130. The Material I’m Working With
THE MATERIAL I’M WORKING WITH
LIVY
Layton walks back into the house with Exton at his side. With no preamble, he looks me square in the face and says, “Will you find me an inpatient rehab, please?” He could’ve bowled me over with an exhale at that moment.
I school my face to not look shocked and look at Exton for guidance, but only for a moment.
He shrugs from beside his brother as Layton continues, “Confidentiality is a must. Period. I’m not making a public spectacle of myself or anyone else there.
I need the ability to leave for Kimpton’s birth whenever that might happen.
No questions asked. And I want to be home by Thanksgiving. ”
He lays all of this out there plainly. His tone is so matter-of-fact that he might as well be ordering a cheeseburger.
And there behind the beard is the assuredness of the man I met so many months ago.
The one who flirted and charmed me. The one who knew himself so well and owned his body. And mine.
“Can you do that for me?”
The corners of my eyes tip up, and my lips try to follow suit but tremble instead. “Sure. How would you feel about in-home treatment? Is that an option?”
He walks straight to me, kisses my forehead, and shoots the idea down without a second thought. “I won’t put you through that. I won’t put Kyle through that. I expect this to get ugly. It could be messy. Pix, I could become mean. I won’t do that to you. Not if I can help it.”
“What about your physical therapy?”
He slides his phone from his pocket and starts a group text with the two of us and an unknown number.
Layton: Livy, meet Sarah. Sarah, meet my Livy. You have lots in common. Sarah, Livy is coordinating a PT plan for me that she won’t be able to implement in person. Can you help?
Sarah: Are you local again? Yeah, I’d be happy to. What are you looking for?
Layton: Can you come to the house the day after tomorrow? Livy can go over the plan and get you your first stipend.
Sarah: Looking forward to meeting you, Livy. When do we start?
Layton: The day after you’re on board. That work for you?
Sarah: Sure thing, Ranger. See you in a few days. If I remember correctly, you still owe me a beer over that fumble during the Cowboys game.
Layton: How the hell do you remember that? And fine.
I say nothing. I’m sure there will be enough to say the day after tomorrow.
“I want you to stay here. I hope you’ll stay here. Do what you need to make this home, okay? Get Kyle acclimated. He needs to feel at home and settled. You’ll be here when I get back?”
I nod and walk into him, planting my face in his chest. I hug him until I feel the angst of the last few weeks drain out of my body through my toes and puddle on the floor. “Let me get to work. Anything you have to have or don’t want? I’ve never shopped for one of these before.”
“Me neither. Just the three I mentioned earlier. I’ll deal on Thanksgiving, but the other two are deal breakers.”
“Let’s do this thing.”
Willa’s face visibly pales as her eyes bounce between Layton and Exton. But when they land on mine, they brim with tears. “This isn’t hormones. I promise this isn’t hormones.”
I reach out and squeeze her hand. “I know.”
Layton goes to pack, and I grab my iPad. Within an hour, I’ve found a boutique rehab facility nearly to San Antonio. A phone call and a small donation later, we have ensured that by noon tomorrow, Layton will have a bed.
Noon. Tomorrow.
I want to feel relief, but dread is more accurate.
When the arrangements are solidified, a moment of heaviness passes between the four of us.
“Will y’all stay tonight?” Layton asks his brother and sister-in-law.
They look between each other and then at Layton’s retreating back.
It‘s almost as if we all hold our breath wondering what’s going to happen.
He returns from our bedroom holding the white-topped orange bottle and extracts one tablet, breaks it in quarters, and sets all four pieces on the island in clear view for all to see.
Without a word, he hands Exton the bottle.
It's barely in his brother’s hand when he yanks Layton in for a man hug.
Willa’s sniffles cover the sound of mine. For that, I’m eternally grateful.
We play cards and tell silly stories. I ask Willa about her dragon and how it came to be on her body.
I ask her how bad it hurt and if she’s upset about pregnancy changing the shape of the tattooist’s work.
“Nope. This baby is the greatest creation I’ll ever be a part of.
I mean, look at the material I’m working with.
” She gestures like Vanna White at her husband.
When she holds up her arm, she continues, “This is paint. This”—she rubs her belly—“is art.”
Sometime in the wee hours, they head upstairs, and Layton and I go to bed.
As I drifted off, Layton’s bearded chin moves to my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. “Tell me a secret, Pix.”
