24. Jace
JACE
“Final game tomorrow!” David reminds me as we get ready for our last practice, like I’m not well aware tomorrow is our championship game.
We made it all the way to State, and it’ll be tough, but we can probably pull off the win.
It’s also the last game I’ll ever play with my dad as my coach. Thank fuck.
While I can’t wait to be done with him, I’m also far more concerned about tonight than anything baseball related.
It’s the final night I have the excuse of needing a “good luck” blowjob from Kieran. Part of me feels like maybe I’ve been playing so well just so I can keep meeting up with him, but I can’t go further than the state championship, and I’m still not ready for things to end.
The regular orgasms are amazing. By far the best sex I’ve ever had even if we’ve only been using our hands and mouths.
But it’s also become so much more than that.
Our time hiding out in the woods, pretending like the real world doesn’t exist, has felt like the first time in my entire life that I get to be Jace.
Not Coach Ryan’s son or the popular kid.
Not a top draft prospect or future MLB player.
Just me. Jace.
Kieran came into our arrangement already hating me, and in a weird way, that was freeing.
It allowed me to act however I wanted. He couldn’t hate me any more than he already did, so I didn’t have to work to maintain my image.
I’d never been in a situation where I wasn’t hyperaware of how the people around me would judge me, or how my actions would be perceived and if others would approve—or if my father would approve.
But in our woods, when it’s just the two of us, I get to be whoever I want.
Who I really am. And I think I like that version of me more than I ever expected.
With Kieran, I’m lighter. Kinder. More fun.
A better version of myself than the one most people in my life know.
Somehow, he brings out the best parts of me, and I’ve connected with him more deeply than I ever have with anyone else.
I’m not ready to say goodbye, and I have no idea if Kieran feels the same way. But I want tonight to be different. I have to at least try. Instead of our usual blowjob exchange and making excuses to stay there longer and longer to talk, I want to finally kiss him.
I’ve thought about doing it countless times now. Wondered what his lips would taste like. If it would feel different to kiss a man. But not just any man—Kieran.
I want to know what his body feels like pressed up against mine.
I want to do so much more with him.
But a kiss would be enough.
Kissing him is all I’ve been able to think about lately. I’ve caught myself staring at his mouth so many times in class, it’s amazing he hasn’t called me out on it yet. I don’t even care if we blow each other tonight. I’m done hesitating. As soon as we’re there, I’m going to make my move.
I don’t know who I’m more pissed off at, David or my father.
Just as practice was finishing up, David had to make a comment about how I should really be helping our backup catcher more since he’ll be starting next year.
And, of course my dad had to hear him and insist the two of us stay late for extra practice.
My dad stayed the entire time, and despite my very best efforts to end things so I could leave, I’m almost two hours late to meet Kieran.
It’s not like I could’ve said “Hey, Coach, I actually have to go trade good luck blowjobs in the woods for the game tomorrow” or even what I really wanted to do and say “Sorry, Coach, I was really hoping to kiss a guy for the first time tonight.” I can’t even imagine what my dad would do if he found out about Kieran and me.
Ever since I started sneaking around with Kieran, David’s been far more overbearing, and tonight’s just another example of it. Sure, we haven’t been hanging out as much, but he never cared this much before when I’d tell him I was busy.
I can’t believe tonight, of all nights, I’m this fucking late.
We’ve both been a little late before, but never two whole hours.
I’m sure I’ve missed him since it’s nearly dark now, but I have to make sure he isn’t still waiting.
I really wish we had exchanged phone numbers.
We still aren’t even friends on any socials for me to message him either. I’ll have to bring that up next.
I get to our spot, shining the flashlight of my phone around to confirm, but he’s not here.
Of course he wouldn’t have waited.
He had no idea I wanted tonight to be different. That I wanted more.
And now, he’s probably mad I didn’t show. I can explain in class Monday, but will it even matter? There are no more games after tomorrow. No more excuses.
I feel like tonight was my final chance with him, and I blew it. I sink down to the ground, leaning against our tree, and let my head fall back as I picture what I wanted to have happen tonight.
Maybe in another life, I wasn’t late.
Maybe there, I’m not so afraid of what my feelings for him mean. Of what would happen if I acted on them outside of our little bubble here in the woods.
Maybe in that other life, we kiss all the time.
Maybe we’re even together.
Maybe there, I’m actually happy.