Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I SETTLE INTO MY OFFICE, dropping two bags on my desk—one full of jelly dildos and the other loaded with plastic O rings. Alex should be here soon, and we can get these dicks attached to the wood for our game.
As much as I swore I wouldn’t let my mother get to me, I can’t block out the overwhelming sadness. It’s like a piece of my heart is battered, bruised and aching, no matter how much I try not to think about her or the awful things she said yesterday.
My only solace is Alex. He didn’t leave my side last night. And it was unbelievably hard to crawl out of bed this morning and slide out of his warm embrace.
My phone pings, and my stomach tightens. It’s foolish to think it’s my mother with an apology, but I can’t help but hold my breath when I swipe the screen.
Charlie: Still on for dinner tonight?
Shit.
After the blowup with Mom yesterday, I forgot all about Charlie. It’s his last night before he heads back to Chicago. And with everything going on, it completely slipped my mind to tell Alex he’s in LA. After Alex gets here, I’ll see if he wants to join us.
I send a quick reply.
June: Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Charlie: Great, I’ll pick you up at 4.
June: 4? What are we, 80?
Charlie: I’m still on Chicago time. I had lunch at 10 AM
I roll my eyes. He’s been here almost a full week. But I don’t want to miss the chance to catch up. Or see the look on his face when I bring Alex.
June: See you at 4 :)
I pocket my cell and set my sights on the sheet of plywood that’s been drying on the floor in the corner. Alex spray-painted it bright purple yesterday, and now it’s ready for the dildos.
I’m just about to grab them when footsteps approach. My heart rate kicks up, and it’s impossible to quell the wide smile that breaks out across my face. I know it’s only been a few hours since we were together, but I can’t help the void I feel when he’s not around.
Oh, god. Is this codependency?
You know what? I don’t even care. I have never been this blissfully happy.
I saunter to the doorway to greet him, but when I poke my head out, I’m met with my department chair instead.
“June.” Dr. Padilla’s rosy cheeks lift in a warm smile. “Glad I caught you. I have a proposition for you.”
“A proposition?” I can’t believe after all the hoops I’ve jumped through this semester, she wants more. On the other hand, if she hadn’t pushed me into the mentorship, things wouldn’t be where they are with Alex. So technically, I do owe her.
She nods. “I was wondering if you’d accept a stipend to cover the rest of Alex’s human sexuality class.”
“His human sexuality class? I don’t understand.”
“Since there are only three more weeks until the end of the semester, the university can offer you a stipend.” She nods encouragingly, waiting for me to catch on, but I’m even more lost.
With an apologetic smile, I say, “I’m sorry, I’m still not getting it.”
Dr. Padilla smiles, but a hint of frustration flares behind her eyes.
“Since Alex won’t be able to finish the semester, I’m seeking out other instructors to cover his classes.
I already filled the spots for biostatistics and epidemiology.
Because you’ve been mentoring him in this class, it would be a seamless transition if you’re the one to take over. ”
Am I missing something?
My pulse picks up as I search her gaze. “Why wouldn’t Alex be able to finish the semester?” I ask tentatively.
She stares at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “Because he’ll be starting at the CDC next week.”
For a second, I panic. But the thought is so absurd, a laugh bursts out of me. There’s no way. “I think there’s been a mistake. Alex isn’t …” I shake my head. “Maybe he’ll be there next semester, but not right now.”
Her forehead creases. “Hasn’t he told you?”
And with those four words, my entire world comes crashing down.
Alex is moving across the country next week and didn’t bother to tell me?
My breath escapes in a wheeze as my body closes in on itself. “No, he hasn’t.”
“Oh,” she says sheepishly. “I thought you’d be the first to know.” You and me, both. “They called for a reference check last week. They were so impressed with him, they want him to start right away.”
Each word hits harder than the last. He’s known for a week? And he didn’t tell me? My throat constricts as bile churns in my stomach.
She pauses, no doubt waiting for me to chime in with some sort of awestruck statement like, Wow, that’s amazing!
But I can’t manage a single word. I can only stare dumbfounded, trying to keep my breakfast down instead of splattering her shoes with it.
