26. Jace
JACE
Where the fuck is Sparkles? Why isn’t he at school again today?
He must be sick. I don’t think he would ditch school over me missing a hookup five days ago that was never even confirmed. He knows how careful I’ve been to make sure no one finds out about what we’ve been doing, and up until now, that’s been working really well for us.
At least I think it has been.
I should be focused on finals or celebrating that we won the championship on Saturday.
But honestly, right now, when Kieran’s chair is empty, I don’t give a shit that we won, even if I didn’t play that well. I don’t give a shit about anything other than the fact he’s not here.
His absence is distracting me from any hope of paying attention to anything. I’m really regretting not having his phone number. He’s probably just home with the flu or something. Maybe it’s a good thing I missed that hookup after all.
Can you get the flu from cum?
I wanted to do more than that though. Ugh. I’m still so upset I didn’t get to kiss him like I’d planned. And I haven’t even been able to explain why I wasn’t there, because he’s not here.
Even though I can logically acknowledge that Kieran missing two days of school isn’t the end of the world, I’m not able to think of anything else. By the end of our usual class together, I’m driving myself crazy with all my questions I don’t know the answer to.
When almost everyone has left for their next class, I walk up to our teacher’s desk. “Hey, Mrs. Carson, I was just wondering if you knew anything about why Kieran has missed school the last couple of days? I thought I might be able to pass on some of the work we’ve been doing.”
“Sorry, Jace, the attendance office deals with absences, so I don’t know any more than you,” she apologizes.
“Cool. Yeah, no big deal.” I shrug. That didn’t help me at all.
Now all I can do is hope she doesn’t talk to my dad about my offer.
I don’t need him prying into why I care about “the gay kid” missing school.
I probably should have thought about that before I asked, but Kieran’s absence has my judgment all scrambled.
I’m still trying to think of another way I can find out what’s going on with him as I exit the classroom and nearly knock David over because I’m too in my head to even notice him. Apparently he waited for me, because he can’t seem to do anything without following me around like a lost puppy.
“Seriously, man, stop thinking about that fucking loser,” he insists.
Shit. I didn’t think about anyone else hearing me ask either.
I’m really off my game today. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore,” David continues in a reassuring tone that immediately has my stomach plummeting as we start to walk toward our next class.
“What the fuck does that mean?” I push, praying that my concern is unfounded. David can be a real asshole sometimes, but surely I’m jumping to the wrong conclusion here. He wouldn’t actually hurt him, right?
Fuck. What did he do?
He looks at me with a smug expression. “Your baseball stats might have been great this season, but you haven’t been acting like yourself,” he starts, and my whole body goes cold.
What does he know? How can I spin this? I fight to keep a blank expression on my face as he continues, but I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“I thought that maybe the stress of the draft coming up had gotten to you, that you had turned to drugs or something because you’ve been so shifty and secretive,” he explains.
“But when I followed you, I found out it was so much worse than that.” His smile grows, but there’s a wicked glint in his eyes.
“So, I took care of it,” he brags, clearly proud of himself.
I still don’t know what he’s saying. Did he see Kieran and I together?
What could he possibly have taken care of?
I can’t take the suspense any longer. I’m already on edge, worrying about Kieran and why he isn’t at school. “Jesus, David, spit it out! What the fuck did you do?” I demand, unable to control my volume.
He quirks a brow, folding his arms across his chest as he slows to a stop at the end of a row of lockers, staring at me knowingly. “Jace, I don’t think you want me to talk about this here.”
“Enough with riddles, you fucking asshole, just tell me. Spit it out,” I insist.
He tilts his head to the side, studying me with that cocky grin. My heartrate feels dangerously fast as I wait with bated breath for him to finally explain himself.
But when he does, time slows. “I saw you, dude. I know what he’s been doing to you in the woods.
It looked like you were enjoying yourself, and I get it, it looked kind of hot, but still.
I couldn’t let him derail your dreams with his gay shit.
” With each word out of his mouth, the world as I know it seems to crash down around me.
The blood drains from my face as he confirms my greatest fear.
