Chapter 14
Grace tried hard to concentrate on the garden design, but her mind was in a state of turmoil.
Mr. Wallings had not come to see her for almost a fortnight.
Oh, she saw him at Sunday services, where he was cordial, but he was cordial with everyone.
She’d also visited him at the parish hall to welcome the children on their first day of school, but he’d seemed more aloof than ever.
She had tried to engage him in conversation, but his answers were monosyllabic.
She left after an hour, but when she looked back, she saw the most troubled look on his face.
What was that about?
Had she done something to offend him?
She tried to remember every detail since the last time they’d seen each other in private, but nothing stood out. She was at a loss to understand his sudden standoffishness.
She was so confused and hurt. Why would he ask Jacob for permission to court her and then suddenly avoid her company?
It made no sense. How could he have gone from kissing and courting her to…
Had he changed his mind? Did he no longer wish to court her?
Her heart plummeted into her stomach. She took a careful breath around the weight of it.
Well… there wasn’t much she could do if he had, but at the very least, she deserved to know why, or what she’d done to put him off.
Although it wasn’t proper, Grace made up her mind that after she finished consulting with Mr. Clifford on another idea she had for the garden, she would make the trek to the vicarage and find out once and for all why Mr. Wallings had stopped calling on her.
“Miss Parker?” Mr. Clifford said. “I don’t think I quite understand your vision for this corner.”
“I know. I apologize for being so confusing. I shall return momentarily. It will be easier if I can draw what I prefer.”
Mr. Clifford nodded. “Very good, Miss Parker,” he said and continued to prune the dead blooms off the rose bushes.
Grace walked back into the drawing room to find a quill and paper so she could sketch exactly what she wanted in that corner. After reading the Red books with Kathryn, she had some new ideas she wanted to implement.
She went to the desk at the far end of the drawing room, hoping there would be writing supplies there, as it would save her a trip to her bedchamber.
She started pulling open the drawers and found that, unfortunately, most of them were empty.
When she tried to open the bottom drawer on the right, it became stuck.
She could neither open it fully nor close it again and thought it strange that this last one seemed to have a much smaller interior compartment than the others.
“What could be blocking it?” She could just barely get her hand in the opening, and she began feeling around for the culprit preventing the drawer from opening fully. She ran her fingers along the edge, and then she heard it.
Click.
The drawer popped open to reveal a small, hidden space along the inside where a stack of letters tied with a blue ribbon was concealed.
“What is this?” she mumbled as she grabbed the letters.
The quill and paper were forgotten as she went to the sofa and untied the blue ribbon.
There were four letters in the stack. She opened the first one and read.
My darling Mary,
I cannot believe I could be so blessed. You have brought the light back into my heart. I know our love is forbidden, but perhaps we can find a way to be together.
Always,
Hugh
Forbidden love? That didn’t sound like the mother she knew. Her mother had never mentioned anyone by the name of Hugh before. Who was this mysterious gentleman? Had she met him before she married Papa?
She opened the next letter.
My darling Mary,
I cannot stop thinking of you. Your beautiful face fills my mind and haunts my dreams. I understand your dilemma, but sometimes fate has other paths we must follow. Please think about what I asked. It is indeed a difficult decision to make, but I hope you will ultimately decide in our favor.
Always,
Hugh
Grace was flabbergasted. What was going on?
Who was this Hugh? She had the vague idea that their neighbor, the Earl of Berkeley, might have Hugh as his Christian name, though she couldn’t think where she might have heard it.
Was he the Hugh in the letters? Was that why the earl had thought Audrey was their mother?
There were no dates on the letters, so she had no idea when they were written.
This was opening up a whole new side of her mother that she had never suspected.
She opened the next letter.
My darling Mary,
My heart soars with happiness at your decision. I promise you, we will have the most wonderful life together. I’m working on all the arrangements and will contact you when they’re finalized. Soon, my darling, we will be together, and I will be the happiest man in all of England.
