Chapter 13
Cody leaned against the porch railing, inhaling the frigid night air. Early March was upon them. Spring would soon arrive, but for now, the cold of winter remained. He crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed the darkened landscape. All looked peaceful.
His lips curved in a smile. Cassie’s news at dinner surprised him, but he was happy for his sister and Travis. They’d take to parenting like a duck to water.
The door creaked open behind him. Cody glanced over his shoulder to see Ella emerge from the house. He turned to face her. “I thought you went to bed.”
“Not yet.” She had a thick blanket wrapped around her body, shielding her from winter’s chill. “There’s something I want to discuss with you.”
Noting the hesitation in her voice, Cody motioned toward the porch swing. “Let’s sit.”
They settled on the swing. Silence fell between them for several long minutes. Ella exhaled, her breath puffing white in the air. “It’s beautiful here at night. The stars look bigger than they did in Boston.”
Cody gazed upwards. The heavens practically shone with the white dots.
He rarely noticed, having seen it every day since coming to Montana.
But now, seeing the stars through Ella’s eyes, he once more appreciated the beauty and peace.
He let another minute pass before looking her way. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”
She sucked in a breath, avoiding his gaze. “It’s not that I want to talk about it, exactly. Something came up today while Cassie was here, and…it’s something we should…uh…”
His curiosity heightened. “Something we should talk about?”
Ella nodded rapidly. Her breath came in quick gasps.
Cody grew alarmed. “Hey.” He looped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. The movement was jerkier than he intended. Ella let out a small squeak. He gentled his hold. “Sorry.”
She finally met his eyes. “I’m sorry. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I didn’t anticipate such a case of nerves.”
What in the world did she want to tell him? He squinted, thinking of anything Cassie might have brought up. “Did my sister talk about anything other than babies today?”
He meant it as a joke, but Ella stiffened. “That’s it.”
“What’s it?”
“That’s what she thought we needed to talk about.”
His brows shot up. “She thought we had to discuss…babies?”
Ella nodded, her eyes finding the stars once more. Based on her reaction and the tenseness in her body, Cody could imagine what Cassie said. “Oh no.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his voice gruff. “Please tell me she didn’t.”
“She’s just trying to help.” Ella avoided his gaze.
She wrung her hands together. Was the movement unconscious?
He placed his one large hand over both of hers.
Ella slumped forward a bit, then turned to face him.
“I might have admitted to her that I always wanted children of my own. She asked if that was still the case.”
His heart stuttered. “And?”
She chewed on her lip, her breathing once more picking up speed. “And…well, yes. That’s still my heart’s desire.” Was it his imagination, or did her face turn darker?
Ella plunged on. “But our relationship…it’s not that kind of marriage. Or rather, we never really defined what it would be. And we don’t love each other, so…it just seems…it seems like our marriage is one of convenience.”
Cody sat still as a stone, processing her words. She wanted children. He’d never stopped to think about starting a family, considering he’d inherited a ready-made one. It hadn’t occurred to him that his wife might want babies. In hindsight, he should have thought about it. Most women wanted that.
The full implication of what that meant for their relationship smacked him in the face.
Cody tugged at his collar, suddenly warm.
He got to his feet and rubbed his neck. Ella wasn’t the only one sporting a blush.
He paced the length of the porch a couple times before stopping in front of her.
His wife watched him, the blanket surrounding her like a shield.
How to approach such a topic? Cody leaned against one of the porch rails and faced Ella. “I admit this isn’t something that ever crossed my mind. Are you wanting a baby…soon?”
“No!” Her tone held a note of panic. “Of course not. I’m still getting used to mothering the three we have now.”
“Ahh…good. That’s good.”
He sounded like a stammering schoolboy. Cody rammed a hand through his hair.
Ella rose. “Did you hope for a family? Before…all this?”
Memories assailed him. Cody clenched his teeth, wanting to push them away, but that wouldn’t help the situation. “A long time ago, yes.”
Ella stepped closer. “What happened?”
She’d opened up to him about her past. Maybe it was time for him to do the same.
Cody drew in a deep breath. “When I was nineteen, I thought myself in love. Liza and I met at a barn raising for a neighboring family. She’d come West in hopes of adventure and romance.
