Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
“Were you scared, out there in the water?” Brady asked, his concern reeking of inauthenticity.
“A little. When we turned around after the buoy, the wind had picked up and the water was a lot choppier. I was just glad Eli was there to help get me to shore.”
“It seems like you two are hitting it off. What do you like about Eli?”
“Eli is more genuine than I expected. I haven’t shown myself to be the most desirable partner, but he cares way more about how I’m doing than about winning. When we talk...” I paused, not wanting to get into our nightly off-camera conversations. “I just get the feeling, every time we talk, that he genuinely cares.”
Brady nodded along as if everything I said was the most interesting thing he’d heard all day.
“And what would Michael think of all this?”
Every time I heard his name in this setting it was like getting slapped in the face. They kept throwing out his name like they knew him. Like they had some kind of right to talk about him.
“Michael would just want me to be happy,” I said, trying not to let the frustration seep into my tone.
“Do you and Eli plan to continue as partners for more challenges?”
I stopped myself from answering too quickly, thinking about how that had burned me in the past when they had asked if I planned on sticking with Arnie. Brady was not going to make me look stupid again .
“I mean, I know we got last place this time so anything is a possibility, but I think Eli plans to pick me.” And even though I had picked Eli for today’s challenge, this was the first moment that I felt truly content with my decision and where the two of us stood.
I couldn’t imagine any of the other guys picking me, anyway. Trace and Danny were basically a couple at this point, and Arnie and Rachel were definitely hitting it off. Grant and Sofia might not be a love connection, but Grant and I had hardly spoken. There was no way he would pick me.
An hour later, after another one of the most amazing hot showers of my life, I walked into the lounge to find Eli already sitting on the couch by the fireplace. Arnie and Rachel sat together on the other side of the long, L-shaped sofa.
As soon as he saw me, Eli stood up and pulled me into him. “Hey,” he said, his voice muffled in my hair.
“Hey,” I said, as he moved away but kept his hands firmly on my arms. His touch felt so easy compared to just a day ago. “What was that for? ”
He shrugged. “I know how those interviews can be. Especially after the day you just had.” I tried not to stare at his lips.
“It should be illegal for them to do those before they let us take a shower and change.”
His mouth twitched with amusement. “It’s inhumane,” he agreed.
Eli plopped back onto the couch and I followed suit. I sat a few inches away from him, but he pulled me closer before tucking me into his side. Normally this simple gesture would send my mind into overdrive, dissecting every little implication of cuddling with Eli. But this time, my body overruled any objection. The comfort of his arms around me was too inviting, and for once, I surrendered to the sensation.
“Near-death experiences must be the new way to build a connection on this show,” Rachel said.
“It would seem that way,” I muttered.
Eli frowned and shifted next to me. “Let’s not give them too much credit, or they’ll keep jeopardizing our safety.”
“I’m just glad it all worked out. You two are clearly a better match than we were,” Arnie said, relief in his voice.
“I mean, at this point we haven’t completed a challenge without an injury,” Eli grumbled.
“Hey!” I swatted his chest. “We made it through the ‘how well do you know your partner’ game unscathed.”
“So, you’re saying as long as it’s not a physical challenge, we might have a shot?” he asked, grinning down at me.
Rachel and Arnie laughed. This was so easy, sitting here with just the four of us. I could almost forget where we were for a moment.
“Yo yo yo.” Grant announced his arrival as he splayed himself out in the chair directly next to the fire. Sofia trailed behind him. She said nothing as she perched on the far end of the couch .
We all said our hellos, but the energy had shifted. It was like their arrival sucked all the conversation out of us. Suddenly none of us had anything to say. While I hoped wholeheartedly that Arnie and Rachel might want to keep in touch after all this, I doubted I’d ever speak to Grant or Sofia again.
Eli rubbed circles on my shoulder absentmindedly. I caught Sofia glaring at us.
“Well, this is awkward,” Grant said frankly.
“It doesn’t make it any less awkward when you point it out,” Rachel replied bitterly.
“I’ve got any idea.” Grant leaned forward, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s play Never Have I Ever.”
Eli groaned. “That game is for college kids trying to get drunk.”
“Yeah, I’m good,” Arnie agreed.
“Come on,” Grant insisted. “I’m bored. What else is there to do around here?”
When I caught Eli’s eye, he was watching me expectantly.
“Would you prefer we all continue to sit here in silence?” Grant pressed.
“Fine,” Rachel relented. “But we’re playing the clean version. No weird sexual questions.”
Grant pretended to pout. “You’re no fun.”
We all held up five fingers and began asking questions. It was a simple game; if we’d done whatever was mentioned, we had to put a finger down. Sofia continued to glower from the edge of the couch, but when it came time, she put her hand up as well.
