47
DAMIAN
“All that’s left to discuss is the shop opening. We’re a week out.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before Sutton’s pulling Adrian in for a side hug. “Congrats, bro!” I know I’m not the only one who catches the flinch. Adrian’s not one for affection. Sutton must realize what he’s done because he pulls his arm away quickly.
Wes chimes too. “You’re doing it. Feels good, huh?”
I read my brother’s face easily. He’s uncomfortable, so I step in. “Everything’s mostly done, but there’s still a few loose ends and the first few weeks are going to be a shit show. So we all need to be prepared to pitch in.” My eyes find Thea, who’s staring out of the living room windows. It’s going to be a tough ask. She and Adrian don’t get along, well, except when they’re fucking and maybe not even then. “Thea?”
Her head snaps to me. She was in another world—I wonder if she’s heard anything I’ve said.
After the other night, I don’t have much hope that I’ll ever know anything about what truly goes on inside her head. I’ve tried being hard on her, I’ve tried giving her space, and in a last ditch effort, I even tried being vulnerable. Still, she lied and wouldn’t let me in.
“Yes?”
I’m hoping she’ll be open to what I’m going to ask of her despite her not being entirely happy with me at the moment. It’s not like I ask much. But my plate’s full and I’m exhausted. Adrian’s nightmares keep me up far too often. Although, I can’t put the blame on him completely. I worry about my entire family constantly, even when I should be resting.
As much as I try to keep a firm hold on everyone, as much as I try to be involved in their lives, it feels like all these secrets are pulling us apart. Just as I try to focus on someone, something comes up that takes my attention away. I can’t fully get to the heart of anyone in my family with my attention divided in so many places.
I soften my eyes, hoping she won’t fight me too much on this. “I need your help.” Her back straightens. She’s intrigued. “Normally, I’d take care of this, but I can’t right now. I need you to handle the photography and social media for Adrian’s shop. Not forever, just until we launch. We need promo pics and to generate interest so that launch day isn’t a complete fail.”
Her eyes dart away, reluctance pulling at her features. I don’t push. I just wait. Finally, she speaks. “I can do that.” Her tone isn’t enthusiastic, but I’ll take it.
I look at Adrian. He doesn’t look happy either, although he doesn’t have much choice in the matter. We need this if we want to be successful. I wait to see if he’ll protest. He doesn’t.
That makes things a little easier. With Thea handling the social media and Adrian cooperating, I might have a chance to look into that trip Cole took to Tennessee. I found a couple of other instances of him going out of state before he kidnapped Thea. My gut is telling me that it means something.
I’d go today if I could, but between work, the tattoo shop opening, and Thea’s strange behavior, I don’t feel comfortable leaving just yet. Maybe after the opening.
Sutton’s doing better. And Wes… we haven’t talked much since Thanksgiving. Other than our tiff, he seems to be doing well. I now know that all of those unscheduled meetings were with his mom, so I have no reason to worry about him.
With things getting back on track with my brothers, I know I can trust them to watch over things if I leave. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I could be back the same day or it might take a little longer.
After the opening , I reassure myself. Unraveling Gavin’s disappearance feels like a ticking time bomb. There are too many variables and it could explode in my face at any moment. My chest tightens at the thought. But I think I’m getting somewhere.
“Well, that’s all I have for today.” I push up off the couch.
“Wait,” Thea blurts out. We all turn to look at her. She doesn’t usually add to the meetings. I sit back down and motion for her to continue. “I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not important, but…” She looks down at her fingers nervously.
My brows furrow. “What is it, princess?” Her eyes flick up to meet mine. She looks entirely innocent and sweet.
“I noticed that no one’s put up Christmas decorations.” I can tell she’s second guessing what she’s about to say. I have a feeling I know what she’s getting at and I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.
“Thea, would you like to decorate the house?” I tear my gaze from her to glance at my brothers, whose faces are lit up. I think I even see a dull light behind Adrian’s eyes.
