5. Elspeth
Chapter five
Elspeth
IN WHICH THE OCEAN IS VAST, AND YET OUR HERO JUST HAPPENS TO BE GOING THE SAME WAY
T he difficult thing about the ocean, Elspeth decided, was that it all looked the same. 1 And she tried to stay within sight of the coastline and keep the sun on the correct side of her body. To her right in the morning and her left in the evening. As long as she did that, she figured she’d be moving north.
North was the way to Feann and, if they cut across land after she found him, north was the way home. Eventually, she considered, she’d need to go ashore, and somehow determine just how far she’d made it. But she knew how fast she could swim, and had experience navigating a boat, and she figured she had at least three more days of travel before she needed to check her heading. And more important than her heading, she hoped she would be able to get information about troop movements. She had the name and most recent location of the unit that had her brother, but no idea how long ago it had been penned.
She only had what could be described as the outline of a plan, but she also knew that Feann needed her. No one else could help him, no one else would help him. Anyone from Hillskerry had already written him off, he was bound. He was lost to them. Generally, hers were a peaceful people, and no one she knew was able to fight. No one would be willing to risk the worst-case scenario to save him. But between her kidnapping and her accidental bonding to a man who had no idea they were bonded, Elspeth found herself in possession of a strange brand of freedom. She was already bound, which meant that she could no longer be threatened with one. Her bond would now forever be to Aegir.
She’d lost something in that, but his ignorance meant she could pursue her brother’s freedom without fear. She still risked death, of course, she was not a fighter either. But knowing she could no longer be held freed her to pursue him fearlessly .
For two days and three nights, she swam up the coast, falling into an easy schedule once more. With the lack of structure, she reveled in regaining control of her life. She would find her brother, she’d find some way of taking care of his captor, and they would go home. Their mother needed them. She never quite recovered from their father’s death, and Elspeth shuddered to think about how her mother might be feeling at that moment.
Annoyingly, Aegir seemed to stick in her mind. When she closed her eyes, she saw him leaning against the door frame in that stupid pose, or stopping with his pants undone during their conversation. And there were some things about Aegir that tickled at her mind, and she supposed they would remain that way. Was he the only orca fishkin of his kind, or was there a settlement of orca fishkin somewhere? Or what precisely was the business that he and his crew did that he had intercepted messages just lying about in his room? Why had he housed her in his own cabin instead of his initial thought of putting her in the bunk room?
Worse, would he have truly taken her home? If he knew the bond they shared, what would he have done? As she fled, she thought about him, of the brief impression she’d had of him as a person.
A flagrant playboy, but one that seemed to have a deep moral code, and at least a cursory disgust with the imperial navy. He had been kind to her, he had cared for her.
And so it was with great frustration that she had to repeatedly banish thoughts of him from her mind. Like a silly school girl, she imagined what their life could have been like had she given him her blood bond freely. What would it have been like to be cared for forever, by someone that attentive?
It had been nice, for a little while, to be cared for. She spent so much time seeing to others that she found herself daydreaming about him preparing food for her, searching out clothes. Of giving her his room, or bandaging her wound.
He’d done a good job; the bandage had somehow lasted through her shift and whatever salve he had applied had helped her wound heal quickly.
On the third day, she sat on a rock just offshore, absentmindedly singing a ditty her mother had always sung.
A sound from behind her startled her and she turned to see a great gust of water spray into the air, and she searched the horizon for a pod of whales. With her heart in her chest, she dove off the rock and into the shallows, shifting and removing her pelt as soon as she touched sand. Scrambling up the beach, she ran for the tree line. She had no interest in being bitten again. Perhaps she should stay on land for a while.
Once ashore, she unwrapped her bundle of clothing, donning the sodden shirt and stockings.
They clung to her, but they’d dry as she wore them, especially with how warm it was down here. As she had no idea where she was, she decided to continue north. The map had implied that there were a great many settlements along the shore, and she was sure to come upon one eventually.
The thick forest was like nothing she’d ever seen on Hillskerry. There they had a few copses of trees, and she’d seen great pine forests in the distance when she had gone to the mainland with her father to trade. These trees, though, were a mix of pine and broadleaf that she didn’t recognize. Instead of the tall skinny white birch they had on the island, these trees had wide, dark brown bark and huge gnarled limbs. They stretched overhead, each tree’s limbs intermingling, and vying for spots of sun until the whole forest floor was canopied in shade. The ground was covered in a thick layer of decaying leaves, so soft and springy that it muffled her steps.
The longer she was in the forest, the stranger she felt. At first, she thought she heard the sound of someone behind her, but it had been so brief that eventually she was able to convince herself she’d imagined it. Later, she began noticing branches broken off in front of her, and could swear that she saw footprints. Every so often, the carpet of the forest would be scuffed up, showing the thick loam of decaying leaves beneath the top layer. Finally, as the sun began to set, she got the distinct scent of a fire blowing back to her on the breeze. Her heart sped at the scent, it had been so long since she’d felt safe, and though she knew that normally the scent of a fire was welcome, at that moment, it only signaled exposure.
