Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
SEXTIVAL IS BUSTLING AND ROWDY and bursting with energy. Students are crowded around every booth, cheering, laughing, answering sexual health questions. It’s everything I dreamed it would be.
While there’s chaos all around us, Alex and I are in our own little bubble, slowly meandering along the walkway. It’s almost time to say goodbye. And this time, I know it’ll be for real.
“I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.” Alex lifts our joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. His hand hasn’t left mine since he got here. It’s like we’re both afraid to let go.
“I get it.” I really do. He has to take this job the same way I have to keep mine. No matter how much we don’t want to lose each other.
We come upon the ring toss station and Alex smiles proudly as he gestures to the purple board loaded with neon jelly dildos. “Wow. Whoever glued those dicks to that plywood did a hell of a job.”
I want to razz him, but he’s right. It came out perfect.
“He sure did.” I press up on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek. “Not only is he an expert carpenter, he’s also super humble.”
When he smiles, there’s a cloud of sadness behind his eyes. God, I’m going to miss him. My throat tightens, and I exhale a shaky breath. If I don’t focus on something else, I’m going to break down in the middle of Sextival.
I let go of his hand and offer him a stack of rings. “You want to give it a spin?”
His smile widens. “Only if you play with me.”
I grin, turning to grab a few more rings when a familiar high-pitched voice croons behind me.
“Alex?” she gasps. “I was hoping I’d run into you today.”
I don’t even bother hiding my eye roll.
Savannah.
She sidles right up to him, pressing her manicured finger to his chest. “You still owe me a drink, mister.” She bats her lashes, slowly sliding her entire hand down as she pulls away.
“Savannah!” My voice comes out unnaturally chipper, like a hyped-up cruise director. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
She turns, pinning me with a glare that could strip varnish off wood. But it quickly morphs into over-the-top charm. “June,” she says sweetly, “is your head all better?”
I shouldn’t stoop to her level. I really shouldn’t. But before I can stop myself, I place my hand on Alex’s chest. “It sure is. Alex took such good care of me.” I stroke the inch of bare skin peeking out of his collar. “All night.” I wink for good measure.
He chuckles under his breath.
“All night, huh? Must have been serious. Hopefully you don’t have any permanent brain damage.
” Her eyes narrow, and for a second, I wonder if actual lasers might shoot out at me.
Then, with a flick of her hair, she turns back to Alex, ignoring me completely.
“How about a friendly wager?” she asks, reaching for a stack of plastic rings.
“If I win, you have to buy me that drink.” Her tongue darts out, sweeping over her bottom lip.
Fuck, I forgot how good she is at this.
Then, her voice drops to an even sultrier octave. “And if you win …” She leans up on her tiptoes, whispering something into his ear.
Flames threaten to consume me as my fists ball at my sides. How dare she come to my event and proposition my man?
Alex lifts his brows as if he’s considering it. I don’t know what the hell she said, but I’d be willing to bet my tenure it was something that involved her magical sex trunk. My eye twitches as I glare at him.
He rubs his jaw, and I’m ten seconds away from physically combusting. “You know …” he says, glancing at me.
Nine.
His lips quiver, and he covers his mouth. He’s probably trying to hide his smile.
Ass.
“I don’t think my girlfriend would like that very much.”
That’s right. Suck it, Savannah.
“Girlfriend?” she sputters. Red splotches creep up her chest, her neck.
A wave of triumph courses through me, filling my veins with white-hot victory.
Alex wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I give her a cheeky wave.
I win.
As jealous as I was, it’s nothing compared to the vision of Savannah right now. Her face is redder than the bottom of her Louboutins.
A shutter clicks, and the once-shy reporter from the Beacon is sporting a devilish smirk as she glances between me and Savannah. Her grin spreads further when she checks the photo in the display window of her camera. With an evil laugh, she saunters away.
“Hey!” Savannah calls, traipsing after her, screeching as her stilettos sink into the grass. “I didn’t sign a photo release!”
