6. Aegir
Chapter six
Aegir
IN WHICH BONDS ARE INVISIBLE, UNFATHOMABLE, AND (OCCASIONALLY) UNAVOIDABLE
“ S o about this bond…" Aegir started as they swam.
“I don’t know much, but the basics are that if someone is keeping our pelt, then we can’t shift into our seal form since we need it to shift. That’s how the Empire kept me captive. No selkie would ever leave their pelt behind. To my understanding, the blood bond is a permanent version of someone holding our pelt, so that person can keep us captive. If they want to…” She trailed off, cocking her head. “I think I was able to leave this last time because you didn’t know about the bond, and well… you were n’t trying to keep me captive, were you?”
“No, I just didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I’ll never try to keep you from shifting…” He shuddered, dread seeping into his chest, suddenly aware of the chill of the water that he never usually felt. “I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to lose the ability to shift. It would… break me.”
Aegir felt the tight, achy feeling behind his eyes that meant he was about to cry. Losing his ability to shift was more than just not being able to be an orca again, it meant losing his ability to do his job. His shift—his aptitude—was what made him valuable, and without it? He’d just be… a normal human. He’d have to be himself all the time. How horrid . He couldn’t think about it for another second more, so he pressed for more information.
“And you’re absolutely certain that there is no way to reverse it?” He noticed that she’d yet to tell him about the control aspect but he could hardly blame her, he’d be tight lipped about it, too.
“I’m not certain , but everything I’ve ever heard is that it is permanent. That it’s not a decision to be entered into lightly because of how incredibly binding it is. Many people live as mates for years before fully committing via a blood binding, that’s how monumental it is.”
“Well," Aegir began. “It’s possible that it is binding as far as your people know. If we exhaust our knowledge here, I do have other resources back home that we might be able to leverage. As I said, I have the ability to change things about my body, so I’ll try to see if I can find any physical hallmarks of the binding inside."
Aegir kept swimming, but turned his attention inward, rifling through his body. He’d always practiced his magic instinctually, but he knew there were people that knew and controlled the inner workings of their bodies in a much more pragmatic manner. So much of how he wielded his lunula came down to consuming the bioluminescent algae, and then willing his body to change. To him, it was as easy as stretching. Most lunologists from their hometown of Sanctuary, Jokith included, could only shift into the one animal form that they spent a great deal of time studying. Otherwise, the rest of their lunology was instinctive.
His people were never ill, because their bodies subconsciously repaired any issues as they happened. Sometimes broken bones would require setting by their local healer, Arndis. She’d mix lunula into concoctions that would make it so that their body needed to do less healing on its own, but largely, she focused on the nonhuman residents of Sanctuary. 1
In the past two years or so, he’d learned that lunologists outside of Sanctuary didn’t share his people's instinctive wielding, and needed to be much more precise and intentional about the changes they made. Apparently, lunula allowed them to control every bodily process, and an extreme version of that is what allowed him and his people to shift.
Trying to tap into those more precise methods of using lunology, Aegir turned his focus inward, cataloging and checking what he found against the last time he’d done so. 2 They swam in silence, but even after at least an hour, he couldn’t find any evidence of the bond.
At first, he’d been convinced that with something as monumental as Elspeth was making it sound, he must have experienced internal changes—especially those that would influence his desire in the way that it was. Astoundingly though, the evidence wasn’t there, regardless of the fact that he was especially aware of her near him.
Most of his fellow shifters used either their human form or their animal form, and rarely stopped shifting partway through. He was one of the few that existed a good deal of his life in a partially shifted state. He liked his orca form and coloring, and it helped him blend in better in the Empire when he wasn’t in character in some way. As such, even when he was at home, he spent most of his time with non-humans, because he just didn’t stick out as much. Plus, having spent so much time in the Empire, he found that the non-human residents appreciated whatever news he could bring to them. Because of that, he found Elspeth’s partially-shifted state extremely comforting. It seemed she could also pause her shift halfway through, which meant that they both had tails, but more humanoid top halves. They both took on more of their animal’s coloring, and he liked the kinship that it created.
Cocking his head to the side, he realized that he wanted to ask her how she accomplished it. It was easy for him to think about how someone might stop their shift halfway through if they were a lunologist, but to him, it seemed like if her pelt was off, she should be humanoid, or if it was on, she should be a seal.
Regardless, he liked that they looked alike, and what was more, there was a sensuousness to the way her exposed breasts and tail moved through the water. With her pelt coloring covering her so prominently, his mouth watered at all of the little spots and rings that covered her chest, imagining licking and sucking at each one, so that she retained deeper elements of her coat when she shifted back via hickeys.