“Well… yes. Yes, I would. I figured that it would have been done by now. Do you not decorate?” Her face is twisted in confusion as if she can’t imagine anyone not decorating for the holidays.
Admittedly, it’s never been a priority. In fact, I don’t think we’ve put up a tree since we’ve lived here. None of us thought to do it or found any importance in it. Something about Thea being the first to do these things in our home feels right. Warmth spreads through my chest, easing the tightness that’s been sitting there.
“We’ve never decorated for the holidays,” I confess. Her face falls a little and I wonder if she thinks I’m going to tell her it’s a silly idea. Instead, I reach into my pocket and pull out my wallet. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but I was waiting on one thing that happened to come in a couple of days ago. I remove the black card that’s sitting in front of the others and extend it to her. “We don’t have any supplies, so you’ll need to order them. Make sure to ship them overnight so they’ll be here as soon as possible. Don’t worry about the cost.”
Thea takes the card from my hand, looking it over. “Damian, this has my name on it.” I nod. “What? Why?”
“Why not, princess? I never want money to be a worry for you and what’s mine is yours.” She’s conflicted, that much is clear. She isn’t used to accepting help, especially not in this capacity. I fully expect her to hand it back to me. I know I’m likely in for a back and forth with her on why she should keep it.
“Are you sure?” Thea asks instead. I lean forward. Is she baiting me?
Tilting my head, I answer cautiously. “Of course. You’re a part of this family. We all have one.” Her fingers wrap around the card tightly, a silent claim on it.
I’m in awe. She’s letting me take care of her. She’s trusting me to not use this as a way to control her. It’s a step forward, one I didn’t expect. “I want you to make this place look like a winter wonderland, whatever that looks like to you. And use us to help with anything you need. We’re at your disposal. Okay?”
Thea nods slowly. “Thank you, Damian. This means… more than you know.” Her beautiful blue eyes are glistening and I have to force myself not to let mine match hers. I still need to be strong, even if it feels like she just took a wrecking ball to the walls I’ve spent years building.
I’m not sure why decorating means so much to her. Maybe it isn’t that, maybe it’s something deeper, but seeing that raw gratitude and happiness on her face has me floating. I want more of this. I want to do more for her. I need more of this feeling.
THEA
I’m still clutching the black card with my name on it as the guys get up to leave after the meeting. I’m in shock. I shouldn’t be surprised—this is exactly something Damian would do. Just like with my truck. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I hate it. Everything he does, whether I agree with it or not, is always in our best interest, at least in his eyes. “For the greater good.” It’s just hard to reconcile that when all I want is for him to at least consult me.
Still, this gesture means so much—more than he’ll ever know.
Maybe it’s the timing of him telling me I could decorate the house, then essentially handing me a limitless card to spend how I want that’s making it hard to move or speak. I’m sure it’s such a little thing to him, but for me, it’s monumental.
My entire life I’ve been surrounded by people who told me my love for Christmas was ridiculous. First, my parents, who never decorated aside from a small plastic tree on the dining room table. Then, Gavin.
The first couple of years we lived together, I tried decorating our home, but he made it a miserable experience. He complained about the amount of decorations and the cost. Eventually, I stopped bringing the storage bins out of the attic. It was easier to put my needs aside so I didn’t have to feel bad about it.
Then the magic faded. Sure, I’d smile at the shops that were done up and order a holiday drink occasionally, but the desire to celebrate the holidays wasn’t there any longer. I’m not even sure why I mentioned it tonight. I’m so glad I did, though. I felt that familiar spark of magic again.
Normally, I’d never accept this card. I don’t need Damian’s money. It’s a damn lie. He’s helped me so much, but it’s mostly been against my will or with conditions. So I’m not sure why I didn’t fight him on this. Maybe it’s the darkness in me. Selfishness could be a side effect.
Or, I’m finally learning to accept kind gestures. If he didn’t want to offer, he wouldn’t have. I can accept this without feeling guilty . I try to push that negative feeling away that rises up with the thought. I’m not very good at it though.
