Chapter Nineteen
ONE MONTH LATER
Anah had been working herself ragged. She had thought it would help, would make her sleep as soon as she hit the bed. But it didn't. Nothing worked. Nothing could make her forget.
Hello Anah.
Ethan's told me about you for years, so it almost feels like I know you. He's always talked about you like you're his little sister.
But you and I both know the truth, don't we?
You're in love with him, and I'm betting you grabbed the chance to make him fall in love with you again.
I know I have no right to ask you of this, but I'm still going to ask it anyway. Because I love him. I truly love Ethan. I know better than anyone that I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know you won't believe me, but those mistakes were something I did because I wanted him to find someone else. Someone better...like you.
That's why when he came to me and asked me to marry him two weeks ago, I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life.
I said no.
When I should've said yes.
I need him back, Anah. And I believe he needs me back, too. He loves me still. He would never have stayed with me all these years if he didn't love me. After everything I did, he still stayed with me, and didn't you ever wonder why that was?
It's because he loves me.
So if you really love him and want Ethan to be truly happy, please don't make it hard for him. Please don't make him choose. Please let him go so he can be happy with me.
And so every night, Anah still cried herself to sleep. Cried out loud, cried until exhaustion overcame her. Cried so much that she always hoped once morning came, she would be all out of tears.
But she wasn't.
And so it started again.
She went to work. And she would be crying inside. Just endless tears that her heart couldn't stop shedding. And it hurt, the pain so unimaginable that she almost wanted to go crawling back to Ethan.
Can't it be me?
Please.
Can't it be me?
But she couldn't. Because she loved him. She couldn't go to him because she loved him, and wasn't that the greatest, most painful irony of all? That for the man she loved to be happy, she had to stay away?
ANOTHER DAY BEGAN. Anah paused for a rare moment to study her reflection in the mirror. I lost weight , Anah thought, and that wasn't good. Someone who knew Ethan might see her and tell him, and then he'd be worried, and he'd have to pretend—-
Tears pricked her eyes.
That was what had hurt most of all.
That he had told her he was happy.
And she had believed in his lie.
The tears started falling, but she hastily wiped them away. Stop it, Anah. She grabbed her backpack, slung it over one shoulder, and left her apartment.
But the tears still kept falling.
Stop it, Anah.
She walked furiously down the block in a silly attempt to outrun her memories. But just with all the other days she had done the same thing, it didn't work at all. It never did, and the tears...
I'm happy.
Ethan's raw voice played in her mind.
Oh God.
And the tears became too much.
Blinding her gaze. Choking her. And her heart became so, so tight—-
Oh God.
Her steps jerked to a halt.
Pain had immobilized her, and even as the people around her began to curse, bumping into her, shouldering past her and even shoving her out of the way, she just couldn't make herself move, the pain so devastating that all she could do was cry.
Just one last cry , she promised herself feverishly, and then she'd forget him .
She squeezed her eyes shut.
Just one last cry.
A heaving sob rocked her body at the thought of permanently saying goodbye to the only man she had ever loved.
Just one last cry.
But when she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was him.
An illusion , Anah thought dazedly. He had to be an illusion.
Beverly Hills was crawling with paparazzi, and it was precisely for this reason she had come straight here to work and find herself again. This was the one place that Ethan could still be recognized, the one place that even Guilia herself hadn't been able to make him step a foot in.
So this Ethan walking towards her—-
He had to be an illusion.
Just had to be, with the way he looked so agitated. He hadn't even seemed this agitated when she told him about Guilia fighting for her life after an accident.
So it had to be an illusion.
And yet—-
When this fake Ethan finally came up to her, she still found herself drawing her breath. So close , she thought painfully. Oh God, this fake Ethan was so, so close, that she had to curl her fingers into fists just to resist the urge to reach up and touch him.
"Anah."
Her head shot up.
"Ethan?"
And fake Ethan...turned out to be real as he hauled her close.
Ethan.
He was real.
He was here.
But if he was...then he wouldn't be happy anymore.
Anah started struggling, but the arms around her were immovable as steel, and those who tried to shove them out of the way only ended up bumping straight into a brick wall and stumbling back.
"Get a fucking room, damn you."
Ethan bent his head and whispered to her ear, "Shall we?"
Anah answered him by beating his chest with her fists.
"L-Let me go."
He tucked her head under his chin even as she kept trying to get out of his embrace.
"People are starting to stare."
"Then let's go somewhere private—-"
A broken cry escaped her, and the sound nearly ripped him into pieces.
" Please ." Anah could barely speak past the tears. "Please just let me go—-"
"I can't."
His voice...oh God, his voice...sounded exactly like the time he lied to her about being happy, and the realization killed her, and she almost sagged against him. "Stop p-pretending—-"
"I'm not pretending anything."
"Liar."
"I love you—-"
Anah jerked in his arms. "God damn you." And then she was struggling harder than ever. "Stop lying. You asked her to m-marry you—-"
"Because I was trying to do the right thing," he said tautly.
" Liar ." She saw a police officer walking towards them through her tears, and when she felt Ethan stiffen, she knew he had seen the same thing, too.
"You should go."
But his arms only tightened around her.
"The moment you get arrested," she warned him shakily, "you wouldn't be able to go back to Hartland. To your brothers—-"
"Then come with me."
She shook her head. "I can't."
"Then we'll talk here."
She turned towards the police officer and saw the man temporarily waylaid by a pair of tourists. "You still have time—-"
"I won't go until you listen to me—-"
"There's no point," Anah cried out.
"There's every fucking point," he grated back, "because you're my life." He saw her try to cover her ears, and he captured her wrists and pulled her arms back down. "Just hear me out," he said hoarsely. "Just one last time, please."
But Anah kept shaking her head.
"Remember when I came home and found out you were in love with me?" he asked harshly. "Everything changed after that. You never left my heart after that. You were always there, but I didn't dare let myself think of what that meant. I couldn't. Until I saw what Thornton and Blake had, and I realized..." Ethan swallowed hard. "I wanted the same thing. So I asked Guilia to marry me—-"
A sob tore past her throat at hearing Ethan actually say the words. "Please," she begged brokenly. "I don't want to hear—-"
"I asked her—-"
"Please."
"Because even at that time, I thought I had to do the right thing. And that was all, Anah," he said fiercely. "That was the only reason why I made myself ask her. Because I thought I still had to do the right thing, even if I was already in love with you—-"
"Stop lying!"
"The only time I lied to you," Ethan said rawly, "was when I couldn't make myself tell you about proposing to Guilia. I just fucking couldn't. I was terrified of losing you."
Anah saw the police officer was once again starting to walk towards them. She saw Ethan follow her line of gaze. Knew that he saw the same thing and understood what it meant.
And yet he still kept talking to her, the words drifting to her in a steady stream that was underscored by pain and fear.
"I knew you'd leave me if you thought it would make me happy—-"
(Almost as if)
Nothing was more important than making her understand the truth.
"Because you love me."
Because he loved her.
And as the police officer was about to ask what was wrong, he saw the girl suddenly throw her arms around the man's neck...just as he heard the man whisper something.
Well then...
Those three words said everything, and the last thing the police officer saw before walking away was the man cupping the girl's face and kissing her like she was the most precious thing on earth for him.
(Which she was)