Chapter 19 Too Much
Too Much
Jenny
There was no escape from the pain.
Neither the wreckage of the past nor the heartbreak looming in the future spared me.
No.
It was set to take us both down.
And he didn’t see it coming.
He dropped my legs and set me down on the floor, holding my waist until I found my balance with my hands braced on his biceps.
Wrapped in moonlight reflected off the snow outside his window, I tipped my chin back to take in the broad shoulders, the harsh planes of his face, the dark shadow of his scruff, and the determined gaze of this airman who loved me.
He loved me.
The knowledge broke over me, sliding over my scalp, trailing across my shoulders, and brushing down my arms.
“You love me,” I stated softly, the wonder of it filling me as I searched his face for confirmation.
His grip tightened on my waist, his dark gaze intense as he yanked me against his body, hissing, “Yes.”
“You really love me,” I whispered, my hands moving up to clasp the back of his neck.
Truth shone in his eyes, and hope, but I could hardly believe what I saw.
Believing he loved me was tantamount to believing in mermaids. It was a possibility, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it.
And that’s what I was doing with Deacon: betting my life on him loving me.
I swallowed.
He was worth the risk, of course he was, but would I survive the fall?
His hands came up to cradle my head. “With everything in me.”
I met his eyes and nodded.
His eyes hooded and his fingers tunneled into my hair. “You’ll let me have you?”
I nodded. “I’ve always been yours,” I rasped, my throat tight. It was too late to hold back that truth. If he ever left, it would become obvious soon enough.
Bending his neck, eyes locked on mine, he kissed me. Softly, sweetly, like that first kiss you weren’t sure you’d ever get to taste.
My eyelids fluttered shut at the first exquisite touch. His mouth, God, his sweet mouth.
His beautiful heart.
A sob climbed up my throat, but I forced it back down. I would have this. I would have him. And I would not think about what was to come.
His hands slid down to brace my neck before stroking over my shoulders and down my ribs to my hips.
Lost in his kiss, I barely noticed him grasping the sides of my knit dress and slowly gathering the skirt in his hands.
When it reached my waist, he drew back and gently pulled it up over my head.
I dropped my gaze, unsure about my plain bra and panties and my oh-so-not-sexy thick black tights.
“Don’t,” he whispered, trailing his lips along the line of my jaw and tipping my face up. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I nodded tightly, swallowing the pain of knowing he’d been with other women.
That he’d left me behind.
And tied his soul to someone else’s.
I drew in a shuddering breath.
He was here now.
Solid and strong, his big hands holding me like I was the most precious gift.
Dipping his head, he touched his forehead to mine as his big hands traveled down my back to the clasp of my bra, trembling as he drew the two sides apart and dragged them down my arms.
When I reached for the buttons on his shirt, he broke our kiss and stood tall. This time he didn’t stop me.
I spread the two halves open and palmed his hard chest, reveling in the solid muscles under my hands, the tangible proof he was here with me, before pushing it back off his wide shoulders.
“I need to touch you,” I pleaded as his hands came up to encircle my wrists. “Let me touch you.”
“I’m all yours, Jenny,” he promised softly, dropping his arms to his sides.
I closed my eyes, denying them his harsh beauty to give my hands free rein, imprinting the feel of him in my memory.
Reaching his belt buckle, I didn’t hesitate to release it and flick open the button of his jeans.
The rasp of the zipper sent a shudder of raw desire down my spine. “Oh, God,” I breathed, my knees softening.
His arms came around me, and he lowered me to the bed before crawling up to brace over me, his jeans splayed open.
I trailed my fingers down the centre of his chest to run over his abdomen and dip under the waistband of his boxers.
My eyes fluttered shut as I grasped his hard length in my hand and heard his soft grunt. “I want you inside me.”
He rolled his hips, fucking my hand, his body strung tight like a bow.
Releasing him, I spread my legs around his thighs in invitation. I was long past want and deep in need. I dug my heels into the backs of his thighs and urged him closer.
“Deacon, I can’t wait any longer.”
An involuntary sob burst from me. I threw my arms around his torso and held him tight. “I missed you so much.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice gruff. Hanging his head, he pressed his pelvis into the cradle of mine and confessed, “I’m so sorry.”
Tears streamed over my temples.
My hands ran over every inch of his body I could reach before grasping his hair and pulling his mouth to mine.
Stealing my breath.
Replacing grief with desire.