“Hey, you okay?” Sutton’s voice pulls me from my daze. I hadn’t realized he stayed behind. He probably knows better than anyone that accepting this was hard for me. It goes against everything I’m used to.
Looking past his glasses, into his amber eyes, I think of what to say. “I feel bad.” It’s all that comes to mind. “I feel like I should do something in return.”
Sutton’s fingers trace over my jaw before getting to my chin. He firmly holds it. “You don’t have to do anything in return. This isn’t some kind of favor to be repaid. All of us want to take care of you and we don’t need anything from you. You give us so much already. Do you know that?”
My mind races. What do I give them? “You’re wrong,” I whisper, pulling out of his grip. “I live here and don’t pay for groceries or utilities. I don’t clean because you have a housekeeper. I split my time between the three of you and work, so none of you has me all the time. I don’t contribute anything.” My eyes water with each thing I list.
He uses both hands to cup my face and force my gaze back to him. “That’s a damn lie, baby. You bring all of us so much happiness and peace and love. You’ve given us everything we’ve been missing. Do you not realize that’s so much more important than any money you could give or chore you could do? You’ve completed our family. That is the greatest gift we could’ve ever asked for.”
My lips part to say something, but nothing comes out. There’s nothing I can say that would measure up to those words, to those emotions. Sutton knows that. He knows me better than anyone.
He smiles softly and stands, taking me by the hand. I don’t fight him. Pulling me up from the couch, I let him lead me downstairs to his room.
“Take off your clothes,” he orders once we’re inside.
“Sutton, it’s been a long day,” I object.
“Thea, I said what I said. I’m going to make it my personal mission to teach you how to accept things without needing to do something in return. Do you understand?”
This isn’t like Sutton. He’s the one I can usually reason with. He’s gentle with me. This firmness makes me freeze. I kind of like the unexpectedness of it. I follow his order, undressing until I’m standing naked in front of him. “Now what?”
“Get on the bed. On your back.”
He comes around to my right, opening the drawer to his nightstand. It’s hard to see what he pulls out in the darkness, but as he climbs on the bed, the shape of the blindfold becomes clear. Sutton slips it over my head and the last thing I see is his satisfied smirk adorned with those two silver hoops. This feels like the old Sutton—seductive. He hasn’t been like this for a while. I’m so happy he’s getting back to his old self.
I may have a craving for brutal fuckings lately, however, indulging in Sutton’s sweeter side might do me some good.
I feel him leave the bed. Sightless and ordered to lie on the bed has me wanting to say something… anything. “I noticed Adrian flinched when you hugged him earlier. What’s up with that? Did prison break him or something?” It comes out harsher than I mean it to. Not that I care about Adrian, but I know that Sutton does and I don’t want to come off callous.
There’s rustling to my left. Then, the ding of a message coming through on his phone. He doesn’t answer me right away and I wonder if he’s replying to whoever that was. Annoyance flares, but he finally speaks, dampening it. “If Adrian feels comfortable enough to tell you about that, he will, and then you might understand why he did what he did. It’s not my place to tell his story.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? He killed someone. What kind of reason do you think he could tell me that would make me see him differently?” I’m on the verge of laughing as I say it. It’s comical that someone who’s supposedly justified in their actions wouldn’t tell their story. “All I’ve heard is that he had a right to commit murder. But no one will tell me why. How am I supposed to trust that?”
The rustling stops. I think I hit a nerve.
“Do you trust me, Thea?” His tone edges on disbelief. Probably because it’s not something he thought he’d have to ask me. It’s always been implied.
I sigh. “Of course I do. You know that.”
The flick of a lighter sounds. I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but a tinge of nervousness hits me all the same. “Then believe me when I tell you that Adrian was the victim. He had every right to kill that man. Please understand that right now, I don’t have any interest in talking about him.”
I hear clinking, but I can’t pinpoint what’s making the sound. The bed dips and I sense Sutton’s body over mine. On either side of my thighs, I feel the press of his legs as he straddles me. Warmth pools low and excitement courses through me at the unknown.