The fact that she showed interest in me, an orphan with nothing, bolstered my pride.
I was sure I didn’t deserve her, but she insisted she loved me.
We were together for a year before I asked her to be my wife. She said yes.”
He closed his eyes with a shake of his head.
How foolish he’d been. And so, so young.
“She always talked about wanting to continue on to California. I thought when she agreed to marry me that she’d put that behind her.
Looking back, the warning signs were there.
I ignored them, thinking our love would be enough for her. ” He sighed. “I was dead wrong.”
Ella put a hand on his arm. “What happened?”
“Our wedding day arrived. It was a small affair, just Cassie and a few of our friends. When the church doors opened, I expected to see her walk down the aisle in a white dress. Instead, she wore a yellow traveling outfit and announced she was heading to California.”
“Oh, Cody.” The sadness in Ella’s voice wrapped around him as she laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
He laughed without mirth. “That’s not even the worst part.”
She looked up, shock on her face. “It’s not?”
“No.” He closed his eyes, pressing his lips together.
“She wasn’t alone. The banker walked into the church with her.
They were holding hands. Liza told me she fell for him and that they were in search of a new adventure.
Together.” He clenched his fists. “I was so busy starting up my ranch, I didn’t realize she’d been spending time in town. A lot of time. With him.”
Ella’s mouth fell open. For a full minute, she said nothing. Then, something akin to anger burned in her eyes. “Liza sounds like a fool.”
“Maybe it’s for the best. If she hadn’t left then, she would have left me after our wedding. It might have been months or years, but she wasn’t happy in Harmony Springs.” He sighed. “She wasn’t happy with me.”
“And that’s exactly why she didn’t deserve you. You’re a keeper, Cody Brooks. She clearly didn’t know what she had in you. Though I can’t say I’m sorry she left.” She gave him a shy smile. “Her loss was my gain.”
His heart leapt. He had to grip the rail behind him to keep from reaching for his tender-hearted wife. “Ella…”
She gazed up at him, her eyes reflecting the stars. “So that’s why you haven’t fallen in love again? You didn’t want to get hurt?”
“Something like that. It broke me, shattered my confidence. I can see now that what I felt for her wasn’t real love, but it still wounded me enough to avoid women at all costs.” His lips quirked. “Until you.”
Ella laughed, though it sounded nervous. “Not that you had much choice. It was me or an unknown mail-order bride.” She pulled the blanket closer. “At least your heart will remain safe.”
Would it? Cody wasn’t so sure. Ella was steadily chipping away at his resistance. It was her heart he wondered about.
“My heart belongs to you.” He said it without thinking.
Ella stared at him, mouth hanging open.
If only he could stuff the words back in his mouth. That had come out wrong, and he knew how it sounded. “I mean, as my wife, you’re the only one with any kind of claim to it. Love or not. We’re becoming friends, right?”
She nodded, her eyes glued to his.
Cody chuckled, a nervous tick in his chest. “That’s all I meant.”
“Hmm.” Ella tilted her head. She bit her lip again, then moved toward him. “I’m thankful for your friendship, and I’m thankful you married me. I can’t imagine being tied to anyone else.” She shuddered. “Especially not Howard. We would have been married by now if I stayed in Boston.”
Cody put an arm around her shoulders as a shiver ran through her. “We should get back inside. You’re cold.”
She smiled at him. “I’m fine. Just trying to process this entire conversation.”
And he’d never answered her question. As they walked inside, he took a long breath to fortify himself. “Ella, I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get your heart’s desire.”
She looked at him, unwrapping the blanket from her body. “What?”
“Children. I think…I think I’d be open to that. With you. Eventually.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks turned pink yet again. “I guess…that’s…”
Ella’s face turned redder by the second.
Out of nowhere, she burst into laughter.
Cody jumped. Ella bent over, hands on her knees, almost howling with amusement.
It was contagious. Before he knew it, Cody was laughing too.
Their mirth lasted several minutes. Only after they reined it in did he speak again.
“I suppose laughter is good medicine?”
She wiped a tear from her cheek, still smiling as she nodded. “That was the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had. But Cassie was right. We needed to have it.”
“Why is she always right?”
Ella laughed again. “A sister’s prerogative?”