He blinked quickly, shaking his head. What was getting into him? Though he couldn’t find any evidence of it, there had to be some element of the bond in his body. Because every time he looked at her, his chest felt tight, or his stomach flipped. He tried to chase back those feelings, tried to follow them back to their original nerve impulses in his brain, but there, his knowledge failed him. The electrical impulses and synapses of his brain were far too complex for him to follow. He didn’t have the training to know which parts of his brain were tied to which things, so, he surmised, the bond must be located in his brain.
The next time they swam to the surface to take a breath, he motioned for her to pause before diving again. “I’m trying to figure out what the bond might influence,” he said. “Do you happen to be feeling an inexplicable attraction to me, because I feel like I am slightly obsessed with you?”
“I’m not certain I would call it inexplicable…” Elspeth blushed, and Aegir's heart went skittering through his chest. “The explanation is quite evident, I should think." She cocked he r head to the side. “I’ll admit it is surprising to me that you feel it too. It makes sense that with such a permanent bond, I would feel an attraction to you. It’s a survival mechanism, really. Judging from my mother’s reaction to my father’s death, yours would be extremely painful for me, so it makes sense that my body would take measures to ensure I do what I can to keep you well. I’d assumed that that aspect was one-sided. So, it’s interesting that you feel a similar pull."
Aegir frowned, it made sense, but the way that she phrased it so clinically didn’t sit right with him. As much as he disliked being bound or compelled, there was also something exciting about feeling so deeply for someone. He’d never felt anything quite as profound, and her calculated assessment diminished what was altogether magical for him.
“I suppose that makes sense, and it is good to know that it’s not just me. Even before I knew about the bond, I felt the attraction. And quite frankly, I thought I was going mad, because I’ve never felt anything like it. Not that you aren’t attractive, you are, extremely, and I think I would’ve been attracted to you regardless. It’s just—this seems so much more intense than anything I’ve felt before, and it was worrying me."
It felt odd to admit to such a thing; vulnerable, and cathartic. Aegir was so used to playing a character, perhaps he could just do the same here. If she attributed these feelings to the bond, then he didn’t need to worry about what was going on with him. Instead, this was just another character.
“Aegir in love."
Yes, that felt right. Once again on firm footing, he allowed himself to explore what this character might be like. Many of his characters were heavily based on characters he read in books, or an amalgamation of them. What elements did he want to bring into this persona? Parts of it would need to be based on himself, of course. Otherwise, Elspeth would surely notice that something was different. He didn’t normally use himself as the base for a character, but he couldn’t see any way around it.
So then, what did he add? He could play up some of his licentiousness? It made sense for him to be quite flirty. Considering his deep attraction to Elspeth, it certainly wouldn’t be any hardship. He should be confident, that was always attractive, and he thought it might help Elspeth feel more comfortable with the situation. It wasn’t unfounded either, he did know more about their destination and dealing with the Empire than she seemed to. He still wasn’t certain exactly what had happened to her, but it was clear that she hadn’t left her home of her own volition.
Perhaps, if he shared something of his own background, his own life, she would be inclined to share as well. Whatever information she could give him around the circumstances of her capture, that of her brother, and who had captured her could certainly only aid in their search. Over his years extracting information, he’d found that vulnerability, or at least the semblance of it, allowed others to feel comfortable opening up. Often, he simply made up the stories that he offered, but considering this persona was based on himself, it might make sense to just share the truth.
“This evening we should arrive at an inn I know. We can get a room for the night, and see if we can gather some information before we cut across land. After that, if it’s alright with you, I can shift into a centaur so we can cover more ground. I would pitch a griffin or another flying creature, but we aren’t far from Berggeheimnis and the dragons there are covetous of their airspace. The gate guards and scouts should recognize me from previous visits, so we shouldn’t have any trouble."
“And you really think going there is a good idea?" Elspeth asked. “It does all sound a bit dangerous. I know you want to check this library, but how realistic do you think it is that will find what we’re looking for? Everything I’ve been told indicates it’s permanent."
“Ah, don’t worry, love, I’ll make sure you’re quite safe. After all, I think you’re right. The bond does want me to protect you."
“Oh—of course, yes. Well, if you think it will be worth the effort… and they’ll have information about the Navigator who took him?”
Aegir nodded.
“Then I suppose it can’t hurt… As much as I would like to get to Feann quickly, I suppose it’s been a while already, it’s unlikely that anything would change soon. Especially if we could find out how to free him from the bond, too."
“Just so, and from what I could gather from the letter, they seem to value him. If they were willing to expend energy to reclaim you, then it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to jeopardize him."
Elspeth stopped swimming abruptly. "Reclaim me? What do you mean?"