I thought I was careful. I thought no one would ever know. I thought this would stay a secret.
I’m an idiot. A complete fool who acted like I was immune to the consequences of my actions.
This is the end.
My life is over.
Who else knows?
What is my dad going to do when he finds out?
David didn’t specify what he saw, though. Maybe there’s still a chance I could fix this, explain it away and make sure he never tells a soul. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I attempt to argue, but it’s weak.
To my surprise, David doesn’t challenge my answer, instead nodding along. “Exactly, it never happened,” he agrees in a reassuring tone. “I’m the only one who knows, so there’s no need for you to worry anymore. I didn’t record it or anything.”
I can’t tell what the fuck is going on, and I think I might get whiplash from the warring emotions I’ve dealt with in the last few minutes. At first, I feel an extreme sense of relief that he’s promising not to tell anyone else. Maybe it isn’t too late and my dad won’t find out.
But then he keeps talking. “I reminded Kieran that you’re not gay like he is and warned him to stop trying to force himself on you.”
And I’m back to freaking out.
Only now, I’m not thinking about my future. I’ve entered a state of full-blown panic over what he did to Kieran. “Again, David, what the fuck does that mean?” I beg, anger and fear fighting for dominance in my tone.
“Don’t worry about it,” he dismisses with a shrug. “I just threatened him. If he says otherwise, it’s a lie. He tripped over a branch or something all on his own. I don’t think he even got that hurt.”
My worst fear is realized as the pieces start to fall into place. “He got hurt?” I repeat, yelling in the middle of the hallway. “He’s missed the last two days of school! What aren’t you telling me?”
Time stops completely as I wait for his reply.
Kieran has grown to mean so much to me over the last few months.
Not just because we exchange regular orgasms, and he’s helped me accept the whole part of myself that’s attracted to other guys that I’d obviously been suppressing.
But because he’s the brightest part of my day, even on the days we don’t hook up.
Seeing him across the classroom, and the dark, edgy makeup he wears that used to piss me off so much, now has me daydreaming about a world where I could be as carefree as he is.
I still have no desire to wear the stuff myself, but I wish I could boldly make decisions without fear of how others would treat me like he does.
If these last few days of freaking out about where he is have taught me anything, it’s that I care about Kieran. Not as a hookup or an experiment, but as someone who really knows him. He’s someone who makes me feel safe to be myself. Someone who was able to forgive the horrible way I treated him.
Well, maybe not forgive.
Because, shit, I don’t think I’ve ever even apologized.
I’ve been so focused on my own confusion about the way that I feel about him that I haven’t taken the time to have that conversation.
If I would even be brave enough to. Though, he definitely deserves one.
He deserves to know I’m so sorry for all the awful things I said and did.
That I wish I could take them all back and start over with him.
That I really enjoy spending time with him, and that I wish I had the courage to do it more publicly.
“God, he’s such a wimp. I get why you gave in though,” David says, drawing me back to the present as he rolls his eyes.
Students are still rushing past us to get to their next class, completely unaware of the racing thoughts I’m having about Kieran and how I really feel about him.
“I’m sure he’s fine though,” David adds.
“He’s probably just embarrassed that I found his YouTube channel.
I barely touched him. He didn’t even fall that hard. ”
My rational brain goes offline, and my base instincts take over as I process his words.
I see red.
He touched Kieran? A YouTube channel? He’s embarrassed?
What is going on?
I try to make sense of what he said, but the thought of David laying a finger on Kieran demands my full attention.
This fucking asshole jock who I lift with in the gym almost every day, who probably has at least fifty pounds of muscle on my Sparkles, threatened him, maybe even attacked him.
After days of worrying about Kieran and where he is, it’s too much for me to process.
Before I make any conscious decision to do so, I’ve grabbed the collar of David’s shirt and pushed him back into a locker. My fist connects with his jaw, sending his head back into the metal with a satisfying crash, and the pain in my knuckles only fans the flames of my fury.
How dare he? How dare this complete lowlife, waste of space, think he could hurt Kieran and get away with it? And out of some twisted sense of what? Defending my honor? He deserves to face whatever he did to Kieran tenfold.