He kissed me, hard and unrelenting, then lowered his mouth to my breast. Sucking my nipple deep into the hot cavern of his mouth, he soothed the ache I barely felt over the screaming need at my core.
My back arched, silently begging for more, giving myself over into his hands.
Even as I feared the end was coming for us.
Even as I focussed on his every touch, every kiss, his tongue licking over my ribs and dipping into my belly button.
Rearing back, he dug his fingers under the waistband of my tights and pulled them down along with my panties. Rolling them off my feet, he tossed them aside.
Lifting my foot, he set it on his shoulder and turned his head to press kisses to my ankle as he pushed his jeans down and stepped free of them.
Cuffing my ankle, he licked and nipped his way up the inside of my leg until he reached the juncture of my thighs. Shoving his hands under my bottom, he served me up on a silver platter.
At the first warm, wet touch of his tongue, I fisted the sheets and arched off the bed.
His soft murmurs, indecipherable growls, and satisfied hums made my eyes roll back.
My head pressed back into the mattress, my legs shaking as I fought to hold on.
At the precipice of toppling over, he released me.
I moaned in disbelief, opening my eyes to see him spread my thighs and crawl up in between them. He notched the head of his erection at my entrance.
My palm shot out to slam against his chest. “Deacon,” I blurted. “It’s been a long time.”
He braced his elbows on either side of my shoulders and stroked my tear stains with his thumbs.
“I know, sweetheart.” He dipped his forehead to mine, his eyes closing. “Believe me, I know. I’ll take care of you.”
My body softened underneath him. I wrapped my leg around his thigh and urged him forward with my heel.
He pressed in, one sweet inch at a time, rolling his lean hips, the rough hair on the outside of his thighs abrading the inside of mine as my body slowly, inexorably, inevitably accepted him home.
I gasped his name as his pelvis brushed my clit, his erection buried deep inside me.
“Jenny,” he rumbled, his hips still even as he nipped and nibbled at my mouth. “My God, Jenny.”
I panted for air, my nails digging into his arms, overcome and undone.
Vulnerable like I’d never been.
I didn’t realize it would be this bad, this deep, this holy.
I didn’t fully understand how much worse it would be than the first time I let him in.
“Easy, baby,” he soothed. “Easy.”
I nodded frantically, my heart racing off the track.
“I’m okay,” I rasped, my eyes closed.
“You will be,” he promised roughly. “I swear to God, baby, you will be.”
He pulsed inside me, his body rigid with the effort of holding back.
My body slowly came alive and pushed my panic back.
My neck arched and my eyes fluttered open to meet his. “Move,” I demanded.
With a small smile, he drew his hips back before plunging forward.
His smile faded, his face masked in harsh lines of concentration as he dragged his erection over the sweet spots embedded in my walls.
I was so close already, it wouldn’t take much to take me over.
He angled his hips lower, his pelvis brushing my clit with every deep thrust.
I gasped at the exquisite pleasure, my sensuality purring and stretching awake inside me.
My womb trembled deep inside me, begging to be filled.
Dipping his head, he took my mouth, his tongue delving inside, stroking mine, pushing me higher, and then he drew back and caught my gaze and searched my eyes.
His body shook as he held himself immobile over me. “I used to think I lost half my heart when I lost you, but I was wrong.”
Grief.
Sadness.
Regret.
And resolve.
I saw it all on his face, heard it in his voice.
Oh, God, it was too much!
My body shuddered on the edge of ecstasy leaving my heart and mind completely open to his words.
He pulled his hips back slowly and drove back in, the planes of his face harsh and unyielding. “You own my whole heart.”
I sobbed roughly, digging my fingers into the hard muscle of his biceps, meeting his fierce gaze.
He was so beautiful.
Everything I ever wanted.
The only man I’d ever loved.
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he pulled back once more. Tremors rocked him as he buried himself once more and gritted out, “You always have.”
My body pulsed around him, my hands dropping to his ribs and grasping tight as if I could stem the tide.
Dropping to one elbow, his other hand braced on my hip, he rolled his powerful hips.
Lost in pleasure, my body firing on all cylinders, my eyes fluttered shut.
He tucked his face into my neck, pressed his mouth to my throat, and cried out my name as he spilled inside me, his orgasm ripping through him like a storm, violently jerking his hips.
He loves me.
I threw my head back as pleasure like I’d never known whipped through me and took me apart.
Rolling his hips, he carried me through it.
When the last shudder faded away, his long, hard body grounding me to the present, he lifted his dark head, tipped my chin to capture my eyes, and vowed, “You always will.”