“Well, in the spirit of honesty, I was going the same direction as you, but only because I was hoping I’d guessed your destination correctly. The back of the letter had some hand written notes, seemingly from the recipient. They indicated their intent to send several squadrons after you. I’m not certain what they want, but they certainly seemed interested. I worried about you after you left, so I took a gamble that you would probably be headed toward your brother's last known location."
Elspeth didn’t respond, she only furrowed her brow and chewed her lower lip.
Now that he knew the source of his intense feelings, Aegir no longer felt compelled to resist them. Perhaps this could be like any of his other affairs—with the bonus of increased intensity, but the promise of it ending once they fixed their little problem.
“Like I said, little siren, I’ll keep you safe. I didn’t come after you only to allow them to re-capture you. I know the bond compels me, but I would do what I could to protect you on principle, regardless.”
Elspeth nodded, looking away before taking a deep breath. “You mentioned a few things before, that made me think there is something more to your purpose here. You don’t seem overly fond of the Imperial Watch, though I suppose most people who aren’t elves or orcs probably aren’t. What exactly are you doing here?”
Aegir immediately regretted his decision to be vulnerable with her. His mission allowed him to disclose some details to citizens of the Empire that seemed as if they might be sympathetic to their cause, but those same rules obligated him to eliminate any of those people that subsequently responded unfavorably. He didn’t have much choice, though, seeing as how she was sure to catch on once they were in Berggeheimnis.
“As I mentioned before, I’m human. Some of what I’m about to tell you may seem highly unlikely, I admit, but I assure you it’s the truth. As you probably know, the closest thing we have to humans on Caihalaith are were-people. 3 Indeed, normally, humans look like a werewolf does when they are not in their animal form. Though, I will note that the human culture is markedly different than those of the were-nations.”
Elspeth was still squinting, but she didn’t interrupt, so he continued. “All of the humans live on a different continent, or large landmass. For the past thousand years or so, there has been a magical barrier separating the two continents. This barrier constrains ships so that once they pass a certain boundary, they lose time, and are convinced that they circumnavigated the globe, only to turn around and return to Caihalaith on the same side that they left. It’s similar for sailors from the opposite continent .
“There is one place, however, where you can pass between the two continents. At the northernmost tip of both land masses, they meet in a land bridge. Because of its extreme northerly location, the weather alone discourages people from passing through. My people, as keepers of this passage, have been attempting to make allies in the Empire for quite some time. Recently, Pathian scouts have been attempting to pass over this land bridge to gain access to the opposite continent. While the Empire has worked hard to make sure its people assume humans are a myth, they have been systematically attempting to gain access to the human continent. On this other continent, there is a magical substance called lunula. It is a bioluminescent algae that allows people to change their bodies. For most people, this means that they can alter parts of their body. For my people it means that we can alter it significantly more. It’s something that I have spent my life working on, and for that reason, I’ve become quite proficient. And this proficiency allows me to maintain a variety of forms, and shift a good deal faster than my counterparts. For example…”
As he shifted, the black and white pattern of his skin rippled as his tail grew scales and turned green. The color of his chest and arms faded to his natural creamy skin tone, though he left his hair its signature black with white wings at his temples.
Elspeth stared at him, mouth agape. He smiled and resumed swimming, allowing the scales to fall out and reveal his once more black and white skin.
After recovering herself, Elspeth, hurried to catch up with him. “About this inn, I—I don’t have any money."
Aegir chuckled and indicated his cross-body bag. “I do, though—more than enough to get us a room, and you some proper clothes. I noticed my shirt and the stockings were gone, but you’ll want something more. When we get close, I’ll pop into town and grab you something more suitable and then we can proceed to the tavern. Since it’s a coastal town, there is quite a bit of travel through the area, though the native peoples are largely fauns, so I don’t want you to be alarmed about that. In the past, when I’ve visited this tavern, I’ve been under the guise of an elf so I’ll be assuming that form when we are in public. I have a fairly good rapport with the locals that could be of benefit to us.” He softened the end, considering what he assumed was her history with elves, she might be sensitive to him in that form.
“Very well.” Her face was set, but her shoulders were a bit too tense. She’d been through a lot, and—he feared—it was not nearly finished yet.
1. Arndis’s concoctions often feature enhanced or concentrated lunula as well as other fortifying vitamins and minerals that the body may need to heal. Though lunologists can control their body, they cannot fabricate the necessary materials whole cloth, and Arndis’s supplements ensure that these are available when needed.
2. Moments like this are one of my favorite things about writing these books. Aegir and Elspeth are some of my dearest friends, but penning their story allows me to find these small moments when I can see how I have affected them and how they might have affected me back.
3. Some of the earliest visitors to the Compact of Nations, save elves, of course, were were-people for this exact reason. In fact, a fair few were-people settled in the Compact in an effort to escape Pathian persecution.