Chapter 5 #2
My throat tightens. “Thanks, Liv.”
Mike appears behind her and slides an arm around her waist before hugging her. “Hey, Honey,” he offers me a slow smile. “Sorry about Liv.”
He steps forward and pulls me in for a quick hug.
“It’s okay. Will you make sure to take care of her while I’m away?”
“Always do.” He squeezes me back and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “You want to come to breakfast with us?”
Is that the universe knocking again?
“That’s a kind offer,” I say, raising my phone, “but I’m waiting for a car to pick me up so I can’t.”
I also don’t want to see Zach and have to say goodbye.
“Okay.” He nods along, and I doubt he believes me, but he doesn’t push.
We talk for a few minutes until my phone buzzes for my ride.
When we say our goodbyes, I start to head to the exit, only looking back to see Mike placing his hand on Olivia’s lower back.
That’s when bright blond hair catches my attention.
Zach.
He’s sitting at the table with the other guests from the wedding, his hair still damp from the shower and his red Rome Raptors shirt stretches across his chest, showing off his broad shoulders and that ridiculous honeycomb tattoo on his forearm.
I hate it. Not because it isn’t a beautiful tattoo. It’s stunning but having it there is a constant reminder that I fucked him over, and I’m just waiting for the day that he’s going to regret it and ink a new design over it.
The thought makes me feel a little queasy.
He leans back, taking a sip of his coffee as he laughs with his parents next to him. Tiff is there, still glowing from yesterday, with Jamie beside her and Ella perched on his lap. Their daughter is happily destroying a stack of pancakes while Jamie does his best to keep syrup off her dress.
When Mike and Olivia are by the table, everyone gets up to greet them. They’re all smiling, and happy and... I’m not there.
I swallow, gripping the bouquet a little tighter as I feel my eyes prickling.
That’s my family. The only people in this world who ever accepted me, and I just up and left them in a bid to find myself without them.
You did it to make yourself better for them.
None of them have seen me yet, but the second Zach looks around, I use my hair as a curtain and head to the front desk.
With my back to the dining room, I become hyperaware of every sound behind me.
The clink of silverware. Ella’s giggle. The low rumble of Zach’s voice saying something I can’t make out.
I should go over there. I should say goodbye to everyone or at least acknowledge what happened between me and Zach instead of slinking out like a coward, but my feet won’t move.
I know that if I go over and look into his eyes, I won’t be able to leave. I’ll fall right back into his orbit like I always do, and all my plans will crumble to dust.
So when everything is paid for, I grab my suitcase handle, grip the bouquet tighter, and head for the front doors. My heart is hammering so loudly I’m sure everyone in the lobby can hear it.
Any second now, someone’s going to call my name. Any second, Zach’s going to look up and see me and—
I push through the doors. The cool morning air hits my face.
Made it.
The driver is leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette as he waits for me. I start to walk over, only slowing when I realize Chris is standing next to it with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder and his phone in his hand.
When he sees me, his eyebrows lift.
“Honey?” He glances at his phone, then back at me. “Are you, uh, going to Indianapolis International?”
I stop a few feet away, my grip tightening on my suitcase. “I am, actually.”
He smiles before showing me his phone screen—the same app, the same driver, the same pickup location. “Looks like the app paired us. Must be trying to save on emissions or something.”
Of course it did. What was Olivia saying about the universe and a mallet? With her logic, I’d have ended up in my own Why Choose romance. Although, I doubt Zach could survive such a concept.
The driver drops his cigarette and stamps it out with his foot. “You two together?”
Chris glances at me, a question in his eyes.
“Yeah,” I say. “We’re together.”
The driver nods and pops the trunk. Chris takes my suitcase before I can protest, loading it next to his duffel bag. He’s always doing that—taking care of things without being asked, making himself useful, being good in a way that should make me want him.
It doesn’t, which is the saddest part of this situation.
We slide into the backseat, and I place the bouquet between us to create a respectful distance.
“Where’s Chase?” I ask as the driver pulls away from the curb.
“He’s flying out later because he’s got to head to California to report to his team.” Chris settles back against the seat. “I’m heading to New York,” he says quietly.
“For the Huntington Breakers?”
His face lights up. “Yeah. It’s official now. Signed the contract last month.” He grins. “It’s not where Chase is, but it’s a good team with Scotty Hendricks, and a great opportunity.”
“That’s amazing, Chris.” I mean it. “You’ve worked so hard for this.”
“Thanks.” The grin softens into something more genuine. “It feels good, you know? Finally, having a plan. Knowing where I’m supposed to be.”
Knowing where I’m supposed to be.
Must be nice.
The car merges onto the highway, and I lean against the window, looking out the glass at the farmland, feeling a little sad about how things ended with St. Michael’s.
I did have some friends, and things were starting to calm down, but it just didn’t feel right anymore.
Even going back now wouldn’t be the same. Everyone is gone.
Chris breaks the silence by clearing his throat.
“You okay?” His voice is gentle. “After last night?”
Last night.
