Chapter 17 #2
Deacon was a big guy—tall and fit but bulky from muscle—so it was something between terrifying and impressive to see him with his posture tense and standing at his full height. “He stood you up? Did he do something?”
“No,” I said, dropping a hand to his closed fist at his side and pasting on a smile. “No, nothing like that. He was called out for an emergency. I guess he was on call, so he sent me home in a Lyft.” Deacon’s hand was warm, and his fingers relaxed slightly under my touch.
“Not a good excuse,” he said. “He should have gotten someone to cover.”
“It’s okay,” I said, hoping he believed the fake smile.
“I came here with some friends from next door.” I nodded toward the table where everyone was laughing and Des was whispering something into Hollis’s ear.
The same pang of jealousy hit me, and I realized I still had my hand over Deacon’s and pulled it back.
He tipped his head to the list of songs. “You looked deep in thought when I came up. Deciding what to sing?”
I laughed. “Oh no. No way. I haven’t sung in front of people since high school.
” I was in the show choir all four years but didn’t have time in college.
Spencer had talked me into trying out initially, and I’d loved it.
The collaboration, the creativity, and the way I’d felt unexpectedly weightless and brave on the stage in a way I didn’t feel in real life.
It had been years, though. “I couldn’t,” I added. “I’m too sober and not brave enough.”
“Really? I heard you singing lots of songs from twenty years ago when we were painting, and you’re pretty good.
” He reached to my side, his forearm grazing my hip before he tapped two fingers on the list of songs.
The move left his body closer to mine, and I felt the heat from his chest against my bare shoulder.
Deacon looked down, his gaze seeming to slide to my shoulder where the strap of the red dress rested against my skin.
“And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty damn brave. ”
“We’ve got an opening. You want to go again, Deac?” The DJ cut into our conversation, and Deacon took a step back from me.
“I’m good for now, B.” Deacon dropped a hand to my shoulder. “But she might.”
The weight of his hand felt so grounding, and I looked around the crowded room.
“Everyone would see me,” I said, when the DJ shrugged and turned to answer someone else’s question. “I can’t.”
“Low,” he said, setting his beer down and dropping a hand on my other shoulder, his gaze intent on mine.
“You look incredible in this dress…People already see you. I guarantee they’re looking.
” His thumbs moved in tiny circles over my collarbones as his dark eyes bored into mine.
“Never do something you don’t want to do, but if people seeing you is the only thing stopping you, you can pretend I’m the only one watching.
” His words sent a shiver through me at the idea of his eyes on me, even in a room full of people.
“I already had one re-do crash and burn tonight,” I said. “I guess a second wouldn’t be so bad.” I shrugged my shoulders, but he didn’t move his hands, and the movement momentarily caused his thumbs to drop lower.
“I think the vet not working out was a good thing,” he said.
“That guy wasn’t good enough for you.” His thumbs paused for a moment, grazing the tops of my breasts for a split second, before he pulled them away.
“And you won’t crash and burn.” He tipped his head to the right.
“I’m at that table,” he said, taking a few steps back. “The only one watching.”
I was looking at his back when the DJ returned. “You decide?”
I looked at the book and touched my hand to my shoulder where Deacon’s hand had been.
“Yeah,” I said, flipping through the book for the song I wanted.
I’d spent a lot of my life comfortable in the background, but I’d liked singing on stage.
I liked the confidence I felt with the microphone in my hand.
I wondered if it would be the same if I was up there alone, and maybe this was my first opportunity to think a little bigger, to make the re-do list about just me on this stage in my red dress and not about Spencer.
I glanced from the book to the table Deacon had indicated, and his gaze lingered on me. I felt the flutter of butterflies in my stomach, and he gave me a grin, pointing to his eyes and mouthing, “Only one.” I tapped my finger on the laminated page and looked back to the DJ. “I think I did.”
I stood on stage, clutching the mic as the DJ announced the next performer.
“Give it up for our next performer. Her name is Willow and she can buy herself flowers!” He had the kind of voice that was common to DJs, and the opening notes of “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus started as soon as he finished introducing me.
My voice was low and tentative at first, and I felt my knees shake as I immediately regretted the decision to get on stage, let alone to get on stage stone sober.
I’d be noticed, and if I was horrible, it would just be more Drowning Girl stories.
But it was too late now. Some people were watching me, but mostly, conversations around the room kept going, and my gaze swept to the right, where Deacon was sitting.
His arm was propped on the back of a chair, and he nodded with a grin, raising his bottle to me.
I felt a sweep of heat over my skin again but then heard whoops and cheers from the other side of the room, and Hollis and Blaine and Des and their friends were cheering for me, making me giggle before I hit the chorus of the song.
Their cheers drew attention from others, and by the time I declared I could buy myself flowers, I heard the volume on my voice go up.
Other people in the bar were singing along, and there was cheering and clapping.
I felt good. I felt strong, and I felt a little bit invincible, like thinking small wasn’t an option anymore.
I oscillated between soaking in the attention and wanting to hide my face, and when I looked over to Deacon again, his eyes were still focused on me.
That intense way he had of making you feel like you were the only person in the world that mattered wrapped around me, even as I felt the eyes of the crowd on me as they cheered.
I flashed a wide smile as the song ended and the applause rang out, and mouthed a “Thank you” to Deacon who had, true to his word, never taken his piercing dark eyes off me.