Alex and I double over with laughter. The weight of the dress shifts, and I shriek as I tumble forward, flailing my arms. Alex tries to catch me, but he’s no match for the force of fifty pounds of latex barreling toward him. I slam into him, sending us both toppling to the ground.
Next thing I know, he’s on his back, and I’m braced over him.
It takes me back to the day he crashed into my life again, right before the semester started.
I lean forward, brushing a lock of tousled hair off his forehead.
His eyes close, just for a moment. Then a playful smile creeps up his obscenely handsome face.
His fingers skate up my back, holding me tight against him. “Enjoying the view?” The huskiness in his voice makes my toes curl.
This time, rather than feigning disgust and pushing off him, I lean into his touch. “More than you know.” Before I can finish the sentence, his hands are in my hair, and his lips are on mine. It’s not until the chorus of whoops and hollers that I remember we’re not alone.
“I told you there was something between them,” a smug voice says behind me.
Alex smiles against my lips, then tilts back. “You were right, Tyler. Now give us some privacy.”
“That dress looks good on you,” a woman says, sending a buzz of adrenaline through me. My eyes widen as I stare down at Alex.
He looks just as bewildered as I feel. I struggle to push off him, and he helps me to my feet.
“Dr. Davera?” I say in disbelief. Oh, god. The dress. I glance down at the rows of condoms gleaming in the sunlight, praying there’s no damage.
“Ah-ah.” She lifts her hand. “It’s Evelyn.”
“Right.” I release a wobbly breath. “Evelyn.” My idol drove three hours on a Wednesday to come to my event. Am I dead? Is this heaven?
“This is a pretty impressive shindig.” She gestures at the array of booths behind me.
I let out a shy laugh, twirling one of the condoms around my finger. Evelyn Davera thinks Sextival is impressive. I don’t even care if I get tenure. I just won at life. “Thanks,” I say bashfully.
“Do you want to show Evelyn around?” Alex asks, nudging my arm with his.
“Oh, I’d love that,” she says. She steps up to the ring toss booth behind us and eyes the stack of dildos. “Do you think I’ll make it?”
The student attendant at the booth holds out a stack of colorful rings. “If you can answer this sexual health question, you get three tries.”
“Oh, let’s hear it.” Evelyn rubs her hands together.
The student reads from an index card: “What is the best lube to use with condoms: oil-based, water-based, or Vaseline?”
“That’s a tough one.” I smile conspiratorially at Evelyn.
She scratches her chin. “I’m going to say … water-based.”
A wide grin spreads across the student’s face. “That’s right!” She hands Evelyn the rings, and Evelyn makes a show of tossing them with the utmost precision. The first two bounce off, but the third one loops around the shaft of a lime-green jelly.
“Woo hoo!” Evelyn pumps her arms, whooping like she’s won more than just condoms.
“Um.” The student swallows. “Do you want these?” She offers her two silver packets, the sunlight pinging off the crinkly foil.
“You bet I do.” She snatches them out of the student’s hand and pulls out a small metal case, depositing them safely inside.
Alex and I exchange a surprised glance.
“That was a blast,” Evelyn says, already eyeing the next booth—Arts and Crafts. “I can’t wait to color a cooter. Or maybe I’ll decorate a dick!”
A rush of warmth fills me from the inside out. Not only is Evelyn Davera at my event, but she’s having fun. My heart swoops as I glance longingly at Alex. But then it freefalls when he looks grimly at his watch.
Oh, god. He has to go. I’ve been having so much fun with Evelyn that I completely forgot Alex is about to board a plane and fly out of my life forever.
“Do you have to go?” My voice pitters out, nearly broken.
He closes his eyes, nodding, then reaches for my hand, squeezing it tight.
“Do you have another engagement?” Evelyn asks. Her smile disappears when she looks between us.
“Um.” I clear my throat. “Alex got a job with the CDC. He needs to catch his plane so he can be there for orientation tomorrow.”
“I see.” Evelyn glances at our joined hands. “Congratulations, Alex. I’ll give you two some privacy.”