Immediately regretting going ashore at all, she backtracked through the forest, fleeing toward the shore again. Once she was far enough away, she broke into a run, shucking her clothing off as she went.
Though she’d been worried about what was in the ocean before, she feared whatever was on the land more. Pathian soldiers lived on land, and she wasn’t keen on meeting any of them. There were few in the ocean that would show an interest in her. And that was the real danger.
She swam out to sea as fast as her flippers would carry her, frequently turning her head to look behind her. She was so frantic that she was confused when she came to an abrupt stop. She’d collided into something large and hard, but coated in softness. When she turned to look at her obstacle, she recoiled in surprise as her mouth fell open.
Aegir the Fishkin floated in front of her. He wore an amused smirk on his face that made her want to smack it off.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded, highly aware of the fact that partially shifted like this, she wore no shirt. She clutched her arms over her chest, and did her best to give him a stern glare. 2
“Swimming," Aegir said with a shrug.
“Swimming?"
“Yeah, it’s this thing that people do. I would tell you that you should try it sometime, but it seems you’ve gotten the hang of it. Fancy meeting you here though!”
“Yes, how serendipitous.” Looking around, Elspeth couldn’t see his boat anywhere. Obviously, he wouldn’t always have it nearby, but she had covered quite the distance since leaving.
“Are you well?” He asked, eyes roaming her body .
“Quite well. If you’ll excuse me,” she moved to swim past him, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. That spot where his hand had touched her seemed as if it were on fire, she was surprised to see that he hadn’t left a brand on her.
“What are you doing? Are you following me?”
Aegir recoiled from her, his face screwing up. “I am simply going in this same direction. I can’t help it if you’re also going this way.”
“Then why did you stop me?”
“I—well, you see, after you left so abruptly, I thought I should make sure you were alright, since I ran into you and all.” He cocked his head to the side. “Or you ran into me, I suppose. For that matter, are you following me ?”
“Don’t be absurd! I’m, well... where I’m going is my own business, so now that you know I am well, I will be on my way.”
“Very well, best of luck to you then,” Aegir said. He turned from her and began swimming north.
Frowning, Elspeth swam as well, parallel so as not to appear that she was following.
For a time, they paddled alongside one another, speeding and slowing to match the other’s pace. Elspeth's heart raced though she was barely exerting herself. Every so often, she would steal glances at him, admiring the way his shoulders looked with his arms trailing behind him as he pushed himself through the water. A few times, she swore she caught him looking back at her, but couldn’t be certain.
It was a shame, really. If she’d met him in other circumstances, he might have been the kind of man she’d pick. He had a pleasing face with expressive eyebrows, and a strong jawline. He obviously loved the ocean, and apparently spoke the same dialect of undersea language. 3
Between the stocking he’d had in his room, and the way he posed, he did seem a bit of a rake, and she wouldn’t have liked that, or rather wouldn’t have abided him stepping out on her. He reminded her of a few people back home, the kind with a ready smile and open arms, leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wake.
Then again, her mother had always said that reformed rakes make the best husbands, pointing to her father as the perfect example. Apparently, in his younger years, her father had been a wild one until he’d met her mother. She’d been from another colony and they’d met at a jamboree.
“Others warned me about him,” she’d say, eyes misting over as she reminisced by the fire. “Telling me about all of his previous exploits. But, apparently I’d tickled his fancy and after I’d led him on a merry chase for a few months, I let him court me in earnest.”
Regardless, it didn’t matter either way if rakes made good husbands, as he wasn’t for her. An odd twist of fate had bound them together, and he had no idea it was even the case. She needed to get away from him as quickly as possible—before he knew he could command her.
Growing up, she’d been enamored with the idea of a blood bond. Of being so close to someone, trusting them so completely that you bound yourselves together forever. It was a sort of mutual surrender that she’d always hoped she’d find someone she loved deeply enough, trusted so completely, that they’d enter into one. Instead, she’d found herself in a one-sided atrocity, a mockery of the most deeply personal commitment a selkie could make.
In spite of that, however, she still found her eyes lingering on him. Admiring the lines of his powerful tail or the way his pattern shifted in the beams of light that cut through the water. His movements broadcast a grace and power, a presence that overpowered anything she could hope to muster that made her stomach quiver. From fear, or excitement, she did not know, but it was unsettling either way .
“So…” Aegir began after a time. “Where are you bound? As we seem to be going the same way.”
“I am searching for someone, if you must know.”
“I see, well, I hope you find them. I’d gladly help, if you need…”
“I’m sure I don’t.” She cut him off. “And yourself? Where are you headed?”
“Sunax, I’m investigating something.” With one pump of his tail, he shot ahead of her, as if he hadn’t just mentioned the exact last known location of the company keeping her brother.
Wait. His tail?
He’d absolutely walked on the boat, and to her knowledge, fishkin had legs that they held together and used as a tail when swimming, certainly, but legs nonetheless. But surely he’d also been the orca? Squinting at him ahead of her, she was certain that his legs weren’t split. It was a solid tail.
