Chapter 10
TEN
Moving into the house on the King property reminds me of how much I love this family.
On Monday morning, Madden, Mr. King, and Emma arrive at my door bright and early.
I’d been up late, packing boxes after talking to my brother, Colton, about my plans and getting his full blessing.
I’m pretty sure he was also getting a little tired of our closeness.
Even though I love my brother more than anything, he’s the one person in my family who has always been there and never made me feel like a burden.
I shouldn’t need to be on high alert whenever I hear a woman’s laughter through the walls, ready to put on noise-canceling headphones or go to Nat or Wren’s if I even sense I might hear something I wouldn’t be able to bleach from my brain.
I left the bar with a trunk full of folded cardboard boxes, and when he got home later that night, he helped me pack my belongings and break down the few pieces of furniture I was taking with me.
The place was fully furnished when I moved in, except for a bed I brought myself.
Even though he offered to let me take everything, I’m kind of excited to leave it all behind and start fresh.
The following morning, it takes hardly an hour for Mr. King, Madden, and Colt to load all my belongings into the truck and trailer.
Then I drive Emma back to the farm, with Colt following behind to do his big brother duty of inspecting my place since the bar is closed on Mondays.
Over the next six hours, the three men helped unload and set up my furniture, and Mrs. King came to help unpack my things.
Around noon, she, Emma, and I headed to the main house to make a quick lunch, which we ate amid various boxes, laughing and joking the entire time.
It was the perfect afternoon, and I reminded myself that, even though they might not be my blood, other than Colton, they were my family.
After my mom left, there was a time when all I dreamed of and wished for was this: a close-knit family, picture-perfect in every way, with a mom and dad who loved each other more than anything and doted on their children like they were the most precious things in the world.
Over time, I realized my dad and brother were perfect, and we were making the best of the hand we’d been dealt, but I still would have done anything to have what Wren had.
As I sat there, looking around my new home, I realized that even though it didn’t look the way I imagined, I’ve found it, in my own way.
And in the same way that, as a kid, I would have done anything to get it, I will do anything I can not to jeopardize losing it.
brEAK
Around three, Jesse is done with his chores around the farm and comes over to help unpack a bit.
Mrs. King bosses him and Madden around as they put my bed together and lug my mattress inside, while Mr. King and Colt hook up the washer and dryer, troubleshooting a bit when they can’t get the washer to fill correctly.
Mrs. King has already headed back to the house to get started on dinner, promising to come tomorrow with pantry essentials and a few housewarming things I told her I didn’t need, but I know are coming my way regardless.
“Any other boxes?” Madden asks as he and Jesse leave my room. I shrug, washing the few dishes I brought and setting them on the counter for Emma to dry.
“I think there are a few in my car that we haven’t gotten,” I say, since I know the night before I had put a few boxes into my car to avoid having to do everything in the morning. “They go in my room or the bathroom, though they should be labeled.”
Madden nods, and he and Jesse head outside. They begin to bring in the boxes of random items, like extra toilet paper, my shower essentials, and clothes, but when I look over my shoulder and see a smallish pink box on top of the larger brown one Jesse is carrying, I panic.
Quickly, I turn off the water and set the plate down in the sink as he moves out of sight and into my room.
Grabbing a dish towel, I dry my hands quickly before moving to my room, watching as Jesse looks around to set the boxes down.
The brown one at the bottom says “summer clothes,” but I pay it no mind and reach for the pink box on top.
“Give me that.”
“What?” he asks. I reach for the box on top, but he shifts away.
“Give it to me!” I shout, panicking now. He turns his back to me, then sets the heavy load down before grabbing the pink box and turning back to me.
“Why—”
In some recess of my mind, I realize if I had just ignored it, he probably would have stacked up the boxes along the wall like I see he did with the others, but the voice in my mind is not rational right now.
She’s fourteen, the girl who made the very first one of the papers that lie in that box, and is panicking that he’ll take the top off the pink-wrapped shoe box to reveal them all.
Each paper in that box feels like a hidden secret he can never find out about.