Before I can reply, she turns and heads back to the festivities.
Alex guides me behind the row of canopies. It’s not completely secluded, but it’s the best we can do in the moment. My vision blurs and I squeeze my eyes shut. As hard as it was to say goodbye last week, it’s nothing compared to this.
“I’m so sorry, June.” Alex wipes my tears away with the pads of his thumbs.
I want to beg him to stay. To pick me over the job. To say fuck it and to hell with the CDC.
I open my mouth to scream it all, but what comes out instead is, “They’re so lucky to have you.” A sob catches in my throat, and he pulls me into his chest, holding onto me like he never wants to let go.
“I hate this,” he says into my hair.
I sniffle against his shirt. “Me, too.”
“I’ve been planning my whole life,” he tells me, stroking his fingers over my back.
“I planned to do medical missions so I could see the world on someone else’s dime.
Planned to get a job that paid enough so I’d never have to worry about money again.
Planned to do my PhD so I could work at the CDC—the epicenter of epidemiology.
” He sighs. “But then, you crashed into me with your dildos, and all my plans went out the window.”
A small sigh tumbles out of my chest.
He tilts back, cupping my cheek. “Spending these last few months with you …” He shakes his head. “I can’t go, June.”
I swallow past the massive lump forming in my throat. “You can’t turn down the job, Alex.”
He opens his mouth to reply, but I cut him off.
“I’m serious.” As much as it pains me, I force myself out of his grip. “This isn’t just a job. It’s your dream.”
“June, you’re my dream.”
The words knock my breath out. They’re everything I’ve longed to hear. He’s really doing it. He’s picking me over the job.
But a colossal wave of guilt crashes over me. As badly as I’ve wanted this, I can’t let him sacrifice his career for me. Just like he can’t expect me to sacrifice mine for him.
I shake my head. “This is your entire career, Alex. It’s bigger than us.”
His jaw ticks and his fist clenches at his side. He knows I’m right.
Then he reaches for my hand, his eyes desperately searching mine. “What about long distance?” he asks, a glimmer of hope in his inflection.
The thought is unbearable. Being in a relationship with someone three thousand miles away? Unable to touch them? To feel them?
But sure, I could do it. Especially for Alex.
If it was temporary.
The thing is, it’s not. The CDC is his endgame. I would need to be the one to close the gap. To upend my life. My career. And move across the country to join him.
“Can you think about it?” His grip tightens on my hand. Like it’s the last piece of me he’s unable to part with. The sadness in his eyes threatens to shatter me.
My lips part, but he presses his finger to them.
“Look, don’t answer now, okay? Just think about it. I’ll be back in a few weeks for Christmas, and it’ll be like I never left. Okay?” The urgency in his gaze wraps around my throat.
Slowly, I nod, because I know it’s the only way he’ll get on that plane and make his flight.
What Alex doesn’t know is I have thought about it.
How could I not? But the truth is, long distance will break me.
Sure, he’ll be back in a few weeks, but then what?
We see each other every few months for the rest of our lives?
It’ll be too hard to only see him in bits and pieces.
We might be able to make it work for a few months, but we can’t keep it up forever.
Eventually he’ll meet someone out there, and she’ll have something in common with him that I can’t compete with—his zip code.
They’ll order takeout while cozying up over microscope slides.
He’ll discover some epidemiological breakthrough, and she’ll be the one there to celebrate with him.
Within a year, she’ll be Mrs. Doctor Cardoso.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine, completely oblivious to the fact that our relationship is already doomed. I try to kiss him back, but end up sobbing into his shoulder instead. See? The long distance hasn’t even started yet, and it’s already destroying me.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he promises, planting kisses through my hair onto my neck, my cheek, my forehead.
“In just a few weeks, okay?” He grasps my face, tilting my gaze up to his.
“Okay?” His cheeks are stained with tears of his own.
All I can do is helplessly nod as he pulls me in for one last tight hug.
And then he leaves for good.