The deprivation of my eyesight heightens my other senses, each one tries to anticipate his next move. I smell something sweet and rich. Vanilla. A candle? The sound of the lighter makes sense now. My ears reach out, searching for another clue. I find nothing. Then, I hear the clinking again. What the fuck is that?
Suddenly, there’s a shock of freezing cold against my skin. It’s wet… an ice cube. A shiver runs down my back as Sutton swirls it around my nipple. Goosebumps spread over my arms and despite the sting of the frigidness, I arch into it so he knows I want more.
My senses are distracted from Sutton’s teasing when I hear the distinct opening of his door. I still, wondering who’s come in. Suddenly, I feel vulnerable and move to cover my body.
“Don’t,” Sutton’s voice commands sternly. He’s the easiest to disobey, although right now, I can’t muster it. I told him I trust him and I do, so I let myself relax.
But that doesn’t stop me from asking the question. “Who else is in here?” I hold my breath, waiting for some kind of relief once I know who it is.
“That wouldn’t be any fun, baby. Relax. Part of sensory deprivation is the mystery.” I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m completely helpless and I’m not at the same time. He hasn’t tied me up. I could get up and leave at any moment, yet I don’t. I’m restrained simply because I’m curious and I need to know where this will lead.
The bed dips again as the mystery person joins us. I inhale deeply, then exhale. Fear and excitement course through me. I use all of my other senses to see if I can figure out who’s in the room with us. But before I can, there’s a slight pressure and then my hearing’s gone. Immediately, I recognize the feel of the ear muffs I wear at the gun range. Damian?
My heart races as my fingers dig into the sheets. I’m down to three senses and none of them are going to be much help in determining who’s here. Maybe, if I can get close enough, I can catch Damian’s sea breeze and citrus scent. Or Wes’ pine and leather.
Before I can do that, Sutton slips the cube from my nipple down my ribcage. My body tenses and shudders. Then, I feel warm heat drip against the opposite side, following a trail identical to the ice. Wax. The hot and cold contrasting on my skin feels intense and so fucking good.
My breathing picks up as they go lower, heat and ice on my hips, then over my thighs, until I’m panting for them to give me more. “Please. Please. Please,” I whimper as the warmth and desire between my legs becomes unbearable. I need someone to touch me. I need relief.
There’s only silence in return. I have no idea if they’re conspiring or simply laughing at this torture they’re causing me. My body squirms and I press my legs together.
Finally, someone spreads them. I don’t know what I expect, but it isn’t the slow teasing of a tongue over the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh or the gentle grazing of teeth. All of the agonizing teasing is delaying what I really want. I need their hands, their mouths, their cocks. Anything. I’ll take anything right now.
Whoever’s teasing me with their tongue must sense this because I feel the distinct rumble of a chuckle in their chest as they rest between my legs. I push myself further down, hoping they won’t be able to resist my pussy if I get myself close enough to their mouth. There’s a momentary pause, a tense stillness, then movement.
Fingers slide over me, circling my entrance. I gasp. Relief is so close. They push one inside of me, slicking their finger with the arousal they’ve caused. Then, they take it away. I want to whine and complain that they’re being mean at this point. However, I’m stopped by the biting coldness again. This time, it’s inside of me.
“Sut—Sutton…” I can barely get the words out. He’s fucking slipped the ice cube inside of my pussy. What the fuck? I can’t take it, it’s painful.
Hands reach under my legs as I’m spread wide. Then, a warm mouth is on me, devouring me like they’re starved. Their tongue circles my clit before sucking it into their mouth. Fingers slip inside of me, sliding against the ice. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel so bad.
Something about the contrast of temperatures is pushing me so quickly to the edge that I’m shocked. More warm wax hits my skin, this time over my left nipple. My head turns in that direction as I gasp. On the opposite side, I feel a mouth pull my peaked nipple past teeth until a tongue flicks over me. My head snaps to my right.
It’s all so overwhelming. I can feel every nerve ending firing and even the shift of the air as they move around feels like too much. I’m going to come.