The first round went smoothly. Arnie said he’d never traveled to another country, and everyone except me put a finger down .
“You’ve never been outside the country?” Eli asked incredulously.
“Is that so hard to believe? It wasn’t like we could afford to travel much when I was growing up.” There were a few trips I had been supposed to go on with Michael—one to Costa Rica and another to try skiing in Canada. Both times I’d had major anxiety about traveling a few weeks before. He had been understanding and let me stay home both times while I told him to go on without me.
Looking at Eli now—even barely knowing him—I couldn’t help but feel that he wouldn’t have let me stay behind. He would have insisted that I come with him. At the time, I had been grateful to stay at home. Now, I wondered what it would be like to be with someone who didn’t let me shy away from the things that scared me.
“I’ve never broken a bone,” Rachel said.
Eli held up his four fingers while he watched me put my first finger down. He nudged me with his elbow. “Not surprised at all.”
“Hey! It was just once when I was in high school. I tried out for the soccer team, in some misguided attempt at socialization, and I tripped over my own feet. Apparently, I didn’t know how to brace a fall.”
Eli chuckled. “I guess you’re lucky it only happened once.”
I pretended to be offended, but I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face.
It was Eli’s turn next. “I’ve never gotten a tattoo,” he said.
Rachel put a finger down, followed by me.
“Seriously?” Eli demanded, surprised by this revelation.
I blushed at the shocked looks I got from everyone there. “I’m not that innocent.”
“What is it?” Eli pressed, looking me up and down as if he could see it through my clothes .
“It’s a typewriter, on my back,” I admitted. “I got it after I wrote my first book.”
His eyes twinkled. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“Get a room,” Grant said, throwing a pillow at the two of us. Eli caught it while still looking at me with a devilish gleam.
Then it was my turn. My face grew heated as I thought of something to say. “Um. I’ve never...I’ve never moved away from the city where I grew up.”
It sounded kind of pathetic when I said it out loud, but Eli was the only other person who also didn’t put a finger down.
“I guess we have that in common.” He nudged my knee with his. “See? Not so different after all.”
“My turn,” Grant said eagerly. “I’ve never had a threesome.”
Arnie groaned and Rachel glared at him. “Clean edition, remember?”
Grant just laughed. I saw Eli put a finger down discreetly.
I shouldn’t be surprised—and I wasn’t. But it was so easy to forget that this Eli whom I was currently snuggled into, the one who’d saved me from the water today and stayed up late talking with me, was the same Eli who had also been in the news multiple times for his escapades. I remembered something he’d said earlier.
I’m worried that someone who doesn’t know everything about me might bolt the second we get out of here, once she Googles me and realizes I’m actually a piece of trash.
I promised myself right then and there that, no matter what happened between the two of us, I would never look up any of his previous indiscretions. Because they truly didn’t matter and didn’t define him in any way.
“Let’s move on,” said Rachel, looking at Sofia expectantly.
She sighed as if we were the most boring people on the planet. “I’ve never back-stabbed somebody on reality TV. ”
“Come on,” Eli groaned.
“We’ve been here a few days,” Rachel said, with irritation. “No one has back-stabbed anyone.”
“A lot can happen in a few days,” Sofia insisted.
Eli’s arm tightened around me, but he chose to stay silent. Probably a wise move, considering he could never say the right thing as far as Sofia was concerned. Even Grant seemed annoyed by her outburst.
Those last two questions killed the mood and the game ended after that. Rachel and Arnie excused themselves to go stargaze. Eli whispered in my ear to ask if I wanted to go to the dining room. Anything to get away from Sofia’s arctic glare. As we walked away, I met Grant’s eyes and he gave me a weak smile. Honestly, I felt a little bad for him. He continued to try to make conversation with Sofia, even if it was just stupid jokes, but she brushed him off every time. We all brushed him off.
Eli tugged me into a dark corner of the dining room. The dimly-lit room and the fact that we were completely alone—I mean, minus the cameras staring down from above—had my skin tingling with anticipation. We hadn’t talked after our kiss. Had it just been the heat of the moment? Would it happen again? Did I want it to happen again?
Yes.
He looked down at me, his face so close that I could just reach up and?—
“Sorry about that game,” he said instead. I blinked a few times and drew back a couple of inches.
He must be talking about Grant’s stupid question.
“No offense, Eli, but I kind of figured you’d have done most things. It wasn’t particularly surprising.” I applauded myself for how nonchalant that sounded. No one would ever guess how much nervous energy currently brewed in my gut. Because while I truly didn’t care in most respects, his endless amount of experience would always intimidate me just a little bit.
When he didn’t say anything, I softened my voice. “Hey, I’ve never judged you. Okay?”
