15. Harden
B y the time hockey practice rolls around on Tuesday evening, I still haven’t seen Everest. Not since he got into it with Griffin again last night and stormed out.
Griffin fell asleep in my bed after helping me calm down, and it wasn’t until we were both getting ready for class this morning that we realized Ever never came home.
I hate to say it, but their tension has allowed me to forget about my own bullshit and focus on theirs.
I don’t like my best friends being at each other's throats, but I always knew it would come to this at some point.
When Griffin walks into the locker room with Bishop in tow, I can tell he’s still as pissed as he was this morning, and Bishop looks at me and rolls his eyes.
No doubt sharing most of the same classes has meant he’s had to put up with his bullshit all day.
I love Griff, I really do, but sometimes he can be a pain in the fucking ass.
He feels all his emotions big, which is the root cause of the problem, because Everest knows that too.
He knows that every time our friend has joked about marrying his sister, that it wasn’t a joke.
Which would piss any normal brother off probably, but Everest is far from that, no matter how much he pretends to be.
“Haze,” Griffin grunts, not meeting my eye, and I frown in confusion at him. I mean I know he’s in a pissy mood, but he never usually directs it at me. “Still no sign of that dick?” he adds, finally cocking his head at me, and before I can answer, Everest appears.
“Your mom likes this dick,” he grunts, throwing a bottle of water at him, and Griffin rushes to catch it in surprise.
Not because he threw it, but because he actually brought him one in the first place.
Everest has always shown up to practice with water bottles for Griffin, Bishop, and me, along with a bunch of protein bars.
He’s done it so many times that we no longer bring our own, but from the bottle peeping out of the top of Griffin’s bag, I can tell he wasn’t expecting it today.
Especially paired with a bullshit joke about his mom.
I watch as he gauges our friend, who gently hands me my bottle of water, before he does the same to Bishop.
When Everest tosses his bag to the floor and rips open his locker, Griffin is still watching him, not bothering to meet his taunt with one of his own.
I know what he’s thinking, he’s wondering why.
Why still bring him the water? Why still speak to him?
Why not give him another busted lip? And the answer is simple.
Despite everything, Everest Monroe is a good friend.
He knows Griffin kissed Aurora, and yeah he’s pissed as hell about it, and it may have come to blows, but Griffin is still his best friend. I wonder if he’d have reacted the same way if he knew that Griffin isn’t the only one who has kissed her.
Would he have punched me back then for it, too?
Or was he still too lost in his denials?
I remember that kiss like it was yesterday, which isn’t hard considering it’s the only kiss I’ve ever had, the only consensual one anyway, and I still don’t know why I did it.
I’m not like the other two, I don’t feel things the normal way.
I don’t have a want or need to hook up with anybody, and it isn't just because of my trauma, though I’m sure it plays a big part.
I’ve never had a crush or looked at anybody with lust or love, except for her.
Aurora Gray has always been the exception to every rule I have ever made, but it’s not a problem for me like it is for them.
I know I can’t have her, that I’m too fucked up to truly make anybody happy, and that’s okay, I know my limits.
Except for the day I kissed her.
Shaking my head of those thoughts, I focus on Everest and sign. You didn’t come home last night. It’s not a question, it’s a statement, and he nods, stripping off his shirt, as he meets Griffin’s stare, who watches my question before looking at him and waiting for his answer.
“I stayed at Aurora’s,” Everest replies firmly and without regret, pulling out his uniform, and to my surprise Griffin only snorts, grabbing his own.
“Typical, Monroe, you never did learn to share your toys, did you?” he tosses back, and Everest’s glare hardens, as Bishop curses beneath his breath.
It’s no secret, his claim on her, not amongst the four of us anyway.
And Bishop isn’t stupid, he sees the way Everest looks at her, the way we all look at her.
We would all claim her solely as ours if we could, but not him, no, Everest knows as well as I do that she deserves better.
We’re all branded in darkness in our own ways, darkness that would consume her light, but we also know how addictive her brightness is. And how easy it is to give in to it.
“This isn’t like when we were kids,” Everest replies darkly, and Griffin rips off his shirt, before turning and leaning against his locker.
“Isn’t it?” he asks, cocking his head, before turning to me.
“Remember when he got that dirt bike when he was ten, and none of us were allowed to ride it,” he recalls.
“Or how about the boat your dad bought your mom for the summer house, that none of us were allowed to drive,” he adds, turning back to our other friend.
“Face it, Monroe, you’re a selfish dick, always have been. ”
His words aren't false, but they have my best friend exploding anyway.