“Anyway,” she continues when it’s clear I’m not going to respond. “It’s such a prestigious position, the university agreed to waive the remainder of his teaching obligation. It took some pressing on my part, of course, but he’s officially a free man.”
A free man.
The words cut like a dagger straight through my heart.
She jots notes on her legal pad, not even bothering to look at me. “So you’ll take his class?”
After a stretch of silence that starts to become awkward, I force myself to nod.
“Great.” She brushes her dark bangs out of her eyes, finally meeting my gaze. “Since he won’t be here for Sextival, you may want to approach another faculty member to help the day of the event.”
The words knock my breath out.
“He won’t be here for Sextival?” My voice wavers, and I clear my throat. No wonder he got so many tasks done ahead of time. He already knew he wouldn’t be here.
Her mouth twists into a frown. “No. His orientation will be the day after, so he’ll need to get settled before that.”
The waves of sadness evaporate as pure, unadulterated rage barrels through. My department chair knows his entire itinerary while I wasn’t even aware he had gotten an offer, let alone accepted it.
“I see.” I dig my thumbnail into the pads of my fingers one by one.
“I wish we could provide a stipend for that as well, but I didn’t want to push it. Especially since the president explicitly told you to cancel the event,” she says, a sharpness in her tone that makes me shrivel further.
This day keeps getting better and better.
“Let’s just hope it goes smoothly without any hiccups.” Dr. Padilla scribbles a final note on her pad, then tucks it under her arm as she departs.
I sag against the doorframe. My entire body is numb. I clench my fists, trying to get some sensation into them, but I feel nothing. Nothing but absolute betrayal. My skin is vibrating with it.
Alex is leaving.
Leaving me.
Overwhelming heartache wraps around my ribs, squeezing until I can’t breathe. The tears I’ve managed to keep at bay bubble over as my throat tightens, and I inhale a ragged breath.
I need to get out of here.
I jam my laptop into my messenger bag, and the bright rubber dildos rustle like distressed Jell-O. I choke on a sob. He’s leaving me. After everything we’ve been through. And he hasn’t said a fucking word.
I swing my bag over my shoulder. Just as I turn to charge out of the room, Alex steps through the doorway.
His smile fades when he sees my face. “What’s wrong?” He reaches for me, but I jerk away from him.
“Don’t touch me.”
He lifts his hands in surrender, searching my eyes. “June, what’s going on?”
“How dumb do you think I am, Alex?” My lip quivers, and I slam it between my teeth. There’s a shift in his eyes. The precise moment he registers exactly what this is about. And that shift causes a pit the size of fucking Atlanta to drop into my stomach.
“June, I can explain.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” I attempt to shoulder past him, but he’s so goddamn big he’s taking up the whole doorway.
“I got the call from the CDC right before you came back from your parents’ house yesterday,” he says, eyes pleading. “Like two minutes before you got home. You were so upset, the last thing I wanted to do was make things worse.”
“Oh,” I say, nodding. “So this is my fault. Thanks for clearing that up.”
He scrubs his hand down his face. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
“How was this going to play out, Alex? Was I just going to show up to your empty apartment like some idiot? ‘Hey, Mike, where’s Alex?’ ” I deepen my voice. “ ‘Well, June, he’s in Atlanta, didn’t you know?’ ‘Nope.’ ”
“June.”
“I let my guard down for you.” A new wave of tears breaks free, and I drag my hands down my cheeks. “I lost my family, Alex. I have no one.”
“You have me.” He grasps my hand, but I yank it back.
“How can you say that?” I spit the words out. “You’re leaving.”
Leaving me.
He buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks at me again, there’s pure desperation in his eyes. “Come with me.”
For the breadth of a second, I actually consider it. Uprooting my entire life and everything I’ve worked for. For a man. A man who didn’t even have the decency to tell me he was leaving in the first place.
“Sextival is next week. And I have four classes full of students who are counting on me. Unlike you, I don’t just abandon my commitments.” I storm out the door without looking back.
My heart breaks all over again when he doesn’t come after me.