“I’m scared for you. And I’m scared for me.” I snuggle back into his warmth. “Tell me a secret, Layton.”
“I am too.”
The three of us drop Layton off, and I cry when they tell me it’ll be seven days before any contact. He hands me his phone and wallet, and I cry harder.
When he wraps me in a hug, his gravelly voice tells me he’s not unaffected.
“I’ve got this, Pix. You need to know when I set my mind on something…
I make it so.” He turns my face up to his, and as his lips hover over mine, he adds, “And I’ve set my eyes and my mind on you. ” He seals his promise with a kiss.
“Seven days. You make it seven days, and I will too, okay?”
“Seven days, Livy. We’ll talk a week from today. I love you.”
“What the hell?” Kimp booms.
“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Braxton’s hand tugs the back of his neck as he stares at the floor. His head shakes back and forth. It’s as if he expects answers in the planks of the wood floors.
“The fuck you say.” Brighton paces the living room, creating a rhythm in her steps.
It’s the tiny “feck cue” that has us all stop our group conversation. It comes in conjunction with Kyle’s tail thumps and Colt’s chatter with him and Sola. Luna seems to have taken up residence in Layton’s old bedroom and can’t be coaxed out.
Emberleigh sniffles from her spot on Kimp’s sofa. So does Willa, who sits beside her soon-to-be sister-in-law.
Kimp would be sniffling, too, if he stopped the thick, visible swallowing from his seat. His elbows dig into his thighs, and his hands steeple around his nose and mouth, coming to a point between his brows. “How long?” he asks.
“A while, Pop. He’s taking responsibility for his actions.
” Exton puts a hand on Willa’s shoulder from his spot behind the couch.
“That’s what this is about. To be fair, I have no idea if this will be like Alcoholics Anonymous, and he’ll do the twelve steps.
But I need to tell you, I won’t accept an apology from him.
There isn’t one required because that’s not owed to me.
He scared me, sure, but he’s hurt himself after being hurt. That’s not about me.”
“That’s the most I’ve ever heard him say,” Emberleigh whispers to her seatmate.
Willa squeezes her hand and whispers in return, “I usually have enough words for the both of us.”
“But I don’t understand. Isn’t that a controlled substance? I thought it was supposed to be hard to get.”
“This isn’t a matter of Layton seeking out something illicit and meeting a dealer on the corner hoping to score.
” My voice comes off small. I’m glad to understand what Exton discovered during his quick trip to Florida.
He filled Willa and me in on our way to the ranch from the facility.
No doubt he didn’t reveal everything. It seems he plays a lot close to the vest.
“Did you know?”
“I knew that his PT wasn’t the struggle I expected it to be. That could be a variety of factors when it comes to rehab, but I expected slower progress and far more muscle resistance. Pain helps guide the process.”
“Did you know?”
“Only very recently, Kimp.”
“Pop. Please call me Pop. And thank you for your honesty.”
“So what do we do now?” Braxton asks.
“Now, we let the experts do what they do, and we Ranger up.” Brighton stops her pacing.
I don’t know what that means, but I gather this is their battle cry.
“Elias, may I have a moment?” Exton asks his sister’s fiancé. They leave the rest of us in the living room as they step through the front door and retreat down the stairs.
“Inpatient is a minimum of twenty-eight days.” I turn to Willa, “Do you have twenty-eight days left?”
“Hush your mouth. I liked you before that comment.”
To Braxton, I state, “You hired me for a job I cannot do right now. We’ll need to renegotiate.”
“Are you quitting?”
What? “No. But I won’t take your money when I can’t do the work.”
“Will you stay here or go home for a while?”
Home. Can I say I’ve come to think of Layton’s house as my home? Does that sound like I’m glomming on to him?
“I miss the sound of the waves and I sure wouldn’t mind some time in the sand, but I promised Layton I’d be here. So, I’ll be at the lake. That said, I have no job and at least four weeks by myself, so I’m all about pool buddies or lake buddies, and anyone who wants to go for a walk.”
“I don’t want to be rude…” Brighton begins but immediately contradicts herself. “But you’ve been here a month. At most. Why would you”—she uses air quotes—“‘be at the lake’ in my brother’s home when he’s not there?”
“Brighton,” Braxton snaps.
At the same time, Pop exclaims, “Brighton Alexandra.”
