25. Kieran
KIERAN
Two Hours Before
Graduation is so close I can taste it, but I can’t help but wonder what’ll happen this summer when Jace doesn’t have baseball as an excuse for us to hook up anymore.
I don’t think he’s going to suddenly want to be my boyfriend or anything, but meeting up with him has quickly become the best part of my day, and I’m dreading that tomorrow is his last game.
It’s hard to think of letting go of something that makes me feel so wanted, even if it’s mostly just physical release with someone who spent over a year making my life hell and still chooses to ignore me in public.
Because when he’s kneeling in front of me, lips wrapped around my cock, it’s so easy to forget how much I used to hate him.
I haven’t hated him for a while now.
In the short, post-orgasm conversations we’ve shared, we’ve maybe even become—I don’t know that friends is the right word—but something close to a friend.
I even sort of like him.
A lot.
Maybe tonight I can bring up how I feel. Tell him I’m okay with keeping this going until college, even if we no longer have the guise of good luck to hide behind.
I still don’t know what his plans are. I’ve heard people say he’s going pro, but we’ve never talked about his future, and I’m too scared to ask. I’m afraid of pushing too hard and potentially ruining what little we have like the day he ran after I brought up his parents.
But every time we’re together, it feels like he lets me in a little more. Like I’m uncovering pieces of him he doesn’t show anyone else.
As much as I hate to admit it, it makes me feel special. Seen. Important.
This was never supposed to mean anything. It was a way for me to get experience and for him to come to terms with being attracted to another guy.
I’m not an idiot, I know we don’t have a future together.
I’m just not ready to say goodbye.
I’ve been telling myself that I’ll be fine, even if tonight is the last night we hook up. When it ends, it ends, and I have to accept that. It’s not like I’m sticking around our small New Jersey town forever. I won’t be heartbroken, pining after MLB star Jace Ryan.
Nope. I’ll be going to New York City soon, and I’ll finally be around people who didn’t bully me because they unknowingly wanted me. It’ll be so much better than whatever Jace and I are doing.
Ugh. Why does that sound so unconvincing even in my head? I should be way more excited. I want to be wanted out in the open.
I know drawing out our arrangement will only make things harder when we do go our separate ways, but I still want to offer to continue meeting up. I can’t help the hold he has on me.
I get to the spot in the woods where Jace and I usually meet the night before his games.
He’s not here yet, so I wait, trying not to fidget or think too hard about what this is or isn’t.
But my brain’s a traitor and keeps rewinding to the way he grabbed my ass last time and how good his hands felt there.
After a few minutes, I hear the crunch of footsteps behind me, and my dick immediately perks up knowing he’s here.
“Finally,” I say, repeating my thought out loud.
“I wouldn’t get too excited there, Kieran,” the voice calls back, but it’s not the playful one I’m expecting. It’s dark and full of malice.
My dick deflates, and my stomach sinks at the sound of David’s voice.
What the fuck is he doing here?
Did Jace send him? How else would he know where to find me? How else would he know that Jace was supposed to meet me?
But why did Jace tell him?
He steps right into my line of sight, and my heart rate skyrockets when I see his angry expression.
David has always scared me far more than Jace, but David listens to him, always following Jace’s lead, doing what he says.
The few times David has tried to escalate things, Jace has brushed it off, effectively shutting it down.
But Jace isn’t here right now. At least, I don’t see him.
David is walking toward me with an obvious look of disgust on his face.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to steady my voice.
He stops a few feet away and looks me up and down, shaking his head. “Waiting for someone?”
I clench my jaw. “No, I was just—”
“Don’t bother.” His voice sharpens. “He’s not coming.”
Something cold seeps through me as I mutter, “What?”
Jace told him. And I don’t understand why he would have possibly done that.
My fear heightens.
“You have some fucking nerve,” he snarls.
I swallow my panic down at how angry he seems at me. I’m not even sure what I did.
“I know what you’ve been doing with him. It’s sick,” David spits.
Oh my god, Jace must’ve told him everything. Why? Why would he do that?
“You tricked him,” he accuses, voice full of venom. “You made him think he wanted you by dressing up like a girl, but makeup doesn’t change the fact that you’re a guy, and Jace isn’t gay. He doesn’t like you, and I’ll make sure you never do it again.”
My mouth is dry at his threat. “I didn’t make him do anything.”
“You think this is a game?” David snaps. “That you can just dig your little gay claws in him and make him gay too?”
“I never—”
“You did!” he shouts. “And what? Manipulating Jace wasn’t enough? You trying to infect other people with your videos?” My face falls, and he lets out a dry, humorless laugh. “Yeah, that’s right. Imagine my surprise when I stumbled onto your little YouTube channel.”
My stomach drops. No, no, no.
“ ‘Boys can wear makeup too.’ Real inspiring shit.” He shakes his head. “I watched every fucking video.”
I take a small step back, but he mirrors it, closing the distance again.
“You’re pathetic,” he spits out, his smile finally showing, but it’s wicked. My pulse is hammering now because his threat is laced in every word, even if I don’t know what he’s capable of.
He steps even closer to me, reaching his hand out like he’s going to grab my arm, and I stumble back to avoid it. My shoulder slams into the tree, and, damn, that hurt. I almost trip on the uneven ground beneath me, but I’m able to steady myself.
“Stay the fuck away from him,” David growls.
“Or what?” I snap back even though I know I shouldn’t. But I’m fucking sick of being treated like I’m wrong for being who I am. “You’ll post my videos? Out me? Go ahead. Not like people don’t already know I wear makeup and am into guys.”
David manages to step closer to me, face tight with rage. This time, when he reaches out, I’m not able to move away before he manages to grab my wrist, squeezing tightly.
“I won’t let you fuck-up Jace’s future. You should’ve left him alone. You think he wants to date some emo, sparkly freak who talks about his feelings on the internet? He. Doesn’t. Want. You.”
I don’t care what he thinks he needs to say to me, I’ve heard enough.
I yank my wrist free from his hold, trying to turn away from him, but when I do, I lose my footing.
I reach out to grab at nothing as I start to fall.
My other hand hits the ground first at an awkward angle and a sharp pain shoots up my wrist right before my head manages to collide with a tree. Hard.
I think I black out for a second. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I’m aware of a throbbing pain in my skull as David towers over me where I’m lying on the forest floor, head and arm demanding my attention with how much pain I’m in.
“Fucking stay away from him,” David snarls. “I don’t want to see you so much as look at him ever again, you fucking freak,” he says before finally backing away. “This is your warning. Next time, it’ll be much worse. I fucking promise you that.”
I hear his footsteps backing away, and I let out a shaky breath, trying to steady my breathing.
I attempt to roll to my side, to push myself up into a standing position, but the moment I even try to lay my hand on the ground, that sharp pain is returning tenfold.
My vision spins with the pain. I’m dizzy even though I’m positive I’m still on the ground.
What am I even doing? Why am I on the ground?
Right. David.
Jace sent David to scare me. Maybe even to hurt me.
I think I’m going to be sick. My stomach is turning, my head is pounding, and my heart is beating rapidly. I use the arm that doesn’t feel like it’s on fire to finally push myself into a seated position before I manage to stand. But the room is spinning.
Not the room… the forest? Why am I here alone?
Why is the sun so bright, isn’t it late? I try to raise my arm to block it out but that only makes the pain in my wrist worse.
Fuck. Something is definitely wrong with me. I can’t think over the pain in my head.
I need to get help.