Chapter 36
Deacon
I’d never slept over at a woman’s place—it made things confusing—but once I started holding Willow, I couldn’t let her go. I woke up to an empty bed, though, shocked I’d slept until seven.
“Good morning,” she said, looking over her shoulder from her spot at the stove when I walked into the kitchen.
“How do you feel?” I slid a finger down her arm and kissed the nape of her neck.
“Boneless,” she said, stretching again, ironic because the way she was wriggling, I felt the opposite.
“Maybe I should skip this study group I agreed to attend, and we can go for round two.”
I’d thought a lot about what Kelly said and then what Marcus mentioned noticing, and they were both right.
So yesterday I’d texted Kelly that I’d come to the study group—that was a good compromise.
I just wasn’t ready to be around a big group who would know the weight of what I’d caused with my injury.
I could do a study group, though, and it might get Kelly off my back. But now, this option seemed better.
“You promised you’d take a risk,” she said, swatting the spatula in my direction, nearly missing me as I jumped out of the way.
“Going to the library to meet people is not a risk,” I said, after snagging plates from the cupboard.
Her hair was swept up in some kind of clip, exposing the nape of her neck, the soft skin a temptation I kept eyeing, tracing the way her curls fell over her neck.
“I was thinking I’d go parasailing or hide Emi’s cleaning supplies. ”
Willow turned back to the stove and flipped the two pancakes in the pan, movements quick and focused.
“Parasailing wouldn’t feel risky for you,” she said, glancing over her shoulder, her soft brown eyes meeting my gaze.
“You jumped out of planes your whole career. And hiding Emi’s cleaning solution isn’t risky, that’s asking to be murdered.
” She chuckled, and I saw her dimples from the side.
Dimples I’d kissed the night before and couldn’t stop thinking about.
I kept seeing her from new angles, and she didn’t look different, but I felt different, like in memorizing these new views of her, I was giving up a piece of myself, little by little.
“But I think giving new people a chance, connecting to this veterans group, I think that does feel risky for you,” she added, her tone more serious and her words taking residence in my chest.
I was a social guy. I met new people all the time, but she was right.
I’d resisted joining this group, and I knew there was probably a reason for that that I wouldn’t want to examine too closely.
“Maybe.” I brushed my lips against the back of her neck, feeling her still under me as my palm rested at her hip.
She hadn’t asked for stolen kisses in the kitchen—it wasn’t on her list, but I wondered if it was on mine. “When did you get to know me so well?”
“Big questions.” Her response was a little breathless, and I swept my lips over the same spot on her nape again.
“But if I skip the study session,” I said, kissing under her ear, “we can work on page two.” Her full hips were luscious under my palms, and I tugged her back against me.
She tipped her head to the side, and I took the invitation to drop my mouth to the crook of her neck.
“Deacon,” she said, moaning, and I ground against her backside, ready for more of her, but she turned suddenly in my arms and was face-to-face with me.
Her hand landed on my biceps for balance, and I took in her face, those dimples from yet a new angle.
She slid a confident finger along my hairline, tracing over my beard.
“I know you’re trying to distract me. Am I right? Is it a risk?”
“No,” I said, closing my eyes against her soft touches.
I lied because it made sense to me, but it wouldn’t to anyone else.
If I joined a vets group, if I made military friends here, I felt I was giving up on going back, on this separation from my unit being temporary.
And if it was permanent, then I had to give up on the version of me I knew.
I didn’t know who Deacon Rakes was without the PJs. “Maybe.”
“So, you’ll go? I can hang out there, too, and work on my vet school application.” She drew a circle on my arm. “And then we can get back to page two after.” She looked up at me with wide eyes, eyebrows raised, but then her nose scrunched at the smell of burning pancakes.
Kelly waved me over to the table in the corner on the second floor of the library, introducing me to the other four people sitting there, two I’d met once before.
“Hey,” I said, pulling my econ book from my backpack, noticing the same book in front of the guy to my left, Bryce.
“This test is gonna suck,” I said, tipping my head toward his book.
He laughed and pointed at my book. “Interesting supplemental reading you’ve got there.”
When I looked down, the romance novel I’d swiped from Willow’s nightstand had slipped out with my book, the shirtless hockey player’s rippled abs in contrast with the cover of Principles of Economics. I laughed, too, after the shock of seeing it there.
“Extra study on supply and demand, huh?” Bryce said, picking up the book and scanning the back cover where the goalie’s dominant side was hinted at.
“You should read that,” Kelly said to Bryce. “I bet your girlfriend would appreciate you brushing up on your skills.”
He flipped her off but passed the book to the guy across the table. “My wife reads these nonstop,” Milo said, voice thoughtful. “Should read one. She’d be shocked I took an interest.”
“It’s pretty good,” I said, relaxing in my chair as they joked with one another.
I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.
“Took it from my girl’s nightstand. Definitely more interesting than this,” I said, tapping the cover of the textbook, realizing only after that I’d called Willow my girl.
“Looks like Deacon has inspired a book club,” Kelly said with a wink in my direction.
I suspected there was going to be an “I told you so” from her in my future, but she pulled her own math textbook from her bag without pressing it further.
“I’m pulling rank as peer mentor. Let’s tackle these books first, though. ”
The others groaned good-naturedly, and Kelly leaned over. “Told you it was a good group,” she said, elbowing me.
The two hours passed quickly, and at the end of the study session, Bryce and I made plans to connect to review the study guide next week before the test. My phone buzzed as I stuffed my things back in my bag, letting Milo and another guy, Andre, look at the novel, hypothesizing what “grumpy sunshine” meant and what it had to do with hockey or a praise kink.