His lip barely turned up. “I feel like that’s only because you haven’t heard of me. You’re one of the first people I’ve spent much time with who doesn’t seem to have any preconceived notions about me.” He seemed to shrink in on himself. “The shitty part is, they aren’t even wrong to judge me. I feel like I’ve been so caught up in this the past few days, trying to get you to see me differently, that I haven’t stopped to tell you that maybe you shouldn’t.”
My heart sank a little. “Don’t say that,” I said.
“You were probably right at the start of all this, you know?” Eli laughed bitterly. “I’m definitely not the guy for you. You should probably stay away from me, Calla.”
My cheeks burned at his sudden change of attitude. It must be some kind of defense mechanism, because he couldn’t even look me in the eyes right now. But I wasn’t about to let him do this to me. He couldn’t push me away after I’d finally decided to let him in a little bit.
“I know that maybe we don’t make any sense together. But you’re the only person who’s made an effort to get to know me. The real me. You’ve never been hung up on my loss—you’ve always tried to figure out who I am beyond that. You’re the first...” My words trailed away as I stopped myself from saying what I truly wanted to.
My silence piqued his interest and he finally looked at me. “The first to what?”
Now it was my turn to look away. “The first person in a long time to make me feel anything other than numb.”
I waited for the uncomfortable silence to settle over us, but instead, he reached up and gently captured my chin between his index finger and thumb, then angled my face to meet his.
His eyes pierced mine before he leaned down and planted a sweet kiss directly on my lips. He moved his hand from my chin to my cheek, stroking it gently. And when he pulled back, he pressed our foreheads together for a moment.
“You make me feel like I’m doing all of this for the first time,” he whispered.
My heart catapulted into my throat. Did he really mean that? Was it bad that I kind of felt that way too?
Michael and I had just been kids when we’d gotten together. Sure, he had given me butterflies, but in a puppy-love kind of way. Whatever was happening between Eli and I felt intense. Should it feel intense? Was that a good thing?
Eli’s eyebrows pulled together. “What are you thinking?”
Before I could respond, a small commotion came from the other room—footsteps and multiple people talking animatedly.
“That’s probably Trace and Danny,” I said, relieved for the excuse to break away and gather my thoughts. “Let’s find out how their date went.”
When I went to pull away, he gently grasped my arm. I really hoped he’d drop it for now. I needed to process these new emotions somewhere where I wasn’t under his piercing gaze.
“Can we talk later?” he asked. I knew what he meant. Could we talk later tonight, when we would both inevitably be wandering the halls with insomnia?
“If I’m awake, I’ll come find you,” I said, hoping that would ease some of the tension.
We walked into the main room to find the guys huddled by the bar and the girls outside by the fire pit. Eli squeezed my hand before separating from me so that I could talk with the girls. Thankfully, Sofia was nowhere to be seen.
“And he’s such a gentleman,” Trace gushed. “I was completely surprised by that, but he’s always checking to see how I am, or seeing if I need anything. He’s so different from any guy I’ve dated.”
Rachel looked appalled. “Trace, I know guys can suck, but those are some pretty basic things.”
“Maybe,” she said. “But the last guy I dated was awful. We were in a singing duo. I thought it was so romantic at the time, but after I found him with another girl backstage, that fantasy went up in smoke faster than dumping water on a bonfire.”
I winced as I took an empty seat. “That’s awful.”
“You’re lucky you’ve had such a great example of a relationship,” Trace said.
Rachel elbowed her in the ribs.
“Ouch, what was that for?” Her words dawned on her and she looked at me, horrified. “I’m so sorry. Oh my gosh, what an insensitive thing to say.”
Shaking my head, I watched the flames dance between us. “No, you’re right. I am lucky.”
We all sat there in silence, and I wanted to scream. Would this ever go away? Or would conversations always fall flat the second someone felt awkward about Michael? I was so sick of people tiptoeing around me all the time.
“What did you do on the date?” I asked, hoping Trace would take the question and run with it.
“Oh, it was so romantic.” I half expected her eyes to turn into giant cartoon hearts. “We went horseback riding and then had drinks in this rustic hot tub they have on the property. I wasn’t very good at the riding, but Danny was so protective and helpful.”
“He seems the type,” Rachel said .
“I just never thought we would connect the way that we have. He seemed so tough, and so not into the same things I am. I mean, he rock climbs and jumps out of helicopters in his spare time. I threw up the last time I tried to ride a roller coaster. And in the hot tub, you’ll never guess what he said to me. He said he might be falling for me. Can you believe that? After only a few days.” She had that undeniable look in her eyes. The look of someone who was completely lovestruck. “The crazier part is that I’m falling too.”
“Opposites attract,” I murmured.
Rachel snorted. “You can say that again. Seems to be the theme of this show. I usually date other performers and Arnie is such a dork. When we first got here, I didn’t even give him a second thought. Never in my life would I have thought the shy engineer would have any kind of effect on me.”