“I’m selfish?” Everest snaps in outrage, taking a step toward him. “I asked one thing of you, Griffin, and you couldn’t even give me that.”
Griffin only rolls his eyes, his shoulders flexing, as he turns to meet him head on.
“Oh fuck off, you’re acting like you asked me to not eat the last slice of pizza, Ever, we both have an equal stake here, you don’t get to decide.
” He grabs his own base layer and jersey and pulls them both on, as Everest watches him in anger.
“I swear to god, Griffin, if you don’t stay away from her.”
They start to argue back and forth, bickering like two grumpy old men who both have the same first love, as they pull on their uniforms and get ready. When Everest mentions Aurora, I can’t help but laugh, causing both of them to stop and look at me.
“Something to add?” Griffin asks, looking at me expectantly and I shrug.
It’s just typical of the two of you. I start, my fingers moving swiftly. You’re both as bad as each other, stood here making decisions about who gets to have her, without even fucking asking her what she wants.
Everest only huffs. “Oh fucking brilliant, let me guess, you want a fucking vote too.”
A vote? Is that what it will boil down to, a fucking vote?
I have to force myself to take a deep breath so I don’t blow up at the two of them. They are among the very few people in this world I truly feel comfortable with, but if you were to ask me who the most important person in my life is, Aurora would win that vote every single time.
It’s what has my own stare narrowing, as I sign. I thought we had to stay away from her, so why does it matter?
Everest just rolls his eyes, clearly not as adamant or possessive on that note as he thought he was, before looking at Griffin. “Let’s just fucking practice.”
The next two hours are the type of pain and adrenaline I thrive on.
We warm up and then Coach pushes us hard, running drill after drill until I can feel the sweat soaking through my base layer.
Everest fires shot after shot at Griffin, aiming to hit him instead of the actual net, but the only people who seem to notice are the three of us.
It somehow releases the pent up tension between the two of them, and I don’t know why, but this is the most relaxed I’ve seen Everest all year.
By the time we hit the showers, the two of them are acting like the bruises on their faces didn’t come from one another, but then Everest rushes to get ready and disappears without a word. We both know where he’s going, and I guess we can’t do anything but accept it.
When I reach my locker in my towel, one of the new freshman players slaps my back playfully. “Fucking hell, Haze, you were insane out there,” he praises, but the only thing my body can register is his palm against my skin.
He’s touching me and pain explodes through my body.
Griffin looks up as he speaks, taking in his proximity to me, and without a word from me, he steps between us, severing his hand from my body, and jokingly replying, “What about me, kid? Didn’t you see all those shots I saved,” he laughs, gently pushing him back toward his own locker, and any response is lost to the white noise thundering in my ears.
It’s okay, I’m fine. I’m not in danger, his touch is not poison.
I chant that over and over in my head, willing my heart rate to calm down, for my body to stop shaking, but it’s no use.
I blink rapidly, and suddenly Griffin is back, crowding into me, but ensuring he isn’t touching me anywhere.
His hazel stare searches mine, so much concern there that it almost suffocates me, but still I focus on nothing but his eyes.
“You still with me, Haze?” he asks, his voice low, and I just about nod.
It’s only then I note that he’s standing with his shoulders spread, shielding me from the rest of the team.
His stare still searches mine, as he grips the locker just above where I am white knuckling it, and I don’t know why, but I flick my thumb up to press against his hand.
He doesn’t even flinch beneath my touch, just moves his hand lower so it presses against the side of my own in support.
“I got you, don’t worry, just keep breathing,” he adds, and I inhale deeply, letting his masculine scent consume me, as it settles something in my soul.
My heart still thunders in my chest as I look at him, his brown hair looking darker than usual thanks to the shower, but it’s the way it’s flopped over his brow that has me pausing slightly.
Standing in just a towel, like me, his amber eyes continue to hold mine, offering nothing but comfort, and it takes me back to last night in bed when he did the same.
He might have been the one that caused that panic, but somehow he always knows how to take it away.
He’s always a constant in my world of discomfort.
“I’m good, Griff,” I whisper without thinking, and his eyes widen in surprise at the sound of my hoarse voice. A voice he pulled from me without even a second thought from my trauma.
A slow and pride-filled smirk dances across his mouth, as he takes in my now calm state. “Yeah, Haze, you are,” he grins, knocking my hand gently with his, before he nods and pulls away, taking his comforting scent with him.
He calmed me down. Again.
Yet all I can focus on now, is the way my dick twitches in response.
What the fuck?