I reach for it, grabbing to snatch it from his hands, and then, like a horror movie, the box falls, the top falling off as it does, and a lifetime of goals and hopes and dreams falls out, fluttering to the ground.
There’s one for every year, and then a few more for the times I felt lost and wanted to create a vision board for the next season, the second half of the year.
I drop to my knees to collect them, my pulse racing as I do, as I try to pile them all as carefully and quickly as possible.
“What are these?” Jesse asks. “I thought it was going to be, like, vibrators or something.”
I don’t even have it in me to laugh at that, at the idea that Jesse thought I had a box of vibrators just lying around in my car. Not when he lifts one, not when his eyes scan the paper, cut-up magazine words and photos, and doodles, and I realize it’s possibly the worst one.
In Jesse’s hands is the very first vision board Wren and I made, back when we used to daydream about my marrying her brother so we could be real sisters, so I could be tied to her for real, and so I could really be a King.
I’d found the perfect image to add, and it felt like a sign.
Wren and I giggled as I cut it out and glued it to the bottom left corner.
It shows a redheaded woman in a wedding dress standing beside a dark-haired man with shorter hair, who looks more like Jesse used to than he does now.
I could explain that away, really, but unfortunately, the most damning part isn’t the photo but the cut-out letters spelling out the dream: Mrs. Hallie King.
I wish the world would swallow me up.
“Is this…” he says, his voice low and confused.
“They’re my vision boards from when I was a kid.
Give them to me,” I demand, trying to act like he doesn’t see my embarrassing childhood crush.
God, could this get any worse? I spot another one from the following year and realize that one says Mrs. Jesse King.
I grab it, slide it to the bottom of the stack, praying to all that is good in the world that he didn’t see it.
But when I look at him again, his eyes are still scanning the one in his hands.
I comb my mind, trying to think of something, anything.
“Need anything else?” Colt asks, stepping into my room.
Instantly, Jesse drops the paper and stands, and I scramble to stack them neatly, placing them back into the box as quickly and as delicately as I can.
Even if, in this moment, they feel like an embarrassing secret, they’re still precious to me: these far-off dreams, memories of who I once was and what I’ve wanted, and how that changed over the years.
Snapshots of who I was each year that I don’t want to lose.
“Uh, I think that’s it,” I say, standing and looking around the room.
I can handle unpacking the boxes myself, and honestly, some of it will just go into storage until I get more furniture to put things away.
I also very much don’t want my brother or either of the King boys to be going through my things.
It’s not like there aren’t a vibrator or two hiding in those boxes. They’re just, you know. Hidden.
“Okay, well, then I’m gonna head out if you don’t mind. I’ve gotta check Wren and Adam’s places on my way home, make sure there’s no mail outside, and salt their walkways before the storm comes.” He looks from me to Jesse to the room around us. “You sure you don’t need help unpacking?”
I shake my head and give him a wide smile. “No, no. I’m good. Really. Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”
My brother rolled his eyes and shook his head before stepping to me and pulling me into his arms. “You always say that, and I always tell you—”
“It’s your job as my big brother, yeah, yeah, yeah,” I murmur into his chest, letting myself soak in this moment with the one person who was always and will always be there. “Go, check Adam and Wren’s house, then go abroad in the quiet of a house without me.”
His grin widens then. “Oh, it’s going to be blissful.”
I roll my eyes as Madden enters our small huddle.
“Hey, Colt, do you mind driving me to my place? My dad picked me up this morning, so I don’t have my car here,” Madden says, and Colt nods before we all say our goodbyes and watch them drive off.
“I’m hungry,” Emma says as soon as Colt’s taillights are out of view. I let out a little laugh and hook my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into my side.
“You’re always hungry, Emma,” I say, tugging her along into my place since it’s absolutely freezing outside.
“Well, what are we making for dinner tonight?” she asks, and I turn to her with wide eyes.
“Em, I love you and all of your enthusiasm, but unfortunately, I’m old, and today took it out of me. I can’t move in and then also make dinner. Today will be a PB&J night for me,” I say with a laugh. Her nose scrunches up, clearly not pleased with that option, and I laugh.