Chapter 14
JESSICA
The last few days have left me feeling overwhelmed with sadness and an unsettling numbness that I can’t quite shake off.
This whole thing between me and Luke seemed like it was over before it even really began. Even though it was brief, it evoked a range of emotions in me.
We ran hot and cold, and ultimately, that was why we could never work.
We may have chemistry that could set anything on fire, but trust and compromise are necessary.
Even if I may have jumped to my own conclusions, he also didn’t want to compromise or truly explain the situation.
He gave up, and I suppose I should be happy.
This is what I wanted from the start, right? That he would get tired of me and leave me alone.
Going on that date was a mistake.
A weak moment in judgment.
Letting him kiss me was an even bigger mistake. Getting a taste of him was enough to make me addicted, so I tell myself I should be grateful that it’s over before I really get hurt.
My main way of coping, besides working out, has been to throw myself into work, which is where I am right now.
Molly and I were supposed to help Audi with a story about Peter Centimo, but when we arrived at their garage, we were told that, unfortunately, he couldn’t make it. They didn’t explain his absence, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he often leaves his team waiting like this.
They seem to anticipate him showing up and handling his responsibilities while he remains absent, which must be exhausting for everyone involved.
Peter is so different from Luke, where Luke is punctual, responsible, and respects his commitments, Peter is the opposite.
I could never imagine Luke making his team wait or making excuses for his absence when he has an important appointment. His dependability and integrity stand in stark contrast to Peter’s apparent disregard.
It’s not the first time in the last week I’ve compared someone or something to Luke.
It happens unexpectedly every day.
I’ll see a pastry in a café, wondering if it’s something he could bake.
Going for a run, wondering if he’s working out like me.
And don’t even get me started on seeing anything in the colour green, knowing it’s his favourite colour, well, after black that is.
Luke Hastings made a big impression on my life, and something tells me the feelings he evokes in me will stay with me for quite some time.
◆◆◆
When Friday arrives, the paddock is full of excitement for the second round of the championship.
I’m called to the editor’s office to learn a bit about what happens behind the scenes.
During my internship, I will learn about all the different parts of making television and reporting on F1.
This weekend, I will be helping the editors work from our bus. This means I won’t be in the paddock as much as I usually am.
It also means I won’t risk running into Luke, which eases my mind. It’s hard enough that my thoughts are clouded by him. If I had to see him up close, too, I know it would make me feel even worse.
At least this way, I don’t have to worry about running into him.
Whenever I have a free period, I stay in my room. Someone might call it hiding; others would call it making the most of my space.
I’ve spent the whole day on the bus, together with Molly and the rest of the editor’s crew, learning the ropes of production.
When evening comes, I check the time difference and call Sarah, hoping to catch her before her day begins.
“Hey girl!” she says through the phone.
“Hey, how is my favourite NHL reporter this morning?” I greet her instantly, feeling lighter.
We haven’t been able to catch up over the past few days because she’s been busy getting everything ready for her own internship.
“I’m feeling really good, excited for the adventure to start soon. But, before we get into that, tell me all about your date with Luke!” I sigh into the phone, switching it to my other ear.
“Well, it was perfect. He set up a romantic picnic overlooking the city. We spent the whole time talking, getting to know each other, and we finished with a very hot kiss.” I feel a tingling in my stomach at the thought of the memory. It shouldn’t be possible to be that good a kisser.
“I sense there’s a but here somewhere,” Sarah says, and I tell her about the Victoria situation and how it all came to a stop between us.
“I really tried not to let the insecurity get in the way, but when he just dismissed me, saying that I couldn’t handle the first hurdle thrown my way, it left me feeling so defeated,” I tell her honestly.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Jess, and I think he owed you an explanation, seeing those pictures. If he couldn’t even give you that, then he’s not the man we hoped he would be,” she tells me, and I couldn’t agree more.
I may have jumped to my conclusions too quickly, but he is not innocent in this either. Sarah, being the best friend that she is, tells me that she’s proud of me, nevertheless, for pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking a risk.
She’s always in my corner, cheering me on and telling me that I can do anything I set my mind to. In times like this, I’m extra grateful to have a friend like her in my life.
After we hang up, I check the schedule for the rest of the weekend, then make my way to the lounge area on our bus, where I join some team members watching TV.
After a while, I get up to make some popcorn and find Andrew in the kitchen.
“Hey Jessica, how has the day been with some other tasks?” Andrew usually stays in his own hotel room during race weekend because he has accumulated a fortune from his success as a driver and media personality after retirement.
Sometimes, like today, he stays on the bus with the rest of the crew.
“It’s been so good, I’ve learned so much already. It will be fun to see the qualifying and the race from the editor’s room. They have so many frames and shots of the drivers and the track.”
I’ve never really known how the editor’s work is carried out, so it’s been a steep learning curve.
We discuss further the excitement of sports media and the various components that come together to create effective reportage.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Luke Hastings came looking for you earlier today, while you and Molly were out with Audi,” he says as he looks at me with a questioning gaze, causing me to freeze up.
What should I tell him?
It’s not like I can pretend I don’t know who Luke is. But I also don’t want to reveal how much I do know him.
“Did he say what he wanted?” I try to sound as casual as possible, probably failing badly.
Andrew is a journalist, which means he can likely see through my act. If he does, he doesn’t call me out on my bullshit, for which I’m grateful.
“Nope, only that he was looking for you.” Andrew shrugs his shoulders, and although I want to ask more, I don’t want to raise any more suspicion.
Just as I’m about to leave, Andrew calls after me. I turn around, and he looks at me with concern.
“Jessica, just be careful, okay?” he tells me, and I nod with a reassuring smile.
Even though I can’t tell him, Luke Hastings and I were done before it even started, so he has nothing to worry about.