My breaths come quick and shallow as I try to process every sensation. The mouth at my breast clamps down, hard. That’s when I know who the mystery person is. I’d recognize that bite anywhere.
“Wes,” I pant out. He flicks his tongue over my nipple again in confirmation. I smile in lazy satisfaction at figuring it out. But it’s only momentary.
Now that I know it’s him, he isn’t as gentle. The teasing turns into him dragging his nails down my torso. I’m going to have marks later and the lingering sting of it sends me barreling head first into a climax so powerful that my screams make me lightheaded.
I finally come down from the intense explosion. My body’s spent and I want to curl up for a nap. But these two have other plans.
Sutton begins the torture all over again. His mouth works me from the outside, while his fingers coax me from the inside. Icy water gushes from me with each thrust of his hand. Wes’ tongue flicks over my nipple as his teeth bite down every so often.
“I can’t take it,” I beg. I need them to stop. It all feels like too much, but I can’t hear if they say anything. They just keep going.
I climax again. That has to be it. It’s not. They push over and over again until I can’t move. I can’t even make a sound. My mind is mush. All I can focus on is each breath I take to make sure that I stay alive because I’m entirely sure that if I didn’t concentrate on it, I might forget to do it.
Momentarily, I entertain losing that focus. It’s a dark thought, but who could blame me? Instead, Sutton and Wes remove my deprivation devices and cuddle up next to me.
“Doesn’t it feel good to accept something without having to do anything in return, baby?” I can’t answer him. I try. My lips just barely move and I don’t think my tongue will work. But I do agree with him. It felt amazing to receive without expectations. I do the only thing I can. I give him the slightest nod. I’m not even sure if he notices.
Eventually, I fade into sleep between the two of them. And for the first time in months, I sleep peacefully. For all of about three hours.
I’m watching him pace my room. He’s anxious—this isn’t his normal behavior. I snuck out from between Wes and Sutton a few hours ago, knowing the next few days are going to be busy, so I wanted to get my visit with Cole over with. Now, I’m regretting it.
My eyes follow his movements as I sit on my bed, knees pulled in close to my chest. This is the first time I’ve gotten to look at him for more than a few minutes. Since I saw him at the gas station, his hair’s grown out a little more and it’s unkempt. His beard’s longer too. These are really the only details I can make out in the dark of my room.
Something’s gone wrong or he knows something. My mind races. The duffle bag, sneaking into his apartment, drugging him, retrieving the pill bottle, tracking him… The possibilities circle inside of my head. I can’t choose which one might get me the least amount of backlash.
Finally, he stops and faces me. “Do you have anything you need to tell me?” It was hard to make out any details while he paced, but now in his stillness, I can vaguely see the look of scrutiny he’s giving me. I think there’s also a tinge of anticipation. What is he expecting?
I don’t know what to say. I can’t admit to anything because this could be a trap. Maybe he’s suspicious, but doesn’t know why. Or maybe he knows everything and wants to see how honest I’ll be when confronted. It doesn’t matter. I’m playing dumb.
“What would I need to tell you, Cole?” I stare at him dumbfounded, forcing myself to hold eye contact with my tormentor. “It’s you who usually does the talking.” I keep my voice as hushed as possible, knowing Wes or Sutton could wake up and search for me at any moment.
“Thea, don’t fucking play with me. Have you taken a test yet?” Oh fuck. That’s what he’s talking about. I can’t play dumb on this. He left my destroyed birth control for me to find and he knows I’m not stupid.
Looking away, I simply say, “No.” His footsteps come closer and I hear a rustling. Standing in front of me, he stretches out his hand—in it is a pregnancy test. My jaw drops at his audacity. He has to be joking. “I’m not taking that.”
“Yes, you are.” The way he says it makes my resolve shake. Do I even have a choice? It doesn’t feel like it. I already know that it’ll be negative. I did take a test a couple of days ago to make sure that the Plan B worked.
I snatch the test out of his hand and get out of bed. At least I’ll get to see the look of disappointment on his face when he finds out that I’m not pregnant. I try to close the door behind me, but he stops it.
