Chapter 10 #2
“I’ll order delivery from Prima,” Jesse says from behind us. “We’ll have to eat it at my place, though, because I’m also old, which means eating pizza on the floor isn’t in the cards for me.”
Emma again rolls her eyes, and I laugh, shaking my head.
“You really don’t have to feed me. I brought the essentials over—”
‘You’ve been feeding me every night this week,” he says, eyes locked on me. I open my mouth to argue that his mother fed him last night, but he shakes his head. “And babysitting. Please. Let me feed you tonight.”
His voice is sincere and on his face, and even though he just helped me all afternoon and even though I just snapped at him ten minutes ago, I sigh and grudgingly give in. A small smile tips his lips before I even speak.
“All right, all right,” I grumble.
Emma lets out a hoot of excitement as we all put on our jackets, and I lock up my new place. Jesse tells me it’s not really necessary, something I know, but it will take me a while to kick the habit. Then we start making our way down the gravel drive toward Emma and Jesse’s place.
We have pizza, eating it on the couch while watching some movie Emma picked out, and then half of the sequel.
It’s long past dark when Jesse tells Emma it’s time to pause the movie and get ready for bed.
Since it’s only seven forty-five, he tells her that if she does it quick, she can watch a bit more before her bedtime at eight thirty.
It seems like a reasonable offer, but she clearly disagrees, and that’s when I finally see the full brunt of the attitude.
“But I need to watch the end!”
“You’ve seen it at least ten times, Emma,” Jesse says, exasperation in the words.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Emma,” he says, voice steady but his face clearly showing he’s losing patience.
Emma stomps her foot, and I have to look away to avoid laughing, knowing in some part of my mind that laughing right now would be the absolute worst thing.
“I want to watch the rest of the movie with Hallie!” she whines, her voice losing some of the edge and exhaustion filling it.
I realize then that she was probably up early to head to my place with her grandfather, then spent the entire day unpacking, moving boxes, and helping me clean.
Now it’s past her usual bedtime, and she’s probably exhausted.
“Em, honey, we can watch it tomorrow. You’re tired from a long day, you should—”
“No, I’m not! I’m not a baby who needs to go to sleep! Stop telling me what to do!” she says, and my eyes widen since while I’ve seen her talk back to Jesse, it’s never been directed at me.
It seems that was also the last straw, because after that, the couch beside me shifts.
“Okay, that’s it,” Jesse says, standing. “Brush your teeth, get your pajamas on, and get in bed.”
Her body stills, and her eyes go wide as she turns to her dad. “What?”
“You heard me. Brush your teeth, get into your pajamas, then get into bed. I’m done.”
“It’s barely after seven!” she says, even though it’s past seven thirty.
“The time doesn’t really matter, not when you’re being rude. You’ve eaten dinner, so I’m okay with you going to bed early. Now, brush your teeth and get your pajamas on, or there will be no TV or screens at all for the rest of your
“You can’t do that!” she shouts, eyes welling with frustrated tears.
“My house, my rules.”
“You’re the worst!” she shouts, then turns on her heel toward her room, slamming her door behind her as she does.
We sit in silence while she changes, hearing her slam things along the way before she steps into the bathroom and brushes her teeth, mumbling to herself as she goes.
Finally, she returns to her room, slamming her door once more.
After a moment passes, Jesse sighs. “I’m gonna go talk to her,” he says, standing up and looking down the hall toward her room.
“Maybe I should—“ I start, and he looks at me with utter exhaustion in his eyes, exhaustion that definitely wasn’t there ten minutes ago, exhaustion that is born from the weight of having to raise Emma on his own and being completely and totally unsure of what to do. I know the look, because I saw it on my dad’s face so many times when I was a kid.
“Stay. Please.”
It’s a simple request, but I couldn’t disagree if I wanted to. Instead, I nod, and then he turns, heading toward his daughter’s room, opening the door, and flicking the light on.
I sit there on the couch for ten minutes, scrolling my phone while Jesse and Emma murmur to one another, a few sniffles and tears and words making their way down the hall to me.
Eventually, Emma, in a pair of pink-striped pajamas, shuffles down the hall toward me, Jesse leaning against the wall near her doorway.
“Hey, Hallie, I’m sorry I was rude,” she says when she reaches me, her eyes pink from crying, but she seems to be level-headed now. “I was upset, and I took it out on you, and that’s not cool.”
“All good, girl. I get it. But next time, maybe try to talk about it instead?” She nods, sniffling once. I give her a soft smile, my throat suddenly tight as I open my arms for her, and she gives me a big hug. Eventually, it ends, and she stands, wiping her hand under her eyes.
“Okay, now it’s time to head to bed, okay?
” Jesse says from the hall, in soft but firm words.
Emma looks to her dad, opening her mouth to argue, but he gives her a look I can’t see but can feel instead.
I roll my lips together and try not to laugh at the battle of wills, knowing it won’t help anything.
Emma loses when she sighs, nods, and turns to me.
“Night, Hallie. See you tomorrow?” There’s hope and nerves in her words, and it sends warmth through me.
“Yeah, Em. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nods and then heads back to her room, with Jesse following her inside.
He spends another minute or so talking to her before stepping out, the door softly snicking shut behind him.
He pads down the hall, looking like he’s aged ten years.
Finally, he flops down next to me on the couch, eyes closed.
Silence fills the space for a moment before I break it.
“You’re a good dad, Jesse.” He grunts a sound—half laugh, half argument—but doesn’t open his eyes or speak.
“I’m serious. My dad was a good dad and handled being a single dad as well as someone who never thought they’d be in that situation could, but I can tell you right now, if I snapped at him, he wouldn’t spend twenty minutes quietly talking to me in my room before bed.
He would send me to bed and hope that we could move past it in the morning. ”
I continue to stare at him, my eyes tracing over his face and the minor differences, signs that time has passed since the last time I let myself do this.
There are a few light strains at his temples, just a few, and the lines beside his eyes are more prominent.
His mustache sits above fine lines I know are from laughing, though I don’t know if I see that very often.
That thought brings me back to that night, when his laugh nearly startled me, and I’m glad when his eyes open, his words distracting me from going down a path I can’t wander.
“I know. I know I’m a decent dad, trust me.
I’m not that deluded or in need of a confidence boost. I just think it’s harder than I thought.
I know how to handle a baby and a toddler, and an elementary school kid.
But this is different. This is her turning into a woman.
This is her trying to navigate hormones and attitudes and, God forbid, one of these days, boys.
I don’t know how to do that. I’m ill-equipped, and I haven’t made a good enough effort to try and bridge that gap. ”
“Your mom and Wren—” I try, but he shakes his head.
“I’m so grateful for both of them—really. I wouldn’t have made it this far without them, but they also see Emma as a baby. As a little kid. And I think that it gets to her, and I’ve been ignoring that. But honestly, she’s been better the past few days with you around.”
I shrug, not wanting to make him feel any worse than he already does.
“I’ve been like Emma in a way, so I think I understand her in a way your mom and Wren can’t really relate to. But also, I think eleven is just a very uncomfortable time, so no matter what, there are going to be ups and downs.”
“I think you came in at the perfect time. I’m grateful you’re here.”
His words have such sincerity that they settle in my chest, a warmth that stays with me even as I walk in the night air to my new place.