“Wait a minute, where are your legs?" She demanded.
“Inside my tail, where they’ve been the whole time."
“You can change your form… I’ve never heard of a fishkin who could do that before."
He stopped swimming, and turned to her. He pressed his lips together and bowed his head. “I think it’s time we were a little more honest with one another, love.”
Her heart felt as if it would beat out of her chest. It slammed against the bones of her rib cage, which she supposed was probably due to the bond they shared.
“First off, I am not a fishkin as you presumed. It’s a reasonable assumption, all things considered. However, in light of the situation, I feel I should be transparent with you, and I hope it’ll be returned.”
He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it before continuing. Elspeth’s eyes darted around. She’d already been nervous, his words had only increased it.
“I assume that you read the letter on my desk, and that you are headed the same place I am as a result. Further, I think you might have left because we’d accidentally formed what was referred to in the letter as a blood bond. I am still not entirely sure what all that means or entails, and I hope you’ll enlighten me.”
During his words, Elspeth’s hand crept to her mouth, and she found herself biting her thumbnail. It seemed her plan had been thrown out the window now. She hadn’t any idea what she should do. Or could she lie to him about the blood bond, play down its significance ?
“Since it’s my understanding that we’re now tied this way, I feel like there are some things that are important to share with you. Further, considering what I’ve guessed about your prior captivity, I’m going to assure you I have no love for the Empire.” He drew in a deep breath, steeling himself. “I am a human, with the ability to shift my looks and form via magic. I have specifically trained to be able to shift my body into that of an orca, though I am also capable of taking on other forms and faces.”
Elspeth blinked. “Humans don’t exist.” 4 The words burst from her mouth unbidden. He was talking nonsense. Humans were a fairy tale, told to little children. From what she’d heard, they looked like selkies without markings and rounded ears, or round little elves but were taller than a dwarf. Perhaps, she allowed, humans had lived at some point but the fact was, until thirty seconds prior, she’d been convinced that they didn’t exist at all.
“I assure you, we do. Though I know it’s a shock, and I am not surprised you don’t believe me. Suffice to say, I can change shapes and I imagine you’ll see me in several guises.”
“Very well… human, I’ll say that the blood bond is a relationship between intimate partners, of which I have no interest in pursuing with you.”
“Honestly, it’s a shame. I think we could have had a lot of fun, if this hadn’t come along and complicated things…” He shrugged dejectedly. “No matter, I’ve no interest in being tied down either, why I couldn’t even—” He coughed. “Regardless, it seems we are both in difficult positions, and perhaps, in a place to help one another out. If you could find a way to dissolve this bond, then we’d both be happy, no?”
“I have no reason to believe it’s possible,” she said. “I’ve never known anyone to dissolve their bond, though… admittedly, I am not precisely certain of what all it entails.”
“Well then, it seems to me that perhaps we should do some testing?”
Testing sounded… risky. “I don’t know if that is a good idea…”
“The letter seemed to imply that it imparted some kind of compulsion, which sounds absolutely horrifying. So how about this: I hereby order you only to obey orders you want to obey, forevermore.”
Elspeth waited to see if she felt some indicator of the compulsion settle on her. She’d assumed that there would be some physical element, especially now that she thought about it. Her frequent thoughts of him these past few days must have been due to the bond, considering she’d missed a man she barely knew. The bond interfering with her emotions made perfect sense.
“Now then, jump out of the water!” Aegir proclaimed with a flourish of his hand.
Elspeth waited, and again, there was no indicator of wanting to do as he asked. Hope bloomed within her, filling her chest. Perhaps being bonded to him would not be so terrible after all.
“Good, at least that is dealt with,” he said, beginning to swim again. “That intelligence you saw is several weeks old at this point. The town referenced is past a settlement where some friends of mine live. If you like, we could travel to where they live. My friends would have more up-to-date information on troop movements... they also have quite a library there, we could see what information might be available about this blood bond?”
Elspeth perked up at that. Perhaps there was some way to break it, and she just didn’t know about it. It was possible. There was plenty her village elders kept from young people, often telling them they would find out “when they needed to.” Not to mention, it would be nice to have a better idea of where she might find her brother, and for that matter she'd bet a fair sum of money that Aegir knew more about espionage and fighting than she did.
“Very well,” she said primly. “I can see how it might be mutually beneficial to travel together.”
1. This sentence was physically painful to pen. The number of ways that this is false makes me want to scream, even though I understand the feeling behind the gross generalization.
2. A selkie’s partially shifted form is akin to that of a Fishkin’s water form or a mermaid. They are a seal from below the navel, but maintain their humanoid form for their head and torso.
3. Just like there are many languages in the world, the underwater peoples have their own languages. There are two, largely, divided by ocean. Each also has several dialects, though many people, like Aegir and Elspeth, who do not spend the majority of their time underwater, tend to gravitate to the most popular dialect.
4. While this might sound ridiculous to us now, I must remind the reader that this takes place prior to the Barrier’s fall. If someone had told you, just twenty years ago, that they were a selkie, you likely would have responded the same.