Chapter 13
LUKE
The following week passes in a blur. The first half of the week is my downtime, when I work out and catch up with friends and family before the chaos of a new race weekend arrives.
I still feel numb, angry, and sad about the fight with Jessica and how little faith she had in me and our connection.
She was quick to believe the gossip and headlines, which disappointed me.
She’s studying to be a reporter, for Christ’s sake, you’d think she’d understand how these things work and how stories can get exaggerated over nothing.
But unfortunately, she chose to chase the smoke where there was no fire.
When I saw her walking down the street, I felt lighter than I had all day. Just seeing her eased some of the tension from my hellish day.
But then, it was clear her walls were back up, and she was ready to fight, which pissed me off.
Being with me means dealing with stuff like this, and I guess I hoped Jessica would understand that.
I fully intended to fight for her and make her see that she had nothing to worry about, but seeing her all closed off at the first challenge made me uncertain if this whole thing between us mattered to her.
I thought I had gotten through to her; that kiss was enough to set my blood on fire, and I know she was just as affected as I was.
The night under the stars was the best time I’ve had in a long time.
I’m frustrated by her, myself, and this whole situation, for not at least explaining the whole Victoria mess.
I’ve honestly felt out of sorts from the impact Jessica’s had on me in such a short time, and it left me feeling vulnerable.
She may experience the same feelings, but she was quick to believe the worst, which made me close up as well.
Then there’s the other part that’s been gnawing at the back of my mind the last few days: the fact that she was so determined not to be seen with me.
I know she wants to be taken seriously by her co-workers and in the paddock, but it still irritates me how the thought of being seen with me was the worst possible scenario.
That feeling of being avoided or hidden away adds to my frustration, especially since I care about her and wanted things to be different.
I’ve never been one to want people to feed into my ego, but Jessica sure knew how to bruise it.
I return to my workout, trying to block Jessica out of my mind by blowing off some steam, only to have thoughts of her come back, knowing this is the exact coping mechanism she also uses.
We both use physical activity to distract ourselves when unpleasant feelings appear—trying to use the physical aspect to block out the mental trials.
I was eager to learn more tiny things like that about her.
More about similarities and differences, but then it all came to an end, leaving me with a hollow feeling in my chest.
◆◆◆
“Hey, dude,” Sebastian answers the phone, and I wish he could come out and visit me on the road. I actually miss the bastard.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” I ask him. Sebastian is busy living his own sports dream.
He’s currently playing soccer professionally in Europe, and I watch his games whenever I can stream them online or when they’re shown on TV. He keeps me updated on upcoming matches and mentions they’ve experienced tough losses recently.
He hopes their luck will turn around before they drop into the bottom five.
We talk about my shit race on Sunday, and he tells me he watched it all unfold on live television.
“I can’t believe the fucker Peter is leading, and even making it seem like he deserved that win,” he says, and I couldn’t agree more.
Peter was going all out in every interview, saying he was the fastest driver on the track that day, which is total bullshit.
“Yeah, tell me about it. And now I have to play catch-up to get on top,” I tell him, feeling my irritation growing.
“But something tells me that it’s not just Peter Centimo making you even grumpier than usual,” Sebastian says, and I groan.
“I’m never grumpy,” I huff back, and he just laughs at me, confirming his point.
I sigh and tell him about my fight with Jessica and the no-contact period afterward. It’s not like I run into her when I’m in Monaco, and she’s probably already at the circuit in Bahrain.
“Man, I never thought of you as a quitter, but damn, you’re losing your game,” he says, and I defend myself by telling him all about how I went to find her to do just that, fight for her, but she turned me down and wanted to believe the worst.
“It sounds like both of you are too stubborn and proud, which makes me wonder if the sex is as explosive as your arguments,” Sebastian laughs, and I roll my eyes at him.
“We never made it that far, you asshole, but judging by the make-out session we had the night before everything went to shit, I would think so,” I tell him, feeling the tension in my body rise just at the thought of it.
I’m certain we would be absolutely fantastic together, in every way.
“Look, Luke, it sounds to me like she’s scared of the whole Luke Hastings show and everything that comes with being with you.
And can you really blame her? She’s just got a massive opportunity in her dream role, and you come along, using your charm to win her over.
The day after you take her out on your first date, she sees pictures of you online with Victoria, basically the female version of you.
I know you and your character, so I know she’s got nothing to worry about, but she doesn’t know that. ”
I reflect on what he just told me. I haven’t really considered her perspective. She is new to this life, and especially the world of a famous athlete.
“When did you get so wise?” I ask him, and we both start laughing.
“I don’t know, man, I’ve been watching way too much Dr. Phil.”
We talk some more before hanging up, and I promise to pay for his first-class tickets to Australia so we can catch up properly in a few weeks when he’s on a short break. It’s not like he doesn’t have his own money, but he still makes me pay for the trips just to mess with me.
I decide that when I get to Bahrain, I will try to resolve this situation and make things right again.
◆◆◆
A few days later, I’m contemplating how I’ll approach Jessica. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me or see me, but I have to try at least.
When I get to the paddock on Thursday, I go straight to Star News, but there’s no Jessica in sight.
“Hey man, all ready to fight for this lead this weekend?” Andrew asks me, and I give him a side-hug.
“Yeah, you bet. I’m looking for someone, Jessica, she’s an intern here, right?” I ask Andrew, pretending that I don’t know what the inside of Jessica’s mouth feels like.
I know damn well she’s an intern here, but he doesn’t need to know just how well I know her. Andrew looks at me with a bit of scepticism, probably wondering why I’m asking about her.
“She’s been called over to the Audi team to help them with a story about Peter. She’s over there with Molly right now.” He tells me, and I curse under my breath.
There’s no way I can go over there and demand to see her.
That would raise way too many questions about our relationship, and since I don’t know if she’ll hear me out, I’ll have to wait.
“Okay, thanks, man.” I leave Andrew and feel my anger simmering.
Fucking Peter Centimo.
Of course, he’s swiping right in on Jessica. It might not have been his idea, but if he’s seen Jessica, I’m sure he’s as taken with her as anyone could be.
Add her striking personality and fun spirit, and all the guys in the paddock would fall at her feet.
It irks me, knowing how effortlessly she draws people in, especially guys like Peter.
She has an effortlessness about her that she doesn’t even realize herself, which makes her even more intriguing. It’s not just jealousy; it’s the fear that I might be losing her to someone like him.