Chapter 9 #2
He groaned. Clearly, the words hadn’t come out right. Straightening, he went to her. “Don’t apologize. What I meant is that I want you to feel safe. I’m not your master. You can make your own choices.”
Her throat worked. When she finally looked up at him, tears swam in her eyes. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”
To his shock, she leaned forward and hugged him. His arms remained at his sides as bolts of lightning raced up and down his spine.
Ella quickly pulled back. Her cheeks went bright red. “Thank you.” Turning abruptly, she hurried up the stairs.
Cody watched her go. Something unfamiliar curled in his chest. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and soothe away any lingering fear or doubt she might possess.
And that was exactly what he couldn’t do. Not without risking his heart.
Despite her exhaustion, Ella tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.
Without Cody’s solid presence in the room, fear clutched her in its cruel talons.
How she could be so dependent on him sleeping near her after only two nights was a mystery.
Most men gave her reason to distrust them.
With Cody, she felt safest when he was close. It made no sense, but it was true.
After an hour, she pushed back the covers.
Sleep wouldn’t come so long as she was alone.
Ella shivered in the cold room. The fire had long since died down.
She donned a warm shawl that Cassie had lent her along with slippers for her feet.
Keeping her steps quiet, she padded downstairs.
Dim light flickered in Cody’s office. What was he up to at this hour? She crept to the door.
Her husband sat in a chair with something on his lap. When she knocked on the door, the thump soft and quiet, he looked up. Surprise lit his eyes. “Ella. I thought you’d be asleep.”
She shrugged. “Sleep was elusive.” As she came closer, she saw the item in his lap was a book. “What are you reading?”
A hint of pink touched his cheeks. He snapped the book shut. “Nothing.”
His gruff tone heightened her curiosity.
“Nothing looks a lot like something.” The playfulness in her voice surprised her.
She halted. What was she thinking? If he didn’t want to tell, he wouldn’t appreciate her prying.
Howard hated it when she questioned him.
A knot settled in her stomach. She lowered her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to intrude. Goodnight.” Spinning around, she made for the door.
A hand on her arm halted her progress. Cody’s grip held her in place. “Ella. Look at me.”
She dragged her gaze upward until it met his. No annoyance rested in his blue eyes. The look of compassion there nearly did her in. He gentled his tone. “Come sit with me. Please.”
She allowed him to lead her to the smaller sofa in the parlor. When he sat beside her, his large body took up a majority of the space. Ella sucked in a soft breath as their shoulders brushed. Cody didn’t seem to notice. He extended the book he’d been reading toward her.
Ella pressed her lips together. “You don’t have to show me this if you don’t want to.”
“I want to.” He pushed the book into her hands.
For a moment, she didn’t move. The book sat in her grasp, lighter than she expected. The cover looked worn and faded. Carefully, Ella opened it to the first page. Neat, flowing script met her gaze. It only took a few moments to decipher the contents. Blinking, she looked up at Cody. “Poetry?”
The pink in his cheeks deepened.
Understanding rushed over her. “You were embarrassed to be caught reading this?”
“Maybe a little.” Cody’s half smile appeared. “Reading poetry isn’t considered a manly pastime.”
“It just means you have a sensitive, romantic side.”
Her husband chuckled. “Those are two traits no one has ever accused me of.”
Was that a teasing note in his voice? Ella found a smile of her own. “Maybe they should. There are worse things.”
“Perhaps.” Cody flipped to the first page. “This one is my favorite.”
Ella read the title. Her jaw dropped. “Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet 43?” Her gaze found his. “I love that poem.”
Matching surprise flashed over his face before a smile replaced it. “Does that mean you’re a romantic at heart?”
Her throat clenched painfully. Ella closed her eyes, fighting for control. When she opened them, her words came out in a whisper. “I used to be.”
Cody’s piercing gaze seemed to expose her. No doubt he saw more than she cared to reveal.
With a quick intake of breath, she held the book out to him. “Will you read it to me?”
Too late, she realized how that must sound. Mortification filled her while heat gorged her cheeks. Cody didn’t blink. He accepted the book and slowly began to read in his gruff, deep voice.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
Ella’s breath hitched. Cody’s eyes remained trained on the page, but every word felt as intimate as a caress. She let her own eyes drift closed as he continued.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
When he stopped reading, Ella opened her eyes. Her husband had his gaze fixed on her. There was raw vulnerability in his expression. A swarm of butterflies took possession of her stomach, beating their wings and rendering her mute.
Cody broke their connection first. Clearing his throat, he looked down at the page. “My mother made this book. She filled it with her favorite poems.”