Willow: No rush, but I’m on the 4th floor in the northwest corner when you’re done.
Deacon: Just wrapping up. What’s up there?
She didn’t answer, and I waved at the others as I walked toward the stairs to find her. Knowing she was waiting for me had made me eager to finish the work, but I also noticed how much more I enjoyed studying today than I usually did. Today I’d laughed with them and looked up from the task at hand.
The fourth floor was a stark contrast to the second, where tables were filled with groups and individuals studying, talking, laughing, and making the space feel alive.
This floor was eerily quiet as I stepped out of the stairwell in search of Willow.
I looked at the titles, and there were a lot of research books with titles I didn’t understand at first glance.
“Low?” I said, into the quiet space. I’d yet to see another person and looked around the corners in search of her. “Willow?”
I was about to text her when I jumped at a hand grabbing my shirt from behind a bookcase and she tugged me into an alcove. “Hey,” I said, looking around. “I couldn’t find you.”
“How was it?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Kinda fun, actually.” I glanced around the abandoned floor. “What’s up here?”
She had a glint in her eyes, and she tugged me further into the alcove of books, the smell of old paper mixing with Willow’s shampoo in the cramped space. “I had time to explore,” she said, finally stopping and looking around. “What’s up here is privacy.”
I let my backpack fall to the floor and hauled her toward me, my hands on her hips, fingers slipping under the hemline of her T-shirt.
I needed to keep convincing myself what I felt was nothing, but I also had only a little time left to touch her like this.
“What do we need privacy for? Deep research?”
She giggled and then pressed a hand over her mouth when the sound echoed. “I don’t know about deep, but thorough.” She leaned in closer and whispered, her body pressed close to mine.
“I’m all for it,” I whispered back. “But what did you have in mind?”
She pressed her finger to my lips and grinned before sinking to her knees.
“Low, what are you doing?” She rested her fingers on the button of my jeans, and the sight of her expression—the excitement, the eagerness, the goddamn smile—shattered my heart into tiny pieces even as my cock swelled. “I told you that you don’t have to do this.”
“I told you to hush,” she said, unzipping my jeans and maneuvering her soft hand around my shaft.
Holy shit. She studied me, her gaze moving up and down my shaft before looking up at me with those big brown eyes.
“I know I don’t have to.” Her gaze dropped to where a drop of pre-cum beaded at the tip and then moved back to mine before sliding her warm, wet tongue over the tip with her eyes locked on mine. “I want to.”
I reached behind me to steady my grip on the shelf as Willow’s lips slid over me, and I sank into her mouth using every bit of willpower to not groan at the feel of her lips moving over me, her tongue working against my skin and the feel of her soft hands holding me to her.
The stillness around us on the fourth floor was alive with what might come next, who might find us, and that made this even hotter.
“Fuck, baby,” I said, running my hands over her hair as she circled her fingers over my balls.
She shifted position, and I slipped deeper into her mouth, her speed picking up as her fingers worked in tandem with her mouth at the new angle.
I gritted my teeth and gave a pump into her mouth, helpless against this unexpected turn of events and the sight of Willow on her knees taking me in her mouth.
My balls tightened, and I tugged on Willow’s hair. “Low, I’m close.”
In answer, she moved on me faster, her lips tightening around me, and her fingers dug into my thighs.
She was incredible, and I couldn’t think straight.
I gripped the bookcase, unable to hold on, and spilled into her mouth, her lips slowing over me as she drank me down, and everything in my vision went black for a moment.
She dragged her fingers across her lips and looked up at me with a nervous smile as she sat back on her heels. Across the room, a door opened, and her eyes widened in panic.
I hauled her to her feet and pulled her to the end of the alcove where another bookcase jutted out and we hid in a shadowy corner.
“I didn’t think anyone would come up here,” she said, looking over her shoulder, but I could only look at her. “What?” she said. “Did I get some on my face?”
I pulled her face to mine and kissed her, feeling the slightly swollen give of her lips. “You might have rebooted my brain…again,” I whispered.
“It was good?”
I kissed her again. “That’s not even a real question.” The footsteps grew closer, and I tucked myself back into my jeans. “It was incredible,” I said softly before kissing her again.
“That’s enough, kids,” a middle-aged man said. “This is a place for studying, not sucking face.”
Willow pressed a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle and buried her face in my shoulder.
“Sorry,” I said to the librarian. “Studying for anatomy just got a little out of hand.”
“I’m too old for this,” he muttered as he walked away, and Willow laughed against my chest.
“Shh,” I said, hugging her to me. “You’re going to get me kicked out of school.”
I took her hand and tugged her toward the exit, determined to get home and on to step two of whatever this was. Willow gripped my hand and walked with quick steps next to me, even though we’d already been caught.
“I can’t believe we did that,” she said, glee rolling off her. “I mean…that was amazing!”
Sex in public was amazing. The risk of getting caught was exciting, but the thing I couldn’t get over as she climbed into my truck was how excited Willow had been to do this with me and how her excitement did funny things to my chest. As I drove to her place, the voice in my head was shouting at full volume, You love her! Just say it!
I rushed into the driveway and pulled her face to mine.
It had been hell to not kiss her during the short drive, and I swept my tongue over her lower lip.
She was going to be leaving for her camping trip in the morning, which meant I had the weekend to figure out how the hell I was going to tell Cruz I was head over heels in love with his baby sister.
I knew I needed to come clean with him before I could tell Willow how I felt about her.