“I think it’s a fair question,” I reply quietly. “Do you really want an answer? Or are you simply lashing out because you’re angry and protecting your brother?”
“Yes.” Bright drags her hands onto her hips and raises her eyebrows in a gesture of impatience.
“I love the second one. My sister isn’t much for protecting me. She thinks she knows best, but that’s about her, not about me. You’re free to lash out too. This isn’t a light thing your family is going through. I’d ask that you not be cruel, though.”
Silence has fallen over the room.
“But as for the first, I’m in love with your brother. And he says he loves me. But that’s not why I’ll be at the lake. I’ll be there while he’s away because he asked me to be. And with all I fear he’ll deal with in the next month or more, it was one place I could give him peace of mind.”
She doesn’t reply, so I continue.
“I promise I’m not looking to pilfer the candlesticks and pawn them or anything. And, if you’re concerned, come for dinner. Or stay the night. Bring the dogs and your suit. Or bring a book and a blanket, whatever. You don’t know me, but I’d like that to change.”
“He’s my person.” Her reply is quiet and pained.
“I get it. Keep protecting him. I hope it won’t be long before you are comfortable that we’re on the same team.”
“Damn, she’s good,” Emberleigh stage whispers to Willa.
Pop stands. “What about his birthday?”
Here’s where my I’m-in-love-with-him-and-he’s-in-love-with-me speech hits the skids. I don’t know when Layton’s birthday is.
“We’re a few weeks out,” Braxton replies. “We have time to make a plan.”
“A plan for what?” Elias says as he and Exton walk back into the room. “I’m sure it’s not Willa’s delivery. Exton probably has GPS routes based on time and traffic ready to go and has for months.”
“What happened to a home birth?” Braxton’s grin shines across his face.
“What in the world?” Willa retorts.
“Oh, he never told you? He suggested you should have a home birth with your kids.” He turns to his younger brother. “Was that only a year ago?”
“Nope. Nuh-uh. Negative. Drugs. All the drugs. In a sanitized hospital where they do this day in and day out. No doula. No midwife. No ‘breathe through the pain.’ Ep-i-du-ral.” She enunciates the last word.
“Hear, hear,” Emberleigh says.
“You’ve got that right,” Bright adds.
“Home birth, my ass,” Willa continues, but under her breath as if to herself.
“It was a moment of desperation,” Exton says to Braxton.
Braxton beams. “Well, the womenfolk aren’t fighting anymore.”
“Anymore?” Elias asks.
“‘Womenfolk’?” Brighton cuts in.
Pop looks me square in the eyes, a smile playing on his mouth. “One of my favorite things in the world is having my family all together. We’re one shy tonight, but I’m glad you’re here in his stead.” He winks at me and kicks up the foot on his recliner.
Night 1
Me: I’m proud of you and I’m scared for you. This house doesn’t have the same feel when you’re gone. Kyle keeps pacing, looking for you. I’ve given up telling him you won’t be home tonight. Sleep well.
I know he won’t receive it. I have his phone, and it lights up and buzzes with my message. But when he gets home, or when he’s allowed to have his phone, I want him to know I thought of him each night.
Night 2
Me: Sarah is great. I’m glad you have her. She says y’all go way back. Thank you for trusting me with your care. It means a lot to me. We’ve come a long way from when you thought I didn’t know a thing about making you stronger. ;)
Night 3
Me: I had dinner tonight at the ranch. Your family makes me laugh. They miss you. Kyle misses you. I miss you.
Me: Pop and I had a heart-to-heart about your time in the hospital. I saw your charts, and I knew, but I didn’t *know*. Your dad is a good man. You’re lucky to have him.
Me: What are Elias and Exton up to? I see the group texts pinging. I’m not reading them, but something’s going on. I haven’t asked, but they tend to get quiet when I walk in.
Night 4
Me: I’m guessing your body is hating you, and you’re hating it. You’re brave and strong. I miss telling you my secrets. If you asked me tonight, I’d tell you I struggled not to touch you in my yoga classes.
Night 5
Me: Willa is letting me do some prenatal yoga with her. She’s a trip. Kyle looks all over for you.
Night 6
Me: Your sister called me tonight, just to chat. I think she’s trying with me. She’s a hell of a woman. I don’t think she’s let on how much she’s missed you.
Night 7
Me: Tomorrow! I can’t wait. I’ve missed you! The hardest part is behind you.