It took Ella a moment to understand what he told her. “She wrote all this by hand?”
“Yeah. Ma was a classic romantic. One of my earliest memories is of her and my father sitting together like this, reading poems to each other.” His throat worked. “It’s now one of my most cherished possessions.”
His lingering grief wrapped around her. Without thinking, Ella threaded her fingers through his. “I’m sure she’d be glad to know you treasure a poem she loved.”
Cody glanced at their joined hands. “Do you know which part of Sonnet 43 she liked best?”
Ella felt self-conscious holding his hand so boldly, but she focused on providing what little comfort she could. “Tell me.”
“‘I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.’” He fell silent for a moment.
“She used to say the proof of real love lay not in big gestures and grand hopes, but in the little joys and trials of everyday life. That it had to be built on a foundation of trust, respect, and faith.”
Some unrecognizable, deep emotion welled up inside Ella. She attempted to compose herself before speaking. “I think I would have liked your mother. She sounds like a wise woman.”
Cody’s hand tightened over hers. “She was.”
They sat without speaking for a minute before Cody set the precious book aside and tugged Ella to her feet. He kept hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s late. We should probably turn in.”
She raised her free hand to his chest. “Thank you, Cody.”
“For what?”
“For trusting me with that story. I feel as though I know you a little better now.” In an attempt to insert some levity, she smiled. “Cassie is right. You’re a big softy.”
Cody’s jaw slackened, and he stared at her for a moment. He shook his head. “I’m going to have words with my sister over that comment.”
Ella laughed softly as he extinguished the light. “It won’t change the fact that she’s right.”
“Humph.” Cody began walking, guarding her from bumping into furniture in the dark room. “Just make sure that stays between us.”
A smile curved her lips. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Good.”
Hand in hand, they climbed the stairs to their room. Ella took a deep breath as Cody spread his blankets over the floor. She gathered her courage and touched his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor.”
He stilled.
Ella soldiered on. “We can share the bed. It’ll be much warmer.”
Cody’s eyes searched hers. “You’re really okay with that?”
“Yes.”
“All right.” Neither of them moved. Cody gestured to the bed. “Ladies first.”
Ella took a deep breath and slipped under the covers. She chewed on her lip when Cody got in beside her. The bed suddenly felt much too small. Their bodies touched no matter how close to the edge she lay.
Long minutes passed. Old fears welled up.
Cody’s breathing evened out, but his hip remained firmly pressed against hers.
Despite their earlier connection, Ella stifled a groan.
All she could think of was the last man she’d trusted…
and how terribly it had all turned out. Maybe she should turn onto her side.
Then perhaps their bodies wouldn’t touch so intimately.
Before she could, Cody moved in his sleep, flipping to face her. His arm flung over her, his hand coming to rest against her waist. Ella forgot how to breathe. Her husband’s face rested inches from hers, his warm breath puffing against her cheek. She waited for the inevitable panic to set in.
It never came. Instead, a soothing warmth crept through the entirety of her body.
But that was impossible. Whenever Howard so much as looked at her, she’d felt anxious.
His touch had been even worse. He possessed none of the gruff, rough exterior that Cody did.
Quite the opposite. Howard could charm anyone with his charisma and flowery words.
Cody was more likely to growl. But when it came to who she would trust more, the answer was easy—as proven by the fact that she’d married one to escape the other.
Her confusion grew. She should be terrified right now, yet all she felt was relief. Cody might be sleeping, but his arm curled around her spoke of a protectiveness that she was coming to realize was essential to who he was. Hadn’t he been protecting her since the moment they met?
Ella forced her body to relax. She was in Harmony Springs. She was safe. No one could harm her now…
Howard’s angry face appeared in her mind, his handsome features twisted in the malevolent scowl he’d worn the last time she saw him.
She could still feel his hand biting into her arm while his other delivered a blow to her face.
Her body convulsed, as if the knowledge of what came next was about to happen again.
Cody murmured something in his sleep. He nestled closer, his body flush against hers.
Ella gasped. His warmth seeped into her cold memories as much as her cold bones.
Instinctively, she turned into his unconscious protection, letting her forehead rest against his solid chest. Why he didn’t terrify her, she couldn’t say.
His strength should be enough to send her running.
Yet all she knew was that his simple act of moving toward her calmed the storm inside.
He banished memories of Howard’s cruelty just by holding her.
The final ropes of tension faded away. Ella let herself forget everything except the safety she felt in this man’s arms. As she lay ensconced in his embrace, her eyes drifted shut, and her mind quieted enough for her to sleep.