My stomach tightens. I can’t believe he’d ask me that, but then again, he might’ve been the brother I was confiding in last night, so I can’t blame him for checking in.
“I’m fine,” I lie, not wanting to delve into the details. We’ve talked about our exes before, but after everything that happened between us, it all feels a little different now.
“Honey.” The way he says my name makes my throat tight.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t push. Doesn’t demand explanations he has every right to ask for. Just accepts it and moves on. “Are you excited for the cruise?”
“I guess.” I turn and give him a small smile. “Olivia can’t make it, so I’m going solo now.”
“Ah.” He sucks in a sharp breath. “I’d offer to go, but I’m a little busy,” he jokes.
“Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure there’s a Bailey Hill tribute act playing. I don’t want you sobbing into the cheeses all night.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “I think I’d get over it pretty quickly.” He looks at me, his eyes skimming over my face.
“You know, I think a solo cruise will be good for you actually,” he says.
My eyes narrow. “Why?”
He shrugs. “You need to get away from all of this.” He flits his hand in the air.
“You’ve been running from things for a long time and as good intentioned as your friends are, I don’t think they’re helping the situation.
” He glances down at my lap where I’m toying with my fingertips.
“Maybe this is where you finally figure out what you’re running toward instead of what you’re running from. ”
“Or maybe I just keep running in a different direction.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, his eyes connecting with mine. “But at least it’s a direction you chose.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
By the time we get to the airport, Chris has told me all about his new teammates and the house he’s staying in until he finds his own place. Things only start to feel weird when we’re standing at the curb, ready to say goodbye.
Chris hands me my suitcase and then pulls his bag over his shoulder.
“So,” he says, as we stand on the sidewalk with people streaming past us from both sides.
“So.”
He looks down and shuffles from side to side before he clears his throat.
“Listen, Honey. I know you’ve got a lot to figure out. And I know I’m not...” He stops, swallows. “I know I’m not who you want.”
“Chris—” I knew this would come up, and I feel terrible that I ever let us get into this position in the first place.
“Let me finish.” His eyes are closed as he holds up a hand.
I purse my lips shut, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.
I just want you to know that I get it. I’ve always gotten it, even when I didn’t want to.
” He manages a small smile. “But if you’re ever in New York—for any reason—give me a call.
I’ll buy you a beer, and we can pretend we’re just two normal people who went to college together.
We can just pretend that kiss never happened. ”
My chest tightens, and I take his hand. “I don’t regret kissing you,” I say, my body shaking with the admission. “You’re a good man, Chris. You were kind to me when everyone else was cruel, and you’ve always made me feel safe and seen.”
His expression softens, but I keep going before I lose my nerve.
“If things were different, I think maybe something could’ve happened.”
“If Zach wasn’t—”
“And if Bailey wasn’t either.”
Chris huffs out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Bailey’s not a problem, but I get it.”
I smile at him—a real smile, maybe the first real one I’ve given him in months. “Friends?”
He considers for a moment, then nods. “Friends, but like, could we be the kind of friends who get married if we’re forty and still single?”
I bark out a laugh and push him lightly. “Oh, please. If Bailey doesn’t come back to find you then I’m pretty sure you’re going to have a line of girls waiting for you after you make your NHL debut. You’re hot stuff, Chris Harper.”
He chuckles before pulling me into a hug, and I let myself lean into it for just a second. Chris Harper. The nice guy. The safe choice. The one who would have been easy to be with.
Too bad I’ve never liked easy.
“Go find yourself, Honey Sanderson,” he says against my hair. “And when you do, don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t.”
He pulls back, gives me one last smile, and then he’s walking toward the terminal, duffel bag over his shoulder, disappearing into the crowd.
I stand there for a moment, watching him go. Then I grab my suitcase and head inside.
Two weeks on a cruise. Just me and the ocean and way too much time to think about things I’ve been running from.
Maybe Olivia and Chris are right. Maybe space to figure out who I am without anyone else’s expectations weighing me down is exactly what I need. Without my family’s legacy. Without Zach’s certainty that we belong together. Without Chris’s hopeful glances or Madison’s knowing smirks or any of it.
Just me.
The thought is terrifying, but also, maybe, a little bit exciting.
I’m halfway through security when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, half-expecting a text from Olivia already.
Zach: You left without saying goodbye.
My heart stops.
I stare at the message, my thumb hovering over the screen. He must have seen me. Or someone told him I was gone. Or—
Another message appears.
Zach: I get it. You need space. But Honeycomb... last night meant something. At least it did to me.
I read the messages three times. Four. My eyes are burning and my chest is so tight I can barely breathe.
I should respond. Should tell him... what? That last night was a mistake? That it meant something to me too, but I don’t know what? That I’m terrified of how easily I fell back into him, how natural it felt, how right?
I lock my phone without responding and shove it back in my pocket.
A TSA agent waves me forward. “Next!”
I grab my bag and keep walking.
Two weeks.
Two weeks before I have to face any kind of reality and make any decisions on things.
That’s more than enough time.
It has to be.