Always my love,
Hugh
Had her mother had a secret lover? She’d never known her mother to be anything but pious and devoted to her father. Grace opened the last letter, her heart racing.
My darling Mary,
Fate has upended our lives once more. Do you not realize that I would love your third child as much as your daughters?
I understand your decision to stay with James, especially if this child is a boy, but my heart is breaking for a lost love and a life that can no longer be.
Know that I will always love you with every fiber of my being.
If you ever have need of me, do not hesitate to contact me.
I will come to you wherever you are. With the heaviest of hearts, I say goodbye, my darling.
Always,
Hugh
Tears rolled down Grace’s cheeks at the cards her mother had been dealt. Mary was denied the opportunity to be with the love of her life. It was a tragic love story, and her mother had paid the ultimate price for her decision to stay with James.
Now it made sense that Lord Berkeley had thought Audrey was Mary. Her sister looked remarkably like their dear departed mother, with her dark hair and brilliant blue eyes. It was obvious that he’d loved Mary, and from what she could tell from the letters, her mother had loved the earl as well.
Had her father found out about their attachment?
Was that why he’d never allowed them to return to Dandridge Manor?
She had no way of knowing, and she needed someone to talk to about this.
She certainly didn’t want to burden Audrey with such knowledge.
Audrey was enjoying her honeymoon with Jacob, and it would hurt her sister deeply to think their mother had not been the woman they’d all thought she was.
Grace never wanted to hurt her sister or destroy their mother’s image.
She refolded the letters. She needed to talk to Peter. He could hopefully offer some guidance on what path she should take. Even though he’d been distant for the last fortnight, she knew he would give her wise counsel on her next course of action.
Should she keep the letters secret?
Would it do anyone any good to reveal their contents now, long after their mother’s death?
It was a heavy burden to bear, knowing that her mother hadn’t been happy in her marriage. Mary had hidden it from her daughters well. Grace would have never believed her mother was burdened with such a wounded heart.
She swiped the tears from her face and walked out to the garden. “Mr. Clifford, I do apologize, but I’ve forgotten an errand I must see to immediately. We can discuss the design further when I return. In the meantime, I’m sure Lady Kathryn can answer any questions you may have.”
“Very well, Miss Parker.”
Grace walked back through the drawing room into the foyer, where she grabbed her reticule from the table near the front door and put the letters inside before picking up her bonnet and gloves.
“Miss Parker, do you need assistance?” Jones asked.
Grace spun around as she tied the ribbons on her bonnet. “Oh, Jones, I didn’t hear you approach. I’m merely going for a walk.”
The butler nodded and opened the front door. “Enjoy the sunshine, Miss Parker.”
“Thank you, Jones,” she said, slipping on her gloves. She was the picture of a calm and demure Society miss as she walked outside, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. Her mind was in turmoil, her heart was racing, and her belly roiled with anxiety.
Grace hurried down the front drive before anyone else saw her.
She didn’t want to talk to until she’d had a chance to discuss the letters with Peter.
It would have been faster to take Blaze, but she couldn’t bear the thought of waiting around while the horse was saddled.
Plus, the walk would be good for her-she felt an unbearable need to move.
The letters seemed to burn a hole through the fabric of her reticule as she clutched it.
The sooner she had some answers about what to do, the better she would feel.
She set a brisk pace. The vicarage was two miles down the road, and it took half an hour to reach it.
She knocked on the door, and it took a few minutes before she heard footsteps, giving her an opportunity to try to calm her erratic breathing.
When the door finally opened, she was so grateful Peter was at home; she didn’t know what she would have done if he were not out tending to his parishioners.
“Miss Parker, this is an unexpected surprise. Is there something I can help you with?”
Grace could feel the tears welling behind her eyes, and all she could do was nod.
Peter opened the door wider to allow her to enter. “I can see something is troubling you. Please come in, and let’s see if I can help you. Would you like a cup of tea? I just heated up the water.”
A soothing cup of tea sounded like heaven to Grace. “Yes,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Have a seat. I shall see to it.”