22. Jace #2
“Should I be spiraling?” he asks dryly. “You’re the one who spent five months pretending I didn’t exist after I sucked your dick, not me.”
I wince. “I… I didn’t know what to do,” I admit.
“I’ve never been into another guy. I didn’t even think I was attracted to you until Halloween when we were in that bathroom, and I was trying to tell myself it was a one-time thing.
A fluke.” Apparently now that I’ve started admitting the truth, I can’t stop.
“I was terrified if I’d spoken to you, you’d say something, and if my dad had found out…
” I trail off, shuddering at the thought before I continue.
“But then it happened again, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
This has never happened with any of the girls I’ve hooked up with. What’s wrong with me?”
“From the one and only, very brief, real conversation we’ve had, I’d say you have daddy issues.” He laughs.
“Kieran,” I whine his name again, and he smiles, looking all kinds of smug.
“Fine. Nothing is wrong with you for being attracted to me, Jace.”
“Then why does it feel like there is?” I can’t help sounding frustrated, hopefully he won’t be too offended, but it’s not making sense to me. “Why does it feel like I’m going to lose my shit every time I think about you?”
He shrugs. “Because you want me, and you hate that you want me,” he answers, easily, like it’s all so simple.
If I’m being honest, I’ve thought that very same thing, but I’ve been trying to ignore just how much I want him. “Fuck,” I groan, covering my eyes with my palms as I lean my head back against the headrest.
“I don’t know for sure, but it sounds like you were taught that liking another guy is wrong. That’s not true, Jace.”
We’re well past the office we stopped at yesterday, but I feel the car roll to a stop and realize Kieran’s parked next to a nature trail a bit closer to our houses.
I turn to look at him, and he’s leaning in toward me.
What the fuck is he doing? I’m frozen in place as he continues to inch closer and closer to me.
I gasp a short breath when he’s mere inches from my face. Oh god, is he going to—?
“Relax, I’m not gonna kiss you, if that’s what you’re hoping for,” he murmurs with a smirk. “Not after the way you’ve treated me.”
I swallow, unsure if I’m relieved or maybe disappointed. He does have plump, pink lips that my eyes always seem to be drawn to. “I wasn’t—”
“But I will let you suck me off,” he goads me. “If you ask nicely.”
My breath shudders out of me. “You’re such a dick.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, leaning back, arms crossing. “But so are you. And I’m not the only one who’s hard right now, am I?”
I curse under my breath, shifting again, trying to adjust myself.
“You want it?” he asks quietly. “Then you have to admit it.”
I can’t believe this is happening. The handjob was one thing, but to actually put his dick inside my mouth? There are so many emotions flashing through me; I’m furious and humiliated, but more than anything, I can’t deny how turned on I am by the thought.
Could I actually do it though?
For so long, I’ve equated being gay, being attracted to another man, as a negative thing.
I think back on all the times my dad has used “gay” as an insult.
Having a bad game? Not running fast enough?
Wearing something that was a little too bright, hell even getting too excited about something, I was told to “quit acting gay.”
Now I’m here, seriously debating sucking Kieran’s cock because I liked what we did last time.
And the world hasn’t ended.
We’ve hooked up three times now, and I’m still the same person.
Being around Kieran makes me feel more free.
But it’s one thing to logically acknowledge that inside my head and it’s a whole other to work past the fear of embracing the fact that I want to do this.
That’s all that should really matter though, right?
Labels and what I grew up believing don’t matter in this moment because I want to do this.
I swallow down my fear, and take in a final deep breath before I admit the truth. “I want it.”
I don’t give myself any time to second-guess my decision.
I open the car door, grab my bag, and start down the path, trusting that Kieran will follow.
This path isn’t far from my house. I’ve been on it before, and the sun has almost set, so I know it’ll likely be empty.
Still, when I hear Kieran’s footsteps just behind me, I veer off from the worn path, finding a more secluded, covered area.
When I’m confident we won’t be seen even if someone walks past, I spin to face him.
He stops and leans casually against a thick tree, arms crossed, and I finally admit to myself how hot he is.
I’ve always been drawn to Kieran’s appearance. I blamed the makeup, claiming he was trying to get attention. But maybe, this whole time, I’ve just thought he was beautiful, and I didn’t know how to apply that word to a man.
I don’t know about the whole “attracted to someone regardless of gender” thing he said applies to him, but in this moment, I think I have to accept I’m attracted to more than one gender.
Because I want him.
With his sharp jaw that occasionally has a little stubble, his smooth skin that’s always glowing, and his blue eyes that constantly draw me in with the way they stand out against his dark eyebrows and hair, he’s… fuck. He’s… undoubtedly pretty.
And I want those pretty lips wrapped around my cock, just like I think I actually really want to taste him.
“So did you lead me out here to kill me?” he asks skeptically. “Or are you actually going to blow me?”
“I have another game tomorrow,” I say in answer as I walk even closer until I’m right in front of him. I waste no time as I drop to my knees in front of him as he works to unbutton and pull down his jeans.
“Ah, anything for the win, right? My magical mouth is going to make you a better player?” he taunts. I think we both know that’s not why I’m actually doing this, but I’m grateful that he isn’t making me admit to more.
