing her forehead.
"I-I…" If I go over how hard I’d missed you, I might start bawling all over again.
"It got even harder as the years passed. As my journey grew more challenging, as madness crept closer, I had regrets.” He breathed in her scent, letting out a low groan. "Gods, you smell so good. I can’t get enough."
"Regrets?" Aekeira whispered, barely holding herself steady.
He nodded against her. "I pushed you away so you wouldn’t see me go feral. But in the end… when it came down to it… you were all I wanted to see one last time." His arms encircled her waist. "I wanted to see your beautiful face, hear your lovely voice… one last time. I regret sending you away, Aekeira."
Mist clouded Aekeira’s vision again. Why couldn’t this male just be hers? Why did the universe have to make everything so complicated?
Gods, could you please take away the madness? Give him his soul?
Could you please make me a Syren too? Make us so compatible that if we attempt a bonding ritual, it would succeed.
Gods, if wishes were horses… would you let this beggar ride?
Tears slipped down Aekeira’s cheeks, leaving a wet trail as she returned his hug.
***
"I don’t want him to claw at you, Emeriel," Lord Ottai cautioned, leaning casually against the wall, as he watched her spread out the grand king's feast before the table.
"I know, Lord Ottai. I do not wish for him to claw at me either," Emeriel replied, glancing at King Daemonikai’s still form. "But you said it’s been days since he had any kind of nourishment. If this continues, he will only grow weaker, and he needs his strength to return."
With a brass spoon, Emeriel scooped up a portion of porridge, and tenderly nudged the spoon towards the grand king’s lips.
Though his body remained still, claws sprang out from his hands. Sharp and deadly, ready to strike.
Lord Ottai immediately straightened. "Now will be the time to stop—"
But Emeriel placed her other hand on King Daemonikai's arm. "Don’t do that, Beloved," her voice dropped to a soothing murmur.
She intertwined her fingers with his, her small hand dwarfed by his. Same long, sharp claws she had seen tear through enemies with ease slowly curled around her hand.
Not to harm, but to hold.
Emeriel bit back her gasp, squeezing gently. "Eat, Beloved."
King Daemonikai’s mouth opened slightly.
"Ukrae’s scent…" Lord Ottai’s mouth hung open, staring at Emeriel as if she had grown a second head.
For the first time since entering the room, a faint smile tugged at Emeriel’s lips. She scooped the porridge into King Daemonikai’s mouth, and he swallowed, his throat working as he chewed.
"He can hear you," Lord Ottai’s voice cracked. The fourth ruler looked close to tears. "I think he can hear you, Emeriel."
"Maybe." Emeriel was equally surprised but concealing it well. She hadn't truly believed it would work. "Maybe he does."
Lord Ottai hovered for the rest of the meal, watching her with awe and animation. He only left when an urgent message arrived, calling him away to Mabblewood.
Emeriel finished feeding King Daemonikai, satisfied that he had eaten enough, before rising to take her leave.
It had been a long, draining day, and she longed for the comfort of her bed.
But as she turned a corner, a hand shot out, grabbing her hair from behind. Yanking it hard enough to make her stumble.
Emeriel jerked back to avoid having her hair torn from the roots.
"You think you can just run your mouth at me!?" hissed Mistress Sinai, tightening her grip. "You think you can waltz in here, unwanted and unwelcome , moving freely as if your filthy self owns this place?"
"Mistress," Emeriel gritted out, one hand reaching up to clamp firmly around Mistress Sinai’s fist, preventing her from pulling any harder and potentially scalping her. “Let go, let’s discuss this like two adults.”
"There is only one adult here, and it's not you. You are nothing but a mere fly. Let me remind you, that you are only as free as I allow you to be—OUCH!" the mistress screeched.
Emeriel had stomped down hard on the mistress's foot, forcing her grip to loosen.
In a smooth move, Emeriel stepped aside, maintaining her hold on Sinai's wrist, twisting the woman's arm behind her back at an agonizing angle. In seconds, their positions were reversed, the mistress now at Emeriel's mercy.
"And you are only as pestering as I let you be," Emeriel retorted coolly in a low voice into her ear. "Like that incessant ant crawling near the ear that just won’t leave."
"Let me go, RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Mistress Sinai raged. "How dare you—"
Raising her free hand, Emeriel flattened her palm and delivered a sharp blow to the side of Mistress Sinai's neck.
One precise hit, and the mistress crumpled at her feet like a rag doll. Unconscious before her body hit the ground.
Unfazed, Emeriel calmly smoothed back her hair and stared down at the limp body.
"People like you are the reason I spent fifteen hours every day on the training grounds to be better ." Emeriel gave her a small kick, but the female truly was out like a light. "The only thing you have going for you is your beast form. Day and night, I fought. Trained, with every instructor known to man, masters in their field. Under the rain, under the scorching sun, for years ."
Emeriel stomped on Mistress Sinai's arm, then stepped over her. Lifting the hem of her garment, she cast a final glance back. "We will meet again, Mistress."
Chin lifted, she walked away, leaving the unconscious woman behind.