“Arnie’s the best,” I said.
“And speaking of opposites, I don’t think anyone really expected the bad boy actor to fall for the good girl,” Rachel said.
My jaw dropped in surprise. “The good girl? Is that how everyone sees me?” And was it bad that I didn’t see Eli as a bad boy at all? Was that a sure sign that my heart was destined to be broken by him?
Trace and Rachel glanced at each other before turning back to me. “I mean, I’m not saying it’s your only personality trait, but you do give off a certain air of innocence,” Rachel said, waving her hand.
I glared at them defensively. “Why? Just because I haven’t been with a lot of people?”
“No, you just have that whole shy, introverted writer thing going on.” Rachel assessed me. “But Eli seems to bring you out of your shell.”
We sat outside for a while longer, making guesses about how the next day would go. At this point, another physical challenge was pretty much a guarantee, but they seemed to be getting harder each time. Pretty soon, Brady was poking his head outside and telling us we only had a few more minutes before we had to go to bed.
Rachel, Trace, and I gathered ourselves and went inside. The lounge was empty so the guys must have already been dismissed for bed.
“I’m going to grab a water,” I said, heading for the dining room where they always kept bottles on the table.
“Wait.” Trace grabbed my arm and looked around to make sure no one was within earshot. “I have to tell you something.”
“What?” I asked, confused by what she might need to say that couldn’t be said in front of everyone else.
“It’s about something Danny overheard,” she whispered, covering her mic. I doubted that would completely conceal the sound, but on the first day they had instructed us never to do this, so maybe the gesture would make her voice less audible. “He overheard Eli talking to Shay this morning. It was something about Sofia and you, and needing to seal the deal. Or something like that? I’m not sure. Danny said he couldn’t understand what they were talking about, but he got a really weird vibe. He just wanted me to tell you to be careful.”
“Is that all?” I asked, wanting to sigh with relief. “That sounds like nothing. Probably just Shay asking about the drama of everything that happened with the three of us. I’m sure she was just searching for a storyline.”
Trace looked unsure. “Danny wouldn’t be the type to make drama out of nothing. He said the way Eli was speaking seemed off. Like he was angry.”
“Probably just annoyed at being manipulated by Shay,” I pointed out .
She bit her lip. “I know you like him, but don’t you think it’s weird that someone like him, someone who’s made a name for himself as a playboy of sorts, suddenly seems so content to snuggle up and be in a relationship?”
“Maybe that’s not who he actually is, or ever was.” I felt compelled to defend Eli, but Trace’s words made a lot of sense. They were the same questions I had been asking myself over and over. Why did Eli seem so different from what I had expected? Was it truly that he was misunderstood, or was it all an act? My gut told me it couldn’t be. There was no way he could fake the authenticity that radiated from him during our conversations.
Don’t be dense, Calla. He’s an actor.
I brushed the thought away. If he was that good an actor, he would already have awards lining his shelves.
“Look, Trace. I appreciate your concern, but there’s way more depth to him than you realize. Plus, I’m being cautious.” I gave her a reassuring smile.
“Good, I’m glad you’re being careful. I don’t want to stir up anything, I just had to tell you,” she said, backing away. “Goodnight, Calla.”
Crap. Now thoughts of Eli not being genuine would probably flood my mind all evening. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I’d said I’d see him later. Our evening conversations were where I allowed myself to be the most vulnerable with him. But they were also where he was the most vulnerable with me. At least, I thought he was.
As I approached the dining room, voices halted me in my tracks before I could walk inside.
“Stop acting like you don’t like me, Eli.” Sofia’s voice sounded sultry now, instead of bitter. “You sure weren’t acting like you hated me when you kissed me.”
My heart pounded against my chest. They had kissed? When? Why hadn’t he mentioned it? I brushed my fingers against my lips. Our kiss by the water suddenly didn’t seem quite as special.
“That was the first day.” Eli sounded cold.
“Pick me tomorrow. We were way better partners. Calla just drags you down.”
Her words made me queasy. They were true, after all. Ever since Eli and I had become partners, I had managed to mess up basically every challenge.
“I won’t be picking anyone tomorrow,” Eli pointed out. “We came in last.”
His choice of words left a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. He didn’t say he wouldn’t pick her even if the rankings had been different. He didn’t tell her he’d always pick me.
“I know you want me, Eli.” Her low whisper had me imagining her pressed up against him and I quickly backed away. There was no way I was going to torture myself with this conversation any longer.
I raced through the room and down a hallway until I was safely secured in my suite. My breath was ragged as I paced the confines of my room.
Maybe Trace was right. I needed to be a lot more careful with my heart. Especially where Eli was concerned.