When his hard cock is finally freed, I stare at it for a moment. It seems so much larger from down here, right in front of my face, than it did in my hand. I study it, the slight curve, the flushed tip. It might seem bigger than I remember, but I’ve gotten this far, and I still want to do this.
My mouth is watering as I think about what it’ll feel like to trace the veins with my tongue. I want to wrap my lips around the head and suck, see what noises I can draw out of him. I want to taste his cum before I swallow it down, to go to sleep tonight knowing his load is inside me.
All these thoughts will probably freak me out again later, but for now, with my cock aching for attention, I decide I’m over just wanting this.
I’m doing it.
I reach out to grip the base like he did when our positions were reversed. The weight of him in my hand is just as intoxicating as it was in his car the other day. Knowing what it must feel like as I rub my thumb over one of the veins gives me such a rush.
Tentatively, I lick up his shaft like I remember him doing to me before swirling my tongue around the head of his cock, a little surprised by the salty taste of what’s already leaking from the tip. It’s not my new favorite flavor or anything, but I don’t hate it.
So far so good, but I still need to actually suck his dick.
I can totally do this.
I take a deep breath and lean in, wrapping my lips around his cock. Despite how hard he is, the smooth sensation against my tongue is kind of fascinating as I suck more of him into my mouth.
“Oh my god,” he groans, shifting his hips forward. That sounded like a happy noise, so I must be doing something right. I try to use my tongue as I attempt to take him even deeper, but I must be a little too ambitious because I end up gagging.
I pull off him for a moment to catch my breath, and when I recover, I look up at him. “What the fuck, how did you go so deep?”
He shrugs. “I relax my throat and breathe through my nose.”
I wonder how many dicks he had to suck to figure that out.
That thought only pisses me off though. If I’m doing this, which I obviously am, I don’t want to be bad at it.
I don’t want him to be comparing me to whoever was before me.
I spit into my hand and move it back to work what I can’t fit into my mouth.
I suck him down with renewed determination.
I want this to drive him as wild as he’s been driving me.
Focusing on keeping my throat relaxed, and breathing through my nose when I can, I suck and lick and twist my hand up and down his cock. My knees are digging into the rocks and branches, but the pain is probably the only thing keeping me focused enough to be present and in the moment.
My cock is aching, begging for friction as I pour all my attention into him. This whole experience is turning me on more than I ever would’ve thought possible, and as tempted as I am to pull myself out, I know my turn will come. I need to focus on him first.
“Fuck,” he says sounding breathless. “You think I’m a cockslut? You should see how hot you look down there, muscles flexing, expression all blissed out as you swallow my dick, hotshot.”
I don’t want to pull away to scold him, so I reach up to slap the side of his ass in warning. His cock jerks in my mouth, and another deep moan escapes from his throat.
Guess my little cockslut likes spanking.
What the fuck? Not mine. He’s not my anything.
“Keep going,” he demands when I slow my movements, freaked out by that errant thought. “I’m right there.”
Should I actually swallow? Pull off him and finish with just my hand? Kieran swallowed, and even when he didn’t catch it all, it was super hot to watch my release drip from his mouth.
Before I can panic and pull away, his cock is thickening, jerking again as warm cum fills my mouth. I only gag a little and manage to swallow almost all of it.
I stand up and brush the dirt from my pants. Kieran has his eyes closed and his head rested back against the tree while he appears to be catching his breath. He looks like he needs a minute to recover, but I don’t think I have that long.
There’s an embarrassing wet patch on my sweats from how much I’m already leaking.
“My turn,” I announce. I don’t wait for him to tuck himself away, just put my hands on his shoulders and push him down to his knees.
He doesn’t protest, and when he opens his eyes, there’s obvious hunger in them as he pushes my pants down to free my erection.
I stretch an arm over him to lean against the tree, gripping his hair with the other as he swallows my cock.
“Damn, Sparkles, how is your mouth somehow better each time?” He hums around me, and as much as I would love to draw this out, I know I won’t last long.
I try to think about anything other than how amazing Kieran is at this, but it’s no use.
The pleasure builds at the base of my spine, and my balls are tight, ready to give in to that feeling of euphoria that I know is coming.
Kieran moves his free hand to my balls, and I’m done for, shooting down his throat as my orgasm crashes into me. I think I black out for a second as I enjoy one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.
When I come down from my high, Kieran is standing again, still between me and the tree with my outstretched arm over his shoulder. For an insane second, I can’t pull my gaze away from his wet lips, and I wonder what it would be like to kiss him; to taste us together.
But I shake that image from my mind, stepping back to tuck myself away.
That isn’t what this is. I guess I don’t know exactly what’s going on between us, just that I'm glad it keeps happening. These secret exchanges have been so much better than any other hookups I’ve had, even if I stress about anyone else finding out.
We stand here for another moment in silence, staring at each other, before he turns back to the path. I follow, grabbing my bag, grateful I have a change of clothes and some mouthwash in there so I don’t need to walk into my house with a cum stain on my pants and smelling like god knows what.
“Need a ride?” he checks when we make it back to his car, and I don’t make a move to get in.
“Nah, I can walk from here,” I confirm.
“Have a good game tomorrow,” he says slowly.
Right. I need to focus on things other than hooking up with Kieran. I still have baseball, and I really need to get home. “Thanks,” I finally mutter. It doesn’t feel like enough, but I have no idea what else to say.