Chapter 27
HEATHER
Heather kept sneaking glances at John as they climbed the ladder. She hadn’t known which floor he’d been assigned to, because he’d never even tried to take his trial. He’d applied for a job with the maintenance crew right after his arrival.
She’d only become friends with John recently, but she had trouble believing that he had been assigned to the right floor. He seemed like someone who wouldn’t even squash a spider. Working for Godfrey could drive anyone to violence, but he’d only got that job after death.
People with truly serious sins didn’t get sent to the Purgatory Hotel for Wayward Ghosts.
He wasn’t going to secretly turn out to be a murderer.
Maybe he’d acted in self-defence? He might have heroically fought off a wild dog to save a baby .
. . But then wouldn’t he have got sent straight to Heaven?
His sin wasn’t any of her business. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, she would have hated it if someone had assumed she must be abusive to others because she had the sin of anger. People in Purgatory shouldn’t judge each other.
As they got off at Floor Violence, the others had already gathered in the waiting room. Howard eyed the door with a worried expression. ‘Will this floor be dangerous for Jaime?’
Lucy laughed. ‘No, this floor will be designed to provoke YOU to violence. At no point will any of us be threatened.’
‘It could be tricky for me,’ Heather muttered. ‘Violence overlaps with anger. I nearly stomped on Godfrey’s kidneys the last time I saw an illusion of him.’
Cheerfully, Howard said, ‘England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.’
Everyone groaned, even Delilah.
‘My daughter’s first groan at my jokes!’ Howard wiped a tear from his eye. ‘I’ve become a proper dad.’
Lucy opened the door. ‘Let’s hurry before Howard thinks up more puns.’
As the others entered, John dallied in the waiting room.
Heather walked over and patted his shoulder.
‘I appreciate you changing your mind and coming with us. We need you. You’re the only maintenance person on our side.
I know it’s stressful to take your trial for the first time.
But maybe this is the best time for you to try?
You’ll have the rest of us with you. Lucy might be persuaded to give you some information to help you pass. Most importantly, you won’t be alone.’
John took a deep breath. ‘I might prefer to face this one alone. Can you enter first? I’ll follow after you, hopefully after enough time has passed for me to end up in my own separate room.’
The thought crossed Heather’s mind that he might be trying to run away. But she decided to trust him. ‘Okay. Good luck.’ She patted his shoulder again, then stepped through the door.
The walls appeared to be made of tan putty, the floor of rubber mats. Words like DESTROY, ANNIHILATE and SMASH had been painted on the walls in colourful all-caps. Was this some kind of rage room?
A pair of disembodied gloves handed Heather an axe. ‘Oof!’ She grunted under the weight. ‘Is this real?’ The silver head looked very real. She didn’t dare touch the blade. It appeared quite sharp.
‘They’re real,’ Delilah called from further down. This place was shaped like a long hallway, with a white door far off in the distance. ‘Come on! We’re falling behind.’ Delilah gestured at the others, who had already started walking. Jaime lingered at the back too, waiting.
Heather followed, carrying the axe carefully, one hand right next to the head to prevent it from swinging. ‘What’s the test?’
‘Right here.’ Delilah pointed at a picture of her mother, hung directly in the middle of a bullseye.
‘We must be supposed to resist the temptation to destroy the pictures. Fortunately, I’ve already overcome my mummy issues on Floor Anger.
I even have new and better parents!’ She stuck out her tongue at her scowling mother, then turned away.
From further down the hallway, Howard stared at a picture of a very haughty long-faced man. ‘That’s my first boss. I’d completely forgotten about him. He was certainly a trial, but it’s been far too long for me to feel anger at him.’
‘You never stay angry at anyone,’ Lucy said. ‘It’s one of your best traits. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends with me after my frequent murder attempts.’
‘It’s ancient history.’ He shrugged. ‘I did start the conflict. I dare say your attempts were only playful after the first dozen times.’
‘Come to think of it . . . you never told me how you died.’ Lucy frowned. ‘I should rain down unholy vengeance on anyone even remotely connected to the demise of my beloved friend.’
‘That’s why I didn’t tell you,’ Howard said. ‘I’m not a vengeful person.’
‘Please?’ She clung to his arm, batting her blue eyes. ‘Just a hint?’
He looked away. ‘Subject-change time! I tried to make up a joke about ghosts, but I couldn’t. It had plenty of spirit but no body.’
Groaning, Lucy dropped his arm.
‘I love it!’ Delilah laughed. ‘Excellent joke, New Dad, who I love very much even though we only met recently. Want to hear one from me? I hope I get cremated so I can have a smoking-hot body.’