Turning, I meet his gaze. He lifts his chin slightly, a silent command to go ahead. “You’re going to watch me piss on this? Really?” Crossing his arms, he stands in the doorway. “You’re a fucking creep.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I’ve been so good at holding my tongue.
I half expect him to close the distance between us and hit me. He doesn’t. Cole doesn’t even give me anything other than a blank expression. No sense in delaying the inevitable. I pull down my pajamas, tear open the test, and sit down to pee. He hits the lights, temporarily blinding me while I take the test.
Recapping the stick, I toss it onto the counter, close enough that he can grab it and read the damn results himself. It’s going to take a few minutes to show up—with each passing second, my anger grows hotter. That pyre inside of me is burning brighter than ever and he’s to blame.
I wipe, then pull up my pants before leaning against the shower door. “You know this is how it has to be, love. They won’t let you go otherwise. They have to see you as ruined.” The words hurt more than they should. I know Damian, Wes, and Sutton would never feel that way. At least I don’t think they would. I hate that Cole’s planted a small seed of doubt in my mind.
I finally force myself to look into those hazel eyes. This is the first time I’ve seen the color in months. Our meetings always happen in the dark. And I was too far away the day I imprinted his key to get a good look. Tonight, in the bathroom light, I reacquaint myself with the eyes I once loved.
The green seems darker now. His dirty blonde hair is matted and oily as if he’s let himself go. Peeking out beneath the hair that trails down his jaw and over his neck, I see the angry pink scar on this throat. It takes all of my self control to not react in disgust. Not only because it’s ugly or that it reminds me of that night, but also because it’s a reminder of my failure. It’s a reminder that I didn’t kill him like I was supposed to. If I had, I wouldn’t be in this mess now. And that’s something I can’t let happen again.
Cole picks up the test after a few minutes. It’s digital, so there’s no mistaking what the answer could be. Although I can’t see the screen, I can see the disappointment that clouds his eyes as he reads it. “How?”
Men. I roll my eyes. “It’s not always that easy,” I scoff as I push past him. His hand flies out, wrapping around my bicep.
“Women miss a pill and get pregnant all the time.” He’s so fucking dense. “It doesn’t make sense.” Cole searches my face and he must find something. I watch his eyes turn suspicious. “Did you do something?”
I pull my arm from his and walk to my bed. “What could I possibly do?”
Cole follows. “Thea, what the fuck did you do? You’re not telling me something.” Jesus. You’d think my ability to lie would’ve gotten better by now. It seems he and Jessie are somewhat immune, or maybe they’re just a little too focused on me so they see past my mask.
He pushes into my personal space, making me back all the way up into the bed. My knees buckle and I’m forced to sit down. Cole towering over me should be intimidating, but that fire inside of me is a dangerous thing that’s stoking my ego. I’m so goddamn satisfied that I’ve ruined his plan.
I should be terrified—he could kill me. He’s already shown me that. Instead, I’m an idiot.
“You know, they make this amazing little pill that you can take the day after you’re raped to make sure that you don’t get pregnant.” I’m so fucking stupid, but God does it feel so good to fight back against him, even if it’s just admitting one act of rebellion. “You really think I’d birth your devil spawn?”
I prepare myself for the backlash, for the hit or the choking or death. But it doesn’t come. Cole doesn’t move a muscle, but he can’t completely hide the emotions on his face. Well… emotion. Rage. It’s clear he’s seething. This might be it. This might be how I die and I’m entirely responsible for it. I could’ve kept my mouth shut.
What can I say now? Nothing. There is absolutely no changing the course I’ve set myself upon. So we sit there in silence, staring at each other for far too long. And then, Cole leaves. He walks away without a word. That might be the scariest thing of all.
I don’t sleep the rest of the night. I fully expect him to come back when I’m not prepared. Every sound makes my head snap in the direction of the closet. But he doesn’t come back. Maybe that was the point. He wants me confused and in the dark. Well played.