Everyone groaned. Lucy sighed. ‘A bad influence on our daughter already.’
As Heather walked down the hallway, she passed pictures of the worst guests ever at the Purgatory Hotel for Wayward Ghosts.
These people had been rude, demanding and, in some cases, outright liars.
She passed the man who had nearly thrown water at her.
If this hadn’t been a test, then she might have enjoyed working out some rage, for which this room had been designed.
But none of the pictures truly tested her self-control.
Perhaps she, too, had got better since Floor Anger.
When they passed a picture of Jaime’s former foster parents, Heather glanced sideways at the child.
Jaime held her own smaller axe. She shrugged.
‘Seeing them beg on Floor Greed helped me get over my anger. People say the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred. I think I’m finally reaching the place where I can be indifferent to them.
Let me tell you, my first time on this floor, I did some damage with the axe. ’
‘Who could blame you? Not me! I’m more tempted to hack them up than any of my own pictures.’ Heather ruffled Jaime’s hair. ‘Now that we know adoption in the afterlife is somehow still a thing, I would adopt you in a heartbeat. We could ask Lucy about the paperwork.’
Jaime bit her lip. ‘Let me think about it.’
‘Okay.’ Heather tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. But she couldn’t understand. Jaime’s past had made it clear she’d always wanted to be adopted. It was difficult to reach any other conclusion except that Jaime lacked trust in Heather.
‘It’s not because of you. It means a lot that you asked.’ Jaime tugged on Heather’s sleeve, eyes averted. ‘I have a sin that I need to tell you about. Then afterwards you can decide if you still see me as family.’
‘That’s fine. You can take your time.’ Heather felt relieved. She was pretty sure she already knew all about Jaime’s sin from life – her heretical billboards. It wasn’t a big deal, but they could wait until Jaime felt comfortable talking about it.
Meanwhile, Lucy marched past a series of pictures: a very muscular woman with straight black hair and monolid eyes, a slim redhaired man with a wicked grin, a wizened old woman and a pale bald man covered in facial scars.
Lucy said, ‘Humph, no matter the face, Barbara is equally detestable. This is bringing back so many bad memories for me. Luckily, I already got to see Barbara humiliated and defeated, so I’m in a very good mood.’
‘All of these are Barbara?’ Heather looked between the very different pictures, each at the centre of a bullseye. ‘Even the men?’
Lucy shrugged. ‘For a creature like Barbara, gender is an optional concept.’
Come to think of it, the smirk did look uncannily similar on each picture.
Howard paused at a portrait of a man who looked very much like him, except for the pure white hair. ‘I don’t know why my father is here. I’ve never been angry at him at all. Even when he disowned me, I only felt guilty for not fulfilling his expectations.’
Delilah patted him on the shoulder. ‘Violence is simply not your sin.’
Once again, Heather wondered how on earth John of all people had got assigned this sin. He had even less anger than Howard. Didn’t Jaime being stuck prove that the hotel system could make mistakes?
Heather had nearly reached the door at the end of the hallway when she passed a picture of Godfrey. He had the exact same smugly superior gaze as when his doppelganger had insulted her flower arrangement. Her fingers tightened on the axe handle.
Delilah noticed and steered her away. ‘Keep it together. We’re almost at the end.’
‘Godfrey’s face looks so murderable!’ Heather growled.
‘Be strong, Heather.’ Delilah held on to her shoulders. ‘Think about how much more satisfying it will be to repair the hotel without Godfrey and prove we don’t need him. I bet he’ll turn purple with humiliation.’
Jaime giggled. ‘Oh, you two have no idea how humiliated he’s going to be.’
‘Hmm . . . you’re right.’ Heather took deep breaths, then kept walking. ‘It would make Godfrey far too happy to have succeeded in thwarting our efforts without even being here.’
Almost at the door, Lucy stopped before a picture of an inky blob. Her fingers smoked on the axe handle. ‘Barbara’s most detestable form of all!’
‘That’s still Barbara?’ Heather couldn’t help but laugh.
Howard covered Lucy’s eyes. ‘Don’t let her get to you. She also would be smug about thwarting you without even being here.’
The same pair of hands waited at the door labelled Exit. They all handed over their axes, then filed out.
In the waiting room, Lucy declared, ‘That was easy!’
‘We need to introduce you to the human concept of jinxing it.’ Heather looked around. ‘John’s not out yet. I didn’t see him behind us.’
Delilah said, ‘He did enter later.’